If you’re like me and sometimes worry about a challenge you’re facing, here are a few tools that help me through it. I usually emerge free of fear and ready to enjoy life–stress-free!
First, I get honest with myself that I’m a little rattled. (Quite often I try to deny how I’m really feeling by trying to “put on a good face”– even with myself!!)
Then I admit that fear has been in the driver’s seat of my mind and I invite a power bigger than my fear to take over my thinking. I often merely ask for help to see things differently.
Next, I choose to take the necessary actionsto find peace of mind. This requires a commitment to my own happiness and serenity.
Finally, I apply growth tools to dissolve my worries so I can connect with wisdom and love. I persist in using tools such as a simple prayer, affirmation, or calling a healthy friend to share my concerns. Sometimes I use the app Insight Timer to help me relax and trust that all is well.
Insight Timer is great; you can select guided meditations by the amount of time you have, person, or topic. I just used the one by Tara Brach to calm myself about the next phase in my book-writing adventure: Doing publicity, another whole new challenge!
Tara Brach’s 15-minute meditation helped me access the courage, inspiration, and peace of mind to move forward with my project. Her wonderful books and other products are at www.tarabrach.com
I know that honesty, power, choices, and tools like these can help you connect with the power of your true self—unfettered by fear, ego, and limitation. The sky’s the limit!
(PS: The advance reader copies of 50 Ways to Worry Less Now will be printed next week! Check it out out https:// Gigilanger.com/new-book-worry-less-now/) Release date: March 2018…unless you subscribe (-:
When you’re worried or confused, who can you trust to be helpful?
How can you be most helpful when someone you love is hurting?
These four tips will help you determine which of your friends to share your troubles with.
Tip 1: Notice how your friend responds to your concerns. Here are a few typical patterns — some more helpful than others.
a. “Here’s my solution,” rather than “Here’s how to access wise guidance.”
A less helpful friend suggests immediate solutions that attempt to control the situation. Because he’s uneasy with your discomfort, his goal is to fix it right now. Such advice can make the situation worse rather than better.
A helpful friend offers ideas and tools that bring you peace of mind and intuitive guidance. He’ll remind you that a serene state of mind will result in the best actions.
b. “It’s all about me,” rather than “It’s all about you.”
A less helpful friend responds by sharing her own troubles. If she’s not able to focus on your concerns, then she may not be truly interested in your well being.
A helpful friend listens, carefully summarizes your thoughts and feelings, and asks questions to understand you. If this friend shares her own story, it’s only offered to give you hope; then she returns the focus to you.
c. “Let’s focus on the problem,” rather than “Let’s find a place of peace.”
A less helpful friend wants to hear the lurid details. She commiserates about how terrible your situation is and helps you justify your pain. Such friends end up reinforcing your resentments, fears, and worries.
A helpful friend refuses to escalate your fears by “awfulizing” events. She might suggest that you accept the situation as it is for now, and work toward a peaceful state of mind. Finally, she reassures you that this situation will find resolution in the best way for all, and that it may take time.
d. “Here’s my solution,” rather than “Here’s how to access wise guidance.”
A less helpful friend suggests immediate solutions that attempt to control the situation. Because he’s uneasy with your discomfort, his goal is to fix it right now. Such actions often make the situation worse rather than better.
A helpful friend offers ideas and tools that bring you peace of mind and intuitive guidance. He’ll remind you that a serene state of mind will result in the best actions.
Tip 2: Consider how you feel after talking to the person. If you feel more agitation than hope, try sharing your vulnerabilities with someone else.
Tip 3: The most helpful people probably won’t come from your family. Your family members may unwittingly reinforce the very same patterns you’re trying to overcome. Give yourself some time to heal before you share deeply with family members.
Tip 4: Choose an individual who holds no sexual attraction for you. If you ignore this advice, your desire for personal growth may take a backseat to the romantic imperative, with damaging results.
Gigi Langer, PhD is a sought-after speaker on professional and personal growth. She has 35 years of experience in psychology, therapy, and recovery. Gigi has co-authored five other books and is an award-winning writer.
Her latest book, 50 Ways to Worry Less Now: Reject Negative Thinking to Find Peace, Clarity, and Connection, will be released in March 2018.
Change: Who likes it? No one does! I don’t either. Cuz it makes me worry! (What does this have to do with a hedgehog?? Stick with me here . . .)
Change always wakes up worry’swhispered lies: “What if the change makes things worse? Don’t make the wrong choice. It could cost you!!”
We make a plan and proceed as if it’s in stone–but we know better, don’t we? At least those of us who’ve been around for a while. “Make the plan but hold it loosely.” That’s what I’ve learned over the years. Still, when things change, it unsettles me; I need to step back to breathe and gain wisdom. Today, I’m stepping into quiet moments of beauty.
So, what’s the change that’s causing my worry? As happens so often in my life, the right person shows up at just the right time with (what seems to be) just the right advice. This latest info might require me change the release date of my book, 50 Ways to Worry Less Now. https://gigilanger.com/new-book-worry-less-now/
A friend-of-a-friend, a very experienced publicist, suggests releasing the e-book and print book at same time, in late February or March. I would print it right away and send out “advance reader” copies with letters requesting traditional media coverage –- reviews, interviews, and so on– to generate “buzz” before the release date. In the meantime, I would continue social media marketing. As I read up on marketing (I’m a total novice, so I have to research these things), there seems to be consensus on this approach.
This new plan kinda breaks my heart, tho’. I want to get the book into readers’ hands as soon as possible. I’m pretty sure it’s gonna help a lot of people beat the worry habit. For now, only the beta readers will get it, as they’ve invested their time to provide feedback and deserve a little reward. But others won’t.
So, while I’m stepping back to gain perspective before making this decision, I’m enjoying a bit of beauty by recalling one of my favorite books of all time:The Elegance of the Hedgehog by Muriel Barbery. Stunning writing!
Here’s a little poem I wrote in 2011 after reading it.
And What of Beauty? by Gigi
If all is illusion, as many believe.
Then, what of this feast that greets us each day?
The luscious green summer,
The slinking grey body of my cat, Murphy,
Looked upon with a full, almost-bursting heart?
Is it that Beauty elicits Love?
And thus transcends the physical?
Is it a portal into Heaven and Peace?
I may never know
Art, however, has captured itself
When Muriel Barbery wrote,
“I’ll be searching for those moments
of always within the never.
Beauty, in this world.”
As the rising notes of Satie rose up
Into that courtyard, Barbery’s character,
Realizing that she will never again see her dear friend, thinks,
“Those strains of music created a sort of interlude in time,
Something suspended,
An elsewhere that had come to us,
An always within never.”
Beauty trumps Death.
Love trumps Pain.
Truth trumps Fear.
Gigi Langer, PhD. With more than 35 years of experience in psychology, therapy, and recovery, Gigi is a sought-after speaker on professional and personal growth. She is an award-winning writer, and has co-authored five other books. Her latest book, 50 Ways to Worry Less Now: Reject Negative Thinking to Find Peace, Clarity, and Connection, will be released soon.
WHAT’S A COVER REVEAL?? So, in book marketing there’s this thing called a “Cover Reveal.” (I learned this from my wise mentors at http://supportindieauthors.com). You post a picture of your book cover a couple of weeks before its release. . . and Boom!
Yup, you guessed it: This is the BIG REVEAL, the first time anyone has seen the great book cover designed by Kelly Zorn here in Ann Arbor, MI. Isn’t it gorgeous?
WHAT’S IN IT FOR YOU? The book has a lot of great stuff: Practical tools, compelling stories, and easy-to-use ideas that defeat worry and negative thinking. Check it out at https://gigilanger.com/new-book-worry-less-now/
I discovered the strategies through therapy, recovery programs, energy psychology, spiritual traditions, and mental health research. (I’ve used these techniques extensively because I have a teensy issue with worry!)
WHAT ARE READERS SAYING? As one advance reader wrote: “Your personal story and the examples of the strategies helping peoples’ lives show that the techniques really work. I learned so much.”
Access your own wisdom, power, and dreams by applying the ideas in this book. Calmly and wisely handle any challenge: relationship failures, illness, work stresses, worry about loved ones, substance abuse, fear of failure, perfectionism, negativity, depression, childhood trauma, or anxiety.
Gigi Langer, PhD. With more than 35 years of experience in psychology, therapy, and recovery, Gigi is a sought after speaker, retreat leader, and award-winning writer and professor. She has co-authored five other books for educators.
50 Ways to Worry Less Now will be released in print and e-book, March 2018. Available at gigilanger.com.
Gigi Langer, PhD is a sought-after speaker on professional and personal growth. She has 35 years of experience in psychology, therapy, and recovery. Gigi has co-authored five other books and is an award-winning writer.
