HOW TO REJECT “Worry, Worry, Worry . . .”

worrying dog

This darling commercial features a dog who buried his bone, and then worried so much about its safety, he couldn’t leave it alone. The soundtrack is “Worry, worry, worry” from the Ray LaMontagne song, “Trouble”. Here’s the link.

DO YOU SOMETIMES FEEL LIKE THIS POOR, WORRIED LITTLE DOG?

More than 20 percent of us struggle with anxiety. On average, we spend about 300 minutes a day worrying, a condition linked with cardiac, emotional, and other health problems.

Worries tell us, “Watch out!” Sometimes, they rightly signal danger. But, what about those unfounded fears that sap our energy and lead to failure, discouragement, and limitation?

THE PROBLEM: OUR THINKING

I call such worries “whispered lies” because they’re mostly false, telling us the pain of our past will repeat itself. For example, “I can’t do this. I’ll fail!” “I don’t deserve love,” or “I can’t be happy if (fill in the blank) happens.”

So, our thinking is the problem, right? But, wait a minute! Our thinking helps us reach important goals: jobs, degrees, repairs, trips, and so on. We set a goal and, if we just try hard enough, we get everything we want, right?

Unfortunately, this linear approach doesn’t always work: Our hearts are broken, we don’t receive a hoped-for promotion, or a loved one is seriously ill. We’re shocked to realize how little control we have over our own lives–and the lives of our loved ones. But we keep trying, right?

We become like that little white dog: We imagine we can fix our troubles by worrying about them. Or, we try to deny them through partying, working long hours, sexual preoccupation, or drugs and/or alcohol.

But these desperate strategies don’t work. The worrying and negativity just multiply, and we become more miserable than before.

WHATS THE SOLUTION?

We can change our faulty thinking by using four life strategies: 1) get honest, 2) claim positive power, 3) make healthy choices, and 4) consistently use growth tools.

If we get honest with ourselves and take responsibility for our own worries, we begin to see that only something bigger than our fears can overcome them–a source of positive power. We might call it Buddha, Courage, the Divine Spark, God, Great Spirit, Awareness, True Self, Universal Intelligence, or any name that works for us.

Next, we choose a new life (perhaps through affirmations and vision boards) and use growth tools to dissolve our whispered lies (e.g. meditation, prayer, energy work, cognitive reprogramming).

THE RESULT

We become expressions of peace (serenity to accept and wait), clarity (wisdom to know what to do and when) and connection (thriving, loving relationships)–no matter what happens in our lives.

To learn how these four life strategies can ease your own troubles, read my award-winning book, 50 Ways to Worry Less Now: Reject Negative Thinking to Find Peace, Clarity, and Connection (Amazon 4.7 stars) available here. (Audiobook due in September)

Worry Less Now

Gigi Langer holds a PhD from Stanford University and is the former “Queen of Worry.” She’s also an educator, a popular speaker, and a person in recovery who hasn’t had a drink or drug for over 33 years.

HOW TO KNOW YOUR FUTURE IS SECURE

So many of us “live in the wreckage of our future.” We fear all sorts of catastrophes–a lost job, a sick or injured loved one, disability, poverty, loneliness—the list goes on and on.

But the future isn’t here yet, and it’s only our imagination that’s creating these dire scenarios. Even if we’ve experienced these things in the past, there’s no logical reason to believe they’ll happen to us in the future.

Even so, it’s almost impossible to “reason our way” out of these fears, especially for those of us who go WAY overboard with our sense of impending doom.

Yup! I’m one of those–the (former) Queen of Worry–a highly sensitive person from an alcoholic family. So, there’s that!

Fortunately, I’ve had many wonderful coaches and mentors teach me powerful tools to tame my overactive imagination.

Meditation is an obvious choice and so is prayer. But what about energy work, cognitive reframing, 12-step tools, and masterminding? Or Byron Katie’s “The Work” that asks us, “Is this true?” Finally, I’ve gotten help from guided meditations, tapping, the Law of Attraction, group therapy, Buddhist practices, journaling, and one of my favorites, self-compassion.

When I need to calm my fears, I often say, “I place the future in the Hands of God” (Lesson #194, A Course in Miracles).

This statement affirms that there’s a perfect order in all things. And I know it’s true because, when I look back, I see how things I had feared worked out in the most amazing ways; in fact, the “worst of the worst” never happened.

So, since we can’t really control the future, why not just relax, do the best we can, and leave the results up to our Higher Power (Universe, Spirit, True Self, Pure Awareness, etc.)?

I’m very grateful to know my future is secure. It’s a pretty cool way to live, when I can pull it off.

How do you deal with your fears about the future? I’d love to hear from you!

gigi langer worry less now

Gigi Langer, PhD has helped thousands of people improve their lives at home and at work. She’s written several books for educators, and is a sought-after speaker and workshop leader.  Gigi holds a doctorate in Psychological Studies in Education  and an MA in Psychology, both from Stanford.

Worry Less Now Cover

To learn more ways to reject negative thinking, order a personalized SIGNED COPY of my award-winning book, 50 Ways to Worry Less Now here.   Amazon (4.7 stars), Barnes and Noble, and e-book formats. AUDIOBOOK COMING SOON!

CLAIM INDEPENDENCE FROM YOUR WORRY-COMMITTEE!

worry less now

[Excerpt from Chapter 1, 50 Ways to Worry Less Now.]

My friends say our worries & fears come from the not-so-helpful “committee in my head.” I call those negative voices “whispered lies.”

For instance, for too many years I believed “If I want to be liked, I must look good.” This whispered lie made me constantly worried about my appearance and behavior.

Here are a few more examples:

• “I’ll never have enough money.”

• “I always sabotage my success.”

• “Relationships just don’t work for me.”

• “We could all be happy if only Dad would stop drinking.”

Although many whispered lies concern ourselves, they often involve institutions, as in “If the government would just change this policy, we’d all be better off.”  Other distressing beliefs focus on our children, spouses, friends, or relatives—for instance, the last example about the father’s drinking. 

Even though it might be true that Dad ought to stop drinking or the government should make changes, these events have no control over your own happiness.

You can find peace of mind under any circumstance because you’re in charge of what you think about.

Most of our worries are fueled by false stories installed into our minds long ago, just waiting for opportunities to be confirmed. Wayne Dyer wrote that everything our brain “knows” is based on past experiences. Therefore, when an event resembles—even in a small way—an old painful one, our mind interprets the new event according to the long-standing negative belief.

Since most whispered lies live largely in our unconscious, we’re often unaware of them.

To illustrate the power of my own “negative committee’s” lies, consider why I failed at romantic love so many times during my twenties and thirties. I wanted to believe that love was possible for me, but my past had taught me the lie “I’m not worthy of love.”

This belief lived so strongly in my mind that, even when a man loved me deeply, I couldn’t believe it was true. After several months, I would become convinced that he wasn’t fulfilling my needs. These worries made me so demanding that I soon snuffed out all the happiness and joy of new love. When it ended, I’d tell myself, “I just don’t deserve love!” Until I got honest and started healing my faulty thinking, I had no hope of enjoying a happy relationship.

I’m so grateful for the therapy, recovery, psychological strategies, and spiritual tools that gave me freedom from my false beliefs. As a result, I’m a pretty happy camper most days — AND I’ve been happily married for 30 years. So what if Peter’s my 4th husband??? He’s fabulous!

To learn how to win independence from your own committee’s whispered lies, order a personalized SIGNED COPY of my award-winning book, 50 Ways to Worry Less Now hereAmazon (5 stars), Barnes and Noble, and e-book formats.

Gigi Langer, PhD has helped thousands of people improve their lives at home and at work. She’s written several books for educators, and is a sought-after speaker and workshop leader.  Gigi holds a doctorate in Psychological Studies in Education  and an MA in Psychology, both from Stanford.

ANXIETY? Who, me??

recovered podcast logo

RECOVERED PODCAST

A PODCAST FOR 12-STEP RECOVERY

Free app: RecoveredCast

website: www.recoveredcast.com

June 25, 2019 – Show 1010 – Topic: Anxiety

FACT: About 20% of Americans struggle with anxiety and worry.

Last night I participated in the amazing and awesome “RecoveredCast” show. Thanks to Mark, Matt, and Kurt (and those who called in) for making our conversation about anxiety so honest and helpful.

RecoveredCast is like a 12-step meeting in your pocket. The show streams live with a chat room to interact with other listeners and the show hosts. The purpose is to encourage and support those walking the path of recovery from any addiction (alcohol, drugs, people, food, gambling, work, shopping, etc.).

Even if you’re not in a 12-step group, you’ll enjoy the inspiring, personal stories about anxiety in recovery, and you may find some helpful ideas for coping with it.

Click HERE (or on the link below) to listen to this fascinating discussion!

http://traffic.libsyn.com/talktherapy/Anxiety_-_Recovered_1010-auphonic.mp3

Worry Less Now Cover

Order your PERSONALIZED SIGNED COPY of award winner, “Worry Less Now” (Amazon 4.7 stars) – 10% discount plus free shipping! Click HERE

gigi langer worry less now
  • Gigi Langer has been clean and sober for 33 years, and holds a PhD in Psychological Studies in Education from Stanford University. She’s a sought-after speaker and retreat leader who has helped thousands improve their lives at work and at home.