Cultivate Detachment for Peace of Mind

detach peace of mindTo Gain Peace of Mind, Detach!
I often hear a negative tone on my TV screen and news sites. So many of the experts–regardless of their point of view–sound sarcastic, judgmental, and  convinced they are absolutely 100% right.

Sadly,  what we see in the media too often presses the fear button in our psyches. If spiritual principles hold true,  this is dangerous business.

Hatred and condemnation multiply fear and draw us away from peace of mind (love).

I’m not suggesting that we bury our heads in the sand.  I read a variety of news articles so I can be informed. I also write to my local and national representatives and, of course I vote.  But I refrain from judging and worrying.

It’s all too easy to let the daily onslaught of news convince us that we are at the mercy of the world’s conflicts. The truth is, our essence is spiritual, untouched by today’s fear-filled scenarios.

That’s why I am so drawn to this phrase: “The best attitude to cultivate is gentle indifference.” (July 30th reading in Daily Meditations for Practicing The Course by Karen Casey).

Another word for “gentle indifference” might be “detachment”a standing apart without getting caught up in the drama; but still acting from a place of peace and integrity.

Here’s how I try to detach and gain peace of mind, so I can contribute to our society’s future in the best way possible:

  • The minute I hear troubling news, I pray for those involved, that they  may be guided to the best solutions for all.
  • When I’m tempted to respond negatively, I take a few deep breaths and affirm that all is in perfect order, even if my limited perceptions can’t see it.
  • I trust that by seeking peace of mind first, I will be guided to the right thoughts, words, and actions.
  • I accept that my goal is to be a channel of love, not fear.
  • As a “Highly Sensitive Person,” I limit my exposure to inflammatory news sources.

How do you remain centered and positively productive during turbulent times?    Please share in the Comments section below. 

gigilanger_worrylessnowGigi Langer is a former “Queen of Worry.” She’s also an educator, speaker, and author of 50 Ways to Worry Less Now, winner of the 2018 Indie Excellence Award. Learn to defeat negative thinking, find inner peace, attain clarity, and improve relationships–no matter what is going on in your life! Available through Amazon (5 stars), Barnes and Noble, and e-book sites.

Langer holds a PhD in Psychological Studies in Education and an MA in Psychology, both from Stanford. As Georgea M. Langer, she’s published several books for teachers and school administrators.

CELEBRATE INDEPENDENCE FROM YOUR WORRY-COMMITTEE!

worry less now

My friends say our worries & fears come from the not-so-helpful “committee in my head.” I call those negative voices “whispered lies.”

For instance, for too many years I believed “If I want to be liked, I must look good.” This whispered lie made me constantly worried about my appearance and behavior.

A few more examples include:

• “I’ll never have enough money.”

• “I always sabotage my success.”

• “Relationships just don’t work for me.”

• “We could all be happy if only Dad would stop drinking.”

Although many of our whispered lies concern ourselves, they often focus on our children, spouses, friends, or relatives—for instance, the last example about the father’s drinking. Other distressing beliefs involve institutions, as in “If the government would just change this policy, we’d all be better off.”

Even though it might be true that Dad ought to stop drinking or the government should make changes, these events have no control over your own happiness.

You can find peace of mind under any circumstance because you’re in charge of what you think about.

Most of our worries are fueled by false stories installed into our minds long ago, just waiting for opportunities to be confirmed. Wayne Dyer wrote that everything our brain “knows” is based on past experiences. Therefore, when an event resembles—even in a small way—an old painful one, our mind interprets the new event according to the long-standing negative belief.

Since most whispered lies live largely in our unconscious, we’re often unaware of them.

To illustrate the power of my own “negative committee’s” lies, consider why I failed at romantic love so many times during my twenties and thirties. I wanted to believe that love was possible for me, but my past had taught me the lie “I’m not worthy of love.”

This belief lived so strongly in my mind that, even when a man loved me deeply, I couldn’t believe it was true. After several months, I would become convinced that he wasn’t fulfilling my needs. These worries made me so demanding that I soon snuffed out all the happiness and joy of new love. When it ended, I’d tell myself, “I just don’t deserve love!” Until I got honest and started healing my faulty thinking, I had no hope of enjoying a happy relationship.

I’m so grateful for the therapy, recovery, psychological strategies, and spiritual tools that gave me freedom from my false beliefs. As a result I’m a pretty happy camper most days — AND I’ve been happily married for 29 years. So what if it’s my 4th husband??? He’s fabulous!

To learn how to win independence from your own committee’s whispered lies, check out my award-winning book 50 Ways to Worry Less Now.  Available through Amazon (5 stars), Barnes and Noble, and ebook formats.

Gigi Langer, PhD has helped thousands of people improve their lives at home and at work. She’s written several books for educators, and is a sought-after speaker and workshop leader.  Gigi holds a doctorate in Psychological Studies in Education  and an MA in Psychology, both from Stanford.

BEFORE GOING ON DEPRESSION MEDICATION, READ THIS

Are you considering taking an antidepressant to sooth your anxiety or depression?

If you are, you might take a look at this book first. The author, Joe Baldizzone, is a guy who has used the ideas in his book to overcome depression, addiction & anxiety. He is NOT against medication, and, in fact, suggests you work  closely with a doctor.  But he DOES give you several alternatives to try. In my opinion, the strategies will likely work along with medication, and may be helpful if you are slowly tapering off of it.

The book is an informative & entertaining read. I love Joe’s easy, honest tone, and how he shares his life experiences to illustrate the points he makes. The 50 tips are presented simply and clearly as proven things to do before turning to depression/anxiety medication (or along with small doses). Try some of the strategies and see your life improve.

Definitely get this book, even if you’re not depressed, but just want to be happier. You can learn more about Joe on his FB author page or at Joe Nerve.

10 Ways to Be Positive, Like Snoopy!

Happiness Worry Less Now

Want to Be Positive, Like Snoopy and Charlie Brown???

Get over your negative habits so you can be a happy, positive force in your family, work, and world.  Here are some simple ways:

  1. Change “I can’t . . .” to → “Up until now I couldn’t . . .”
  2. Change “I always . . .“ to → “In the past I used to . . .”
  3. Don’t read email first thing in the morning. Instead, meditate, read inspiring words, journal, or pray. (One of my favorites is below.)
  4. Avoid criticism and gossip. Instead look for what’s strong, positive & good about a person or situation.
  5. Resist saying or thinking: “You should.” and “He should (or ought)”. Instead admit that you may not know best & even if you did, it’s not your job to change others.
  6. Avoid excessive drinking or drugging that’s harming your relationships, health, or safety. Instead, get into a recovery program or therapy.
  7. Be a considerate listener. When listening to another, don’t think of what you’ll say next & then respond with your own story or advice. Instead, listen with all of your mind & heart. Try to understand what the person is saying by asking for clarification, e.g., “ You mentioned (…). Tell me more about that. What was that like for you?” Listen & then probe for more detail. Talk less. Listen more.
  8. Offer smiles & random acts of kindness to neighbors, acquaintances, and strangers. You’ll feel great and so will they!
  9. Use the Loving-Kindness Practice often. Buddhists call this practice metta; it calms your mind, opens your heart to goodness and love, and helps you know the positive power within your true self. The practice also asks for the healing of your fears, worries, and negative thinking so you can serve others’ growth.

a. Read the words aloud, pause, and then read them again.

May I be at peace. May my heart remain open.

May I awaken to the light of my own true nature.

May I be healed. May I be a source of healing for all beings.

b. With one or more of your loved ones in mind, say the prayer again changing I to you: “May you be at peace. May your heart . . .

c. Next, change you to we: “May we be at peace . . .

d. Now, think of a person who is causing you worry, frustration, or pain. Use the “May you . . .” version of the prayer for this person.

Whenever you want to change a negative thought to a positive one, repeat the phrases of loving-kindness and notice how you begin to respond differently:  Patient, kind, and positive!

10. For more ideas about becoming more positive, see my award-winning book, 50 Ways to Worry Less Now (Amazon, Barnes & Noble, & e-book vendors) and the blog on this site.

Worry Less Now; Gigi Langer
From me to you!

Gigi Langer, PhD has helped thousands of people improve their lives at home and at work. She’s written several books for educators, and is a sought-after speaker and workshop leader.  Gigi holds a doctorate in Psychology in Education,  and an MA in Psychology, both from Stanford.