HOW EASY IS IT FOR YOU TO RECEIVE CARE FROM OTHERS?

receive care worry less nowHow easily can you receive care from from others?  This question stopped me in my tracks when I read it in The Answer Is Simple: Love Yourself, Live Your Spirit! by spiritual teacher Sonia Choquette.

Surely, I thought, that wasn’t a problem for me! I had allowed plenty of men to “take care” of me–but only when I was in control of the payoff. The rest of the time, I was fiercely self-sufficient.

When I considered that I could receive care from other people, with NO strings attached, I could barely fathom it. I had always felt church and other organizations only welcomed me because they wanted my money or time.

Further, I didn’t feel I deserved such generous attention. My alcoholic home had taught me I wasn’t worth someone’s care or love; and that being a care-giver was safer than expecting it from another.

So, it’s not surprising that when I first went to 12-step programs, I was hesitant to accept the support offered by others–especially the women! Up until then, I had always relied on my lover and one female “using buddy.” I had no idea how to interact with healthy women without my old manipulative ways.

But, after months of hearing my recovering friends talk about their loving sponsors, I finally took the plunge and asked someone to be my sponsor. I couldn’t believe it when she said yes and gave me hours and hours of her undivided attention, just so I could stay sober (and she stayed sober too!)

It’s almost impossible to grow spiritually without healthy friends whose main purpose is to do the same. So, if you’re trying to straighten out your life (or keep it sane), you’ll consider this question carefully:
** How willing are you to receive help from others? **

It took me a while, but I’m happy to report that I now count myself rich, knowing that a select group of friends would immediately come to my rescue in any crisis.

To examine your own willingness to receive care from others, take a moment to consider these questions.

1. How easy is it for you to ask others for help?
2. Do you believe you always need to appear strong and competent?
3. Are you most comfortable in the role of helping others?
4. Can you graciously accept healthy loving care regardless of where it comes from?
5. What false beliefs might stand in the way of you being a better receiver?

If you can’t trust others to give you love without expecting something in return, or if you believe you don’t deserve others’ support, I encourage you to let go of this “I am an island” mentality (as in Paul Simon’s song, “I am a rock”). Perhaps counseling, spiritual practices, or other healthy people can help you  accept loving care from others.

For tips on finding healthy friends, read this article. To learn more about overcoming negative, self-limiting thinking so you can enjoy peace, clarity, and connection, see GigiLanger.com.

Gigi Langer Worry Less NowGigi Langer holds a PhD in Psychological Studies in Education from Stanford University. She’s a sought-after speaker and retreat leader who has helped thousands improve their lives at work and at home. 

worry less nowOrder her award-winning book, 50 Ways to Worry Less Now at Amazon or get 20% off with promo code 20lessnow here.

 

Interview Part 1: Your Destructive Whispered Lies

Want to worry less? Become aware of your negative self-talk:  “whispered lies” such as, “Oh, this is just so awful.”  “I can’t handle this.” “I need to fix (situation/person) right now.” “I can’t be happy until (situation/person) changes.” “I’ll never be able to do that.” or “I wish I hadn’t . . .”

Stressful thoughts like these scare us so much that we end up with life-threatening illnesses, or we find ourselves too preoccupied to give love and attention to our family or friends. Not a recipe for happiness!

How do we overcome our whispered lies so we can find peace, wisdom, and fulfilling relationships?

That’s what Charita and I talked about in this interview series about my award-winning book, 50 Ways to Worry Less Now: Reject Negative Thinking to Find Peace, Clarity, And Connection.

Interviewer, Charita H. Cadenhead, Realtor, Author, Radio host, Entrepreneur (R.A.R.E.). http://renewrefreshreset.com/about/charita-cadenhead/

worry less nowGigi Langer holds a PhD in Psychological Studies in Education from Stanford University. She’s a sought-after speaker and retreat leader who has helped thousands improve their lives at work and at home. Order her award-winning book, 50 Ways to Worry Less Now at Amazon or get 20% here off with promo code 20lessnow.

AVOID THIS KIND OF “SUPPORT” WHEN YOU’RE HURTING

support worry less now

How many times have you shared a painful experience or emotion with another, and felt completely frustrated with their lack of support? In fact, you left the conversation feeling more alone than ever? 

 

An old saying, “Don’t go to the hardware store for milk,” warns us not to  look for understanding from those who are unable to give it. 

So, who are the best  people to turn to for emotional support? Although many think their lover or spouse should provide all the care they need, it’s an impossible task. Others turn to their family members whose own wounds may block them from providing the care we’re looking for. 

These three patterns will help you determine which people in your life are most likely to provide loving support when you’re hurting.

Pattern 1. “Here’s my solution,” rather than “Here’s how to access wise guidance.”

  • A less helpful friend suggests immediate solutions that attempt to control the situation. Because he’s uneasy with your discomfort, his goal is to fix it right now. Such advice can make the situation worse rather than better.
  • A helpful friend offers ideas and tools that bring you peace of mind and intuitive guidance. He’ll remind you that a serene state of mind will result in the best actions.

Pattern 2. “It’s all about me,” rather than “It’s all about you.”

  • A less helpful friend responds by sharing her own troubles. If she’s not able to focus on your concerns, then she may not be truly interested in your well being.
  • A helpful friend listens, carefully summarizes your thoughts and feelings, and asks questions to understand you. If this friend shares her own story, it’s only offered to give you hope; then she returns the focus to you. 

Pattern 3. “Let’s focus on the problem,” rather than “Let’s find a place of peace.”

  • A less helpful friend wants to hear the lurid details. She commiserates about how terrible your situation is and helps you justify your pain. Such friends end up reinforcing your resentments, fears, and worries.
  • A helpful friend refuses to escalate your fears by “awfulizing” events. She might suggest that you accept the situation as it is for now, and work toward a peaceful state of mind. Finally, she reassures you that this situation will find resolution in the best way for all, and that it may take time.
  • The Litmus Test: Consider how you feel after talking to the person. If you feel more agitation than hope, try sharing your vulnerabilities with someone else.

The most helpful people probably won’t come from your family. Your family members may unwittingly reinforce the very same patterns you’re trying to overcome. Give yourself some time to heal before you share deeply with family members.

Choose a confidant who holds no sexual attraction for you. A romantic partner hates to see you suffer, and may try to fix your problem for you. Or, if your partner struggles with security or power, their responses may be damaging rather than helpful.  

gigi langerGigi Langer holds a PhD in Psychological Studies in Education from Stanford University. She’s a sought-after speaker and retreat leader who has helped thousands improve their lives at work and at home. Order her award-winning book, 50 Ways to Worry Less Now at Amazon or get 20% off with promo code 20lessnow here.

 

 

 

 

RECHARGE WITH THE 12 POWERS MEDITATION

I’ve had this flu/cold/virus (whatever the !&#? it is!!) for 10 days. I’m taking doc-prescribed meds, resting, drinking water, etc. But every morning I wake up feeling like a wet noodle! I’m leading a retreat this Saturday, and I’m worried that I’ll lose my voice.

So, it’s time to bring out the big gun: The 12 Powers Meditation by Charles Fillmore of Unity church. (After using the meditation, I’m now able to write this blog  – YAY!)

12 powers worry less nowEach of the 12 Powers has its own color and body location to visualize as you say the affirmations. I’ve simplified them so I can easily remember each one. I must confess I changed “Will” to the color Gold (as in The Golden Key by Emmet Fox); and “Understanding” is now Silver. It just made more sense to me.

You may wish to substitute your own terms for the words “Christ” and “God.” (“Christ” refers to your divine, true self; and “God” is your higher power as you understand it.) Also, you can state the affirmations in your own words.

BEGINNING AFFIRMATION: There is one presence and power in the universe, God, and I am one with it as the light of God surrounds me.

  1. FAITH: Indigo Blue — Crown  of Head. The Christ in me now activates Faith. I trust God, knowing God’s will is for my highest good. I give thanks for the gift of Faith.
  2. STRENGTH: Pale Green – Lower Back. The Christ in me now activates Strength. I am strong and unafraid. Strength surges through me, giving me energy, endurance, and vigor. I give thanks for the faculty of Strength.
  3. WISDOM: Yellow – Solar Plexus, Under Rib Cage. The Christ in me now activates Wisdom (Judgement). I perceive beyond appearances, and am guided by Divine intuition into wise and perfect ways. I give thanks for the faculty of Wisdom.
  4. LOVE:  Pink – Heart. The Christ in me now activates Love. I am a radiating center of Divine Love, loved and loving to everyone (including myself). I give thanks for the faculty of Love.
  5. POWER:  Purple – Throat. The Christ in me now activates Power. My thoughts and words vibrate with spiritual power. I give thanks for the faculty of Power.
  6. IMAGINATION:  Pale Blue – Forehead. The Christ in me now activates Imagination. I see creative, new ways to do what is mine to do. New opportunities to experience God’s good are coming into my life. I give thanks for the gift of Imagination.
  7. UNDERSTANDING:  Silver – Front of Head. The Christ in me now activates Understanding. God is present in all situations and in every relationship. The perfect outworking of every situation is being revealed to me now. I give thanks for the faculty of Understanding.
  8. WILL:  Gold – Center of Head. The Christ in me now activates Will. Not my will but God’s be done in my life. God molds me and uses me as God wills. I give thanks for the faculty of Will.
  9. ORDER:  Dark Green – Belly Button. The Christ in me now activates Perfect Order. My spiritual path unfolds in its proper sequence. Divine timing and order are now established in my life. I give thanks for the faculty of Order.
  10. ZEAL:  Saffron/Orange – Back of Head. The Christ in me now activates Zeal. I am enthusiastic and excited about life. I feel good pouring through me and I experience miracles in my life. I give thanks for the faculty of Zeal.
  11. ELIMINATION:  Brown/Rust – Lower Abdomen. The Christ in me now activates Elimination (Renunciation). I am free of the past, and release all false and useless attitudes, emotions, and reactions. I am at one with God and with life. I give thanks for the faculty of Renunciation.
  12. LIFE:  Red – Reproductive Organs. The Christ in me now activates Life. Every cell in my being is charged with the pure, restorative life of God. I give thanks for the faculty of Life.

CLOSING AFFIRMATION: There is only one Presence and Power, God the good, omnipotent. Father/Mother God and I are one.

PRAYER FOR PROTECTION: The Light of God surrounds me, the Love of God enfolds me, the Power of God protects me, and the Presence of God watches over me. Wherever I am, God is.  Amen.

This list of 12 might seem long, but I’ve memorized it, and you can too. It helps to chunk the powers into groups of 4:  Faith, Strength, Wisdom, Love —    Power, Imagination, Understanding, Will —   Order, Zeal, Elimination, Life.

Most important, however, is that you give it a try, breathing calmly and deeply as you visualize and say each affirmation. When you use this practice regularly, you’ll be amazed by the results! As I’ve been writing this blog, I find I’m feeling better and better. It works!

I’d love to hear from you! What do you notice? How have you modified the practice? What results are you seeing?

Worry Less Now by Gigi LangerGigi Langer is the author of 50 Ways to Worry Less Now: Reject Negative Thinking to Find Peace, Clarity, and Connection5 Stars on Amazon and winner of the Indie Excellence Award. Get 20% off here with promo code 20lessnow. (No discount at Amazon or e-books)

Worry Less Now bookGigi had a long career teaching and writing in education. She holds a PhD from Stanford University in Psychological Studies in Education, and has been clean and sober for 33 years.