Gigi Langer

Worry Less Now

DO YOU HAVE TOO MUCH STRESS? TAKE THE WORRY QUIZ TO FIND OUT!

According to the Mayo Clinic, people who worry less have better physical health, lower risks of stroke or heart disease, and higher overall survival rates. They also have better emotional health, less depression, more harmonious relationships, and are more equipped to solve life’s problems.

We all want such benefits, right? But we’ve got to stop worrying so much! FIND YOUR PERSONAL WORRY SCORE AND HELPFUL HINTS BY CLICKING THIS LINK

https://mailchi.mp/9f9f6bdee652/02cm3yoqss

GOTTA PROBLEM? Refrain, Reflect, Release, Respond

When we finally stop trying to fix our challenges on our own, the golden moment of surrender arrives. We realize we must find a way to reconnect with the wisdom of our true self. But how do we do that? First, we refrain from acting.

Then we reflect on our part in the difficulty; next we marshal Loving Energy to release us from the negativity blocking our hearts. Finally, from the calm of our true self, we respond in the best way for all involved.

[from my new book, Love More Now: Reflections on Open-Hearted Living, coming soon!]

Refraining from Taking Direct Action
 
Ironically, when faced with a life challenge, our best “action” is to refrain from acting. We do nothing—for now. Let’s admit it; we often try for a quick fix just so our icky feelings will go away. We want to feel better now rather than reflecting on our part in the situation. In most cases, however, acting too soon produces harmful words and actions that we never intended. Why? Because we were driven by fear and not by love.
 
To avoid this trap, we learn to PAUSE: Pause Action Until Serenity Emerges. This serenity comes from reflecting on our part and then choosing to open our hearts, thus releasing us from the grip of our fears. From this place of peace arise all the solutions we will ever need. But what do we DO while we’re pausing?
 
First, it’s helpful to cultivate self-compassion by opening our heart to ourselves. After all, we may feel shame about being in such a difficulty, spawning whispered lies of self-condemnation: Why can’t I handle this better? I should know how to fix this! What’s wrong with me? Or, we might point the finger toward others in a blame-game: It’s their fault! I am right and they’re wrong. They should change. None of this makes us feel any better.
 
On the contrary, we can reassure ourselves that we are merely imperfect human beings doing the best we can. For example, telling ourselves, Yes, this is hard, and we’re upset. That’s okay, this often happens in life, and we’ve gotten through hard times before. Let’s remember, we’ve got our true self and others’ Loving Energy to help us.
 
Remember too the lesson taught by so many wisdom traditions: even though our true self is perfect Love, our human self is on this earth to learn to be as loving as possible. This is a tall order, indeed, for those of us mired in fear. If we’re awake and willing, however, we learn to “render the barriers to love harmless,” as described in the opening quotation.
 
Reflecting on My Part
 
As we pause and refrain from action, we reflect on our part in the situation: What is it about me that makes this so difficult? Three of the twelve steps of AA suggest using specific questions to examine our part in any difficulty. Such questions help us consider how our thoughts, feelings, and patterns might be responsible for our own unhappiness. The list below is derived from the five shortcomings we examined in Chapter 4, and the six coping patterns listed in Chapter 3.  
 
We can think of these areas as “soft-spots” in our human personalities that close our hearts to ourselves and others, thus blocking Loving Energy from healing our difficulties. Yet, it is this very Loving Energy that can release these blockages, freeing us to give and receive love.
 
As you read each question below, take a moment to reflect on it. Then, if it seems relevant to your current problems, make note of it.  Whom or what am I resenting, blaming, or criticizing? What are they “depriving” me of?What have I been afraid of, not trusting the Loving Power of my true self?Where have I been self-centered, thinking only of getting my own needs met?How have I been lying to myself? What have I not wanted to look at?What self-condemning beliefs have I held about myself? Are they really true?How have I been a caretaker by putting another’s needs above my own best interests?Do I sometimes feel like a martyr—a victim of circumstances beyond my control?How have I been a perfectionist, expecting myself and others to never make mistakes?How have I been people-pleasing by pretending to be what others want me to be?How have I been a workaholic, placing work above my relationships and health?How have I been a tap dancer, unwilling to commit to a program of growth and healing? 
After writing down a few of the most glaring items, it will be most helpful to list for each one: a) what you were trying to gain by holding on to it (e.g., material gain, emotional security, prestige, or sexual needs), b) the negative consequences for you and others of holding on to this soft spot, and c) what your life could be like if you didn’t have this soft spot. Now it’s time to enlist our Loving Power and our healthy, growth partners to release us from these shortcomings.
 
Releasing Blocks to Love

First, recall that I’ve said repeatedly that we cannot become more loving by doing it all alone, unaided by the guidance of healthy growth partners. Second, we can’t grow out of our self-defeating habits without the help of Loving power.
 
Reading this last sentence, you might be wondering, Wait a minute. If these flaws have been blocking the flow of love in my life, then how can that same love heal them? It’s important to acknowledge that your Loving Energy has never left you and that it is always available to you. We only believed we lost it and reinforced those beliefs through our self-defeating fears.
 
Happily, to “render the barriers to love harmless,” all we have to do is ask for help. As simple as that! Unfortunately, most of us have to get pretty uncomfortable before we surrender our old ways and open ourselves to another way of living. In this golden moment, Loving Power is right there ready to help us remove these barriers to love.
 
To harness this love, we need only consistently stream Loving power into our hearts. Many of us  do this by using any or all of the following practices on a daily basis: meditation, prayer for self and others, affirmations and visualization, mindfulness/being in the now, kindness/giving love, and gratitude lists. Some of the other practices I use when a persistent pattern needs a direct infusion of healing are:  thought-switching (e.g., the Golden Key), Master Mind group, tapping, EMDR, Radical Forgiveness, and setting boundaries with others.
 
Responding in The Best Way for All

One of my favorite promises in Twelve-Step literature is “We will intuitively know how to handle situations that used to baffle us.” As we clear out the blockages to love, we begin to notice this intuitive sense emerging from our true self, nudging us in the best direction for all.

It’s rather mysterious because this wisdom doesn’t necessarily come from some pre-determined script we’ve created in our minds. It’s more likely that we find ourselves acting differently or thinking differently, and it’s only after the fact we can see the changes. How could it be any different if we’ve been filling our minds with heart-opening loving thoughts and feelings? It’s pretty simple: the more make space for love to enter our hearts, the more our lives begin to thrive in the most amazing ways.

 
Gigi Langer Worry Less NowBook Deal for You and Friends I’m now mailing out personally signed copies of 50 Ways to Worry Less Now for only $8.95 (free shipping within USA), so please send this link to your friends and family. GigiLanger.com/buy (Please) Post Your Review 
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Gigi Langer is a former “Queen of Worry” who writes, speaks, and encourages others to overcome their stress, addictions, and negative thinking. Her PhD is from Stanford University. Get a discounted signed copy of Gigi’s award-winning book, “50 Ways to Worry Less Now” (4.8 stars Amazon) ($8.95) Includes FREE PDF WORKBOOK CLICK <<HERE >>       https://GigiLanger.com/buy
Also available in e-book and audiobook formats. 

My Two BEST Mental Health Videos: Better than Reading ”Worry Less Now” 

I am re-posting these 2020 videos because they contain mental health content not included in my other podcasts. In fact, they summarize the entire Worry Less Now book. So, if you haven’t read it or just want a quick review of many of the strategies, why not set aside an hour or so and check them out!

😔 Did you know people who worry have more heart attacks than others? Find out how to improve your mental health by overcoming negative thinking and other self-defeating patterns such as codependency, perfectionism, stress, anxiety, and relationship failure.

👍 Practical, proven strategies for living a serene life, no matter what is going on! [See special offers below for signed copy of 50 Ways to Worry Less Now]

VIDEO PART 1: ACHIEVING MENTAL HEALTH with Gigi Langer


Click below to watch PART 1 of my explanation of how to overcome worry on the Achieving Mental Health for Real podcast with Robert Adelman. Thanks to Bob for recording these talks. 😘
PS Hope you enjoy my (intrusive?) hand gestures!

Here’s the link in case you want to pass it on https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/otr-achieving-mental-health-for-real/id1485260458?i=1000466127092


VIDEO PART 2: ACHIEVING MENTAL HEALTH with Gigi Langer

And here are five more of the 50 Ways to Worry Less Now.

JUST CLICK HERE https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/otr-achieving-mental-health-for-real/id1485260458?i=1000485373316

REFERENCES FROM THIS EPISODE:

Highly Sensitive Person, Dr Elaine Aron,  www.Hsperson.com

A Course in Miracles (acim.org) Easier to read: Marianne Williamson, A Return to Love; Karen Casey, Daily Meditations to Practice the Course; also Karen Casey, 52 Ways to Practice A Course in Miracles

Radical Forgiveness. Colin Tipping  www.RadicalForgiveness.com

IS It True? The Work, Byron Katie,  www.thework.com

The Golden Key  www.metaphysicspirit.com/books/The%20Golden%20Key%20to%20Prayer.pdf

Self-compassion Kristen Neff    www.selfcompassion.org  She also has a nice guided meditation in Insight Timer App.

Vision Boards: I have an example in this blog
https://gigilanger.com/positive-thinking-work/

gigi langer worry less now

Gigi Langer has been sober 35 years, and holds a PhD in Psychological Studies in Education from Stanford University. Formerly crowned the “Queen of Worry,” Gigi resigned her post many years ago and now lives happily in Florida with her husband, Peter and her cat Easter.

worry less now gigi langer

Gigi’s award-winning book, 50 Ways to Worry Less Now, describes how to correct the faulty thinking leading to addiction, dysfunctional relationships, perfectionism, and worry about loved ones. Check out the practical directions, personal stories, and other helpful growth tools. Amazon: 4.8 stars (Buy Discounted, personally signed Paperback with free Workbook PDF HERE)

Joy: The Power of Your True Self

I wanted to share with you an excerpt from my new book, “Love More Now.” It’s about opening our hearts to live from the joy of our true self, a source of peace, wisdom, and Love. Due this fall, it’s coming along well!

worry less now gigi langer

Living with an open heart connects us to our true self–the source of intuitive wisdom, compassion for ourselves and others and, most importantly, JOY.

As Shelby John puts it, joy is “the brick and mortar of our lives, a lasting inside job. It’s the place we arrive after years of practice, commitment, and sacrifice. True joy is when despite all the craziness happening in life, even with all the heartbreak, grief, disappointment, anger, and sadness, you are solid on the inside.”  

This “solid on the inside” part of you, the unchanging, beautiful essence of who you are, is what we call here your true self. Open-hearted living, connected to our true self—doesn’t that sound wonderful?

Imagine It!

You may question if it’s achievable. Operating from a place of worry is what we’re accustomed to, after all. But, what if it wasn’t?

Well, use your imagination! Imagine what your own open-hearted, solid-on-the-inside life might feel and look like. First, think of situations where your heart opens naturally—seeing the smile of a loved one, hearing a favorite melody, sharing words of love, feeling gratitude for the gifts in your life or a kindness received. In such golden moments, we behold only the shining, open hearts of our true selves and others’. Whatever seems troublesome or wrong in our world just fades away. 

What Gets in The Way of Joy?

Unfortunately those naturally open-hearted moments can be few and far between. Why don’t we live in this joy-filled, peaceful state all the time? It’s because our fears close our hearts to our true self, effectively blocking its gifts. The buildup of years, decades, even lifetimes of “glass-half-empty” thinking causes our hearts to close, tightly and painfully.

That being the case, most of us need help in learning how to not let fear rule our lives and close our hearts for good. It takes guidance and a conscious effort to wake up to–and change–the negative patterns that have sabotaged our relationships, our peace of mind, our health, and life in general.

You probably wouldn’t have picked up this book if some problem in your life wasn’t worrying you, nagging you to solve it, but with no solution in sight. Maybe an ongoing conflict with a loved one or a grudge against a co-worker. Perhaps you find yourself challenged by your own or another’s health problems. Sometimes it’s a dream or goal you are drawn to but just can’t seem to achieve. Finally, let’s not forget the visceral feelings of threat from personal financial woes or the problems of the world at large. Reacting to these situations with fear can paralyze us into thinking there are no solutions, and all is lost. Boom! Our heart is closed.

All is Not Lost

What if you could find a way to work through your fears so that you could open your heart to the wisdom, compassion and joy of your true self? From there, you can give and receive healthy love in every situation, even problematic ones. Instead of obsessing about what isn’t going right in your world, you will live from your true self, where love, wisdom, and courage can vanquish any challenge you face. Read on to find how to get there.

gigi langer worry less now

Gigi Langer has been sober 35 years, and holds a PhD in Psychological Studies in Education from Stanford University. Formerly crowned the “Queen of Worry,” Gigi resigned her post many years ago and now lives happily in Florida with her husband, Peter and her cat Easter.

worry less now gigi langer

Gigi’s award-winning book, 50 Ways to Worry Less Now, describes how to correct the faulty thinking leading to addiction, dysfunctional relationships, perfectionism, and worry about loved ones. Check out the practical directions, personal stories, and other helpful growth tools. Amazon: 4.8 stars (Buy Discounted, personally signed Paperback with free Workbook PDF HERE)