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Gigi Langer

Worry Less Now!

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Tag: fear

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7 Tips to Stop the Nasty Voice in Your Head

Do you have a voice in your head that incessantly whispers lies of impending doom or replays past events in the hope of changing them?

It might sound like this: “I always…(fail, am rejected, sabotage my success)” OR “If only he or she would (fill in the blank), we would all be okay.“

Although I used to hear this voice often, over the years I’ve learned to turn such negative thoughts into positive ones. Here are a few tips that might help you do the same.

  1. Notice how the voice in your head causes tension in your body and perhaps emotions of anger, pain, frustration, envy, or a need for security, recognition or love.
  2. Stand apart from the thoughts and feelings, as if you’re on a balcony observing them. Do NOT condemn them.
  3. Breathe slowly and deeply until your body calms down. Withdraw your attention from your worrying and focus on your breathing.
  4. Recognize who is watching the thoughts. It’s a part of your mind independent of your thoughts and emotions. This is your true self (higher self, God-mind, etc). It is greater, stronger, and wiser than the imagined disturbances.
  5. Make a choice: Do you want to stay in the drama of the fear-filled voices in your head, or do you want to experience peace and happiness?
  6. Write your mind’s false messages in a journal. Notice that many of them predict one of two horrible things: 1) past pain will repeat itself, or 2) the future will be disastrous. KNOW THAT NONE OF THESE IS TRUE.
  7. Dissolve your mind’s lies by using meditation, affirmations, prayer, therapy, yoga, inspirational reading, groups, energy work, or any other method to connect with the goodness and light of your true self.

As you refuse to believe the fearful voice in your head, sooner or later the answers to your troubles will appear in the most amazing way and for the best of all involved.

HOW DO YOU CALM YOUR OWN NEGATIVE THOUGHTS? I’d love to hear from you!

GIGI LANGER is the former “Queen of Worry” whose award-winning book, 50 Ways to Worry Less Now, rates 4.7 stars on Amazon. She holds a PhD from Stanford University in Psychology in Education.

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HOW TO KNOW YOUR FUTURE IS SECURE

So many of us “live in the wreckage of our future.” We fear all sorts of catastrophes–a lost job, a sick or injured loved one, disability, poverty, loneliness—the list goes on and on.

But the future isn’t here yet, and it’s only our imagination that’s creating these dire scenarios. Even if we’ve experienced these things in the past, there’s no logical reason to believe they’ll happen to us in the future.

Even so, it’s almost impossible to “reason our way” out of these fears, especially for those of us who go WAY overboard with our sense of impending doom.

Yup! I’m one of those–the (former) Queen of Worry–a highly sensitive person from an alcoholic family. So, there’s that!

Fortunately, I’ve had many wonderful coaches and mentors teach me powerful tools to tame my overactive imagination.

Meditation is an obvious choice and so is prayer. But what about energy work, cognitive reframing, 12-step tools, and masterminding? Or Byron Katie’s “The Work” that asks us, “Is this true?” Finally, I’ve gotten help from guided meditations, tapping, the Law of Attraction, group therapy, Buddhist practices, journaling, and one of my favorites, self-compassion.

When I need to calm my fears, I often say, “I place the future in the Hands of God” (Lesson #194, A Course in Miracles).

This statement affirms that there’s a perfect order in all things. And I know it’s true because, when I look back, I see how things I had feared worked out in the most amazing ways; in fact, the “worst of the worst” never happened.

So, since we can’t really control the future, why not just relax, do the best we can, and leave the results up to our Higher Power (Universe, Spirit, True Self, Pure Awareness, etc.)?

I’m very grateful to know my future is secure. It’s a pretty cool way to live, when I can pull it off.

How do you deal with your fears about the future? I’d love to hear from you!

gigi langer worry less now

Gigi Langer, PhD has helped thousands of people improve their lives at home and at work. She’s written several books for educators, and is a sought-after speaker and workshop leader.  Gigi holds a doctorate in Psychological Studies in Education  and an MA in Psychology, both from Stanford.

Worry Less Now Cover

To learn more ways to reject negative thinking, order a personalized SIGNED COPY of my award-winning book, 50 Ways to Worry Less Now here.   Amazon (4.7 stars), Barnes and Noble, and e-book formats. AUDIOBOOK COMING SOON!

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OUR DISTORTED FEARS!

“Our fears, whether large or small, were distorted. And we still distort those fears, on occasion, because we move away from the spiritual reality of our lives.” Karen Casey, ”Each Day a Dew Beginning” (Hazelden)

Sometimes my fears grab the microphone and whisper (or sometimes scream) lies such as: “If I can’t fix this, I can’t be happy!!”

I fell victim to this incessant voice recently as I tried to resolve thorny technical issues with Amazon and i-tunes. Further, a barely started book chapter was due July 9. After several weeks, I could not resolve these issues, NO MATTER WHAT I DID!

Eventually, I found myself swearing at other drivers and peeling out onto a busy street. That reckless action got my attention.

So, I admitted to myself how pissed I was and went to a meeting. There I admitted how victimized I felt—just like a powerless little girl. As others shared the “wisdom of the rooms,” Spirit’s voice of hope and sanity dissolved my rage.

When I got home, I listed on paper the three situations and then wrote “Higher Power, I place each of these into your hands and mind. I thank you for the perfect resolution for each of them.”

The next day, God pulled the rabbits out of the hat! Amazon e-mailed to explain what I needed to do; the lovely i-tunes people resolved that technical issue; and I found out the book chapter wasn’t due for two months.

Now, if that isn’t evidence that “turning it over” works, what is?

I sometimes ask myself, “Why couldn’t I have let it go sooner and saved myself all this aggravation?” Even after 33 years, I sometimes still deny my feelings—especially anger (remember, “All addictions are feeling disorders.”)

For me, the only solution to my mind’s distortions is to surrender them to my Higher Power. I’m always grateful when I do — even if it takes a I while!

WHAT WORKS FOR YOU?? I’d love to hear from you!

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7 WAYS TO OVERCOME FEAR

These days, it’s really easy to fall prey to fear and insecurity about the future. So, I thought I’d share with you seven ways to overcome fear.

1) Instead of focusing on what’s wrong, focus on what’s right. Try a gratitude journal, random acts of kindness, finding something you appreciate about another person, or stopping to smell the roses (or in this case, our beautiful spring blossoming trees!)

2) Instead of obsessing about a negative situation until it seems to be a major issue, try to keep it in perspective. Remember that this too shall pass, and you’ve made it through worse things. Try to accept what is going on with calm trust that, even though things may appear scary or chaotic, all is well. For more on changing your perspective, see this post.

3) Instead of isolating with TV, media, and potato chips (or ice cream!), hang out with positive people striving to improve their lives. They will give you hope and make you laugh–the best tonic of all. Zoom has many meetings and gatherings to support your growth.

4) Instead of engaging in self-criticism, try self-compassion. Talk to yourself as if you were a small child who needs comforting and reassurance. Take good care of yourself by taking a hot bath or a soothing walk outside.

5) Instead of trying to change the past by thinking about how it could have been different, focus on what is going on right now, both inside and around your body. Savor the sensations of sound, touch, scent, vision, and taste.

6) Instead of living in the wreckage of your future, try being 100% in this present moment. Pay rapt attention to those you’re listening to and enjoy every moment of your life.

7) Instead of trying to change people, places, or things, admit that you have no power over them. Then focus on the only things you CAN control: your own attitudes and actions. Admit that you don’t know what is best in every situation. Practice acceptance. Let go and allow the mysterious power of spirit handle things.

What would you add? I would love to hear how you’re overcoming fear!
With love from Gigi, “Worry Less Now!”

Worry Less Now Cover overcome fear

Gigi Langer has been clean and sober for 33 years, and holds a PhD in Psychological Studies in Education from Stanford University. She’s a sought-after speaker and retreat leader who has helped thousands improve their lives at work and at home. 

Order my award-winning book (50 Ways to Worry Less Now) HERE . Also available in e-book and audiobook.  4.8 stars on Amazon!