Here we talk about how we are all connected–whole, not separate–the tenth of the 12 Principles of Attitudinal Healing. AH is a simplified version of A Course in Miracles, developed by Jerry Jampolsky). In AH groups members apply the principles to almost any difficulty they have.Â
In my recent posts, I summarized the first nine principles:
Principle 10: We Can Focus On The Whole Of Life Rather Than The Fragments
In order to feel inner peace we need to begin to focus on at-one-ness with ourselves and those around us. This means that we can begin to dispel the feelings of separateness which consistently cause us only pain. It is another of those barriers we put up to protect ourselves from being hurt.
When we get caught in the right/wrong, good/bad trap, we are only seeing a fragment of the whole. When we play this game, there is no way that we can be peaceful. It is always a “no winâ situation regardless of what the momentary outcome may be.
We can learn to have a new attitude toward ourselves, others around us, and the world we see. We can recognize that there is a greater whole other than the tunnel vision through which we sometimes look.
Through an active power within us, we can learn to sense a greater picture. This power allows us to expand and become aware of this greater whole so that we donât need to get caught up in the conflict that others are experiencing. The conflict they are going through is their path, not ours.
Our job is to stay focused so that we can begin to see each situation differently and not become a part of a meaningless pattern. To do this, we raise our consciousness to a higher level of awareness by retraining our minds as each situation arises. We can say to ourselves, âI do not choose to get caught up in what is happening right now, but instead choose to see the whole of life.â
By doing this, our focus broadens and changes and we start to see things differently. There is a tremendous excitement in the experience of the changes that take place inside us when we change our thought patterns.
You can easily find Attitudinal Healing groups by searching in your area. They are helpful for anyone who is struggling with any life situation. Many years ago, I joined my mentor, Jane Stallings, in California to become a facilitator for Attitudinal Healing groups. There, I got to meet Jerry Jampolsky (now deceased). What a wonderful contribution he has made to the world!
My newest book, Love More Now: Facing Life’s Challenges with an Open Heart is available from Amazon HERE or Barnes and Noble HERE.
My award-winning book, 50 Ways to Worry Less Now, is only $8.95 at GigiLanger.com/buy (e-book at Amazon)
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Gigi Langer has been sober 38 years, and holds a PhD in Psychological Studies in Education from Stanford University. Her 50 Ways to Worry Less Now won an Indie Excellence Award in 2019. Gigi worked at Eastern Michigan University for 25 years, and now lives happily in Florida with her husband, Peter and her cat, Easter.
THANK YOU TO MY DEAR FRIEND, HARRIET, FOR ALLOWING ME TO PRESENT HER FABULOUS ARTICLE, “New Year Resolutions.”Read on to get a taste of Harriet’s humor, wisdom, and inspiration. The “Collector’s Edition of Miracles of Recovery” and Harriet’s other books are availableHERE. https://amzn.to/3W88R3W
“Before sobriety, New Yearâs resolutions were a lot like not picking up a drink. Or drug! Â I would SWEAR each morning I could get through the day, AND I DID!
“But I couldnât get through the night. Nighttime would come (or just the thought of night coming on would be enough to send my nerves into a panic), and Iâd tell my family, âOoops, Iâve forgotten something!â and out Iâd go.
“There was never a time when I could not be without my best friend who was always there for me. Without fail.
“And so came the failure of everything else that I wanted to do.
“Each New Yearâs Eve Iâd make my faithful resolutions. You know the drill: I was going to QUIT drinking followed by quitting drinking beginning the next day. These two were always at the top of my list. But I think deep down I knew it was a joke. It was the closest to not drinking I could get.
“Fast Forward. Now, 23 years clean and sober, my intentions and statements about what is true for me have taken on a stronger, deliberate meaning.
Iâd like to share a few things with you that continue to work for me.
Give up the Ghost of Failure
I needed to Stop. Kidding. Myself: I was going to be a complete looser for the REST of my life if I didnât give up the Ghost of Failure. I never had a prayer of succeeding at anything, because, I told myself, I was too undisciplined. I hurt too many people and was no longer redeemable. This was the set-up I needed to fail yet again!!
And it worked for me for a lifetime.
The key concept here is to, âListen to The Words You Use Against Yourself.â Nothing will assure your success more than when you tell yourself a thousand times that âI Am a Winner and I CAN and WILL do this.â
Wayne Dwyer, Ph.D., said, âIf you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change.â
In the story, âAcceptance Was the Answerâ on page 420 of the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous the author shares Dr. Dyerâs philosophy here with, âI MUST keep my magic magnifying mind on my acceptance and off my expectationsâŚâ
When we âacceptâ a situation and move that specific situation from our head to our heart, we have become convinced we can accomplish our goal because weâve made it a part of who we are. We are positively convinced, absolutely certain now, we can do this, and we do! Does this happen with one thought, or one try? Typically, not.
We expand the possibility of our success by making our resolutions non-negotiable so we cannot fail.
This one solitary ACT of turning failure into success starts to unfold around us and with repetition, belief in ourselves and continual expanding of these thoughts, we begin to bloom find hope in our hard-fought accomplishment.
What we focus on, becomes us, because it has moved into the ranks of our critical thinking. We have become CERTAIN it is what we want to do and we DO it!! Continued action, as if at the gym, strengthens this resolve and tenacity.
And we succeed! Failure now is a thing of the past because weâve changed the way weâve look at the thing we want to conquer!
Success begins and ends with us, but we must first believe it possible, But before weâre able to do that, we have to WANT it more than anything. In much the same way we want our sobriety.
Develop Ten (10) Intentions (Resolutions) to Achieve in 2023
The first five must be achievable, attainable with a little effort on your part. And we do them!
The next five, however, are the more involved, consequential and life-changing intentions. You must be honest about how much you want to achieve them, so prioritize as you go. Determine how achievable they are but do it! In other words, if you intend to lose 25 pounds, begin your first book or find a new job writing these words down are not enough. In factâdonât commit them to paper at all unless and until youâve determined the importance and consequence of each. Because once we commit them to paper and prioritize them, we begin to allocate precious energy, emotionalism, prayers and forward motion to them whether you know it or not.
What are you willing to do differently?
This is the definition of life-altering propositions, and one of the greatest demonstrations of those who succeed. We already know that if nothing changes, wellânothing changes!
âDifferentlyâ doesnât have to be huge, because it is most often found in our thinking. To do things âdifferentlyâ is to outline a mental plan of success. It may or may not include prayer, waking up earlier, the process might be a combination of large and small changes, but changes they are. It is this hula-hoop of changes we make to do a specific situation differently that moves us from our old âfailureâ of thinking, to new behavior of a âsuccess,â because preparation, thought and the value we attach to this new intention is the difference between failing and succeeding.
What are you truly made of, and what lengths are you willing to go to, to achieve your resolutions?
This answer requires honest reflections on subjects like procrastination, whether or not you have the sustainability inside necessary to carry it out, and what the payoff will be to go through with this intention?
If we want success, then we must set ourselves UP to experience that success differently than weâve done in the past.
Oftentimes, in order for this new behavior or action to be achieved, it must be part of your daily thinking. It may involve how you âseeâ yourself, moving closer to your success just for today, taking small steps as the elephant, but making strong strides with each forward motion. It may require adding a special mantra, verse, prayer to your daily life.
Whatever it involves, if you make it exciting, thorough and a part of your daily thinking, you cannot fail. Because youâve already âexpandedâ the energy associated with your resolution so much it is now a part of who you are!
Lastly, whatever your Big Five might beâbe sure to seek out your passion associated with each of these and have faith that they wouldnât be on your list without this passion. USE that passion, that excitement and positivity to work with you as you begin tackling one at a time as prioritized. Of course, youâll rearrange them as the year moves forward, but we can only DO one at a time! ~Â Anything more and we lose focus and forward momentum and become overwhelmed.
Blessings to each of this New Year with the allotment of another 365 days to become increasingly creative with our time, with ourselves, and learn by reaching and collaborating with others how theyâve done it.
If youâd like to see all of the books from Harriet, visit https://amzn.to/3W88R3W. Her new Collectorâs Edition of Miracles of Recovery is at the bottom of the page.
Gigi’s a newest book describes how to dissolve the blockages that close our hearts to loving ourselves and others. Learn to open access to the Loving Energy of your True Self. Find the wisdom and courage to face and resolve relationship difficulties, perfectionism, illness, and worry about loved ones (among others). Â Due on Amazon, mid-February, 2023.
Gigi Langer has been sober over 35 years, and holds a PhD in Psychological Studies in Education from Stanford University. Formerly crowned the âQueen of Worry,â Gigi resigned her post many years ago and now lives happily in Florida with her husband, Peter and her cat, Easter.
When we finally stop trying to fix our challenges on our own, the golden moment of surrender arrives. We realize we must find a way to reconnect with the wisdom of our true self. But how do we do that? First, we refrain from acting.
Then we reflect on our part in the difficulty; next we marshal Loving Energy to release us from the negativity blocking our hearts. Finally, from the calm of our true self, we respond in the best way for all involved.
[from my new book, Love More Now: Reflections on Open-Hearted Living, coming soon!]
Refraining from Taking Direct Action  Ironically, when faced with a life challenge, our best âactionâ is to refrain from acting. We do nothingâfor now. Letâs admit it; we often try for a quick fix just so our icky feelings will go away. We want to feel better now rather than reflecting on our part in the situation. In most cases, however, acting too soon produces harmful words and actions that we never intended. Why? Because we were driven by fear and not by love.  To avoid this trap, we learn to PAUSE: Pause Action Until Serenity Emerges. This serenity comes from reflecting on our part and then choosing to open our hearts, thus releasing us from the grip of our fears. From this place of peace arise all the solutions we will ever need. But what do we DO while weâre pausing?  First, itâs helpful to cultivate self-compassion by opening our heart to ourselves. After all, we may feel shame about being in such a difficulty, spawning whispered lies of self-condemnation: Why canât I handle this better? I should know how to fix this! Whatâs wrong with me? Or, we might point the finger toward others in a blame-game: Itâs their fault! I am right and theyâre wrong. They should change. None of this makes us feel any better.  On the contrary, we can reassure ourselves that we are merely imperfect human beings doing the best we can. For example, telling ourselves, Yes, this is hard, and weâre upset. Thatâs okay, this often happens in life, and weâve gotten through hard times before. Letâs remember, weâve got our true self and othersâ Loving Energy to help us.  Remember too the lesson taught by so many wisdom traditions: even though our true self is perfect Love, our human self is on this earth to learn to be as loving as possible. This is a tall order, indeed, for those of us mired in fear. If weâre awake and willing, however, we learn to ârender the barriers to love harmless,â as described in the opening quotation.  Reflecting on My Part  As we pause and refrain from action, we reflect on our part in the situation: What is it about me that makes this so difficult? Three of the twelve steps of AA suggest using specific questions to examine our part in any difficulty. Such questions help us consider how our thoughts, feelings, and patterns might be responsible for our own unhappiness. The list below is derived from the five shortcomings we examined in Chapter 4, and the six coping patterns listed in Chapter 3.   We can think of these areas as âsoft-spotsâ in our human personalities that close our hearts to ourselves and others, thus blocking Loving Energy from healing our difficulties. Yet, it is this very Loving Energy that can release these blockages, freeing us to give and receive love.  As you read each question below, take a moment to reflect on it. Then, if it seems relevant to your current problems, make note of it.  Whom or what am I resenting, blaming, or criticizing? What are they âdeprivingâ me of?What have I been afraid of, not trusting the Loving Power of my true self?Where have I been self-centered, thinking only of getting my own needs met?How have I been lying to myself? What have I not wanted to look at?What self-condemning beliefs have I held about myself? Are they really true?How have I been a caretaker by putting anotherâs needs above my own best interests?Do I sometimes feel like a martyrâa victim of circumstances beyond my control?How have I been a perfectionist, expecting myself and others to never make mistakes?How have I been people-pleasing by pretending to be what others want me to be?How have I been a workaholic, placing work above my relationships and health?How have I been a tap dancer, unwilling to commit to a program of growth and healing? After writing down a few of the most glaring items, it will be most helpful to list for each one: a) what you were trying to gain by holding on to it (e.g., material gain, emotional security, prestige, or sexual needs), b) the negative consequences for you and others of holding on to this soft spot, and c) what your life could be like if you didnât have this soft spot. Now itâs time to enlist our Loving Power and our healthy, growth partners to release us from these shortcomings.  Releasing Blocks to Love
First, recall that Iâve said repeatedly that we cannot become more loving by doing it all alone, unaided by the guidance of healthy growth partners. Second, we canât grow out of our self-defeating habits without the help of Loving power.  Reading this last sentence, you might be wondering, Wait a minute. If these flaws have been blocking the flow of love in my life, then how can that same love heal them? Itâs important to acknowledge that your Loving Energy has never left you and that it is always available to you. We only believed we lost it and reinforced those beliefs through our self-defeating fears.  Happily, to ârender the barriers to love harmless,â all we have to do is ask for help. As simple as that! Unfortunately, most of us have to get pretty uncomfortable before we surrender our old ways and open ourselves to another way of living. In this golden moment, Loving Power is right there ready to help us remove these barriers to love.  To harness this love, we need only consistently stream Loving power into our hearts. Many of us  do this by using any or all of the following practices on a daily basis: meditation, prayer for self and others, affirmations and visualization, mindfulness/being in the now, kindness/giving love, and gratitude lists. Some of the other practices I use when a persistent pattern needs a direct infusion of healing are:  thought-switching (e.g., the Golden Key), Master Mind group, tapping, EMDR, Radical Forgiveness, and setting boundaries with others.  Responding in The Best Way for All
One of my favorite promises in Twelve-Step literature is âWe will intuitively know how to handle situations that used to baffle us.â As we clear out the blockages to love, we begin to notice this intuitive sense emerging from our true self, nudging us in the best direction for all.
Itâs rather mysterious because this wisdom doesnât necessarily come from some pre-determined script weâve created in our minds. Itâs more likely that we find ourselves acting differently or thinking differently, and itâs only after the fact we can see the changes. How could it be any different if weâve been filling our minds with heart-opening loving thoughts and feelings? Itâs pretty simple: the more make space for love to enter our hearts, the more our lives begin to thrive in the most amazing ways.
Â
Book Deal for You and Friends I’m now mailing out personally signed copies of 50 Ways to Worry Less Now for only $8.95 (free shipping within USA), so please send this link to your friends and family. GigiLanger.com/buy (Please) Post Your Review of “WORRY LESS NOW” As you know, Amazon Reviews are essential for book sales. If you’ve read Worry Less Now, and NOT YET posted a review, itâs easy withthis link. THANKS SO MUCH!
Gigi Langer is a former âQueen of Worryâ who writes, speaks, and encourages others to overcome their stress, addictions, and negative thinking. Her PhD is from Stanford University. Get a discounted signed copy of Gigiâs award-winning book, â50 Ways to Worry Less Nowâ (4.8 stars Amazon) ($8.95) Includes FREE PDF WORKBOOK CLICK <<HERE >>    https://GigiLanger.com/buy Also available in e-book and audiobook formats.Â
Want to Be Positive, Like Snoopy and Charlie Brown???
Get over your negative habits so you can be a happy, positive force in your family, work, and world. Here are some simple ways:
Change “I canât . . .â to â âUp until now I couldnât . . .â
Change “I always . . .â to â âIn the past I used to . . .”
Donât read email first thing in the morning. Instead, meditate, read inspiring words, journal, or pray. (One of my favorites is below.)
Avoid criticism and gossip. Instead look for whatâs strong, positive & good about a person or situation.
Resist saying or thinking: âYou should.â and âHe should (or ought)â. Instead admit that you may not know best & even if you did, itâs not your job to change others.
Avoid excessive drinking or drugging thatâs harming your relationships, health, or safety. Instead, get into a recovery program or therapy.
Be a considerate listener. When listening to another, donât think of what youâll say next & then respond with your own story or advice. Instead, listen with all of your mind & heart. Try to understand what the person is saying by asking for clarification, e.g., â You mentioned (âŚ). Tell me more about that. What was that like for you?â Listen & then probe for more detail. Talk less. Listen more.
Offer smiles & random acts of kindness to neighbors, acquaintances, and strangers. Youâll feel great and so will they!
Use the Loving-Kindness Practice often. Buddhists call this practice metta; it calms your mind, opens your heart to goodness and love, and helps you know the positive power within your true self. The practice also asks for the healing of your fears, worries, and negative thinking so you can serve othersâ growth.
a. Read the words aloud, pause, and then read them again.
“May I be at peace. May my heart remain open.
May I awaken to the light of my own true nature.
May I be healed. May I be a source of healing for all beings.â
b. With one or more of your loved ones in mind, say the prayer again changing I to you: “May you be at peace. May your heart . . .â
c. Next, change you to we: âMay we be at peace . . .â
d. Now, think of a person who is causing you worry, frustration, or pain. Use the “May you . . .” version of the prayer for this person.
Whenever you want to change a negative thought to a positive one, repeat the phrases of loving-kindness and notice how you begin to respond differently: Patient, kind, and positive!
Gigi Langer, PhD has helped thousands of people improve their lives at home and at work. She’s written several books for educators, and is a sought-after speaker and workshop leader. Gigi holds a doctorate in Psychology in Education, and an MA in Psychology, both from Stanford.
Book Deal for You and Friends I’m now mailing out personally signed copies of 50 Ways to Worry Less Now for only $8.95 (free shipping within USA), so please send this link to your friends and family. 
