Facebook Twitter Instagram Linkedin

Gigi Langer

Worry Less Now!

 Love More Now!

Tag: peace of mind

Posted on

TWO EASY WAYS TO STAY SANE DURING THE HOLIDAYS

Let go worry less now gigi langerAs we approach the holidays, we often find ourselves triggered by feelings of: Overwhelm (How will I get it all done?); Worry (How am I going to handle this family member?); Self-pity (I feel so alone; no one loves me!); Shame (Will they ever forgive me and trust me again?); or Resentment (Why does she/he get so much more attention, money, love than I do?)

I know these feelings well. Just let me get too afraid, hungry, angry, lonely, or tired, and the negativity goes on a spree inside my head.

Since the holidays are ripe for such challenges, I want to share my two favorite ways to restore my sanity and balance when I’ve lost it. I’ve memorized each of them and they really work!

Whenever you have a negative thought or action toward anything or anyone, pause, remove yourself from the situation (if possible), and repeat the phrases of “Loving-Kindness” or “The Activity of God.” Then notice how you begin to calm down and gain a new perspective. When you return to the situation you’ll find yourself thinking and responding differently.

Loving-Kindness Practice

The loving-kindness practice Buddhists call metta calms your mind, opens your heart to goodness and love, and connects you with the power within your true self. The practice also asks for the healing of your fears, worries, and negative thinking so you can serve others’ growth.

1) Say the words aloud:

  • May I be at peace.  May my heart remain open.
  • May I awaken to the light of my own true nature.
  • May I be healed. May I be a source of healing for all beings.

2) With one or more of your loved ones in mind, say the prayer again changing I to you: “May you be at peace. May your heart….”

3) Next, change you to we: “May we be at peace….”

4) Now use the “May you” version of the prayer for a person you feel is causing you worry, frustration, or pain: “May you (name) be at peace…”

The Activity of God, by Sig Paulson, Daily Word (Unity Church) 

This affirmation reminds me that negative thoughts are making my problems appear bigger than they are; and these appearances are just that, figments of my overactive imagination. It shrinks my fears by reminding me of who I truly am: an individual expression of a loving power.

  • The activity of God is the only power at work in my mind, heart, and life.
  • All false beliefs, all negative appearances are dissolved right now by the loving, forgiving action of God.
  • I am whole, strong, and free, as God created me to be.

1) First, you assert God (or higher power, true self, etc.) is bigger than your past wounds, stronger than your worries and fears, and wiser than your intellect. This benevolent power is the only one you want to influence your life.

2) Next, you claim your loving power has dissolved your negative beliefs and fearful imaginings. (I love the image of dissolving; I see it as washing out, softening, and reducing the sludge-like fears and worries of my mind.)

3) In this same sentence, you encounter the words, forgiving action of God. This forgiveness doesn’t refer to sin or any other dogma. It simply means releasing the negative thoughts and actions that separate you from others.

4) Finally, you claim the truth of who you are; not the person you may present to the world, but your true self, endowed with positive power, whole, strong and free.

This holiday season, I wish you patience, acceptance, and kindness—and the ability to attain peace of mind when you get triggered into negativity.

 Gigi Langer, PhD, wrote the award-winning 50 Ways to Worry Less Now: Reject Negative Thinking to Find Peace, Clarity and Connection. Five stars on Amazon plus rave reviews. All order links here.

Posted on

14 WAYS TO FIX YOUR BAD MOOD

worry less now gigi langerGOT A  (*?!@&)  ATTITUDE?      At this time of shorter days, low-pressure fronts, and colder temps, it’s  all too easy to get caught up in negativity. Even though I just wrote a book about worrying less, it doesn’t mean I’m never in a bad mood. It just means I have effective tools to change it.

Here I share a few of my favorite ones.

Recently I’ve been upset by some not-so-gently-delivered criticism, a loved-one’s illness, and a bad reaction to some medicine. When such things appear to “go wrong,” my ego claims, “This shouldn’t be happening!! Let’s figure out how to change it!” Then the overthinking begins — and peace is lost. It might take a while to admit that I’m focusing only on what I don’t like. But eventually, I realize that I need to do something to restore my peace of mind.

In this case, I did a guided meditation, made a gratitude list, and took a short walk. My bad mood vanished! Here are more of my favorite ways to turn around a negative attitude.

14 Ways to Fix a Bad Mood

1. Check to be sure you’ve eaten well and rested well. If you haven’t, take better care of yourself. Avoid over-work, over eating, over-drinking, and drugs.

2. List five things you’re grateful for.  Do this every day without repeating any item.

3. Meditate and/or pray. Use the free app, Insight Timer or other tools. Do this every day for at least ten minutes.

4. Exercise, walk, or do yoga. These activities are proven to increase positive brain chemicals and feelings.

5. Do something nice for someone. Smile at a stranger, compliment a server, or send a friend a loving note.

6. Listen to uplifting music or podcasts/radio; read inspiring books or blogs; or watch a positive movie (I loved “Won’t You Be My Neighbor?” about Mr Rogers).

7. Talk with a healthy, supportive friend who has a positive attitude toward the world.

8. Give yourself permission to turn off negative TV or radio broadcasts. Also avoid extended time with negative people.

9. Avoid gossip and look for the strengths, rather than the faults, in the people around you.

10. Stop using the words “should” and “ought.” Cultivate the habit of humility—admit that you don’t know everything and just let some mysteries be.

11. Imagine that someone you love is feeling the way you are. Then say to yourself what you would say to comfort that person. (Self compassion: See Kristin Neff).

12. Know that your thoughts and feelings do not define who you are; that you have a choice about what fills your mind. Slowly breathe in goodness and breathe out negativity. Keep doing this until your body and mind calm down.

13. Write down your thoughts and feelings and see which ones are really true. Are they permanent? Is there another way to look at the things that bother you? Circle the ones you know are untrue and turn them around (to learn how, see “The Work” by Byron Katie)

14. When in a conflict, WAIT a day or two before acting. Use the techniques here to calm down and find peace. Do not try to change minds or resolve conflicts through any electronic means. Face-to-face communication is best for relationships you value (yes, it takes courage to listen and share).

I’m so grateful that, once I decide to fix my bad mood, I have the tools to do so. And they work!  Ahhhh . . . I feel such peace!

worry less nowGigi Langer is the former “Queen of Worry” who  holds an MA in Psychology and PhD in Psychological Studies in Education from Stanford University. She is a popular speaker who has helped thousands of people improve their lives at home and work. Gigi hasn’t had a drug or drink for over 30 years, and lives happily in Michigan with her husband, Peter and her cat, Murphy.

For specific tools to overcome negativity and worry, check out my award-winning book “50 Ways to Worry Less Now: Reject Negative Thinking to Find Peace, Clarity, and Connection.” 

Posted on

Cultivate Detachment for Peace of Mind

detach peace of mindTo Gain Peace of Mind, Detach!
I often hear a negative tone on my TV screen and news sites. So many of the experts–regardless of their point of view–sound sarcastic, judgmental, and  convinced they are absolutely 100% right.

Sadly,  what we see in the media too often presses the fear button in our psyches. If spiritual principles hold true,  this is dangerous business.

Hatred and condemnation multiply fear and draw us away from peace of mind (love).

I’m not suggesting that we bury our heads in the sand.  I read a variety of news articles so I can be informed. I also write to my local and national representatives and, of course I vote.  But I refrain from judging and worrying.

It’s all too easy to let the daily onslaught of news convince us that we are at the mercy of the world’s conflicts. The truth is, our essence is spiritual, untouched by today’s fear-filled scenarios.

That’s why I am so drawn to this phrase: “The best attitude to cultivate is gentle indifference.” (July 30th reading in Daily Meditations for Practicing The Course by Karen Casey).

Another word for “gentle indifference” might be “detachment”—a standing apart without getting caught up in the drama; but still acting from a place of peace and integrity.

Here’s how I try to detach and gain peace of mind, so I can contribute to our society’s future in the best way possible:

  • The minute I hear troubling news, I pray for those involved, that they  may be guided to the best solutions for all.
  • When I’m tempted to respond negatively, I take a few deep breaths and affirm that all is in perfect order, even if my limited perceptions can’t see it.
  • I trust that by seeking peace of mind first, I will be guided to the right thoughts, words, and actions.
  • I accept that my goal is to be a channel of love, not fear.
  • As a “Highly Sensitive Person,” I limit my exposure to inflammatory news sources.

How do you remain centered and positively productive during turbulent times?    Please share in the Comments section below. 

gigilanger_worrylessnowGigi Langer is a former “Queen of Worry.” She’s also an educator, speaker, and author of 50 Ways to Worry Less Now, winner of the 2018 Indie Excellence Award. Learn to defeat negative thinking, find inner peace, attain clarity, and improve relationships–no matter what is going on in your life! Available through Amazon (5 stars), Barnes and Noble, and e-book sites.

Langer holds a PhD in Psychological Studies in Education and an MA in Psychology, both from Stanford. As Georgea M. Langer, she’s published several books for teachers and school administrators.

Posted on

CELEBRATE INDEPENDENCE FROM YOUR WORRY-COMMITTEE!

worry less now

My friends say our worries & fears come from the not-so-helpful “committee in my head.” I call those negative voices “whispered lies.”

For instance, for too many years I believed “If I want to be liked, I must look good.” This whispered lie made me constantly worried about my appearance and behavior.

A few more examples include:

• “I’ll never have enough money.”

• “I always sabotage my success.”

• “Relationships just don’t work for me.”

• “We could all be happy if only Dad would stop drinking.”

Although many of our whispered lies concern ourselves, they often focus on our children, spouses, friends, or relatives—for instance, the last example about the father’s drinking. Other distressing beliefs involve institutions, as in “If the government would just change this policy, we’d all be better off.”

Even though it might be true that Dad ought to stop drinking or the government should make changes, these events have no control over your own happiness.

You can find peace of mind under any circumstance because you’re in charge of what you think about.

Most of our worries are fueled by false stories installed into our minds long ago, just waiting for opportunities to be confirmed. Wayne Dyer wrote that everything our brain “knows” is based on past experiences. Therefore, when an event resembles—even in a small way—an old painful one, our mind interprets the new event according to the long-standing negative belief.

Since most whispered lies live largely in our unconscious, we’re often unaware of them.

To illustrate the power of my own “negative committee’s” lies, consider why I failed at romantic love so many times during my twenties and thirties. I wanted to believe that love was possible for me, but my past had taught me the lie “I’m not worthy of love.”

This belief lived so strongly in my mind that, even when a man loved me deeply, I couldn’t believe it was true. After several months, I would become convinced that he wasn’t fulfilling my needs. These worries made me so demanding that I soon snuffed out all the happiness and joy of new love. When it ended, I’d tell myself, “I just don’t deserve love!” Until I got honest and started healing my faulty thinking, I had no hope of enjoying a happy relationship.

I’m so grateful for the therapy, recovery, psychological strategies, and spiritual tools that gave me freedom from my false beliefs. As a result I’m a pretty happy camper most days — AND I’ve been happily married for 29 years. So what if it’s my 4th husband??? He’s fabulous!

To learn how to win independence from your own committee’s whispered lies, check out my award-winning book 50 Ways to Worry Less Now.  Available through Amazon (5 stars), Barnes and Noble, and ebook formats.

Gigi Langer, PhD has helped thousands of people improve their lives at home and at work. She’s written several books for educators, and is a sought-after speaker and workshop leader.  Gigi holds a doctorate in Psychological Studies in Education  and an MA in Psychology, both from Stanford.

Subscribe to Newsletter

Receive monthly updates and helpful tips from Gigi

about gigi

worry less now

speaking

Subscribe