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Gigi Langer

Worry Less Now!

 Love More Now!

Tag: peace of mind

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Cultivate Detachment for Peace of Mind

detach peace of mindTo Gain Peace of Mind, Detach!
I often hear a negative tone on my TV screen and news sites. So many of the experts–regardless of their point of view–sound sarcastic, judgmental, and  convinced they are absolutely 100% right.

Sadly,  what we see in the media too often presses the fear button in our psyches. If spiritual principles hold true,  this is dangerous business.

Hatred and condemnation multiply fear and draw us away from peace of mind (love).

I’m not suggesting that we bury our heads in the sand.  I read a variety of news articles so I can be informed. I also write to my local and national representatives and, of course I vote.  But I refrain from judging and worrying.

It’s all too easy to let the daily onslaught of news convince us that we are at the mercy of the world’s conflicts. The truth is, our essence is spiritual, untouched by today’s fear-filled scenarios.

That’s why I am so drawn to this phrase: “The best attitude to cultivate is gentle indifference.” (July 30th reading in Daily Meditations for Practicing The Course by Karen Casey).

Another word for “gentle indifference” might be “detachment”—a standing apart without getting caught up in the drama; but still acting from a place of peace and integrity.

Here’s how I try to detach and gain peace of mind, so I can contribute to our society’s future in the best way possible:

  • The minute I hear troubling news, I pray for those involved, that they  may be guided to the best solutions for all.
  • When I’m tempted to respond negatively, I take a few deep breaths and affirm that all is in perfect order, even if my limited perceptions can’t see it.
  • I trust that by seeking peace of mind first, I will be guided to the right thoughts, words, and actions.
  • I accept that my goal is to be a channel of love, not fear.
  • As a “Highly Sensitive Person,” I limit my exposure to inflammatory news sources.

How do you remain centered and positively productive during turbulent times?    Please share in the Comments section below. 

gigilanger_worrylessnowGigi Langer is a former “Queen of Worry.” She’s also an educator, speaker, and author of 50 Ways to Worry Less Now, winner of the 2018 Indie Excellence Award. Learn to defeat negative thinking, find inner peace, attain clarity, and improve relationships–no matter what is going on in your life! Available through Amazon (5 stars), Barnes and Noble, and e-book sites.

Langer holds a PhD in Psychological Studies in Education and an MA in Psychology, both from Stanford. As Georgea M. Langer, she’s published several books for teachers and school administrators.

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CELEBRATE INDEPENDENCE FROM YOUR WORRY-COMMITTEE!

worry less now

My friends say our worries & fears come from the not-so-helpful “committee in my head.” I call those negative voices “whispered lies.”

For instance, for too many years I believed “If I want to be liked, I must look good.” This whispered lie made me constantly worried about my appearance and behavior.

A few more examples include:

• “I’ll never have enough money.”

• “I always sabotage my success.”

• “Relationships just don’t work for me.”

• “We could all be happy if only Dad would stop drinking.”

Although many of our whispered lies concern ourselves, they often focus on our children, spouses, friends, or relatives—for instance, the last example about the father’s drinking. Other distressing beliefs involve institutions, as in “If the government would just change this policy, we’d all be better off.”

Even though it might be true that Dad ought to stop drinking or the government should make changes, these events have no control over your own happiness.

You can find peace of mind under any circumstance because you’re in charge of what you think about.

Most of our worries are fueled by false stories installed into our minds long ago, just waiting for opportunities to be confirmed. Wayne Dyer wrote that everything our brain “knows” is based on past experiences. Therefore, when an event resembles—even in a small way—an old painful one, our mind interprets the new event according to the long-standing negative belief.

Since most whispered lies live largely in our unconscious, we’re often unaware of them.

To illustrate the power of my own “negative committee’s” lies, consider why I failed at romantic love so many times during my twenties and thirties. I wanted to believe that love was possible for me, but my past had taught me the lie “I’m not worthy of love.”

This belief lived so strongly in my mind that, even when a man loved me deeply, I couldn’t believe it was true. After several months, I would become convinced that he wasn’t fulfilling my needs. These worries made me so demanding that I soon snuffed out all the happiness and joy of new love. When it ended, I’d tell myself, “I just don’t deserve love!” Until I got honest and started healing my faulty thinking, I had no hope of enjoying a happy relationship.

I’m so grateful for the therapy, recovery, psychological strategies, and spiritual tools that gave me freedom from my false beliefs. As a result I’m a pretty happy camper most days — AND I’ve been happily married for 29 years. So what if it’s my 4th husband??? He’s fabulous!

To learn how to win independence from your own committee’s whispered lies, check out my award-winning book 50 Ways to Worry Less Now.  Available through Amazon (5 stars), Barnes and Noble, and ebook formats.

Gigi Langer, PhD has helped thousands of people improve their lives at home and at work. She’s written several books for educators, and is a sought-after speaker and workshop leader.  Gigi holds a doctorate in Psychological Studies in Education  and an MA in Psychology, both from Stanford.

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Overcome Your Problems: Find A New Perspective

worry less now gigi langer

When you’re facing confusion, conflict, or other problems, begin by honestly admitting that your thinking is distorted by fear. Then, claim the power to find a new perspective.

Rumi, the thirteenth-century Persian poet and Sufi mystic, wrote,

         Out beyond ideas of wrongdoing and right-doing is a field.  I will meet you there.

Looking beyond the contours of the problem leads to a field of new possibilities. It’s a choice between living in the problem and living in the solution.

 Living in the problem.Our worries focus our attention on the “rightdoing and wrongdoing” of our situation: We obsess about who was at fault, what we should have said or done, or how a situation should be different. These fears make us tense, often leading to rash actions and damaged relationships.

Living in the solution.When we look “out beyond” these negative thoughts, we find a perspective of peace, hope, and wisdom. This is where the solutions lie.

Recently, I argued with my husband by insisting the GPS was giving us the wrong directions. After a pretty nasty exchange, I closed my mouth, breathed quietly, and chose to seek a new perspective.  Every time my mind wanted to prove that I was right, I said the Serenity Prayer. Soon, the heat of my emotions subsided. Later, we both had a good laugh when we saw that my “better” route was no faster than the GPS’s route!

Try this simple exercise to experience living in the solution rather than in the problem. It’s a variation on “The Golden Key” published in Power Through Constructive Thinking  (free PDF of the entire book) by Emmet Fox, a New Thought leader of the early 20th century.

Whenever a troubling thought comes to you, gently focus your mind on something that brings you hope or happiness. It may be a phrase (“All is well”); a prayer; or an image of a beloved child or a rose. When you revert to worrying, think instead about your positive thought.

Make the switch as often as necessary.

Your thoughts frequently return to the problem in the mistaken belief that this will fix it. Be vigilant and gentle as you teach your mind to think about the positive thoughts you’ve chosen.

Soon you will gain a peaceful outlook that leads to wise solutions. Quite often you’ll find no action is necessary at all.

gigilanger_worrylessnowGigi Langer holds a Ph.D. in Psychological Studies in Education and an MA in Psychology from Stanford University. Through her writing, coaching, and speaking, Gigi has helped thousands of people improve their lives at home and at work. Her new book, 50 Ways to Worry Less Now, will be available everywhere in February 2018.

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8 Upside-Down Tips: Turn Worry into Positive Thinking

Winding road of perfect order

If you’re like me, you often worry or stress about the complications in your life. Because I know this state so well, I’m sharing a few tips for turning the negative upside down to positive thoughts. Trust me: They work!

  1. First, listen to your thoughts and notice how they cause tension in your body. Perhaps they signal anger, pain, frustration, envy, or an insatiable need for security, recognition or love.
  2. Stand apart from them—like you’re on a balcony, just observing your mind’s contents. Do NOT condemn the thoughts or feelings. Thank them for their attempts to keep you safe and secure during a turbulent lifetime.
  3. Recognize who is watching the thoughts: A part of your mind independent of your thoughts and emotions. It’s your choice: Do you want to stay in the drama of your fear-filled mind, or do you want to detach and experience peace and happiness?
  4. Now, breathe slowly and deeply until your body calms down. Withdraw your attention from your worrying thoughts and focus on your breathing.
  5. Realize there is a “you” greater, stronger, and wiser than the imagined disturbances. Yes, the operative word is “imagined.” Your fearful mind has woven a series of “whispered lies” based on your past—usually resulting in fear, guilt or remorse. DO acknowledge them; But do NOT believe them. They sound like this:  “I always…(followed by something negative, e.g. fail in love, am rejected, sabotage my success) and I can’t overcome it.” OR “If only he or she hadn’t done (fill in the blank), we would all be OK.“
  6. Try writing your mind’s false messages in a journal, so you can decide if they’re really true. In time, you’ll see them as predicting one of two horrible things: 1) past pain will repeat itself, or 2) the future will be disastrous.
  7. Once you see your mind’s lies for what they are, you can dissolve them by owning the truth of who you are:  a being of goodness and light whose perfection was obscured by false beliefs.
  8. Connecting with this essence of goodness will melt the apparent barriers to your happiness. Use meditation, affirmations, prayer, therapy, yoga, inspirational reading, groups, or any other method that helps you reject your negative thinking and find peace, clarity and connection.

You might be wondering how you could possibly solve your problems by using these “indirect” practices rather than attacking the issue directly:  It might seem upside down.

But, when you connect with your inner wisdom instead of your fear, sooner or later the answers will appear—in the most amazing way and for the best of all involved.

Gigi Langer of Worry Less NowGigi Langer is a former “queen of worry.” She’s also an educator, speaker, and author of Worry Less Now  coming out in Fall 2017, the new book contains 50 powerful tips to defeat negative thinking, find inner peace, clarity, and connection.