HOW TO SUCCEED IN RELATIONSHIPS

Relationships Require Care. Follow these tips to find harmony and happiness.

Balance. Don’t make the other person the most important thing in your life. Have a variety of interests, friends, & passions.

Support. Talk through your concerns & problems with healthy friends or a counselor before sharing it with your loved one. Don’t make him/her your counselor.

Listen. When your loved one shares, don’t interrupt. When they finish, summarize what you heard. Don’t give your own story or suggestions. Instead, help them explore the issue with clarifying questions (“You mentioned _, tell me more about that.”). Ask permission to offer solutions.

Self-Awareness. Be honest about the motivations behind your words and actions. Where are you being controlling or self-centered?

Kindness. Focus on your loved one’s strengths and demonstrate care through your words and actions.

Forgiveness. Wait at least 2 days before discussing a conflict. During the talk (not through text or email), acknowledge your part in the disagreement and listen to their side of the story.

Don’t use substances as a way of avoiding feelings. If you’re drinking or using a lot, your relationships will often fail. Try no more than 2 normal-sized drinks a day; if you can’t stick with that, get help.

Meditation. If you’re moody or prone to anxiety, try the free app, “Insight Timer”. It guides you thru meditations for any situation or emotion.


** Relationships can be difficult; the healthier you are, the better are your relationships. **

Gigi Langer Worry Less Now

Gigi Langer, PhD. Many years ago, I used alcohol, romance, and professional accomplishments to soothe my frayed nerves. When I quit drinking, I was left with only my fears and worries. Over time, I discovered effective tools from therapy, recovery pro­grams, scientific research, and a variety of philosophical and spiritual teachings.

Worry Less Now Cover

My award-winning book, 50 Ways to Worry Less Now, describes how I and others have defeated the faulty thinking leading to dysfunctional relationships, perfectionism, addiction, and worry about loved ones. Gain practical strategies with directions, personal stories, and other helpful suggestions. Amazon: 4.8 stars (50 reviews) (Buy Paperback, e-book, OR audiobook HERE)

REVIEW by Karen Casey, best-selling author of Each Day a New Beginning (Hazelden) “Even though I have been in recovery for more than 4 decades, and didn’t think another self-help book would make it to my treasured list, I was wrong. This book is a winner.”

STOP An Anxiety Attack

Anxiety Attack Worry Less Now

I recently had an upsetting encounter with a friend when I kept trying to set a boundary that was repeatedly ignored, and then it escalated into a shouting match. Afterward, my body was shaking with anger and anxiety; I was in full-out fight-or-flight mode.

Choosing Self-Care

Although I was tempted to keep the drama going by replaying the incident and defending myself with thoughts of how I had been right, or what I “should” have said or done, I did something different.

I decided to calm myself down and enjoy the rest of the day. So, I went into a bathroom, closed the door, said a prayer, and did some energy tapping with soothing self-talk. Then I used the following technique to dissolve the adrenaline flooding my system. The whole process took about ten minutes, and afterward, I had a wonderful day.

The 5,4,3,2,1 Technique to Manage Anxiety

  • Take a few slow belly-inflating breathes and remind yourself that your body has just felt threatened and is reacting normally.
  • Name 5 things you can see around you (Examples: rug, painting)
  • Name 4 things you can feel (feet on the floor, cool air on the skin)
  • Name 3 things you can hear right now (a fan running, people’s voices outside)
  • Name 2 things you can smell right now (perfumed soap)
  • Name 1 good thing about yourself (“I am strong,” “I can help myself through this.”)

If you simply can’t focus, or if your body and mind haven’t yet settled down, take a few more belly-inflating breaths, and tell yourself that you can calm down. Then do the exercise again. It may take several minutes of repetition before the adrenaline dissipates.

According to independent.co.uk, “the trick, which relies on sensory awareness, is rooted in mindfulness – and apart from anxiety, it can help treat depression, addiction disorders, lower blood pressure, and relieve stress (Harvard University Helpguide.org).”

Whenever you suffer from incessant thinking, worry, tension, anger, or fear, this practice will return you to a more relaxed state. It sure worked for me!

Gigi Langer is a former “Queen of Worry.” She’s also an educator, speaker, and author of 50 Ways to Worry Less Now: Reject Negative Thinking to Find Peace, Clarity, and Connection, winner of the 2018 Indie Excellence Award. Learn to defeat negative thinking, find inner peace, attain clarity, and improve relationships–no matter what is going on in your life! Available through Amazon (5 stars), Barnes and Noble, and e-book sites.

Langer holds a Ph.D. in Psychological Studies in Education and an MA in Psychology, both from Stanford. As Georgea M. Langer, she’s published several books for teachers and school administrators.

GOT CONFLICT? DON’T REACT . . . WAIT!

arguing

Ugh. Conflict! When someone does something that ticks us off, it’s just too easy to react right away. We might even justify our angry response by saying, “Well, I’m just setting a boundary.”

But, any words—even one!—said in the grip of  frustration can make things worse rather than better. 

So, then how do we defend ourselves when we’re hurt? My suggestion is to do nothing . . .for now.

One of the wisest sayings I’ve heard is:  Sometimes waiting is an action.

 The trick is to realize that your riled-up feelings are distorting your interpretation of the events. When in this kind of defending and blaming mode, no good communication can be had. So, it’s best to WAIT until you can perceive the situation from a more peaceful place.

Many people use the three-day rule; they wait three days to gain perspective before taking action, and if still uncertain about how to respond, they wait a few more days.

Here are a few tips to help you settle down, gain a new perspective, and find a source of wisdom to guide you to right actions and words.

  • Try to remember that you won’t feel this way forever. Then WAIT.
  • Remind yourself that, although your feelings seem real, they are not necessarily based on reality. They’re based on an interpretation of a mind too easily offended. And WAIT.
  • Decide to take charge of your mind.
  • Whenever you catch yourself pondering how to fix your situation, STOP! Leave it in your mind and don’t act. Instead, say to yourself, “I want to see this differently.”
  • Say the Serenity Prayer (or another positive phrase) and keep saying it until your worry and need for control fade away.
  • Continue replacing the negative thoughts with positive ones as often as necessary. (This could be a lot!)

Eventually, you will find yourself either completely unconcerned about the problem, or you will intuitively know what to say or do when the time is right.

gigilanger_worrylessnow

Gigi Langer holds a PhD in Psychological Studies in Education and an MA in Psychology, both from Stanford University. As a person in recovery, Gigi hasn’t had a drug or drink for 32 years. Through her writing, speeches, retreats, and workshops, she has helped thousands of people improve their lives at home and at work.

Order Gigi’s new book, 50 WAYS TO WORRY LESS NOW: REJECT NEGATIVE THINKING TO FIND PEACE, CLARITY, AND CONNECTION here:  Amazon or Seattle Books