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Gigi Langer

Worry Less Now!

 Love More Now!

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ATTITUDINAL HEALING PRINCIPLE 10: WE ARE CONNECTED AS A WHOLE, NOT SEPARATE

Here we talk about how we are all connected–whole, not separate–the tenth of the 12 Principles of Attitudinal Healing. AH is a simplified version of A Course in Miracles, developed by Jerry Jampolsky). In AH groups members apply the principles to almost any difficulty they have. 

In my recent posts, I summarized the first nine principles:

Principle 1. The Essence of our Being is Love, and Love is Eternal
Principle 2. Health Is Inner Peace, Healing Is Letting Go of Fear
Principle 3. Giving Is the Same As Receiving
Principle 4. We Can Let Go of The Past And of The Future

Principle 5. Now is the Only Time There Is

Principle 6. We Can Learn to Love Ourselves and Others by Forgiving Rather than Judging

Principle 7. We Can Become Love-Finders Rather than Fault-Finders

Principle 8. We can be peaceful inside regardless of what is happening outside. 

Principle 9. We Are Students and Teachers to Each Other

Principle 10: We Can Focus On The Whole Of Life Rather Than The Fragments

In order to feel inner peace we need to begin to focus on at-one-ness with ourselves and those around us. This means that we can begin to dispel the feelings of separateness which consistently cause us only pain. It is another of those barriers we put up to protect ourselves from being hurt.

When we get caught in the right/wrong, good/bad trap, we are only seeing a fragment of the whole. When we play this game, there is no way that we can be peaceful. It is always a “no win” situation regardless of what the momentary outcome may be.

We can learn to have a new attitude toward ourselves, others around us, and the world we see. We can recognize that there is a greater whole other than the tunnel vision through which we sometimes look.

Through an active power within us, we can learn to sense a greater picture. This power allows us to expand and become aware of this greater whole so that we don’t need to get caught up in the conflict that others are experiencing. The conflict they are going through is their path, not ours.

Our job is to stay focused so that we can begin to see each situation differently and not become a part of a meaningless pattern. To do this,
we raise our consciousness to a higher level of awareness by
retraining our minds as each situation arises. We can say to ourselves, “I do not choose to get caught up in what is happening right now, but instead choose to see the whole of life.”

By doing this, our focus broadens and changes and we start to see things differently. There is a tremendous excitement in the experience of the changes that take place inside us when we change our thought patterns.

Source material: Teach only Love by Jerry Jampolsky and AH Review Principles Booklet

More About Attitudinal Healing

You can easily find Attitudinal Healing groups by searching in your area. They are helpful for anyone who is struggling with any life situation. Many years ago, I joined my mentor, Jane Stallings, in California to become a facilitator for Attitudinal Healing groups. There, I got to meet Jerry Jampolsky (now deceased). What a wonderful contribution he has made to the world!

My newest book, Love More Now: Facing Life’s Challenges with an Open Heart is available from Amazon HERE or Barnes and Noble HERE.

My award-winning book, 50 Ways to Worry Less Now, is only $8.95 at GigiLanger.com/buy (e-book at Amazon)

Thank you for POSTING your REVIEWs on Amazon.

Gigi Langer has been sober 38 years, and holds a PhD in Psychological Studies in Education from Stanford University. Her 50 Ways to Worry Less Now won an Indie Excellence Award in 2019. Gigi worked at Eastern Michigan University for 25 years, and now lives happily in Florida with her husband, Peter and her cat, Easter.

gigi langer worry less now
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HOW TO SUCCEED IN RELATIONSHIPS

Relationships Require Care. Follow these tips to find harmony and happiness.

Balance. Don’t make the other person the most important thing in your life. Have a variety of interests, friends, & passions.

Support. Talk through your concerns & problems with healthy friends or a counselor before sharing it with your loved one. Don’t make him/her your counselor.

Listen. When your loved one shares, don’t interrupt. When they finish, summarize what you heard. Don’t give your own story or suggestions. Instead, help them explore the issue with clarifying questions (“You mentioned _, tell me more about that.”). Ask permission to offer solutions.

Self-Awareness. Be honest about the motivations behind your words and actions. Where are you being controlling or self-centered?

Kindness. Focus on your loved one’s strengths and demonstrate care through your words and actions.

Forgiveness. Wait at least 2 days before discussing a conflict. During the talk (not through text or email), acknowledge your part in the disagreement and listen to their side of the story.

Don’t use substances as a way of avoiding feelings. If you’re drinking or using a lot, your relationships will often fail. Try no more than 2 normal-sized drinks a day; if you can’t stick with that, get help.

Meditation. If you’re moody or prone to anxiety, try the free app, “Insight Timer”. It guides you thru meditations for any situation or emotion.


** Relationships can be difficult; the healthier you are, the better are your relationships. **

Gigi Langer Worry Less Now

Gigi Langer, PhD. Many years ago, I used alcohol, romance, and professional accomplishments to soothe my frayed nerves. When I quit drinking, I was left with only my fears and worries. Over time, I discovered effective tools from therapy, recovery pro­grams, scientific research, and a variety of philosophical and spiritual teachings.

Worry Less Now Cover

My award-winning book, 50 Ways to Worry Less Now, describes how I and others have defeated the faulty thinking leading to dysfunctional relationships, perfectionism, addiction, and worry about loved ones. Gain practical strategies with directions, personal stories, and other helpful suggestions. Amazon: 4.8 stars (50 reviews) (Buy Paperback, e-book, OR audiobook HERE)

REVIEW by Karen Casey, best-selling author of Each Day a New Beginning (Hazelden) “Even though I have been in recovery for more than 4 decades, and didn’t think another self-help book would make it to my treasured list, I was wrong. This book is a winner.”

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STOP An Anxiety Attack

Anger Worry Less Now

I recently had an upsetting encounter with a friend when I kept trying to set a boundary that was repeatedly ignored, and then it escalated into a shouting match. Afterward, my body was shaking with anger and anxiety; I was in full-out fight-or-flight mode.

Choosing Self-Care

Although I was tempted to keep the drama going by replaying the incident and defending myself with thoughts of how I had been right, or what I “should” have said or done, I did something different.

I decided to calm myself down and enjoy the rest of the day. So, I went into a bathroom, closed the door, said a prayer, and did some energy tapping with soothing self-talk. Then I used the following technique to dissolve the adrenaline flooding my system. The whole process took about ten minutes, and afterward, I had a wonderful day.

The 5,4,3,2,1 Technique to Manage Anxiety

  • Take a few slow belly-inflating breathes and remind yourself that your body has just felt threatened and is reacting normally.
  • Name 5 things you can see around you (Examples: rug, painting)
  • Name 4 things you can feel (feet on the floor, cool air on the skin)
  • Name 3 things you can hear right now (a fan running, people’s voices outside)
  • Name 2 things you can smell right now (perfumed soap)
  • Name 1 good thing about yourself (“I am strong,” “I can help myself through this.”)

If you simply can’t focus, or if your body and mind haven’t yet settled down, take a few more belly-inflating breaths, and tell yourself that you can calm down. Then do the exercise again. It may take several minutes of repetition before the adrenaline dissipates.

According to independent.co.uk, “the trick, which relies on sensory awareness, is rooted in mindfulness – and apart from anxiety, it can help treat depression, addiction disorders, lower blood pressure, and relieve stress (Harvard University Helpguide.org).”

Whenever you suffer from incessant thinking, worry, tension, anger, or fear, this practice will return you to a more relaxed state. It sure worked for me!

Gigi Langer is a former “Queen of Worry.” She’s also an educator, speaker, and author of 50 Ways to Worry Less Now: Reject Negative Thinking to Find Peace, Clarity, and Connection, winner of the 2018 Indie Excellence Award. Learn to defeat negative thinking, find inner peace, attain clarity, and improve relationships–no matter what is going on in your life! Available through Amazon (5 stars), Barnes and Noble, and e-book sites.

Langer holds a Ph.D. in Psychological Studies in Education and an MA in Psychology, both from Stanford. As Georgea M. Langer, she’s published several books for teachers and school administrators.

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GOT CONFLICT? DON’T REACT . . . WAIT!

arguing

Ugh. Conflict! When someone does something that ticks us off, it’s just too easy to react right away. We might even justify our angry response by saying, “Well, I’m just setting a boundary.”

But, any words—even one!—said in the grip of  frustration can make things worse rather than better. 

So, then how do we defend ourselves when we’re hurt? My suggestion is to do nothing . . .for now.

One of the wisest sayings I’ve heard is:  Sometimes waiting is an action.

 The trick is to realize that your riled-up feelings are distorting your interpretation of the events. When in this kind of defending and blaming mode, no good communication can be had. So, it’s best to WAIT until you can perceive the situation from a more peaceful place.

Many people use the three-day rule; they wait three days to gain perspective before taking action, and if still uncertain about how to respond, they wait a few more days.

Here are a few tips to help you settle down, gain a new perspective, and find a source of wisdom to guide you to right actions and words.

  • Try to remember that you won’t feel this way forever. Then WAIT.
  • Remind yourself that, although your feelings seem real, they are not necessarily based on reality. They’re based on an interpretation of a mind too easily offended. And WAIT.
  • Decide to take charge of your mind.
  • Whenever you catch yourself pondering how to fix your situation, STOP! Leave it in your mind and don’t act. Instead, say to yourself, “I want to see this differently.”
  • Say the Serenity Prayer (or another positive phrase) and keep saying it until your worry and need for control fade away.
  • Continue replacing the negative thoughts with positive ones as often as necessary. (This could be a lot!)

Eventually, you will find yourself either completely unconcerned about the problem, or you will intuitively know what to say or do when the time is right.

gigilanger_worrylessnow

Gigi Langer holds a PhD in Psychological Studies in Education and an MA in Psychology, both from Stanford University. As a person in recovery, Gigi hasn’t had a drug or drink for 32 years. Through her writing, speeches, retreats, and workshops, she has helped thousands of people improve their lives at home and at work.

Order Gigi’s new book, 50 WAYS TO WORRY LESS NOW: REJECT NEGATIVE THINKING TO FIND PEACE, CLARITY, AND CONNECTION here:  Amazon or Seattle Books

 

 

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