Gigi Langer

Worry Less Now!

 Love More Now!

GOT CONFLICT? DON’T REACT . . . WAIT!

arguing

Ugh. Conflict! When someone does something that ticks us off, it’s just too easy to react right away. We might even justify our angry response by saying, “Well, I’m just setting a boundary.”

But, any words—even one!—said in the grip of  frustration can make things worse rather than better. 

So, then how do we defend ourselves when we’re hurt? My suggestion is to do nothing . . .for now.

One of the wisest sayings I’ve heard is:  Sometimes waiting is an action.

 The trick is to realize that your riled-up feelings are distorting your interpretation of the events. When in this kind of defending and blaming mode, no good communication can be had. So, it’s best to WAIT until you can perceive the situation from a more peaceful place.

Many people use the three-day rule; they wait three days to gain perspective before taking action, and if still uncertain about how to respond, they wait a few more days.

Here are a few tips to help you settle down, gain a new perspective, and find a source of wisdom to guide you to right actions and words.

  • Try to remember that you won’t feel this way forever. Then WAIT.
  • Remind yourself that, although your feelings seem real, they are not necessarily based on reality. They’re based on an interpretation of a mind too easily offended. And WAIT.
  • Decide to take charge of your mind.
  • Whenever you catch yourself pondering how to fix your situation, STOP! Leave it in your mind and don’t act. Instead, say to yourself, “I want to see this differently.”
  • Say the Serenity Prayer (or another positive phrase) and keep saying it until your worry and need for control fade away.
  • Continue replacing the negative thoughts with positive ones as often as necessary. (This could be a lot!)

Eventually, you will find yourself either completely unconcerned about the problem, or you will intuitively know what to say or do when the time is right.

gigilanger_worrylessnow

Gigi Langer holds a PhD in Psychological Studies in Education and an MA in Psychology, both from Stanford University. As a person in recovery, Gigi hasn’t had a drug or drink for 32 years. Through her writing, speeches, retreats, and workshops, she has helped thousands of people improve their lives at home and at work.

Order Gigi’s new book, 50 WAYS TO WORRY LESS NOW: REJECT NEGATIVE THINKING TO FIND PEACE, CLARITY, AND CONNECTION here:  Amazon or Seattle Books