AM I A VICTIM OF A MEANINGLESS WORLD?

worry less now victim

How do we explain a child’s death, the horror of abuse, or raging wars? Why can’t God stop them? Are we merely a victim of a punishing world? I think not.

As the saying goes, “We see through the glass darkly.” Our human intellect just can’t fully understand the “why” of things; in fact, some believe that “Why?” is not a very spiritual question. [Read my blog about that here]

Nothing happens in God’s world by mistake

Let’s entertain an intriguing possibility: What if we came to earth to experience specific events perfectly tailored for our spiritual growth? If we choose to learn from these challenges, we grow from victim-hood to courage, from fear to love, from isolation to connection, and from self-condemnation to self-love.

In short, we discover the strength of our divine nature.

You’re NOT a Victim! Everything is in perfect order

There’s a perfect order to the eventsin our lives that often isn’t clear until time reveals its elegant solutions.What initially seemed to be my worst disasters yielded some of my greatest blessings; but these gifts appeared in their own time.

  • Alcoholism brought me spiritual healing, loving friends, and a happy marriage. Without my old victim mentality, I can now give love and care to others.
  • Many years of shoulder and back pain taught me that my security does not lie in my body’s comfort. I learned to trust my higher power and accept comfort from others.
  • My husband’s resumption of drinking (after 25 years sober) caused me to find Radical Forgiveness, which released my victim mentality, helped me forgive my alcoholic father, and healed our marriage.

When life’s challenges scare you, remember it’s a chance to heal old beliefs that no longer serve you.

Even though you can’t change the external circumstances, you CAN face the situation, own your reactions, and choose to see it not as a victim, but as a being of peace, wisdom, and power.

At the end of each hardship, you’ll find an exhilarating sense of freedom!

gigi langer worry less now

Gigi Langer, PhD.  Many years ago, I used alcohol, romance, and overwork to soothe my frayed nerves. Over time, I discovered effective tools from therapy, recovery pro­grams, scientific research, energy work, and a variety of philosophical and spiritual teachings to overcome my worries. I share those techniques in my blog and book to help you find peace of mind and wisdom, no matter what is bothering you.

worry less now gigi langer

My award-winning book, 50 Ways to Worry Less Now, describes how I and others have defeated the faulty thinking leading to dysfunctional relationships, perfectionism, addiction, and worry about loved ones. Honest, practical, and powerful. Amazon: 4.8 stars (55 reviews) (Buy Paperback, e-book, OR audiobook HERE

HEAL POLITICAL SEPARATION: HONESTY, POWER, CHOICES, & PRACTICES

political separation

Three years ago, I made the mistake of posting something political on Facebook. I awoke to a tirade of anger from a few of my dearest friends, and panicked when I thought I had lost them.

For many years, I had felt shame and fear around politicaltalk and knew it was a “sore spot” for me. So, I sat with my feelings and honestly admitted that I was really upset.

After a while, I realized that I needed to invite positive power into my troubled mind. That day’s lesson in A Course in Miracles read, “I could see peace instead of this.” I said a prayer and asked to see my friends’ reactions differently.  

I knew I had an important choice to make: Either to see my friends’ reactions as a personal attack and react with a few clever barbs, OR to use the opportunity to learn about and heal my “hot feelings” toward this imagined offense. That would require using growth practices such as an inventory of the fears underlying my feelings.

When I’m troubled, I’ve learned to ask myself this question: What is it about me that makes this so hard? When did I first feel these same feelings?

I always know I hit pay dirt when the tears come.

In this case, I recalled my mom spending many hours angrily talking about politics on the phone. Reading those FB posts, I felt just like a little girl, afraid of mom’s anger and longing for her to put down the phone and give me attention. But she rarely did that. My whispered lies told me, “You’re not worth her time.” (Thirty years later, that lie was so strong that, the night before my first therapy appointment, I dreamed that the therapist was on the phone and ignored me!)

So, when I honestly faced my feelings, claimed a loving power to transform them, chose to grow from the experience, and used the practice of an inventory, I discovered compassion for the child that feared her mother’s anger and so wanted her love. That realization dissolved my hurt feelings about my friends’ political comments, and we now remain fast friends.

Perhaps that’s why we’re all here: to heal the imagined attacks from others.  As we seek peace, we find that nothing can separate our hearts—not even politics!

gigi langer worry less now

Gigi Langer, PhD.  Many years ago, I used alcohol, romance, and professional accomplishments to soothe my frayed nerves. Over time, I discovered effective tools from therapy, recovery pro­grams, scientific research, energy work, and a variety of philosophical and spiritual teachings. I share those techniques in my blog and book so you can find peace of mind and wisdom, no matter what is bothering you. 

worry less now

My award-winning book, 50 Ways to Worry Less Now, describes how I and others have defeated the faulty thinking leading to dysfunctional relationships, perfectionism, addiction, and worry about loved ones. Gain practical strategies through personal stories. Amazon: 4.8 stars (53 reviews) (Buy Paperback, e-book, OR audiobook HERE

REVIEWS:  Karen Casey, best-selling author of Each Day a New Beginning (Hazelden) “Even though I have been in recovery for more than 4 decades, and didn’t think another self-help book would make it to my treasured list, I was wrong. This book is a winner.” 

Anonymous Reader: “Your Book certainly transformed my life!  All I can say is, THANK YOU A MILLION TIMES OVER” 

HOW TO CALM YOUR OVERACTIVE MIND

I have a tendency to overthink things. You might too.

Your mind takes off and starts imagining the worst things that could happen in the future, or you find yourself looking back at the recent past and regretting your words or actions. Even worse is when we get caught up in judging and resenting the actions of an important person in our lives. 

Here are a few tools I use to anchor my mind in the present moment rather than in the future or past. 

 THE 5,4,3,2,1 TECHNIQUE  (Full blog post:  https://GigiLanger.com/anxiety-attack/)

Take a few slow belly-inflating breathes and remind yourself that your body is right here right now, and you can choose to focus your mind on the present moment rather than on the future or past. .

1. Name 5 things you can see around you (Examples: rug, painting)

2 . Name 4 things you can feel (feet on the floor, cool air on the skin)

3 . Name 3 things you can hear right now (a fan running, people’s voices outside)

4. Name 2 things you can smell right now (perfumed soap)

5. Name 1 good thing about yourself (“I am strong,” “I can help myself through this.”)

If you simply can’t focus, or if your body and mind haven’t yet settled down, take a few more belly-inflating breaths, and tell yourself that you can focus your thoughts on the present moment. Then do the exercise again.

It may take several minutes of repetition before your mind settles down.

According to independent.co.uk, “the trick, which relies on sensory awareness, is rooted in mindfulness – and apart from anxiety, it can help treat depression, addiction disorders, lower blood pressure, and relieve stress” (Harvard University Helpguide.org)

MINDFULNESS TRAINING 

It really helped me to take the “Mindfulness Based Stress Reduction” (MBSR) 8-week course. It uses breathing and simple stretches to keep your mind on your body, and its research studies show impressive results (Jon Kabat-Zinn and colleagues from  University of Massachusetts Medical Center). More info here: Mindfulness-based stress reduction – Wikipedia   Really effective.

MIND REFOCUSING 
I often catch my mind worrying about the future, and when I notice this I substitute a quick little phrase to anchor me back into the now: “All is well right now.” or, “Help me to see this differently.” Also repeating a short prayer like the Serenity Prayer helps a lot.

The idea is to substitute a “right now” thought or sensation for our worries, fears, and stressful thoughts.

NOTE: In my experience, I often need to make the switch several times an hour (sometimes many times a minute!)

It will take consistent practice to retrain your mind to stay in the present. Keep at it and your life and health will improve.

Gigi Langer, a person in recovery, holds a Ph.D. in Psychological Studies in Education and an MA in Psychology from Stanford University. Through her writing, coaching, and speaking, Gigi has helped thousands of people improve their lives at home and at work. She lives in Michigan with her husband and Murphy, her cat.

Get Gigi’s new book, “50 Ways to Worry Less Now: Reject Negative Thinking” is available in audio, e-book, and paperback (5 Stars on Amazon). Click HERE

“Valuable, heartfelt manual.” — Publishers Weekly (BookLife)

“This book is a winner.” -Karen Casey, Hazelden author

WE ARE THE LUCKIEST: You’ll love Laura’s smart-ass honesty and inspiration. 5 stars!

Laura McKowen’s new book, “We are The Luckiest” just came out and I had a chance to review an advance copy.

This book is so original—not “just another sobriety story.” She offers key ideas for waking up to a clean life of happiness and possibility. And she does it with her trademark smart-ass humor plus honesty and beauty.

An example of her honesty: “I thought drinking brought me into more depth, but it was an artificial amplification of only a few emotions.“

Check out the beauty of her writing: “We get to walk as humble guests, not troubled ones, with our feet in the mud and our hearts stretched toward the sky.“

You’re going to love this book, whether you’re in recovery or not. Very wise and applicable to many different life challenges.

Get it here; https://www.amazon.com/dp/160868654X/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_i_kykmEb5N7ANWD

gigi langer worry less now

Gigi Langer, PhD.  Many years ago, I used alcohol, romance, and professional accomplishments to soothe my frayed nerves. Over time, I discovered effective tools from therapy, recovery pro­grams, scientific research, energy work, and a variety of philosophical and spiritual teachings. I share those techniques in my blog and book so you can find peace of mind and wisdom, no matter what is bothering you. 

worry less now

My award-winning book, 50 Ways to Worry Less Now, describes how I and others have defeated the faulty thinking leading to dysfunctional relationships, perfectionism, addiction, and worry about loved ones. Gain practical strategies through personal stories. Amazon: 4.8 stars (53 reviews) (Buy Paperback, e-book, OR audiobook HERE

REVIEWS:  Karen Casey, best-selling author of Each Day a New Beginning (Hazelden) “Even though I have been in recovery for more than 4 decades, and didn’t think another self-help book would make it to my treasured list, I was wrong. This book is a winner.” 

Anonymous Reader: “Your Book certainly transformed my life!  All I can say is, THANK YOU A MILLION TIMES OVER”