Attitudinal Healing #11 and #12: Love is All There Is

Here we talk about LOVE–the 11th and 12th Principles of Attitudinal Healing (AH). “Love is eternal, so there’s no need to fear death.” And, “We can always see ourselves and others as extending Love or calling for help.”

AH is a simplified version of A Course in Miracles, developed by Jerry Jampolsky. In AH groups members apply the principles to almost any difficulty they have. In my recent posts, I summarized the first ten principles:

Principle 1. The Essence of our Being is Love, and Love is Eternal
Principle 2. Health Is Inner Peace, Healing Is Letting Go of Fear
Principle 3. Giving Is the Same As Receiving
Principle 4. We Can Let Go of The Past And of The Future

Principle 5. Now is the Only Time There Is

Principle 6. We Can Learn to Love Ourselves and Others by Forgiving Rather than Judging

Principle 7. We Can Become Love-Finders Rather than Fault-Finders

Principle 8. We can be peaceful inside regardless of what is happening outside.

Principle 9. We Are Students and Teachers to Each Other

Principle 10: We Can Focus On The Whole Of Life Rather Than The Fragments

Principle 11: Love is eternal, so there’s no need to fear death.

To conceptualize this Principle, we go back to Principle number one, “The essence of our being is love and love is eternal.” If we believe that life is eternal, the fear of death can be removed. When we reaffirm our belief system that the love that is our essence goes on and that we simply enter a new form, we can erase the fear of death. To the extent that we can erase the fear of death, we can truly begin to live fully in the present.

Principle 12. We Can Always Perceive Others as Either Extending Love or as Fearful, Giving a Call for Help

This Principle is an extraordinary tool to be able to use in dealing with relationships. If we can keep this in mind as we interact with others, we will be able to mold our interactions in a more desirable way. When we are in a relationship with another person and it is clear that they are extending their love to us, there is usually never any problem. We can
receive the feeling of love and support and respond with our
love and support. We feel no conflict and things seem to readily get resolved.

If, on the other hand, we feel for whatever reason that we are being attacked, we tend to put up our defenses and either retreat or attack back. The flight or fight response goes into action. It is a conditioned response that we have learned to use to protect ourselves from being hurt. If we can begin to see this person that appears to be attacking us
as a person who is coming from fear, we can begin to see a whole new dimension of the dynamics of the situation.

To develop he use of this Principle, as with all the others, we begin by retraining our minds to focus differently. It again means going inside to take responsibility for our own thoughts and not putting the blame on another person for our own reactions in a moment of stress.

We are responsible for our own peace of mind and not that of another person. If we focus on this principle while listening to another, we might recognize that what appears as an attack is actually an expression of fear and a call for help. When we do this, another dynamic begins to happen.

As we become defenseless in the moment, there is a shift in the energy and “the attacker” will feel it. He or she will not continue on with the same sense of urgency with which they began, because our shift in perception will create a space that will enable a new dynamic to occur. This new dynamic will change the pattern and the quality of our relationships.

Source material: Teach only Love by Jerry Jampolsky and AH Review Principles Booklet

More About Attitudinal Healing

You can easily find Attitudinal Healing groups by searching in your area. They are helpful for anyone who is struggling with any life situation. Many years ago, I joined my mentor, Jane Stallings, in California to become a facilitator for Attitudinal Healing groups. There, I got to meet Jerry Jampolsky (now deceased). What a wonderful contribution he has made to the world!

My newest book, Love More Now: Facing Life’s Challenges with an Open Heart is available from Amazon HERE or Barnes and Noble HERE.

Get my award-winning book, 50 Ways to Worry Less Now, for only $8.95 at GigiLanger.com/buy (e-book at Amazon)

Thank you for POSTING your REVIEWs on Amazon.

Gigi Langer has been sober 38 years, and holds a PhD in Psychological Studies in Education from Stanford University. Her 50 Ways to Worry Less Now won an Indie Excellence Award in 2019. Gigi worked at Eastern Michigan University for 25 years, and now lives happily in Florida with her husband, Peter and her cat, Easter.

November 4, 2022November 1, 2022

WHAT’S THE PROBLEM WITH SPIRITUALITY?

I keep running across people who want to improve their lives, but balk at the idea of any kind of “God” or Higher Power to help them. Although they insist their own will and intellect can solve their problems, they usually end up digging themselves in deeper. So, what’s the deal with spirituality?

Does spirituality really have to come down to a label or a certain kind of “faith?” Why not just admit that we can’t get better without the help of something bigger than our own fears and negative thinking?

In his wonderful book, Spirituality for People Who Hate Spirituality: A Primer, Casey Arrillaga defines spirituality as simply ”a sense of connection to something greater than yourself.”

He wrote his book especially “for people who hate the idea of spirituality but know that ignoring it or pushing it away hasn’t gotten them where they want to be.”

Spirituality Brings HUGE Benefits

Even if it seems hokey, or woo woo, or stupid to you, it’s worth cultivating a spiritual sense. Check out these research findings reported by Arrillaga.

Spirituality leads to longer lifespans, better recovery from illness and surgery, stronger immune response, decreased stress hormones, and lower blood pressure. It also positively affects peoples’ life satisfaction, and how well they balance positive and negative emotions.

Spirituality brings people greater hope and resilience, and helps them avoid loneliness and a sense of isolation. Finally, spiritual people are less prone to depression, suicide, addiction, alcoholism, and anxiety.

But, What Do I Call It?

Wondering what to call this sense of connection to something greater than yourself? Here’s how Casey describes what people in Twelve Step programs do. “Some turn to the religious and spiritual touchstones of their culture or upbringing. Others use ideas such as the universe, nature, the ocean, the energy that flows through all things, the wisdom and guidance of past spiritual masters, the life force and connection of everything on Earth, any deity from any religion, loving kindness, your highest self, the ocean, an unnamed spiritual being or entity, all of nature, all of your ancestors, or the small still voice within.”

“Still others turn to the group of people at the meetings as their higher power, saying that they find the wisdom, guidance, support, and love that they need there.” Finally, “there are those who find they are better off not thinking too hard about it and simply say they have a higher power that is on their side, even if they don’t have it clearly defined.”

You can find Casey Arrillaga’s inspiring and informative book, Spirituality for People Who Hate Spirituality, just published this summer, on Amazon, HERE

Gigi Langer has been sober 35 years, and holds a PhD in Psychological Studies in Education from Stanford University. Formerly crowned the “Queen of Worry,” Gigi resigned her post many years ago and now lives happily in Florida with her husband, Peter and her cat Easter.

Gigi’s award-winning book, 50 Ways to Worry Less Now, describes how to correct the faulty thinking leading to addiction, dysfunctional relationships, perfectionism, and worry about loved ones. Check out the practical directions, personal stories, and other helpful growth tools. Amazon: 4.8 stars (Buy Discounted, personally signed Paperback with free Workbook PDF HERE)

May 28, 2022May 28, 2022

DOES YOUR ATTITUDE NEED HEALING?

attitude healing worry less now gigi langer

This book about healing my attitude appeared at a low point in my life, and I am so grateful it did! Having moved to Michigan after grad school to marry my 3rd husband, I had no access to my favorite drug, marijuana.

Since my husband travelled for work, I started sneaking out to bars to pick up men and get high. Just in time, my grad school mentor, Jane Stallings, sent me this book: Love is Letting Go of Fear, by the founder of the Center for Attitudinal Healing, Gerald Jampolsky, M.D. Filled with shame, I desperately grabbed onto it and began repeating the ideas, hoping that something could restore me to sanity.

To my astonishment, it did! Within a year, I began therapy, and soon entered recovery. I haven’t had a drink or drug for 37 years; and—miracle of miracles— I’ve been happily married to my 4th husband for 33 years! Doing the work to clean up our own negative attitude is totally worth it!

How Does It Work?

Attitudinal Healing provides support groups for people facing issues such as stress, aging, loneliness, divorce, chronic and life-threatening illness, care-giving of loved ones, bereavement, unemployment, or marriage and parenting problems.

The groups support inner growth, and help members adopt new ways to solve problems and relate to others. By applying the 12 Principles of Attitudinal Healing, one gains new attitudes so they can live in the present moment knowing that, no matter their life circumstances, they can choose to experience either peace or conflict, love or fear.

Principles of Attitudinal Healing

The Principles are not dogma. Spiritual in nature, they are nonsectarian and are offered only as tools for healing one’s attitude. The first Principle is the key: The Essence of Our Being Is Love, as it unites and flows through all the others.

The essence of our being is love.
Health is inner peace. Healing is letting go of fear.
Giving and receiving are the same.
We can let go of the past and of the future.
Now is the only time there is, and each instant is for giving.
We can learn to love ourselves and others by forgiving rather than judging.
We can become love finders rather than fault finders.
We can choose and direct ourselves to be peaceful inside regardless of what is happening outside.
We are students and teachers to each other.
We can focus on the whole of life rather than the fragments.
Since love is eternal, death need not be viewed as fearful.
We can always perceive ourselves and others as either extending love, or fearful and calling for love.

Where Have We See These ideas?

If you’ve you’re familiar with A Course in Miracles, or Twelve-Step programs, you might recognize some common attitudes or beliefs. for example, the importance of giving as a portal to receiving love. The following ideas might also resonate with your experiences.

We are spiritual beings having a human experience.
Healing and happiness are achieved by letting go of fear.
We grow so we can help others grow.
Letting go of resentments and criticism are keys to happiness.
Peace of mind is merely a choice, independent of external circumstances.
Now is the only moment we have, so we avoid living in the future or past.

In my experience, we come to live these truths through regular spiritual practice with love-based Christianity, Buddhism, or other wisdom traditions. I also attended the Attitudinal Healing Facilitator Training, and gained an even deeper understanding of how to apply the principles to live a worry-free life.

The point is to become a love-based person rather than a fear-based person, to give rather than take, and to care about others rather than criticize them. In short, we learn how to treat others as we wish they would treat us. Pretty simple, aye?

I WOULD LOVE TO HEAR FROM YOU! Which of these ideas do you find appealing? Which ones are confusing to you? Just email glanger2202@gmail.com and I will read your thoughts with care & reply.

In my next book (coming out in fall, 2022), I’ll be clarifying many of these ideas and sharing how to apply them to our lives. As writing a new book is such a challenge, I’ll be using many of the ideas stated here to keep a positive attitude. Stay tuned!

April 30, 2022April 30, 2022

FIRST LOOK AT MY NEW BOOK, DUE THIS FALL!

You might have heard I’m writing a follow-up to 50 Ways to Worry Less Now. I am so pleased with how it’s coming along, as I’ve completed 4 of the 5 chapters.
* In late May I plan to send it to beta readers for feedback. If you wish to be an advance reader, please email glanger2202@gmail.com. * In the next months, I’ll be sharing short excerpts with you. (Feel free to provide feedback on this snippet on self-limiting patterns.) Thanks for joining the team!

EXCERPT FROM CHAPTER 2: What Patterns Close Our Heart?
If you’re on a growth path, chances are you’ve discovered some patterns that are bumping up against your dreams of happy relationships, success, or health. For many of us, these patterns have to do with control (referred to as “self-centered fear” in Twelve-Step programs).

The Illusion of Control
In our families of origin, it was all about staying safe, so we formed habits that kept us out of the family chaos. Some children become the high achievers. Others take care of everyone else. Still others get lost in the shuffle, hiding in the corners. Some may deflect tension and conflict with humor or distraction.

All these coping strategies rely on the illusion of control as in the whispered lie: If I do this, I will be safe. And, for many of us, these coping strategies worked pretty well in school, work, and play. But they eventually turn out to be deadly, especially to our relationships.

When we run into life challenges that seem to get worse no matter what we do, it may be spirit’s way of saying it’s time relinquish our old patterns. If we’re awake and connected with healthy advisors and friends, we can unlearn the habits that no longer serve us or our loved ones.

Gigi’s Old Patterns
In Stage II Recovery, Earnie Larsen outlines six common patterns that sabotage our happiness because they rely on controlling people, places, and things. When I first read the list, I identified as a perfectionist, workaholic, people pleaser, and tap dancer.
-As a perfectionist, I completed an advanced degree at Stanford, but my whispered lies had me in knots of fear of failing which led to drug abuse and promiscuity.
-As a workaholic, I ignored my family and partner by spending all my time studying or working, thus the failed romantic relationships.
-As a people pleaser, I had no idea how to know or state my needs with my loved ones; I was terrified of conflict and just went along, pretending that everything was fine. No wonder I had three failed marriages.
-My tap dancer pattern had me traveling all over the world, leaving a relationship whenever I got bored, and frequently changing jobs and degree programs. I think the first time I didn’t try to skate past a commitment was with my sobriety.

Inventory: Six Harmful Patterns
Here I list the six patterns with their associated whispered lies. You may immediately relate to some of them. But don’t worry, with help you can change them.

The Caretaker. Caretakers feel responsible for the happiness of others; and they try to rescue people, often to the detriment of their own self-care. “I can’t be happy if everyone else isn’t okay. I can’t let anyone down; I must make things better.”

The Martyr: Martyrs believe life is a struggle and they’re the victim of an unfair world. They don’t believe they deserve fun or pleasure. “Life will never work out for me. I always lose out, no matter what I do. I can’t handle life.”

The Perfectionist. Perfectionists can’t stand making mistakes, have a low tolerance for unpredictability, and are often critical of others’ incompetence. “Everything has to be perfect for me to be okay. I can fix this if I work hard enough. I hate failure.”

The People Pleaser. People pleasers need to keep everyone else happy; so, they put their own needs last. They have trouble saying no, can’t handle conflict, and often feel hurt. They have little confidence in their own opinions. “For me to be safe, everyone must like me. I can’t object to my (friend’s/partner’s) mean words. I can’t say what I think because people will hate me.”

The Workaholic. Workaholics put the completion of tasks ahead of their relationships. They feel guilty when not working and never feel they have accomplished enough. “I must get it all done, or my life will fall apart. I can’t take time for others; there’s just too much to do.”

The Tap Dancer. Tap dancers constantly test the limits, avoid commitment, and often skirt around the truth. They always have an escape plan in case things don’t work out to their liking. “No one can pin me down; escape is my only security. I bet I can get away with this. I never could commit to recovery or therapy.”

Healing Harmful Patterns
If you can identify with any of these patterns, it’s important to recognize that each one has its strengths. For example, once you let go of needing to please everyone, you still have the gracious social skills you cultivated earlier in your life. It’s just a matter of removing the cutting side of the whispered lies with loving practices that open your heart to yourself and others.

The Twelve Steps, combined with therapy and spiritual practices, have healed these patterns in me. These days, I’m rarely caught in this loop of over-control. It is a lovely way to live!

Gigi Langer

Worry Less Now!

Category: Healthy Mental Habits