Gigi Langer

Worry Less Now!

Ā Love More Now!

My 2020 Inventory: Don’t Hold Back!

“Searching within myself, I will patiently, trustingly share myself with others.ā€Karen Casey (Best-selling Hazelden author)

Back in the 80s, my favorite spiritual author, Karen Casey, wrote ā€œEach Day a New Beginningā€ for women in recovery, and it has sustained me through these many years. The quote above is particularly relevant as I start this year. I now see clearly (20 20 vision, right?) a major way Iā€™ve been resisting Godā€™s will. Hereā€™s a quick inventory of my tendency to hold back.

  • Recently, I realized I’ve never memorized the Step 7 prayer exactly as written. Soon after that, a stranger in a 12-step program gave me a card with the prayer on it. So, I started saying it.
  • I also noticed a creeping opposition to doing things I was called to do. Whispered lies crept into my mind: ā€œOh, that would be too much work.ā€ ā€œI just donā€™t feel like doing that.ā€ ā€œHavenā€™t I done enough?ā€
  • By resisting those nudges, I knew I was letting my self-will override Godā€™s direction. So, I put a sticky note in my car: ā€œThy Will Be Done; Not Mine.ā€ I see it many times a day.
  • Perhaps itā€™s been sinking in, because I now offer you my 4th & 5th step inventory: My fearful self has always told me to ā€œHold Back!ā€ Hold back smiles to strangers. Hold back chats with neighbors. Hold back calling others on the phone. Hold back compliments, etc.
  • When I get the opportunity to do kind acts, I usually talk myself out of it. I tell myself Iā€™m an introvert, or that Iā€™m not good at ā€œsmall talk,ā€ or that I donā€™t have time.
  • But mostly itā€™s about (1) the false belief, ā€œIf I give love away, it might never return; thereā€™s not enough to go aroundā€ and (2) fear of getting enmeshed, controlled, hurt, or inconvenienced. (Yup, I grew up in an alcoholic home.)
  • My 6th step character defects are self-will (pride) and fear (insecurity). In short, Iā€™ve resisted Godā€™s will to love and serve others; and  I havenā€™t trusted my Higher Power to keep me safe and secure.
  • I now say the 7th step prayer: ā€œMy Creator, I am now willing that you should have all of me, good and bad. I pray that you now remove from me every single defect of character which stands in the way of my usefulness to you and my fellows. Grant me strength as I go from here, to do your bidding.ā€  

Long ago I learned that God can supply every need, and that my worth and safety are established by my Higher Power. But, being human, I forget. In recovery, we learn that our happiness is dependent upon our spiritual condition. As Karen Casey wrote, ā€œSincerely touching the soul of someone else can tap the well of happiness within each of us.ā€ That’s my plan for 2020!

Gigi Langer Worry Less Now

Gigi Langer, PhD.  Many years ago, I used alcohol, romance, and professional accomplishments to soothe my frayed nerves. Over time, I discovered effective tools from therapy, recovery proĀ­grams, scientific research, and a variety of philosophical and spiritual teachings. I share those techniques in my blog and book so you can find peace of mind and wisdom, no matter what is bothering you.

Worry Less Now Cover

My award-winning book, 50 Ways to Worry Less Now, describes how I and others have defeated the faulty thinking leading to dysfunctional relationships, perfectionism, addiction, and worry about loved ones. Gain practical strategies, personal stories, and guided activities. Amazon: 5 stars (51 reviews) (Buy Paperback, e-book, OR audiobook HERE)

REVIEWS:  Karen Casey, best-selling author of Each Day a New Beginning (Hazelden) ā€œEven though I have been in recovery for more than 4 decades, and didnā€™t think another self-help book would make it to my treasured list, I was wrong. This book is a winner.ā€ Anonymous Reader: ā€œYour Book certainly transformed my life!  All I can say is, THANK YOU A MILLION TIMES OVERā€ 

A Gift Given Is a Gift Received

the gift of a rose

 

I love theseĀ words from a Chinese proverb, “The fragrance always stays in the hand thatĀ gives the rose.ā€

My husband, Peter, and I recently enjoyed a meal in a tiny Mexican restaurant next to a UPS store. As we watched people walking in, their arms loaded with gifts, we noticed the unmistakable glow of happiness on their faces as they pondered their loved ones receiving the carefully selected gifts.

Such observations disprove one of the many lies our fearful minds whisper to us: ā€œDonā€™t give it away; you wonā€™t have enough!ā€ Not true. As many wisdom traditions teach, the more we give, the more we receive; it comes back to us tenfold.

How can this possibly be true when weā€™re surrounded by a grasping competitive world? The answer is: Weā€™re all connected and the decisions made by one of us affect everyone aroundĀ us. In any social groupā€”from the spiritually inclinedĀ to street gangsā€”the behavior of the key members drives the behavior ofĀ the others.

We spread either love or fear to the people aroundĀ us. In turn, they affect their own friends and families, and the circle ofĀ influence expands.

We learn to give and receive love through relationships because weĀ are both student and teacher to one another. Imagine people holdingĀ hands while climbing a hill. The first person leads the person behindĀ him, this person helps the one behind him, and so on. A stronger person helps us grow so we can extend that strength to another.

Try offering someone the rose of care and savor the sweet scent of joy.Ā  It may be as simple as a smile or compliment was given to the person at a checkout counter.Ā Perhaps itā€™s a call made to a friend or relative to show them you care. You might simply stop and chat with a lonely neighbor.

Such generosity brings us closer to our purpose: to expand peace, love, and kindness. Isnā€™t that what the season is about anyway?

worry , recovery, sanityGigi Langer holds a Ph.D. in Psychological Studies in Education and an MA in Psychology from Stanford University. She is a seasoned author of education (as Georgea M. Langer) and popular speaker who has helped thousands of people improve their lives at home and work. Gigi hasnā€™t had a drug or drink for over 30 years. Her new book,Ā 50 Ways to Worry Less Now: Reject Negative Thinking to Find Peace, Clarity, and Connection,Ā will be available in February, 2018. Click here to learn moreĀ about it.