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Gigi Langer

Worry Less Now!

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Tag: fear

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FEELINGS ARE NOT FACTS!

DO YOU HAVE FEELINGS THAT JUST CARRY YOU AWAY AND COLOR YOUR WHOLE WORLD GRAY? Don’t worry! Such feelings are often created by fearful thoughts that aren’t even true.

For example, we live in the wreckage of our future (“Its going to be awful!”) or we create “unenforceable rules” (“This should (or should not happen”). Often, we try to change the past by thinking how it “could have” been better.

Such thoughts are driven by the fear-driven belief that, if we just think long and hard enough, we can protect ourselves (and our loved ones) from pain and harm.

SO, HERE’S THE TRUTH: We don’t have the means to make people and things exactly as we want them. We just aren’t that powerful.

AND, HERE’S THE GOOD NEWS: We can find peace of mind and contentment in the midst of our fearful feelings and thoughts. Why? BECAUSE WE CAN CHOOSE WHAT FILLS OUR MIND.

HOW? Meditation, walks outside, stretching, yoga, prayer, reading or watching inspiring books/movies, spiritual practices, energy work, and thought-correction can all soothe our most difficult feelings. Good healthy friends or counselors really help too.

When we get still and listen to our inner wisdom (or that of another), we receive the comfort of ACCEPTANCE (non-attachment to specific outcomes). Further, we find ways to address those problems that still bother us—IF they are still bothering us (quite often, they’ve shrunken down to nothing!).

NEXT TIME YOUR FEELINGS are having a hissy fit, stand apart from them for a moment to recognize they’re mostly a result of inaccurate and disturbing thoughts. Then, ask yourself, “What healthy actions can I take to soothe my mind and body?” And then, do that!

PLEASE SHARE YOUR FAVORITE WAYS OF SOOTHING UPSET FEELINGS IN THE COMMENTS SECTION. THANKS!!

Worry Less Now; Gigi Langer

Gigi Langer, PhD. Many years ago, I used alcohol, romance, and professional accomplishments to soothe my frayed nerves. When I quit drinking, I was left with only my fears and worries. Over time, I discovered effective tools from therapy, recovery pro­grams, scientific research, and a variety of philosophical and spiritual teachings.

My award-winning book, 50 Ways to Worry Less Now describes how I and others have defeated the faulty thinking leading to dysfunctional relationships, perfectionism, addiction, and worry about loved ones. It contains practical strategies with directions, personal stories, and other helpful suggestions. Amazon: 4.8 stars (48 reviews) (Buy Paperback, e-book, OR audiobook HERE)

Karen Casey, best-selling author of Each Day a New Beginning (Hazelden) “Even though I have been in recovery for more than 4 decades, and didn’t think another self-help book would make it to my treasured list, I was wrong. This book is a winner.”

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7 Tips to Stop the Nasty Voice in Your Head

Do you have a voice in your head that incessantly whispers lies of impending doom or replays past events in the hope of changing them?

It might sound like this: “I always…(fail, am rejected, sabotage my success)” OR “If only he or she would (fill in the blank), we would all be okay.“

Although I used to hear this voice often, over the years I’ve learned to turn such negative thoughts into positive ones. Here are a few tips that might help you do the same.

  1. Notice how the voice in your head causes tension in your body and perhaps emotions of anger, pain, frustration, envy, or a need for security, recognition or love.
  2. Stand apart from the thoughts and feelings, as if you’re on a balcony observing them. Do NOT condemn them.
  3. Breathe slowly and deeply until your body calms down. Withdraw your attention from your worrying and focus on your breathing.
  4. Recognize who is watching the thoughts. It’s a part of your mind independent of your thoughts and emotions. This is your true self (higher self, God-mind, etc). It is greater, stronger, and wiser than the imagined disturbances.
  5. Make a choice: Do you want to stay in the drama of the fear-filled voices in your head, or do you want to experience peace and happiness?
  6. Write your mind’s false messages in a journal. Notice that many of them predict one of two horrible things: 1) past pain will repeat itself, or 2) the future will be disastrous. KNOW THAT NONE OF THESE IS TRUE.
  7. Dissolve your mind’s lies by using meditation, affirmations, prayer, therapy, yoga, inspirational reading, groups, energy work, or any other method to connect with the goodness and light of your true self.

As you refuse to believe the fearful voice in your head, sooner or later the answers to your troubles will appear in the most amazing way and for the best of all involved.

HOW DO YOU CALM YOUR OWN NEGATIVE THOUGHTS? I’d love to hear from you!

GIGI LANGER is the former “Queen of Worry” whose award-winning book, 50 Ways to Worry Less Now, rates 4.7 stars on Amazon. She holds a PhD from Stanford University in Psychology in Education.

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HOW TO KNOW YOUR FUTURE IS SECURE

So many of us “live in the wreckage of our future.” We fear all sorts of catastrophes–a lost job, a sick or injured loved one, disability, poverty, loneliness—the list goes on and on.

But the future isn’t here yet, and it’s only our imagination that’s creating these dire scenarios. Even if we’ve experienced these things in the past, there’s no logical reason to believe they’ll happen to us in the future.

Even so, it’s almost impossible to “reason our way” out of these fears, especially for those of us who go WAY overboard with our sense of impending doom.

Yup! I’m one of those–the (former) Queen of Worry–a highly sensitive person from an alcoholic family. So, there’s that!

Fortunately, I’ve had many wonderful coaches and mentors teach me powerful tools to tame my overactive imagination.

Meditation is an obvious choice and so is prayer. But what about energy work, cognitive reframing, 12-step tools, and masterminding? Or Byron Katie’s “The Work” that asks us, “Is this true?” Finally, I’ve gotten help from guided meditations, tapping, the Law of Attraction, group therapy, Buddhist practices, journaling, and one of my favorites, self-compassion.

When I need to calm my fears, I often say, “I place the future in the Hands of God” (Lesson #194, A Course in Miracles).

This statement affirms that there’s a perfect order in all things. And I know it’s true because, when I look back, I see how things I had feared worked out in the most amazing ways; in fact, the “worst of the worst” never happened.

So, since we can’t really control the future, why not just relax, do the best we can, and leave the results up to our Higher Power (Universe, Spirit, True Self, Pure Awareness, etc.)?

I’m very grateful to know my future is secure. It’s a pretty cool way to live, when I can pull it off.

How do you deal with your fears about the future? I’d love to hear from you!

gigi langer worry less now

Gigi Langer, PhD has helped thousands of people improve their lives at home and at work. She’s written several books for educators, and is a sought-after speaker and workshop leader.  Gigi holds a doctorate in Psychological Studies in Education  and an MA in Psychology, both from Stanford.

Worry Less Now Cover

To learn more ways to reject negative thinking, order a personalized SIGNED COPY of my award-winning book, 50 Ways to Worry Less Now here.   Amazon (4.7 stars), Barnes and Noble, and e-book formats. AUDIOBOOK COMING SOON!

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OUR DISTORTED FEARS!

“Our fears, whether large or small, were distorted. And we still distort those fears, on occasion, because we move away from the spiritual reality of our lives.” Karen Casey, ”Each Day a Dew Beginning” (Hazelden)

Sometimes my fears grab the microphone and whisper (or sometimes scream) lies such as: “If I can’t fix this, I can’t be happy!!”

I fell victim to this incessant voice recently as I tried to resolve thorny technical issues with Amazon and i-tunes. Further, a barely started book chapter was due July 9. After several weeks, I could not resolve these issues, NO MATTER WHAT I DID!

Eventually, I found myself swearing at other drivers and peeling out onto a busy street. That reckless action got my attention.

So, I admitted to myself how pissed I was and went to a meeting. There I admitted how victimized I felt—just like a powerless little girl. As others shared the “wisdom of the rooms,” Spirit’s voice of hope and sanity dissolved my rage.

When I got home, I listed on paper the three situations and then wrote “Higher Power, I place each of these into your hands and mind. I thank you for the perfect resolution for each of them.”

The next day, God pulled the rabbits out of the hat! Amazon e-mailed to explain what I needed to do; the lovely i-tunes people resolved that technical issue; and I found out the book chapter wasn’t due for two months.

Now, if that isn’t evidence that “turning it over” works, what is?

I sometimes ask myself, “Why couldn’t I have let it go sooner and saved myself all this aggravation?” Even after 33 years, I sometimes still deny my feelings—especially anger (remember, “All addictions are feeling disorders.”)

For me, the only solution to my mind’s distortions is to surrender them to my Higher Power. I’m always grateful when I do — even if it takes a I while!

WHAT WORKS FOR YOU?? I’d love to hear from you!

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