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Gigi Langer

Worry Less Now!

 Love More Now!

Tag: fear

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Find A Power Greater Than Your Fears

How many of us wish, “If only I had the power to make things turn out the way I want them to!”

Let’s take a minute to look closely at these illusions of will and power. How well has trying to control others worked for you? Do you believe you can impose the changes you’d like to see on the world? Perhaps you’ve even struggled unsuccessfully to change your own fears and habits.

When you can admit that your unaided efforts to improve your own and others’ lives almost always fail, a wondrous alternative appears: You can trust a positive power to help you find peace and courage, no matter what’s going on in your life.

What Is Positive Power?

If you’re skeptical about what many call a “higher power,” let me assure you: You don’t need to worship a particular spiritual entity, religion, dogma, or philosophy. You’ll be defining this source in a way that works for you. You can be as unconventional or traditional as you want–as long as you tap into something greater than your fears.

How you come to understand this power is highly personal and your business only. You may find it in your mind, spirit, energy, or in the universe. Perhaps you’ll discover it through the hope and strength of supportive, healthy people. (However, consider carefully what they say and how they live their lives. Then take what works for you and leave the rest behind.)

How Can A Positive Power Help Me?

How can you put your positive power to work in your life? By making one single decision again and again: Reject your fear-filled thoughts and connect with your source of power. As you continue making this choice, you’ll discover a happy outlook and intuitive guidance for your problems.

Studies reported by Stephanie Castillo reveal that believers in such a power are happier than those who don’t believe. Cultivating loving thoughts, good feelings, and positive experiences reprograms your persistent, negative thinking. In the words of author Emmet Fox, “You cannot think one thing and produce another.”

Try it now

Memorize a prayer or affirmation and say it often, mindfully savor the beauty around you, try guided meditation, listen to inspiring speakers, join with positive people for fun and growth, say a kind word to a stranger or friend, list five things you’re grateful for each day, write in a journal, pray for those you resent, and/or practice loving self-compassion.

A Few Reminders about A “Higher Power”

  • You don’t need to intellectually understand a positive power for it to work for you
  • Fear and judgment keep you upset and alone; a loving power overcomes your fear and connects you with others.
  • With consistent practice and pleasing results, you’ll come to trust your positive power to bring you peace and happiness, no matter what is going on in your life.
Worry Less Now; Gigi Langer

Gigi Langer has been sober 35 years, and holds a PhD in Psychological Studies in Education from Stanford University. Formerly crowned the “Queen of Worry,” Gigi resigned her post many years ago and now lives happily in Florida with her husband, Peter and her cat Murphy.

Worry Less Now Cover

My award-winning book, 50 Ways to Worry Less Now which describes how to reject the faulty thinking leading to addiction, dysfunctional relationships, perfectionism, and worry about loved ones. Check out the practical directions, personal stories, and other helpful suggestions. Amazon: 4.8 stars (Buy Discounted Paperback, e-book, OR audiobook HERE)

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FEELINGS ARE NOT FACTS!

DO YOU HAVE FEELINGS THAT JUST CARRY YOU AWAY AND COLOR YOUR WHOLE WORLD GRAY? Don’t worry! Such feelings are often created by fearful thoughts that aren’t even true.

SO, HERE’S THE TRUTH: We don’t have the means to make people and things exactly as we want them. We just aren’t that powerful.

For example, we live in the wreckage of our future (“Its going to be awful!”) or we create “unenforceable rules” (“This should (or should not happen”). Often, we try to change the past by thinking how it “could have” been better.

Such thoughts are driven by the fear-driven belief that, if we just think long and hard enough, we can protect ourselves (and our loved ones) from pain and harm.

HERE’S THE GOOD NEWS: We can find peace of mind and contentment in the midst of our fearful feelings and thoughts. Why? BECAUSE WE CAN CHOOSE WHAT FILLS OUR MIND.

HOW? Meditation, walks outside, stretching, yoga, prayer, reading or watching inspiring books/movies, 12-step work, spiritual practices, energy work, and thought-correction can all soothe our most difficult feelings. Good healthy friends or counselors really help too.

When we get still and listen to our inner wisdom (or that of another), we receive the comfort of ACCEPTANCE (non-attachment to specific outcomes). Further, we find ways to address those problems that still bother us—IF they are still bothering us (quite often, they’ve shrunken down to nothing!).

NEXT TIME YOUR FEELINGS are having a hissy fit, stand apart from them for a moment to recognize they’re mostly a result of inaccurate and disturbing thoughts. Then, ask yourself, “What healthy actions can I take to soothe my mind and body?” And then, do that!

PLEASE SHARE YOUR FAVORITE WAYS OF SOOTHING UPSET FEELINGS IN THE COMMENTS SECTION. THANKS!!

Worry Less Now; Gigi Langer

Gigi Langer has been sober 35 years, and holds a PhD in Psychological Studies in Education from Stanford University. Formerly crowned the “Queen of Worry,” Gigi resigned her post many years ago and now lives happily in Florida with her husband, Peter and her cat Murphy.

My award-winning book, 50 Ways to Worry Less Now describes how to reject the faulty thinking leading to addiction, dysfunctional relationships, perfectionism, and worry about loved ones. Check out the practical directions, personal stories, and other helpful suggestions. Amazon: 4.8 stars (Buy Paperback, e-book, OR audiobook HERE)

REVIEW by Karen Casey, best-selling author of Each Day a New Beginning (Hazelden) “Even though I have been in recovery for more than 4 decades, and didn’t think another self-help book would make it to my treasured list, I was wrong. This book is a winner.”

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WHAT? ME WORRY?? How to End Your Worrying

I used to be the “Queen of Worry,” biting my nails and stressing about everything. After I quit drinking, I found I still had a major “thinking” problem. When hardships arose, however, I couldn’t drink them away, so I had to learn other ways to deal with my fears and insecurities.

After several years of challenges and discoveries, I had built up such an effective set of tools that I rarely found myself worrying. In 2011, I grouped these tools into five simple strategies: HP-CPR. You can think of it as “Higher-Powered CPR” for the terrified heart and mind.

HP-CPR

HP-CPR: Honestly claiming a loving Power, we Choose our future and use Growth Practices to get there. Here’s a quick summary, followed by an illustration.

  • HONESTY: “Here’s what’s really going on inside me.” Admit that your worrying has kept you stuck in unhappiness.
    • POWER: “I claim courage and intuitive direction.” Claim a source of positive power to overcome your worries through your mind, spirit, and/or body energy.
    • CHOICE: “This is what I want and I’m going for it!” Choose a new future andcommit to do the necessary work to achieve it.
    • PRACTICES: “I’m actively connecting with loving power to grow as needed.” Consistently use a variety of tools to dissolve your worries.
    • RESULTS: “Here it is!” As you gain a peaceful perspective, you will act with wisdom, heal past wounds, repair relationships, and find true happiness.

HP-CPR At Work

One night, my friend Mary called and asked for my advice after meeting the affluent mother of her daughter’s friend. When the woman asked Mary where she lived, Mary didn’t want to say she resided in a small apartment with her three children, so she gave a vague answer. After this encounter, Mary began worrying about how she responded.

Honesty: Mary began our conversation by honestly describing the situation and her embarrassment. Together we identified her negative self-talk (whispered lies): “I’m a loser,” and “People will only like me if I match their standard of living.” She also admitted that her need to look good in the eyes of others was a long-standing problem.

Power: Mary felt powerless over her negative thinking and past efforts to correct it. By talking with me, a trusted friend, she began to claim the power and courage to overcome her fears. As we talked together over the next few weeks, I encouraged Mary to use prayer and meditation to connect with her source of loving power.

Choice: I asked Mary to write a statement of what she most wanted in her life as if it had already happened. She wrote: “I have freedom from my self-punishing thoughts and my family is economically secure.” She read the statement aloud as often as possible, visualized it as if it were already done, and felt gratitude for the anticipated results.

Practices: Mary used the following growth practices to overcome her worrisome whispered lies. 1) The Golden Key: Every time she noticed herself worrying, she shifted her thoughts toward any connection she felt with positive power. Because she had a religious affiliation, she chose to focus on God. 2) Gratitude list: Mary wrote a daily list of three things she was grateful for, without repeating any of the items listed.

My conversations with Mary began in January. During the next few months, she met with me, connected with her higher power, affirmed her life choices, and used the suggested tools. She even added some new ones; for example, she increased her participation in a support group.

Results: In March, Mary experienced what she described as “a miracle.” She was freed from her worries and self-judgment; and she found peace with her current living situation. A month later, Mary was offered a lease on a gorgeous three-bedroom home for very low rent. To top it off, just as I was revising this chapter, she called with news about her work promotion with a big pay raise.

Patience, Persistence, and Support

Notice that Mary’s changes did not come all at once. She followed the steps of HP-CPR with patience and determination.

Another of her crucial actions was joining with others. When we’re in the grip of our worries, seeking help is the last thing that occurs to many of us. By connecting with healthy others, however, we can explore questions such as, “How might I see this differently?” “What do I want as an outcome?” or “What growth tools might help me?”

How do you overcome your own fears and worries, and who supports your growth with encouragement and wisdom? I’d love to hear your thoughts!

(Excerpt taken from page 6-8 of Gigi Langer’s award-winning book, 50 Ways to Worry Less Now. For another illustration of these steps, see this post.)

Worry Less Now; Gigi Langer

Gigi Langer holds a PhD in Psychological Studies in Education from Stanford University. She is a seasoned author and popular speaker who has helped thousands of people improve their lives at home and work. Gigi hasn’t had a drug or drink for over 30 years, although she does occasionally overindulge in Ghirardelli chocolate and historical novels.

Gigi’s book, 50 Ways to Worry Less Now has gained rave reviews (4.8 on Amazon) and a publishing award. Get it HERE in paperback, e-book, or audiobook.

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ESCAPE THE BONDAGE OF SELF

worry less now bondage of self gigi langer

One of my favorite prayers is the Third Step Prayer from Alcoholics Anonymous.

God, I offer myself to Thee—to build with me and to do with me as Thou wilt.

Relieve me of the bondage of self, that I may better do Thy will.

Take away my difficulties, that victory over them may bear witness to those I would help of Thy Power, Thy Love, and Thy Way of life. 

May I do Thy will always. 

Note that I’ve highlighted the second sentence because this simple request has completely transformed me from a fearful, addicted woman to the peaceful, happy person I am today.

So, let’s pick it apart, shall we?   

RELIEVE ME OF THE BONDAGE OF SELF

What does the “bondage of self” look like? It’s the fear-driven self run amok, perpetually seeking love and security in all the wrong places. It wages a constant battle of self-sufficiency, all while crying, “I shall manage.” This “me, myself, and I” thinks it has everything handled, but it keeps failing, especially in relationships.

Faced with failure, it just keeps trying harder and harder to control people, places, and things. Such a mind suffers from the delusion that, if everything were different, it could finally be happy.

When in the grip of the bondage of self, we are often

  • angry and judging
  • dishonest (to ourselves and others)
  • selfish and inconsiderate
  • greedy for material and emotional security
  • unable to take responsibility for our actions (often blaming others)

Many refer to this driving fear as the “ego” because it “eases God out.” In short, the ego’s bondage of self shuts out higher power’s love—but only until we wake up and ask God to change our perspective.

THAT I MAY BETTER DO THY WILL

So, what’s God’s will, anyway? I believe it’s to love God and one another. Unfortunately, when the ego’s in charge, we’re anything but loving. And we certainly aren’t peaceful—the one state in which our minds are most receptive to inspiration and generosity.

When we notice ourselves bound by worry, fear, condemnation, and anger, we can ask our higher power to take over our minds. For example, when reading the news, I often become scared about my own safety. If I’m clear and honest with myself, I admit that I’m disturbed, and then simply ask, “Help me to see this differently.”  

Because our minds love to focus on the negative, I need to make this request quite often; but eventually, I find my body and mind at peace. As the bondage of fear is released, my spirit opens to giving and receiving loving care. As I join with others in growth and service, my life becomes joyous.

But, then something else will scare me, and I’ll feel the fearful self tightening its hold. When I tune in and notice that I’m tense, I can then ask to see things differently. I might say a prayer, meditate, call a trusted friend, or read inspiring lessons. Again, I’ll have to stick with it to recover my peace of mind and again trust spirit’s grace.

Perhaps the only error we make is in resisting the human experience by letting our ego scream “No!” to whatever we don’t like. But, over time, we relinquish our need for control by getting quiet and receiving healing, courage, and comfort.

The more we cultivate this conscious contact with a power greater than ourselves, the more we’re guided to the right attitudes and actions. And soon, we trust that, in spite of appearances, “All is well” in the realm of spirit. What a relief!

In Worry Less Now, Gigi shares her personal journey as a prisoner of fear, worry, and substance abuse, along with practical techniques anyone can use. Award-winner with rave reviews: Amazon 4.9 stars.

Get special offers on the paperback, e-book, and audiobook HERE.

Gigi Langer Worry Less Now

Gigi Langer has been sober 34 years, and holds a PhD in Psychological Studies in Education from Stanford University. Formerly crowned the “Queen of Worry,” Gigi resigned her post many years ago and now lives happily in Michigan with her husband, Peter and her cat, Murphy.