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Gigi Langer

Worry Less Now!

 Love More Now!

Tag: worry less now

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Experience The Power of Love — Without A Lover!

worry less now power of love
Murphy

A mystic sees beyond the illusion of separateness into
the intricate web of life in which all things are expressions of a single Whole. You can call this web God, the Tao, the Great Spirit, the Infinite Mystery, Mother or Father, but it can be known only as love.
—Joan Z. Borysenko, Pocketful of Miracles

 I just love this quote from Borysenko’s wonderful daily meditation book! The power of love is priceless!

Too many believe romance is the only source of such love. The truth is, it’s available within you at any time. A few months ago, my dear friend, Janet, wrote this about her epiphany while reading 50 Ways to Worry Less Now. It really made my day!

Janet’s Connection with The Power of Love

“I want you to know the ripple effect your book is capable of creating. On p. 40, “Focusing on Loved Ones,” I focused on my innocent, sweet little puppy, Bella, as she lay on my lap, and I felt the goodness/love she often brings within me. Then I read further, and encountered the sentence, “I wondered if my positive power might feel that same sweet love for me.” This threw open a door inside me, so that I realized I never truly saw myself as Good. I have rationalized to myself that I am good, as I try to do/be good. But I suddenly saw that I didn’t truly believe it. In that instant, I realized both the fact that I AM good and that I had always deep-down, failed to see it. Once I did, I was filled with the joy of seeing myself that way.”

Worry Less Now, Page 40, Chapter 3 “Claim Positive Power”

“Choosing goodness over fear definitely pays off. In the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, Barbara Fredrickson and her colleagues confirm that immersing yourself in feelings of love and appreciation lowers depressive symptoms and increases life satisfaction. Try the following simple exercise to experience these benefits.

“Tool 10. Focusing on Loved Ones: Think about the joy you feel when you focus on a person or pet you love . . . not the manic high of romantic love, but one more solid and enduring.

– Bring to mind someone you hold dear and with whom you are at peace, perhaps your child, grandchild, sister, brother, dear friend, or spouse. If you have a four-legged child as I do, it might be your kitty or puppy. If possible, directly observe or look at a picture of your loved one.

– Breathe in and out slowly, feeling love filling your mind and heart as you ponder the one you cherish.

– Continue breathing and directing your attention to the experience of love.

– Your feeling of peaceful joy and appreciation reflects your positive loving power.

“One day as I watched my little gray kitten, Murphy, purring on my lap, I felt so much love for her. I wondered if my positive power might feel that same sweet love for me. It was then I realized that I could invite this love to fill the gaping holes I felt inside me.”

Give it A Try & Let Me Know!

Why not give the exercise a try and feel how lovable you really are? Immersing yourself in the power of love and goodness –as often as you can!–guarantees a happier outlook in 2019!  Let me know how it goes; I’d love to hear from you.

GET 20% off Award-Winning 50 Ways to Worry Less Now: Reject Negative Thinking to Find Worry Less NowPeace, Clarity, and Connection.  5-stars on Amazon. Use “20lessnow” code here (Seattle Books).   No discount from Amazon. Find e- book links at gigilanger.com.

Worry Less Now; Gigi Langer
From me to you!

Gigi Langer has been clean and sober for 33 years, and holds a PhD in Psychological Studies in Education from Stanford University. She’s a sought-after speaker and retreat leader who has helped thousands improve their lives at work and at home. 

 

 

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THE BEST GIFT OF ALL: COURAGE!

worry less now courage   I don’t know about you, but when I face a big challenge, I need time to muster the courage to begin. Since I’ve taken on so many things that initially scared the crap out of me, I’ve learned to accept my initial doubts as part of the process, and then work my way through them until my courage returns.

You may remember I wrote that I would begin recording my audio book of 50 Ways to Worry Less Now on December 5. Well, technically, I DID begin, but that involved 2 weeks of  dealing with my fears!

During that time, my negativity whispered to me, “It’s too much work! It’s too technical! You won’t be able to do it! It’s going to cost a fortune anyway!” I’m so familiar with such fears, I went into my “gain courage” mode with the following actions.

  • Attended spiritually-based meetings (e.g., A Course in Miracles and 12-Step groups).
  • Stepped up my prayer and meditation practice.
  • Posted an affirmation on my bathroom mirror: “I create a wonderful audio book in a wonderful way; I offer wonderful service for wonderful pay.”
  • Met with my spiritual advisor to share my concerns and gain a new perspective.
  • Asked my support team (that includes you!) to visualize me holding a completed and successful audio book.
  • Listened to expert advice about how to create an audio book, and kept telling myself, “You can do this.”
  • Set up my new microphone in a prominent place so I could “make friends” with it.
  • Forgave myself for my impatience and irritability while I waited for sufficient courage to begin the project.
  • Enjoyed golf, spending time with my husband and friends, and going to the pool.

A week ago, when I texted my niece to wish her a happy 17th birthday, I included a few things about our holiday plans and my desire to make an audio book. She replied, “I’m really excited you’re recording an audio book. You should film the process on your phone so we can see. I have always wanted to see what it is like to do that!”

Boom! The turning point had arrived! My niece’s words ignited my enthusiasm and I immediately made a 5-minute video sharing how I connected my microphone and loaded the recording software. It was so much fun! In the next few days, I recorded two more episodes showing all the materials I was studying and how I made my first recording. Now I’m pausing during the holidays while I prepare the manuscript for reading and practice my narrating skills.

In the meantime, here are my videos!   Disclaimer from a former perfectionist:  I’ll get (a little) better at videos, but my main focus is getting the audio book done; so videos aren’t polished.

Thank you for sharing the journey with me. It’s a lot more fun with buddies who follow along, and I’ve already gotten some good suggestions for making audio books. If you have any tips, please send them along.

Finally, I’m wishing to all who celebrate Christmas:  Have a wonderful holiday. And my hope for all of us: A happy and joyous New Year!

Gigi Langer has been clean and sober for 32 years, and holds a PhD in Psychological Studies in Education from Stanford University. She’s a sought-after speaker and retreat leader who has helped thousands improve their lives at work and at home. Her new book is available from Amazon, and in various formats here .

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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14 WAYS TO FIX YOUR BAD MOOD

worry less now gigi langerGOT A  (*?!@&)  ATTITUDE?      At this time of shorter days, low-pressure fronts, and colder temps, it’s  all too easy to get caught up in negativity. Even though I just wrote a book about worrying less, it doesn’t mean I’m never in a bad mood. It just means I have effective tools to change it.

Here I share a few of my favorite ones.

Recently I’ve been upset by some not-so-gently-delivered criticism, a loved-one’s illness, and a bad reaction to some medicine. When such things appear to “go wrong,” my ego claims, “This shouldn’t be happening!! Let’s figure out how to change it!” Then the overthinking begins — and peace is lost. It might take a while to admit that I’m focusing only on what I don’t like. But eventually, I realize that I need to do something to restore my peace of mind.

In this case, I did a guided meditation, made a gratitude list, and took a short walk. My bad mood vanished! Here are more of my favorite ways to turn around a negative attitude.

14 Ways to Fix a Bad Mood

1. Check to be sure you’ve eaten well and rested well. If you haven’t, take better care of yourself. Avoid over-work, over eating, over-drinking, and drugs.

2. List five things you’re grateful for.  Do this every day without repeating any item.

3. Meditate and/or pray. Use the free app, Insight Timer or other tools. Do this every day for at least ten minutes.

4. Exercise, walk, or do yoga. These activities are proven to increase positive brain chemicals and feelings.

5. Do something nice for someone. Smile at a stranger, compliment a server, or send a friend a loving note.

6. Listen to uplifting music or podcasts/radio; read inspiring books or blogs; or watch a positive movie (I loved “Won’t You Be My Neighbor?” about Mr Rogers).

7. Talk with a healthy, supportive friend who has a positive attitude toward the world.

8. Give yourself permission to turn off negative TV or radio broadcasts. Also avoid extended time with negative people.

9. Avoid gossip and look for the strengths, rather than the faults, in the people around you.

10. Stop using the words “should” and “ought.” Cultivate the habit of humility—admit that you don’t know everything and just let some mysteries be.

11. Imagine that someone you love is feeling the way you are. Then say to yourself what you would say to comfort that person. (Self compassion: See Kristin Neff).

12. Know that your thoughts and feelings do not define who you are; that you have a choice about what fills your mind. Slowly breathe in goodness and breathe out negativity. Keep doing this until your body and mind calm down.

13. Write down your thoughts and feelings and see which ones are really true. Are they permanent? Is there another way to look at the things that bother you? Circle the ones you know are untrue and turn them around (to learn how, see “The Work” by Byron Katie)

14. When in a conflict, WAIT a day or two before acting. Use the techniques here to calm down and find peace. Do not try to change minds or resolve conflicts through any electronic means. Face-to-face communication is best for relationships you value (yes, it takes courage to listen and share).

I’m so grateful that, once I decide to fix my bad mood, I have the tools to do so. And they work!  Ahhhh . . . I feel such peace!

worry less nowGigi Langer is the former “Queen of Worry” who  holds an MA in Psychology and PhD in Psychological Studies in Education from Stanford University. She is a popular speaker who has helped thousands of people improve their lives at home and work. Gigi hasn’t had a drug or drink for over 30 years, and lives happily in Michigan with her husband, Peter and her cat, Murphy.

For specific tools to overcome negativity and worry, check out my award-winning book “50 Ways to Worry Less Now: Reject Negative Thinking to Find Peace, Clarity, and Connection.” 

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You ARE Worthy of Love!

You Are Worthy of Love
Photo by Tim Mossholder from Pexels

When I finally got honest about my addictions and began working a recovery program, I discovered the main whispered lie behind my self-destruction: “You are not lovable.”

Perhaps this single belief—that we are not worthy of love—haunts every one of us at some point.

My unconscious response to this belief was to try with all my might to show everyone, including myself, that I was worthy of love.

I spent many years inventing a “perfect self” by observing and imitating others who seemed to have the attention I so craved.

My therapist called this strategy the zero-sum game: When I observed and judged myself as less than someone else, I gave myself a minus 1. When I saw myself as better than someone else, I gave myself a plus 1. The sum of these two numbers is zero. Nobody wins.

In high school, I compared myself with the popular girls, judged myself as unworthy, and then began to imitate them. When they finally accepted me, I felt superior to the less popular girls (plus 1). When I got a good grade, I was on top of the world (plus 1). But when I received a low grade or criticism, I was devastated (minus 1).

Comparing myself to others set me up for a lifetime of debilitating perfectionism, one of my most painful survival strategies.

One might say I became an egotist with an inferiority complex. I went back and forth between seeing myself as either the scum of the earth or far above others. There was no middle ground.

Why do we try so hard to create this invented self? Those of us who grew up in troubled homes concluded, “If my caregivers don’t give me love, then surely I’m not worthy of it.” To prove them wrong, I set out to convince the world that I was lovable.

The irony is that the “impostor-self” doesn’t bring long-term security or contentment. In fact, it plays havoc with relationships, practically guaranteeing their failure. Since I believed my partner loved the person I was pretending to be, I was afraid if he knew who I really was, he’d take one look and run in the opposite direction!

Even more damaging, this illusion kept me from knowing the truth of who I  am: a beloved, perfect, child of God / Universe / Spirit.

How do we discover our lovable self? Since I had been abused and had used sex to attract “love,” I felt impure and sinful. Deep down, I thought I wasn’t worthy of love. After years of therapy, recovery, and sexual healing groups, my gifted therapist said to me, “We’ve done everything we can through talk-therapy; now it’s time for energy healing.”

At my first session, the energy practitioner placed her hands on my head as I reclined with my arms and feet crossed. Then she asked me to repeat, “All parts of me are pure, innocent, and sinless.” After a few minutes, I felt a tingling sensation as I felt layers of negativity and shame being lifted out of my body. At the end of my second session, I left feeling lighter and free of a great weight. I was told to continue saying that affirmation.

Other energy healers have taught me tapping routines, and I use a wide variety of other cognitive and spiritual techniques to replace negative with positive self-talk. Most of those tools appear in my new book, 50 Ways to Worry Less Now: Reject Negative Thinking to Find Peace, Clarity, and Connection.

Today, I know I am worthy of love. You too can come to believe these truths:

  • You are a uniquely created and purely good being.
  • Your essence—your true self—is a spirit of love and care.
  • Your own worth is established by God / Universe / Love.
  • Whatever isn’t good or pure is associated with your human experience on earth, not with your spirit.
  • Whatever may have happened in your life, it does not override the truth of who you are in spirit.

I’ll close with a few words from my favorite Taylor Swift song, “Innocent.” Video here. Complete lyrics here.

 “Did some things you can’t speak of; But at night you live it all again; Who you are is not what you did; You’re still an innocent. Every one of us has messed up too. Minds change like the weather; I hope you remember: Today is never too late to be brand new.”

Worry Less Now bookGigi Langer is a former “Queen of Worry.” She’s also an educator, speaker, and author of 50 Ways to Worry Less Now, winner of the 2018 Indie Excellence Award. Learn to defeat negative thinking, find inner peace, attain clarity, and improve relationships–no matter what is going on in your life! Available through Amazon (5 stars), Barnes and Noble, and e-book sites.

Langer holds a PhD in Psychological Studies in Education and an MA in Psychology, both from Stanford. As Georgea M. Langer, she’s published several books for teachers and school administrators.