DO YOU HAVE FEELINGS THAT JUST CARRY YOU AWAY AND COLOR YOUR WHOLE WORLD GRAY? Don’t worry! Such feelings are often created by fearful thoughts that aren’t even true.
For example, we live in the wreckage of our future (“Its going to be awful!”) or we create “unenforceable rules” (“This should (or should not happen”). Often, we try to change the past by thinking how it “could have” been better.
Such thoughts are driven by the fear-driven belief that, if we just think long and hard enough, we can protect ourselves (and our loved ones) from pain and harm.
SO, HERE’S THE TRUTH: We don’t have the means to make people and things exactly as we want them. We just aren’t that powerful.
AND, HERE’S THE GOOD NEWS: We can find peace of mind and contentment in the midst of our fearful feelings and thoughts. Why? BECAUSE WE CAN CHOOSE WHAT FILLS OUR MIND.
HOW? Meditation, walks outside, stretching, yoga, prayer, reading or watching inspiring books/movies, spiritual practices, energy work, and thought-correction can all soothe our most difficult feelings. Good healthy friends or counselors really help too.
When we get still and listen to our inner wisdom (or that of another), we receive the comfort of ACCEPTANCE (non-attachment to specific outcomes). Further, we find ways to address those problems that still bother us—IF they are still bothering us (quite often, they’ve shrunken down to nothing!).
NEXT TIME YOUR FEELINGS are having a hissy fit, stand apart from them for a moment to recognize they’re mostly a result of inaccurate and disturbing thoughts. Then, ask yourself, “What healthy actions can I take to soothe my mind and body?” And then, do that!
PLEASE SHARE YOUR FAVORITE WAYS OF SOOTHING UPSET FEELINGS IN THE COMMENTS SECTION. THANKS!!
Gigi Langer, PhD. Many years ago, I used alcohol, romance, and professional accomplishments to soothe my frayed nerves. When I quit drinking, I was left with only my fears and worries. Over time, I discovered effective tools from therapy, recovery programs, scientific research, and a variety of philosophical and spiritual teachings.
My award-winning book, 50 Ways to Worry Less Nowdescribes how I and others have defeated the faulty thinking leading to dysfunctional relationships, perfectionism, addiction, and worry about loved ones. It contains practical strategies with directions, personal stories, and other helpful suggestions. Amazon: 4.8 stars (48 reviews) (Buy Paperback, e-book, OR audiobook HERE)
Karen Casey, best-selling author of Each Day a New Beginning (Hazelden) “Even though I have been in recovery for more than 4 decades, and didn’t think another self-help book would make it to my treasured list, I was wrong. This book is a winner.”
Harriet Hunter and I met online through a FaceBook group for writers. We hit it off immediately and began to exchange e-mails and encourage one another.
You see, we were each about to launch our books. And we couldn’t stand the excitement! I offered to do an advance review of “Miracles of Recovery,” and my glowing words now appear on the back cover!
This book is a wonderful gift for anyone in recovery.
I read it every day.
If you’d like a sample, listen to the recording below as Harriet Hunter reads “The Gift of Faith.”
I know you’ll love her infectious enthusiasm for life.
To get more wonderful blogs and daily recordings, go to HarrietHunter.org and sign up!
One day, Harriet emailed me about a book fair she was attending about three hours from me. We decided to share a table to showcase our books. We had never met face-to-face until that weekend, and we became fast friends immediately!
Get to know Harriet through her wonderful website, HarrietHunter.org She’s a star!
Well, the time has finally come! After six months of work, next week Robin Waters (narrator) and I are releasing the 6-hour audiobook for 50 Ways to Worry Less Now! You might have a few questions, so here’s a brief Q & A.
If it’s coming out this week, then why does the banner above say Oct. 22-28? This week is the “soft launch” (without a ton of promotion), but you can get it as soon as it goes “live” on Amazon, Audible, or i-tunes. The “full launch” is October 22-28 with all the hoopla of a blog tour.
What’s a blog tour? I’ve hired Jess at Audiobookworm to schedule “hosts” to feature the audiobook on their blogs or websites between Oct 22 – 28. Ideally, this burst of promotion sells a lot of books in a short amount of time, resulting in “bestseller status” on Amazon/Audible.
How can I help? Even if you don’t have a website or blog, you can still do a LOT. And we’d really appreciate it! You can 1) post reviews of the audiobook or 2) participate in the online blog tour.
1) LISTEN TO & REVIEW THE AUDIOBOOK. (I offered a free copy to the first 20 who sign up; but I still have a few more available. If you want one, contact me.) Please post reviews on Audible, Amazon or i-tunes; Goodreads; and all your social media sites. (You can do this anytime.)
2) JOIN THE Oct. 22-26BLOG TOUR (as a “Host”). To participate, you need your own website (or blog) about Audiobooks, Recovery, or Wellness. During the tour week, you post a review, &/OR audio excerpt, &/OR the cover and description, &/OR a written interview with me. Or, if you wish, I’ll even contribute an article for your blog! ** To sign up as a host: Click HEREbetween Sept. 22 – Oct. 15, and Jess will send you all the information. Her directions are very clear and she’s so kind. You’ll receive the free audiobook, plus you’ll be eligible to win a free giveaway (your choice of a paperback of “Worry Less Now” with a Workbook, or 2 Skype personal coaching sessions with me).
PS. YOU ALREADY KNOW ME, BUT HOW ‘BOUT OUR AUDIOBOOK NARRATOR, ROBIN WATERS? You may recall that I tried to begin narrating the book myself, but soon found the technology plus all those hours in a closet too daunting! So, I went in search of a narrator and found the perfect person.
Robin Waters grew up in Southern California and left home early to get professional theatrical training and pursue her dream. In her early twenties, she found a new passion–holistic health–and shifted her focus to become a wellness educator.
She currently lives in Canada where she stays busy writing, demonstrating how to cook healthy food, and leading workshops and women’s circles. She loves cuddling and reading out loud with her son and daughter. Now that they are older, she has returned to her first loves of narrating and performance. There is something magical about connecting with others through voice and sharing the human experience with good storytelling and characters.
Partnering with Gigi to produce this book was a gift, as it was a beautiful combination of her two passions. She has spent a lifetime overcoming worry/anxiety, and finding herself through expression and connection. She hopes this audiobook brings you more inner peace and is a comfort on your journey toward a vibrant life.
Gigi Langer holds a PhD in Psychological Studies in Education from Stanford University. She is an acclaimed teacher, author, and speaker who has helped thousands improve their lives at home and work. Gigi hasn’t had a drug or drink for over 30 years, although she does occasionally overindulge in Ghirardelli chocolate and historical novels. She lives happily in Michigan with her husband, Peter and her cat, Murphy.
My Mom & Dad Married 9/14/1939 Cece and Ted Mohlman
If you grew up in a dysfunctional family, my story will be familiar. I only hope that you’ve found the people and programs to help you heal. Here’s how I began to grow out of the negative thoughts and worries from my childhood. (Excerpted from 50 Ways to Worry Less Now.)
My Mom and Dad: “Doin’ the Best They Can”
I was the fourth child of a charming, alcoholic father and a mother who spent her life worrying about him. Many evenings we’d find Mom lying alone on her bed reading a book, gloomy and sad as she listened for the crunch of Dad’s car tires on the driveway. Too often, that sound never came and she sank lower and lower into her sadness.
Partying with friends was the mainstay of my parents’ lives.
The stereo got louder and louder as the drinks got stronger and stronger. Some
nights, after the guests had left, we were awakened by crashes and Mom’s
screams. I lay frozen in my bed as the whispered lie “I’ll never be safe” sank
into my bones.
What Is A Dysfunctional Family, Anyway??
In alcoholic and other dysfunctional families, the dominant
messages are: Don’t feel, don’t trust, and don’t tell anyone about it. The “it”
is the proverbial “elephant in the room”; although everyone is aware of it,
they quickly deny it.
In the absence of honest communication about my dad’s drinking, we children began to invent stories to explain the swirling tension in the air. I birthed a new whispered lie: “I must be a bad person if my parents won’t give me time or attention.”
Family alcoholism isn’t the only condition that can stunt a child’s sense of security and worth. Any trauma that causes ongoing despair can become the elephant in the room: death of a family member, physical impairment, mental illness, gambling, drug addiction, violence, chronic illness, foster care, sexual abuse, or neglect. In such cases, the troubling situations consume the family’s attention, and the emotional needs of the children often go unmet. These deficits launch the child on a lifelong search for love and safety without a road map.
According to Janet G. Woititz’s Adult Children of Alcoholics and Tian Dayton’s The ACoA Trauma Syndrome: The Impact of Childhood Pain on Adult Relationships, adult children of alcoholics and trauma victims tend to share several characteristics
Fear losing control; are overly responsible; have trouble relaxing and having fun;
Fear their emotions or feelings; confuse pity with love; have difficulties with intimacy;
Fear abandonment; constantly seek approval;
Self-criticize; have low self-esteem;
Deny reality; avoid conflict; adopt a victim mentality; become comfortable living in chaos and drama;
Overreact to outside changes; when afraid, see everything and everyone in extremes;
Adopt compulsive behaviors; have an attraction to compulsive personalities; and
Suffer from frequent physical illness and an accumulation of grief.
Healing Begins (with A Lot of Help from My Friends!)
When I first learned about these tendencies, I felt hopeless. Then I heard these empowering words: I am not to blame for what happened to me as a child; but I am responsible for healing my past. For more information and support, see https://adultchildren.org/
After I got sober in 1986 and the fog cleared, I sought therapy for many of the tendencies that had been screwing up my life. My therapist suggested I attend Twelve-Step meetings called “Adult Children of Alcoholics.” In those meetings, I felt uncomfortable as others talked about experiences similar to mine, but at the same time I felt a giddy sense of relief. I realized I wasn’t alone; and if others had the courage to recover, so could I.
As I continued to work with my therapist, I discovered that I still felt, deep inside, like a defenseless little girl. In an inner-child healing exercise, I visualized locking my mind’s critical voices in a lead-lined vault. I then greeted my imaginary little girl with love and asked if she would talk with me.
As my therapist coached me, I told my inner child I loved her and praised her for being so brave in our crazy home. I thanked her for inventing strategies to keep us secure, and explained that she could let go of her perfectionism and other defenses. Finally, I assured her that she could trust me—her adult self, powered by love—to keep us safe and happy.
These exercises helped me see my divorces and addictions as merely misguided attempts to find love and security. I let go of my self-condemnation and began to believe I could be happy. Since then, I’ve never stopped growing.
An Invitation
If you’ve had experiences similar to those described here, I wish you courage and freedom from the past. I welcome you to comment on your journey of healing. and how your found support. For more information, see https://adultchildren.org/
NOTE: This article is taken from Chapter 5 of my book, 50 Ways to Worry Less Now, which shares the entire story and the tools I discovered as I grew into the happy, healthy woman I am now. This growth has been one of the greatest miracles of my life, but I did not do it alone.
Gigi Langer holds a PhD from Stanford University in Psychological Studies in Education. She’s an award-winning teacher and writer with 33 years clean and sober. Her new book, 50 Ways to Worry Less Now won the National Indie Excellence Award and rates 4.8 stars on Amazon. The AUDIOBOOK is due in mid-September 2019 (Audible, Amazon, i-tunes). Tune in at GigiLanger.com
