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Gigi Langer

Worry Less Now!

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Tag: fear

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CLAIM INDEPENDENCE FROM YOUR WORRY-COMMITTEE!

worry less now

[Excerpt from Chapter 1, 50 Ways to Worry Less Now.]

My friends say our worries & fears come from the not-so-helpful “committee in my head.” I call those negative voices “whispered lies.”

For instance, for too many years I believed “If I want to be liked, I must look good.” This whispered lie made me constantly worried about my appearance and behavior.

Here are a few more examples:

• “I’ll never have enough money.”

• “I always sabotage my success.”

• “Relationships just don’t work for me.”

• “We could all be happy if only Dad would stop drinking.”

Although many whispered lies concern ourselves, they often involve institutions, as in “If the government would just change this policy, we’d all be better off.”  Other distressing beliefs focus on our children, spouses, friends, or relatives—for instance, the last example about the father’s drinking. 

Even though it might be true that Dad ought to stop drinking or the government should make changes, these events have no control over your own happiness.

You can find peace of mind under any circumstance because you’re in charge of what you think about.

Most of our worries are fueled by false stories installed into our minds long ago, just waiting for opportunities to be confirmed. Wayne Dyer wrote that everything our brain “knows” is based on past experiences. Therefore, when an event resembles—even in a small way—an old painful one, our mind interprets the new event according to the long-standing negative belief.

Since most whispered lies live largely in our unconscious, we’re often unaware of them.

To illustrate the power of my own “negative committee’s” lies, consider why I failed at romantic love so many times during my twenties and thirties. I wanted to believe that love was possible for me, but my past had taught me the lie “I’m not worthy of love.”

This belief lived so strongly in my mind that, even when a man loved me deeply, I couldn’t believe it was true. After several months, I would become convinced that he wasn’t fulfilling my needs. These worries made me so demanding that I soon snuffed out all the happiness and joy of new love. When it ended, I’d tell myself, “I just don’t deserve love!” Until I got honest and started healing my faulty thinking, I had no hope of enjoying a happy relationship.

I’m so grateful for the therapy, recovery, psychological strategies, and spiritual tools that gave me freedom from my false beliefs. As a result, I’m a pretty happy camper most days — AND I’ve been happily married for 30 years. So what if Peter’s my 4th husband??? He’s fabulous!

To learn how to win independence from your own committee’s whispered lies, order a personalized SIGNED COPY of my award-winning book, 50 Ways to Worry Less Now here.  Amazon (5 stars), Barnes and Noble, and e-book formats.

Gigi Langer, PhD has helped thousands of people improve their lives at home and at work. She’s written several books for educators, and is a sought-after speaker and workshop leader.  Gigi holds a doctorate in Psychological Studies in Education  and an MA in Psychology, both from Stanford.

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7 WAYS TO OVERCOME FEAR

These days, it’s really easy to fall prey to fear and insecurity about the future. So, I thought I’d share with you seven ways to overcome fear.

1) Instead of focusing on what’s wrong, focus on what’s right. Try a gratitude journal, random acts of kindness, finding something you appreciate about another person, or stopping to smell the roses (or in this case, our beautiful spring blossoming trees!)

2) Instead of obsessing about a negative situation until it seems to be a major issue, try to keep it in perspective. Remember that this too shall pass, and you’ve made it through worse things. Try to accept what is going on with calm trust that, even though things may appear scary or chaotic, all is well. For more on changing your perspective, see this post.

3) Instead of isolating with TV, media, and potato chips (or ice cream!), hang out with positive people striving to improve their lives. They will give you hope and make you laugh–the best tonic of all. Zoom has many meetings and gatherings to support your growth.

4) Instead of engaging in self-criticism, try self-compassion. Talk to yourself as if you were a small child who needs comforting and reassurance. Take good care of yourself by taking a hot bath or a soothing walk outside.

5) Instead of trying to change the past by thinking about how it could have been different, focus on what is going on right now, both inside and around your body. Savor the sensations of sound, touch, scent, vision, and taste.

6) Instead of living in the wreckage of your future, try being 100% in this present moment. Pay rapt attention to those you’re listening to and enjoy every moment of your life.

7) Instead of trying to change people, places, or things, admit that you have no power over them. Then focus on the only things you CAN control: your own attitudes and actions. Admit that you don’t know what is best in every situation. Practice acceptance. Let go and allow the mysterious power of spirit handle things.

What would you add? I would love to hear how you’re overcoming fear!
With love from Gigi, “Worry Less Now!”

Worry Less Now Cover overcome fear

Gigi Langer has been clean and sober for 33 years, and holds a PhD in Psychological Studies in Education from Stanford University. She’s a sought-after speaker and retreat leader who has helped thousands improve their lives at work and at home. 

Order my award-winning book (50 Ways to Worry Less Now) HERE . Also available in e-book and audiobook.  4.8 stars on Amazon!

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A Mystery Quote: “Songs of Plenty and Songs of Want”

a course in miracles

Several years ago, my friend, Mo, dictated into her 1990s tape recorder several selections from A Course in Miracles (ACIM).  I’ve spent many hours listening to the 90-minute tape; I even converted it to a CD when cassettes died. Now it lives in my phone’s music app. I love every wise word Mo recorded, and I often thank “Angel Mo” for this dear gift.

At the very end of Mo’s recording is a section called, “The Human Experience.” I’ve always thought it was taken from ACIM, because everything else on the tape was from there. But this beautiful section is NOT in the Course, and I can’t find its source anywhere. CAN YOU? If You’re The First One to Find It, You’ll Get A Free Copy of “Worry Less Now.” Here is part of the section I love so much. 

The Human Experience

“So dear are you to me. I see you struggle and let go, struggle and let go again. And that is the dance of life. Seek not to end the dance. 

The earthly dance moves from ballroom to ballroom, 
from dance floor to dance floor. The cosmic dance moves from era to era. But the dance must continue until all the music has been heard. 

You are now hearing different stanzas to the same song. The song is salvation. The verses speak of learning all there is to learn. 

All there is to learn includes songs of plenty and songs of want. You learn the dance of prosperity and the dance of scarcity, until you realize that all the dances are the same.

You move to the rhythm, sway to the beat. You pause to start again. You feel the heartbeat of the music until your heart and the beat of the music are one. Then that dance is over.

Worry not, my child. All earthly experiences teach only one thing: That you are a child of a loving God who punishes you not.”

Isn’t that beautiful? Although it’s very similar the the Course‘s style, it’s not from there. I hope you can find out where it was published.

What IS a Course in Miracles, Anyway?

You may already know about the Course, perhaps from Marianne Williamson’s best seller, A Return to Love–a wonderful introduction. The three books form a “curriculum” that people study on their own or in a group, thus the reference to a “course.” It’s main purpose (the “miracle”) is to help us align our thoughts and actions with love rather than with fear.
Here is my summary of some of the key ideas presented in ACIM (from Chapter 3 in 50 Ways to Worry Less Now)

•  We are spiritual beings living inside a physical body. The confusion of the human experience comes from thinking our body represents the full extent of our being. The true essence of a person, however, is not the body. It is the spirit, also known as the soul, positive power, love, true self, and so on. Most of us seek to connect with a loving source of safety, comfort, and wisdom.

•  Fear separates us. When we believe we are merely a physical body, we think there isn’t enough love, attention, or material security to go around. We live in fear as we constantly compete against others to fulfill our human needs. In this survival state, we separate ourselves from one another. The Course and many other teachings refer to this self-centered fear as “the ego,” and consider it the main source of unhappiness. (Note that Freud defined the ego differently—as the decision-making part of the personality.)

•  Love connects us. When love (positive power) is our driving force, we trust there is enough of everything we need to be happy and secure. We connect with others in loving care and compassion. We are no longer driven by our fears and we find joy.

To simplify: Fear, judgment, and separation create negativity and worries. Loving connections cure them.

What do you think? Do you agree? What’s your experience with ideas such as these? I’d love to hear from you!

Worry Less Now CoverGigi Langer has been clean and sober for 33 years, and holds a PhD in Psychological Studies in Education from Stanford University. She’s a sought-after speaker and retreat leader who has helped thousands improve their lives at work and at home.
Read her blog here or order her award-winning book (50 Ways to Worry Less Now) from Barnes and Noble, Amazon (5 stars), and all e-book vendors.

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Interview Part 1: Your Destructive Whispered Lies

Want to worry less? Become aware of your negative self-talk:  “whispered lies” such as, “Oh, this is just so awful.”  “I can’t handle this.” “I need to fix (situation/person) right now.” “I can’t be happy until (situation/person) changes.” “I’ll never be able to do that.” or “I wish I hadn’t . . .”

Stressful thoughts like these scare us so much that we end up with life-threatening illnesses, or we find ourselves too preoccupied to give love and attention to our family or friends. Not a recipe for happiness!

How do we overcome our whispered lies so we can find peace, wisdom, and fulfilling relationships?

That’s what Charita and I talked about in this interview series about my award-winning book, 50 Ways to Worry Less Now: Reject Negative Thinking to Find Peace, Clarity, And Connection.

Interviewer, Charita H. Cadenhead, Realtor, Author, Radio host, Entrepreneur (R.A.R.E.). http://renewrefreshreset.com/about/charita-cadenhead/

worry less nowGigi Langer holds a PhD in Psychological Studies in Education from Stanford University. She’s a sought-after speaker and retreat leader who has helped thousands improve their lives at work and at home. Order her award-winning book, 50 Ways to Worry Less Now at Amazon or get 20% here off with promo code 20lessnow.

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