Overcoming Worry & Doubt Archives - Page 12 of 39

September 17, 2021September 17, 2021

Turn Your Character Flaws into Assets!

After solving my drinking problem, I was amazed to find equally damaging aspects within my own personality–low self-esteem, jealousy, perfectionism, and constant anxiety.

I now think of these “character flaws” as survival strategies that helped me cope in the past, but no longer serve me in the present. For example, standing up for my own needs often brought on ridicule at home, so I became a people-pleaser and pretended everything was fine. Now, many years later, I no longer need to suppress my needs because I’ve learned to be honest and assertive in my relationships.

To change this old, damaging pattern, I needed to discover the motivators underlying it: where had I been fearful, dishonest, resentful, or selfish? Often these motivators showed up in my self-talk as whispered lies. For instance, my fear might whisper, “Don’t speak up; if you do, he’ll get angry and leave.” Dishonesty also played its part by denying my unpleasant feelings. (For more on Whispered Lies, see my book, 50 Ways to Worry Less Now – amzn.to/2RMx5m5).

When I used therapy, the 12 steps, and other practices to dissolve my fears and dishonesty, I gained positive self-talk (Whispered Truths) such as, “I have the right to ask for what I desire.” As a result, my happiness and relationships benefited from my assertiveness and honesty.

Here I illustrate how each motivator (Fear, Dishonesty, Resentment, Selfishness) spawns whispered lies, character flaws, and negative consequences. But the story doesn’t end there! After choosing to let go of these patterns and humbly asking God to remove them, we find the healing of internal whispered truths and many benefits.

FEAR UNHEALED

Whispered Lies: “If I create conflict or speak up, people will leave me.” “I must perform well to be loved.” “If I make a mistake, I’ll be abandoned.”
Character Flaws: People-pleasing, Perfectionism, Fear of failure, Laziness, Doubt
Consequences: Victim mentality, Blaming others, Anxiety, Procrastination, Giving up

FEAR HEALED

Whispered Truths: “I have a right to ask for what I desire.” “I can be imperfect and still be worthy of love.” “My high standards improve my work when I also take good care of myself.”
Benefits: Assertiveness, Improved relationships, Courage, Serenity, Trust, Faith

DISHONESTY UNHEALED

Whispered Lies: “I have to be who people want me to be.” “If I can figure this out, I can keep my loved ones safe.” “I can’t be happy unless things change.”
Character Flaws: Codependency; Needing to control people, places, and things; Self-justification
Consequences: Failed relationships, Trying to change others, Overthinking, Obsessing about the future, Lack of self-care, Anxiety, Denial of powerlessness

DISHONESTY HEALED

Whispered Truths: “I find the courage to take good care of myself.” “My higher power is in charge of my own and my loved ones’ security.” “I can’t change people, places or things, but I CAN change how I think and act.” “This is God’s job, not mine.”
Benefits: Loving others with honesty, Moderation, Acceptance, Resiliency

RESENTMENT UNHEALED

Whispered Lies: “Nothing works out for me.” “Screw life!” “I’m not getting what I deserve.” “I hate him/her/it!”
Character Flaws: Negativity, Self-Pity, Intolerance, Impatience, Envy
Consequences: Gossip, Depression, Defensive in friendships, Distrust love, Anger

RESENTMENT HEALED

Whispered Truths: “I have everything I need as God wills.” “Everything is in perfect order; I just can’t see it right now.” “This person is troubled just as I am; I see us both with compassion.” “All is well.”
Benefits: Acceptance, Gratitude, Forgiveness, Self-care, Humility (seeking God’s will), Generosity

SELFISHNESS UNHEALED

Whispered Lies: “She’s better than I am, so she’ll get all the attention I need.” “I’m better at this than she is, so I’m more worthy than she is.” “I must have this NOW!”
Character Flaws: Pride, Greed, Self-criticism, Judging others, Suspicion
Consequences: Relationship difficulties, Withholding love, Non-communication, Stress/anxiety, Rigid expectations of others (and of ourselves).

SELFISHNESS HEALED

Whispered Truths: “I am an equal among equals.” “We’re all loved and loveable.” “We all share flaws; that’s okay.”
Benefits: Happy relationships, Generosity, Consideration of others, Acceptance

*Note that each of the four motivators shows up to some extent in almost every flaw listed

HOW DO YOU IDENTIFY WITH THESE IDEAS? I’D LOVE TO HEAR FROM YOU!

Gigi Langer has been sober 35 years, and holds a PhD in Psychological Studies in Education from Stanford University. Formerly crowned the “Queen of Worry,” Gigi resigned her post many years ago and now lives happily in Florida with her husband, Peter and her cat Murphy.

My award-winning book, 50 Ways to Worry Less Now, describes how to reject the faulty thinking leading to addiction, dysfunctional relationships, perfectionism, and worry about loved ones. Check out the practical directions, personal stories, and other helpful growth tools. Amazon: 4.8 stars (Buy Discounted Paperback, e-book, OR audiobook HERE)

June 6, 2021June 6, 2021

TRUST THE PERFECT ORDER OF GROWTH!

As you may remember, I’ve stopped my weekly blog because I’m currently facilitating a “Worry Less Now” Study Group. It’s been wonderful joining with 8 beautiful women to work with affirmations, vision boards, master minding, and other tools from my book. Surprisingly, however, some of us are finding that change doesn’t come as quickly as we’d like. We may wonder, “Is it all really in perfect order?”

I thought you might enjoy reading the note I sent to the study group members about that dilemma.

Dear “Worry Less Now” Study Group Women

Since you’ve been working on improving your life, I hope you’re noticing some positive changes. If not, don’t worry!

Quite often, after declaring an intention to grow, we get into a situation that makes us so uncomfortable (for SO long) that we finally give up on trying to fix it all by ourselves. At this point, we’re usually quite willing to use more tools to stream loving power into our situation. Eventually (not on our timetable), we find peace of mind & intuitive guidance; and suddenly, it’s no longer a “problem.”

In short, sometimes things seem to get worse before they get better. My mantra for such times is,

“EVERYTHING IS IN PERFECT ORDER, even though I can’t see it.”

This past 2 weeks, I was laid up, so I read historical novels & kept in close contact with my docs. I was so tempted to believe the whispered lie: “My sickness will keep me from living the life I want.” Thank God, I was patient and kept affirming: “I am not my body; I am spirit, and all is well.” Today (finally) I feel like myself again—yay! Perhaps the “perfect order” here was that I needed to slow down and rest. More will be revealed!

Keep An Eye out for the Next “Worry Less Now” Study Group!

I hope you’re doing well these days, and that your growth-path is full of patience and miracles! Stay tuned for my next 5-week “Worry Less Now” study group. I hope you’ll join!

My award-winning book, 50 Ways to Worry Less Now, describes how to reject the faulty thinking leading to addiction, dysfunctional relationships, perfectionism, and worry about loved ones. Check out the practical directions, personal stories, and other helpful suggestions. Amazon: 4.8 stars (Buy Discounted Paperback, e-book, OR audiobook HERE)

May 1, 2021July 4, 2021

Find A Power Greater Than Your Fears

How many of us wish, “If only I had the power to make things turn out the way I want them to!”

Let’s take a minute to look closely at these illusions of will and power. How well has trying to control others worked for you? Do you believe you can impose the changes you’d like to see on the world? Perhaps you’ve even struggled unsuccessfully to change your own fears and habits.

When you can admit that your unaided efforts to improve your own and others’ lives almost always fail, a wondrous alternative appears: You can trust a positive power to help you find peace and courage, no matter what’s going on in your life.

What Is Positive Power?

If you’re skeptical about what many call a “higher power,” let me assure you: You don’t need to worship a particular spiritual entity, religion, dogma, or philosophy. You’ll be defining this source in a way that works for you. You can be as unconventional or traditional as you want–as long as you tap into something greater than your fears.

How you come to understand this power is highly personal and your business only. You may find it in your mind, spirit, energy, or in the universe. Perhaps you’ll discover it through the hope and strength of supportive, healthy people. (However, consider carefully what they say and how they live their lives. Then take what works for you and leave the rest behind.)

How Can A Positive Power Help Me?

How can you put your positive power to work in your life? By making one single decision again and again: Reject your fear-filled thoughts and connect with your source of power. As you continue making this choice, you’ll discover a happy outlook and intuitive guidance for your problems.

Studies reported by Stephanie Castillo reveal that believers in such a power are happier than those who don’t believe. Cultivating loving thoughts, good feelings, and positive experiences reprograms your persistent, negative thinking. In the words of author Emmet Fox, “You cannot think one thing and produce another.”

Try it now

Memorize a prayer or affirmation and say it often, mindfully savor the beauty around you, try guided meditation, listen to inspiring speakers, join with positive people for fun and growth, say a kind word to a stranger or friend, list five things you’re grateful for each day, write in a journal, pray for those you resent, and/or practice loving self-compassion.

A Few Reminders about A “Higher Power”

You don’t need to intellectually understand a positive power for it to work for you
Fear and judgment keep you upset and alone; a loving power overcomes your fear and connects you with others.
With consistent practice and pleasing results, you’ll come to trust your positive power to bring you peace and happiness, no matter what is going on in your life.

My award-winning book, 50 Ways to Worry Less Now which describes how to reject the faulty thinking leading to addiction, dysfunctional relationships, perfectionism, and worry about loved ones. Check out the practical directions, personal stories, and other helpful suggestions. Amazon: 4.8 stars (Buy Discounted Paperback, e-book, OR audiobook HERE)

April 4, 2021April 4, 2021

15 Ways to Defeat Overthinking

A life-long habit of overthinking cost me not only my peace of mind; it also fueled my chronic pain, anxiety, perfectionism, and my alcohol and drug abuse.

Even after getting sober and working a rigorous recovery program, I still had a problem with overthinking.

Now, however, I have many powerful ways to calm my mind, and I rarely have anxiety or chronic pain.

You too can overcome your overthinking problem by simply using a few of my favorite tips!

DAILY HABITS TO CALM YOUR THINKING

Consistently using any of the practices below will bring stability to your mood and mind.

Practice Gratitude. List five things you’re grateful for. Do this every day for a week, without repeating any item.

Meditate and/or Pray. Use the free app, Insight Timer or other tools. Do this every day for at least 10 minutes. It shrinks the “worry center” of the brain.

Exercise, Walk, or Do Yoga. These are proven to increase positive brain chemicals and increase happiness.

Do Something Nice for Someone. Smile at a stranger, compliment a server, or send a friend a loving note.

Take Good Care of Yourself. Be sure you eat well and get enough rest. Especially important, drink plenty of water. Finally, don’t use food, alcohol or drugs to deal with stress.

Limit Negative Input. Give yourself permission to turn off negative TV or radio broadcasts. Avoid extended time with negative people.

Become Inspired. Listen to uplifting music or podcasts/radio. Read inspiring books or blogs. Watch a positive movie (for example, “Won’t You Be My Neighbor?” about Mr. Rogers).

TIPS TO TURN AROUND OVERTHINKING

Because we’re human, we can easily revert to incessant negative thoughts. When this happens, try a few of these tips to get unstuck.

Breathing. Pause, and then slowly breathe in goodness and breathe out the negativity. One easy method involves counting to five as you inhale, pausing, and then slowly breathing out to the count of five. For maximum benefit, repeat this cycle ten times.

Sharing. Talk with a healthy, supportive friend who has a positive attitude toward the world.

Writing. Write down your thoughts and feelings and ask yourself which ones are really true. Ask yourself, “Is this permanent? Is there another way to look at this?” Circle the ones you know are untrue and then “turn them around” as instructed in “The Work” by Byron Katie www.thework.com.

Choice. Remember that you have a choice about what fills your mind. Therefore, you’re not a victim of your thoughts. Overthinking and worry can always be replaced with positive, calming images and ideas.

Affirmations. Whenever you notice a thought that is scaring you, substitute a positive, loving thought. Importantly, keep doing that each time the worrying reappears. For instance, “I’ll never get this right” becomes “I am capable of succeeding and will do so.”

Self Compassion. Talk sweetly to yourself. For example, say to yourself exactly what you would say to comfort or encourage a loved one. For more helpful ideas, See Kristin Neff www.SelfCompassion.org.

Therapy. Therapy is extremely helpful, especially EMDR and Energy Tapping.

Sobriety. If you must have more than two regular-sized drinks a day, consider joining a program to quit. Don’t forget that marijuana also adds to negativity!

IN SUMMARY

Turning around overthinking takes constant awareness and practice, but you’ll soon reap the benefits: a clearer mind, greater peace, happier relationships, and a general feeling of good will.

I did it, and so can you. Good luck!

Gigi Langer

Worry Less Now!

Category: Overcoming Worry & Doubt