Over 30 years ago, I was listening to a cassette of Gerald Jampolskyâs little book, âLove is Letting Go of Fearâ as I drove to work in my VW Bug. It changed me forever.
For years, I had been filled with shame and self-loathing because I couldnât stop my lying, promiscuity, drug use, and profound belief that I couldnât possibly be loved by anyone. Already in my third marriage, I was back to my old patterns.
Thatâs why, when my grad school mentor, Jane, sent me Jampolskyâs little book, I grabbed onto it like a life raft.
It taught me two crucial truths:
1. The essence of my being is love.
2. We can learn to love ourselves and others by forgiving rather than by judging.
Back and forth to work, I listened to these and other lessons, and slowly began to change.
After years of denial, I quit drugs and alcohol and discovered the power of A Course in Miraclesâa spiritual system similar to Jerryâs work. Over time, I even managed to become happily married.
Twenty years later, Jane and I attended Jerryâs âAttitudinal Healing” (AH) weekend course where he emphasized one of my favorite principles of AH:
âWe can become Love finders rather than fault finders.â
For example, instead of criticizing politicians, we can choose to love and appreciate our democracy. Or, when you have an ache, instead of focusing on it, send love to all the body parts that work perfectly.
Every minute, we can choose to be loving toward ourselves and others rather than judging them. We can choose to join our hearts rather than finding fault.
As we bear these lessons in mind, let’s all HAVE A WONDERFUL HOLIDAY SEASON!
With Love, from Gigi Langer. đ
PS. Get “50 Ways to Worry Less Now” audio or ebook (free); paperback (discounted). Just email me here: [email protected]
DO YOU HAVE FEELINGS THAT JUST CARRY YOU AWAY AND COLOR YOUR WHOLE WORLD GRAY? Don’t worry! Such feelings are often created by fearful thoughts that arenât even true.
For example, we live in the wreckage of our future (âIts going to be awful!â) or we create âunenforceable rulesâ (âThis should (or should not happenâ). Often, we try to change the past by thinking how it âcould haveâ been better.
Such thoughts are driven by the fear-driven belief that, if we just think long and hard enough, we can protect ourselves (and our loved ones) from pain and harm.
SO, HEREâS THE TRUTH: We donât have the means to make people and things exactly as we want them. We just arenât that powerful.
AND, HEREâS THE GOOD NEWS: We can find peace of mind and contentment in the midst of our fearful feelings and thoughts. Why? BECAUSE WE CAN CHOOSE WHAT FILLS OUR MIND.
HOW? Meditation, walks outside, stretching, yoga, prayer, reading or watching inspiring books/movies, spiritual practices, energy work, and thought-correction can all soothe our most difficult feelings. Good healthy friends or counselors really help too.
When we get still and listen to our inner wisdom (or that of another), we receive the comfort of ACCEPTANCE (non-attachment to specific outcomes). Further, we find ways to address those problems that still bother usâIF they are still bothering us (quite often, theyâve shrunken down to nothing!).
NEXT TIME YOUR FEELINGS are having a hissy fit, stand apart from them for a moment to recognize theyâre mostly a result of inaccurate and disturbing thoughts. Then, ask yourself, âWhat healthy actions can I take to soothe my mind and body?â And then, do that!
PLEASE SHARE YOUR FAVORITE WAYS OF SOOTHING UPSET FEELINGS IN THE COMMENTS SECTION. THANKS!!
Gigi Langer, PhD. Many years ago, I used alcohol, romance, and professional accomplishments to soothe my frayed nerves. When I quit drinking, I was left with only my fears and worries. Over time, I discovered effective tools from therapy, recovery proÂgrams, scientific research, and a variety of philosophical and spiritual teachings.
My award-winning book, 50 Ways to Worry Less Nowdescribes how I and others have defeated the faulty thinking leading to dysfunctional relationships, perfectionism, addiction, and worry about loved ones. It contains practical strategies with directions, personal stories, and other helpful suggestions. Amazon: 4.8 stars (48 reviews) (Buy Paperback, e-book, OR audiobook HERE)
Karen Casey, best-selling author of Each Day a New Beginning (Hazelden) âEven though I have been in recovery for more than 4 decades, and didnât think another self-help book would make it to my treasured list, I was wrong. This book is a winner.â
I’m so pleased to announce that the audiobook of 50 Ways to Worry Less Now is now available! Get it from Audible, Amazon, or i-tunes!
Did you know that 50 Ways to Worry Less Now almost didn’t exist?
After I stated my intent to write this book, I experienced a period of turmoil and resistance. My whispered lies seemed to wake up and say, âWhat? This canât be! Thereâs no way youâre going do that!â âYou canât get this honest about your life; people will think youâre neurotic,â and âYou canât handle it if people criticize you.â
Suddenly, I found myself unable to write.
A quote from Goethe sums up the coincidences that followed soon after: âThe moment one definitely commits oneself, then providence moves too. All sorts of things occur to help one that would never otherwise have occurred.â
So, how did “providence” move me forward? I discovered a new tool that helped me write from my heart: Meditation.
Despite knowing about the many benefits of meditation, I had never been able to get the hang of it. I just couldnât quiet my incessant thinking long enough to feel successful.
Here’s how providence let me know it was time to learn this valuable skill:
While at lunch with my friend Chris, who had just completed her first book, I shared my fears about my writing. She told me how meditating had calmed her mind and given her a connection to a source of wise guidance in her work.
Soon after, I made a new friend, Mara, who meditates for twenty minutes twice a day. I became envious of her unflappable sense of peace.
Later that month, a woman in my book club mentioned she recently began meditating as part of her treatment for shingles, and had not had an episode since.
After spontaneously deciding to attend a womenâs retreat, I found that the topic was meditation! As the weekend progressed, I began to believe I could actually adopt this helpful practice.
Soon after the retreat, a friend asked me to join her for Deepak Chopra and Oprah Winfreyâs 21-day online meditation challenge.
At that point, I looked up to the heavens, and said, âOkay, Okay!â and began to meditate most mornings. Within a few years, I had a solid first draft of this book. A few years later, in early 2018, I published the paperback and e-book.
Last year, when I went to the bank to set up a checking account for my new business, I mentioned to the gentleman that I had just written a book. He replied, “Can I get it as an audiobook? That’s all I listen to.” Wow! Was I ever surprised.
So, last fall, I began the process of learning all about creating an audiobook. You can see my journey in YouTube videos number one; two; three, four, five, and an overview in this Blog. The final video celebrating the completion of the audiobook is here.
So, how does meditation fit into my life today? I find if I skip my morning meditation, I have less serenity and bravery to deal with my challenges.
For example, I recently began my day by reading many emails about a committee I’m on. When I later went to my desk to piece together some new ideas for a workshop, I noticed I was tense and couldnât find the right ideas. I then stopped, asked myself, âWhatâs wrong?â and remembered I had neglected to meditate.
Instead of criticizing myself, I gave myself kudos for noticing my tension. Recalling that itâ s never too late to start a day over, I did just that. As I entered the stillness, I could almost hear my body saying, âOK, the wise one is driving the bus now. We can stop the high alert.â IÂ received a wondrous result: I found the exact inspiration I had been seeking.
So, if you have a dream you’d like to pursue, try adding meditation to your daily routine. I like Insight Timer‘s guided meditations. They’re free and address a variety of topics.
Give it a try and let providence show you what’s really in your heart to contribute to the world!
Gigi Langer holds a PhD in Psychological Studies in Education from Stanford University. She is an acclaimed teacher, author, and speaker who has helped thousands improve their lives at home and work. Gigi hasnât had a drug or drink for over 30 years, although she does occasionally overindulge in Ghirardelli chocolate and historical novels. She lives happily in Michigan with her husband, Peter and her cat, Murphy.
I often hear a whispered lie telling me âGotta go faster!â or âItâs going to horrible if I canât get this done.â
Such urgent thoughts scare the wits out of meâand theyâre NOT TRUE.
To re-calibrate my exaggerated self-talk, I breathe, meditate, pray, and use other tools to connect with my true self/higher power. And then, voila! Those things that just âhadâ to be done are effortless and in perfect order. Whew! Relief!
âOne thing at a time. Thatâs all we have to do. Not two things at once, but one thing done in peace.
âOne task at a time. One feeling at a time. One day at a time. One problem at a time. One step at a time. One pleasure at a time.
âRelax. Let go of urgency. Begin calmly now. Take one thing at a time.
âSee how everything works out?
âToday, I will peacefully approach one thing at a time. When in doubt, I will take first things first.
Great advice, aye? I think Iâll follow it by letting go of my urgency!
Gigi Langer holds a PhD from Stanford University in Psychological Studies in Education. Sheâs an award-winning teacher and writer with 33 years clean and sober. Her new book, 50 Ways to Worry Less Now won the National Indie Excellence Award and rates 4.7 stars on Amazon. The AUDIOBOOK is due in mid-September 2019 (Audible, Amazon, i-tunes)
Over 30 years ago, I was listening to a cassette of Gerald Jampolskyâs little book, âLove is Letting Go of Fearâ as I drove to work in my VW Bug. It changed me forever.
