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September 25, 2020September 25, 2020

THIS “NO-WORRIES EXERCISE” WILL DISSOLVE YOUR NEGATIVE BELIEFS

Do you spend too much time thinking about the things you wish you could change, but really can’t? Would you like to change your negative thoughts to positive ones? Try the “No-Worries Exercise!”

Our Worries Are Caused by Negative Beliefs

Most of our worries are driven by negative beliefs. For instance, the belief, If I want to be liked, I must look good, produces worries about one’s appearance and behavior. Other examples include: * I’ll never have enough money. (Worry about finances and security.) * I always sabotage my success. (Worry about not being good enough) * Relationships just don’t work for me. (Worry about never having a happy marriage.) * We could all be happy if only Dad would stop drinking. (Worry about Dad’s disruption of the family.)

Although such “whispered lies” are often about ourselves, they also can focus on our children, spouses, friends, or relatives; for instance, the last example about the father’s drinking. Other distressing beliefs involve institutions, as in If the government would just change this policy, we’d all be better off (Worry about politics and security).

Such negative beliefs sap our energy and keep us spinning in circles, as we repeat the same old dysfunctional patterns and blame the world for our unhappiness.

Here’s the good news for all of us: Even though we don’t have the power to change most things that bother us, we DO have control over what we think. As we change our thoughts from negative to positive, our world changes accordingly. The No-Worries Exercise will help you do this.

The No-Worries Exercise

In this exercise, you’ll identify your worries and their consequences. Then you’ll imagine your life without these negative effects, set a goal, and choose specific tools to change your thinking. Begin by reading the three examples below. The first is one of my own worries; the second and third examples concern other common situations. Then, follow the directions at the bottom.

Examples

Gigi’s Worry: I’m never going to finish this book!

My thoughts, beliefs, or feelings: It will never be good enough. It’s just too much work!
Consequences of holding these thoughts, beliefs, or feelings: I am tense and preoccupied when I think I should be writing, so I rush through other activities without really enjoying them. I compare myself with other authors and feel even worse.
If I could grow beyond this worry, what would my life be like? I could relax and enjoy myself when I’m not writing. I could be more compassionate with myself and accept that writing a book is not smooth or easy for anyone.
Goal: I trust that the book is on just the right schedule, and I release my attachment to it being completed by a particular date. Tools: Affirmations, Golden Key, Tapping.

Second Worry: I’m afraid to go to my high school reunion.

Thoughts, beliefs, or feelings: I’m depressed because I’m too fat. People will criticize me.
Consequences of holding these thoughts, beliefs, or feelings: I’m eating to ease my stress. If I don’t go, I’ll feel terrible about missing everything.
If I could grow beyond this worry, what would my life be like? I could relax and enjoy my friends without feeling self-conscious.
Goal: I am comfortable with my weight and eat only when hungry. Tools: Therapy, meditation, Weight Watchers.

Third Worry: I’m concerned my adult son may have had a relapse.

Thoughts, beliefs, or feelings: I’m terrified and I have no idea what to do. I could never go on if something bad happened to him.
Consequences of holding these thoughts, beliefs, or feelings: I’m so worried. I’m just stuck. I can’t enjoy anything. I’m numbing myself out with overwork.
If I could grow beyond this worry, what would my life be like? I would trust that I will be okay, regardless of the outcome. I could enjoy my life again.
Goal: I enjoy my own life and accept my son’s choices without judgement . Tools: AlAnon meetings, read “Codependent No More,” meditate daily. (Therapy?)

Directions: **No-*Worries Exercise***

After reading the examples, think about a situation that’s troubling you. To get the juices flowing, you might write or draw in your journal, or talk about it with a trusted friend. On a piece of paper, write your answers to questions 1-4. Then go into action to with your worry-dissolving tools.

Select one worry for this exercise, and write your own thoughts, beliefs, or feelings about it.
Underneath it, describe how this worry and its associated beliefs have caused trouble for you or your loved ones.
If you could grow beyond this worry, what would your life be like? How would it look and feel?
Set a goal for releasing this pattern of worry and list 2-3 tools from Worry Less Now (or elsewhere) to help you overcome your negative thinking.

After you complete the No-Worries Exercise, pat yourself on the back for taking the first steps toward freedom from your worries. Now, put your plans into action!

As you focus on improving the content of your thinking, your emotions will be more stable, and your positive stance toward life will bring pleasing benefits.

P.S. If you find that looking so closely at your troubles is causing ongoing distress, please consult with a counselor, doctor, minister, or healthy friend.

PLEASE SHARE YOUR PROGRESS WITH ME AT www.gigilanger.com/contact-me, or on Facebook, Twitter, or Instagram. Or just email me at [email protected] I WOULD LOVE TO HEAR FROM YOU!

This post is taken from Chapter 1 of Gigi’s book, 50 Ways to Worry Less Now (available HERE in paperback, e-book, & audiobook). It has received a national award and rave reviews (4.8 on Amazon).

Gigi Langer holds a PhD in Psychological Studies in Education from Stanford University. She is a seasoned author and popular speaker who has helped thousands of people improve their lives at home and work. Gigi hasn’t had a drug or drink for over 30 years, although she does occasionally overindulge in Ghirardelli chocolate and historical novels. She lives in Florida with her husband and cat.

September 20, 2020September 20, 2020

WHAT? ME WORRY?? How to End Your Worrying

I used to be the “Queen of Worry,” biting my nails and stressing about everything. After I quit drinking, I found I still had a major “thinking” problem. When hardships arose, however, I couldn’t drink them away, so I had to learn other ways to deal with my fears and insecurities.

After several years of challenges and discoveries, I had built up such an effective set of tools that I rarely found myself worrying. In 2011, I grouped these tools into five simple strategies: HP-CPR. You can think of it as “Higher-Powered CPR” for the terrified heart and mind.

HP-CPR

HP-CPR: Honestly claiming a loving Power, we Choose our future and use Growth Practices to get there. Here’s a quick summary, followed by an illustration.

HONESTY: “Here’s what’s really going on inside me.” Admit that your worrying has kept you stuck in unhappiness.
- POWER: “I claim courage and intuitive direction.” Claim a source of positive power to overcome your worries through your mind, spirit, and/or body energy.
- CHOICE: “This is what I want and I’m going for it!” Choose a new future andcommit to do the necessary work to achieve it.
- PRACTICES: “I’m actively connecting with loving power to grow as needed.” Consistently use a variety of tools to dissolve your worries.
- RESULTS: “Here it is!” As you gain a peaceful perspective, you will act with wisdom, heal past wounds, repair relationships, and find true happiness.

HP-CPR At Work

One night, my friend Mary called and asked for my advice after meeting the affluent mother of her daughter’s friend. When the woman asked Mary where she lived, Mary didn’t want to say she resided in a small apartment with her three children, so she gave a vague answer. After this encounter, Mary began worrying about how she responded.

Honesty: Mary began our conversation by honestly describing the situation and her embarrassment. Together we identified her negative self-talk (whispered lies): “I’m a loser,” and “People will only like me if I match their standard of living.” She also admitted that her need to look good in the eyes of others was a long-standing problem.

Power: Mary felt powerless over her negative thinking and past efforts to correct it. By talking with me, a trusted friend, she began to claim the power and courage to overcome her fears. As we talked together over the next few weeks, I encouraged Mary to use prayer and meditation to connect with her source of loving power.

Choice: I asked Mary to write a statement of what she most wanted in her life as if it had already happened. She wrote: “I have freedom from my self-punishing thoughts and my family is economically secure.” She read the statement aloud as often as possible, visualized it as if it were already done, and felt gratitude for the anticipated results.

Practices: Mary used the following growth practices to overcome her worrisome whispered lies. 1) The Golden Key: Every time she noticed herself worrying, she shifted her thoughts toward any connection she felt with positive power. Because she had a religious affiliation, she chose to focus on God. 2) Gratitude list: Mary wrote a daily list of three things she was grateful for, without repeating any of the items listed.

My conversations with Mary began in January. During the next few months, she met with me, connected with her higher power, affirmed her life choices, and used the suggested tools. She even added some new ones; for example, she increased her participation in a support group.

Results: In March, Mary experienced what she described as “a miracle.” She was freed from her worries and self-judgment; and she found peace with her current living situation. A month later, Mary was offered a lease on a gorgeous three-bedroom home for very low rent. To top it off, just as I was revising this chapter, she called with news about her work promotion with a big pay raise.

Patience, Persistence, and Support

Notice that Mary’s changes did not come all at once. She followed the steps of HP-CPR with patience and determination.

Another of her crucial actions was joining with others. When we’re in the grip of our worries, seeking help is the last thing that occurs to many of us. By connecting with healthy others, however, we can explore questions such as, “How might I see this differently?” “What do I want as an outcome?” or “What growth tools might help me?”

How do you overcome your own fears and worries, and who supports your growth with encouragement and wisdom? I’d love to hear your thoughts!

(Excerpt taken from page 6-8 of Gigi Langer’s award-winning book, 50 Ways to Worry Less Now. For another illustration of these steps, see this post.)

Gigi’s book, 50 Ways to Worry Less Now has gained rave reviews (4.8 on Amazon) and a publishing award. Get it HERE in paperback, e-book, or audiobook.

September 11, 2020September 11, 2020

NEW VIDEO: From Love Addiction, Drugs, and Alcohol to “50 Ways” to Reduce Anxiety (Interview with me!)

THANK YOU SO MUCH, ARLINA, AT ODAAT CHAT PODCAST FOR OUR AMAZING TALK!

Arlina has been sober since 1994, and is the host of the award-winning podcast, ODAAT CHAT (ODAAT stands for “one day at a time”).

VIEW YOUTUBE VIDEO HERE

Here’s the link, in case you want to share it. https://odaatchat.com/index.php/2020/07/25/gigi-langer/?unapproved=1497&moderation-hash=1a8c10b6b17e6c54f1e0efcf8109b47f#comment-1497

Arlina offers Classes and Personal Coaching as described below. Learn more at Sober Life School or odaatchat.com

– The 30 Day Challenge – Struggling to stay sober? Try it for 30 days, this time with support from a sober friend, me.

– Reinvent – How To Rebuild Self-Esteem After Alcoholism & Addiction

– Sobriety Reset – Master the Basics of Recovery and Get Re-inspired

In 50 Ways to Worry Less Now, Gigi Langer shares her personal journey as a prisoner of fear, worry, and substance abuse, along with practical techniques anyone can use. Award-winner with rave reviews: Amazon 4.8 stars. Get special offers on the paperback, e-book, and audiobook HERE.

Gigi Langer has been sober 34 years, and holds a PhD in Psychological Studies in Education from Stanford University. Formerly crowned the “Queen of Worry,” Gigi resigned her post many years ago and now lives happily in Michigan with her husband, Peter and her cat, Murphy.

September 6, 2020September 6, 2020

WHY STOP USING ALCOHOL?

LOVE LETTER TO SOBER CURIOUS WORRY LESS NOW GIGI LANGER

By the time I was 36, I lived in a self-created jail of fear and worry. I was more miserable than I’d ever been. Little did I know that I suffered from a subtle case of un-diagnosed alcoholism.

The First Crack in My Denial

Of course I was in denial; aren’t we all until we’re forced to face the problem?

But denial, when held onto for too long, can keep us from facing up to and taking responsibility for our problems.

Jane Stallings, my mentor and employer in grad school, was the first to break through my denial. At the time, I was living with John, one of several men I had either married or lived with during the past 15 years. We met almost every night at a bar, drink a few beers, and then went home, got high, and made love to the sounds of Mozart or Sibelius.

This seemed like normal behavior to me, but not to Jane. She would often phone me in the evening about some work detail and find me less than coherent. She had also witnessed my bawdy behavior as John and I drank heavily at one of her dinner parties.

A few weeks after that party, Jane gently said, “You are such a talented woman and yet there’s a piece in there that’s just . . . I don’t know, just not quite . . . ” I can’t recall her next words, but here’s what I heard: “There’s a part of you that’s broken, and it shows.”

Jane’s comment that day pierced my illusion that attracting men, earning good grades, and being well liked were hiding my problems. But I wasn’t yet ready to give up the fight.

Not Ready Yet

Later, Jane introduced me to Don, who would become my third husband. We fell in love quickly, and I moved to his home in Michigan to complete my dissertation. From the very beginning, I tried to act exactly how I felt he wanted me to–no over-drinking or pot.

After a year of living in this emotional pressure cooker, I’d had enough. I walked into my favorite tavern and chose a seat. Shafts of sunlight pierced the blinds the same way they had at my regular bar at Stanford. When a couple of guys in business suits sat near me, our small talk soon escalated into flirtation.

I called home and told Don I was out with some of my students. Then I left with the guy I’d picked up. We went to buy cocaine, drove to his home, and had sex. Only through good fortune did I make it home safely at 2:00 a.m. I told my husband more lies the next morning to cover up my misadventures.

The Final Straw

At that point, I admitted that something was seriously wrong, and sought therapy. When the counselor said I was in the early stages of alcoholism, I foolishly thought with relief, “That’s not too bad.” He then suggested I have two drinks_,no more and no less_,each day, and take note of my behavior.

After a few months, I realized that sometimes I could stop after two drinks; but on other occasions, I would continue drinking, find drugs or go home with a stranger, and cover up my actions with lies.

When I honestly admitted that after just one drink or drug, I couldn’t predict what I would do, I accepted that I needed to stop drinking.

I walked into my first Twelve-Step meeting one month before my thirty-eighth birthday. Ever since, I’ve been clean and sober through the support of several healthy recovering women. And my dream of being happily married has come true; my fourth husband and I recently celebrated our 30^th anniversary!

Your Honesty

Trust me, if you’re life isn’t working, if your relationships are awful, if you grew up in a dysfunctional family, if you’re a perfectionist, chances are that alcohol has been promising you relief while robbing you of an honest, happy life.

Don’t let denial get in the way. Take a long look in the mirror. You’re the only one who can do something about it.

In 50 Ways to Worry Less Now, Gigi shares her personal journey as a prisoner of fear, worry, and substance abuse, along with practical techniques anyone can use. Award-winner with rave reviews: Amazon 4.8 stars.

Get special offers on the paperback, e-book, and audiobook HERE.

Gigi Langer

Worry Less Now!

THIS “NO-WORRIES EXERCISE” WILL DISSOLVE YOUR NEGATIVE BELIEFS

Our Worries Are Caused by Negative Beliefs