– The 30 Day Challenge – Struggling to stay sober? Try it for 30 days, this time with support from a sober friend, me.
– Reinvent – How To Rebuild Self-Esteem After Alcoholism & Addiction
– Sobriety Reset – Master the Basics of Recovery and Get Re-inspired
In 50 Ways to Worry Less Now, Gigi Langer shares her personal journey as a prisoner of fear, worry, and substance abuse, along with practical techniques anyone can use. Award-winner with rave reviews: Amazon 4.8 stars. Get special offers on the paperback, e-book, and audiobook HERE.
Gigi Langer has been sober 34 years, and holds a PhD in Psychological Studies in Education from Stanford University. Formerly crowned the “Queen of Worry,” Gigi resigned her post many years ago and now lives happily in Michigan with her husband, Peter and her cat, Murphy.
By the time I was 36, I lived in a self-created jail of fear and worry. I was more miserable than I’d ever been. Little did I know that I suffered from a subtle case of un-diagnosed alcoholism.
The First Crack in My Denial
Of course I was in denial; aren’t we all until we’re forced to face the problem?
But denial, when held onto for too long, can keep us from facing up to and taking responsibility for our problems.
Jane Stallings, my mentor and employer in grad school, was the first to break through my denial. At the time, I was living with John, one of several men I had either married or lived with during the past 15 years. We met almost every night at a bar, drink a few beers, and then went home, got high, and made love to the sounds of Mozart or Sibelius.
This seemed like normal behavior to me, but not to Jane. She would often phone me in the evening about some work detail and find me less than coherent. She had also witnessed my bawdy behavior as John and I drank heavily at one of her dinner parties.
A few weeks after that party, Jane gently said, “You are such a talented woman and yet there’s a piece in there that’s just . . . I don’t know, just not quite . . . ” I can’t recall her next words, but here’s what I heard: “There’s a part of you that’s broken, and it shows.”
Jane’s comment that day pierced my illusion that attracting men, earning good grades, and being well liked were hiding my problems. But I wasn’t yet ready to give up the fight.
Not Ready Yet
Later, Jane introduced me to Don, who would become my third husband. We fell in love quickly, and I moved to his home in Michigan to complete my dissertation. From the very beginning, I tried to act exactly how I felt he wanted me to–no over-drinking or pot.
After a year of living in this emotional pressure cooker, I’d had enough. I walked into my favorite tavern and chose a seat. Shafts of sunlight pierced the blinds the same way they had at my regular bar at Stanford. When a couple of guys in business suits sat near me, our small talk soon escalated into flirtation.
I called home and told Don I was out with some of my students. Then I left with the guy I’d picked up. We went to buy cocaine, drove to his home, and had sex. Only through good fortune did I make it home safely at 2:00 a.m. I told my husband more lies the next morning to cover up my misadventures.
The Final Straw
At that point, I admitted that something was seriously wrong, and sought therapy. When the counselor said I was in the early stages of alcoholism, I foolishly thought with relief, “That’s not too bad.” He then suggested I have two drinks, no more and no less, each day, and take note of my behavior.
After a few months, I realized that sometimes I could stop after two drinks; but on other occasions, I would continue drinking, find drugs or go home with a stranger, and cover up my actions with lies.
When I honestly admitted that after just one drink or drug, I couldn’t predict what I would do, I accepted that I needed to stop drinking.
I walked into my first Twelve-Step meeting one month before my thirty-eighth birthday. Ever since, I’ve been clean and sober through the support of several healthy recovering women. And my dream of being happily married has come true; my fourth husband and I recently celebrated our 30th anniversary!
Your Honesty
Trust me, if you’re life isn’t working, if your relationships are awful, if you grew up in a dysfunctional family, if you’re a perfectionist, chances are that alcohol has been promising you relief while robbing you of an honest, happy life.
Don’t let denial get in the way. Take a long look in the mirror. You’re the only one who can do something about it.
In 50 Ways to Worry Less Now, Gigi shares her personal journey as a prisoner of fear, worry, and substance abuse, along with practical techniques anyone can use. Award-winner with rave reviews: Amazon 4.8 stars.
Get special offers on the paperback, e-book, and audiobook HERE.
Gigi Langer has been sober 34 years, and holds a PhD in Psychological Studies in Education from Stanford University. Formerly crowned the “Queen of Worry,” Gigi resigned her post many years ago and now lives happily in Michigan with her husband, Peter and her cat, Murphy.
Imagine that you’ve planted a seed. Each day you water it and check its progress. Eventually a green stem sprouts from the earth, and a pale pink bud slowly emerges. Suddenly, you have an insane urge to pry it open to see it right now in full bloom.
Instead, however, you choose to patiently care for it. Your reward is a fragrant, beautiful flower; and recognition that–from flowers to human experiences–each miracle appears in its own time and its own way.
Trusting life is like waiting for a blossom to appear. In the meantime, you remind yourself that, no matter how scary a situation appears, your positive power and wisdom will resolve it. You practice non-attachment, use your growth tools, and wait.
Trust Life’s Perfect Order
There’s a perfect order to our lives that often isn’t clear until time reveals its elegant solutions. What initially seemed to be my worst disasters yielded some of my greatest blessings; but these gifts appeared in their own time.
Alcoholism brought me a spiritual path, healthy friends, a happy marriage, and creative productivity.
Many years of shoulder and back pain taught me to accept what I couldn’t change, to trust positive power, and accept care and comfort from others.
My husband’s resumption of drinking resulted in my forgiving my father and a new appreciation for my marriage.
While I don’t relish such challenges, I’ve learned that each upsetting event or person will ultimately increase my growth and ability to love. They’ve helped me trust life–no matter what is going on!
Time for Action: Tool 46. Are All Hard Times Totally Bad?
It’s easier to trust life when you believe something better is coming, even though you can’t yet perceive it. When you see ups and downs as opportunities to grow, you can relax and enjoy life.
Think of a few major life challenges in your past.
List two or three of them in your journal, leaving space to write under each one.
Beneath each life challenge, describe the subsequent benefits it brought to you and your loved ones.
Now consider two problems worrying you. Write them down, along with their possible positive outcomes.
When a person or situation pushes your buttons, it’s often life’s way of helping you face and heal old beliefs that no longer serve you. Especially when you repeatedly receive–and accept–the same poor treatment, it’s a wake-up call. As you choose to work toward inner peace, you’ll experience the exhilarating freedom of trusting life.
This post is taken from Chapter 7 of Gigi’s book, 50 Ways to Worry Less Now (availableHERE in paperback, e-book, & audiobook). It’s received rave reviews (4.8 on Amazon) and a national award.
Gigi Langerholds a PhD in Psychological Studies in Education from Stanford University. She is a seasoned author and popular speaker who has helped thousands of people improve their lives at home and work. Gigi hasn’t had a drug or drink for over 30 years, although she does occasionally overindulge in Ghirardelli chocolate and historical novels.
Big news! Peter & I have sold our condo in Michigan and are moving to SW Florida. So we’ve been packing and packing, and I’ve had little time to write a blog.
But, this week, POP Buchanan did a video interview with me and I’d like to share it with you. It’s a little different than the ones I’ve been doing, as we talk about a variety of topics related to anxiety and stress.
Here’s the link. Enjoy! I should be back with a regular blog entry next week.
