According to the Mayo Clinic, people who worry less have better physical health, lower risks of stroke or heart disease, and higher overall survival rates. They also have better emotional health, less depression, more harmonious relationships, and are more equipped to solve life’s problems.
We all want such benefits, right? But we’ve got to stop worrying so much! FIND YOUR PERSONAL WORRY SCORE AND HELPFUL HINTS BY CLICKING THIS LINK
When we finally stop trying to fix our challenges on our own, the golden moment of surrender arrives. We realize we must find a way to reconnect with the wisdom of our true self. But how do we do that? First, we refrain from acting.
Then we reflect on our part in the difficulty; next we marshal Loving Energy to release us from the negativity blocking our hearts. Finally, from the calm of our true self, we respond in the best way for all involved.
| [from my new book, Love More Now: Reflections on Open-Hearted Living, coming soon!] Refraining from Taking Direct Action Ironically, when faced with a life challenge, our best “action” is to refrain from acting. We do nothing—for now. Let’s admit it; we often try for a quick fix just so our icky feelings will go away. We want to feel better now rather than reflecting on our part in the situation. In most cases, however, acting too soon produces harmful words and actions that we never intended. Why? Because we were driven by fear and not by love. To avoid this trap, we learn to PAUSE: Pause Action Until Serenity Emerges. This serenity comes from reflecting on our part and then choosing to open our hearts, thus releasing us from the grip of our fears. From this place of peace arise all the solutions we will ever need. But what do we DO while we’re pausing? First, it’s helpful to cultivate self-compassion by opening our heart to ourselves. After all, we may feel shame about being in such a difficulty, spawning whispered lies of self-condemnation: Why can’t I handle this better? I should know how to fix this! What’s wrong with me? Or, we might point the finger toward others in a blame-game: It’s their fault! I am right and they’re wrong. They should change. None of this makes us feel any better. On the contrary, we can reassure ourselves that we are merely imperfect human beings doing the best we can. For example, telling ourselves, Yes, this is hard, and we’re upset. That’s okay, this often happens in life, and we’ve gotten through hard times before. Let’s remember, we’ve got our true self and others’ Loving Energy to help us. Remember too the lesson taught by so many wisdom traditions: even though our true self is perfect Love, our human self is on this earth to learn to be as loving as possible. This is a tall order, indeed, for those of us mired in fear. If we’re awake and willing, however, we learn to “render the barriers to love harmless,” as described in the opening quotation. Reflecting on My Part As we pause and refrain from action, we reflect on our part in the situation: What is it about me that makes this so difficult? Three of the twelve steps of AA suggest using specific questions to examine our part in any difficulty. Such questions help us consider how our thoughts, feelings, and patterns might be responsible for our own unhappiness. The list below is derived from the five shortcomings we examined in Chapter 4, and the six coping patterns listed in Chapter 3. We can think of these areas as “soft-spots” in our human personalities that close our hearts to ourselves and others, thus blocking Loving Energy from healing our difficulties. Yet, it is this very Loving Energy that can release these blockages, freeing us to give and receive love. As you read each question below, take a moment to reflect on it. Then, if it seems relevant to your current problems, make note of it. Whom or what am I resenting, blaming, or criticizing? What are they “depriving” me of?What have I been afraid of, not trusting the Loving Power of my true self?Where have I been self-centered, thinking only of getting my own needs met?How have I been lying to myself? What have I not wanted to look at?What self-condemning beliefs have I held about myself? Are they really true?How have I been a caretaker by putting another’s needs above my own best interests?Do I sometimes feel like a martyr—a victim of circumstances beyond my control?How have I been a perfectionist, expecting myself and others to never make mistakes?How have I been people-pleasing by pretending to be what others want me to be?How have I been a workaholic, placing work above my relationships and health?How have I been a tap dancer, unwilling to commit to a program of growth and healing? After writing down a few of the most glaring items, it will be most helpful to list for each one: a) what you were trying to gain by holding on to it (e.g., material gain, emotional security, prestige, or sexual needs), b) the negative consequences for you and others of holding on to this soft spot, and c) what your life could be like if you didn’t have this soft spot. Now it’s time to enlist our Loving Power and our healthy, growth partners to release us from these shortcomings. Releasing Blocks to Love First, recall that I’ve said repeatedly that we cannot become more loving by doing it all alone, unaided by the guidance of healthy growth partners. Second, we can’t grow out of our self-defeating habits without the help of Loving power. Reading this last sentence, you might be wondering, Wait a minute. If these flaws have been blocking the flow of love in my life, then how can that same love heal them? It’s important to acknowledge that your Loving Energy has never left you and that it is always available to you. We only believed we lost it and reinforced those beliefs through our self-defeating fears. Happily, to “render the barriers to love harmless,” all we have to do is ask for help. As simple as that! Unfortunately, most of us have to get pretty uncomfortable before we surrender our old ways and open ourselves to another way of living. In this golden moment, Loving Power is right there ready to help us remove these barriers to love. To harness this love, we need only consistently stream Loving power into our hearts. Many of us do this by using any or all of the following practices on a daily basis: meditation, prayer for self and others, affirmations and visualization, mindfulness/being in the now, kindness/giving love, and gratitude lists. Some of the other practices I use when a persistent pattern needs a direct infusion of healing are: thought-switching (e.g., the Golden Key), Master Mind group, tapping, EMDR, Radical Forgiveness, and setting boundaries with others. Responding in The Best Way for All One of my favorite promises in Twelve-Step literature is “We will intuitively know how to handle situations that used to baffle us.” As we clear out the blockages to love, we begin to notice this intuitive sense emerging from our true self, nudging us in the best direction for all. It’s rather mysterious because this wisdom doesn’t necessarily come from some pre-determined script we’ve created in our minds. It’s more likely that we find ourselves acting differently or thinking differently, and it’s only after the fact we can see the changes. How could it be any different if we’ve been filling our minds with heart-opening loving thoughts and feelings? It’s pretty simple: the more make space for love to enter our hearts, the more our lives begin to thrive in the most amazing ways. |
 Book Deal for You and Friends I’m now mailing out personally signed copies of 50 Ways to Worry Less Now for only $8.95 (free shipping within USA), so please send this link to your friends and family. GigiLanger.com/buy (Please) Post Your Review of “WORRY LESS NOW” As you know, Amazon Reviews are essential for book sales. If you’ve read Worry Less Now, and NOT YET posted a review, it’s easy withthis link. THANKS SO MUCH! |
 Gigi Langer is a former “Queen of Worry” who writes, speaks, and encourages others to overcome their stress, addictions, and negative thinking. Her PhD is from Stanford University. Get a discounted signed copy of Gigi’s award-winning book, “50 Ways to Worry Less Now” (4.8 stars Amazon) ($8.95) Includes FREE PDF WORKBOOK CLICK <<HERE >> https://GigiLanger.com/buyAlso available in e-book and audiobook formats. |
I am re-posting these 2020 videos because they contain mental health content not included in my other podcasts. In fact, they summarize the entire Worry Less Now book. So, if you haven’t read it or just want a quick review of many of the strategies, why not set aside an hour or so and check them out!
😔 Did you know people who worry have more heart attacks than others? Find out how to improve your mental health by overcoming negative thinking and other self-defeating patterns such as codependency, perfectionism, stress, anxiety, and relationship failure.
👍 Practical, proven strategies for living a serene life, no matter what is going on! [See special offers below for signed copy of 50 Ways to Worry Less Now]
Click below to watch PART 1 of my explanation of how to overcome worry on the Achieving Mental Health for Real podcast with Robert Adelman. Thanks to Bob for recording these talks. 😘
PS Hope you enjoy my (intrusive?) hand gestures!
Here’s the link in case you want to pass it on https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/otr-achieving-mental-health-for-real/id1485260458?i=1000466127092
And here are five more of the 50 Ways to Worry Less Now.
JUST CLICK HERE https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/otr-achieving-mental-health-for-real/id1485260458?i=1000485373316
REFERENCES FROM THIS EPISODE:
Highly Sensitive Person, Dr Elaine Aron, www.Hsperson.com
A Course in Miracles (acim.org) Easier to read: Marianne Williamson, A Return to Love; Karen Casey, Daily Meditations to Practice the Course; also Karen Casey, 52 Ways to Practice A Course in Miracles
Radical Forgiveness. Colin Tipping www.RadicalForgiveness.com
IS It True? The Work, Byron Katie, www.thework.com
The Golden Key www.metaphysicspirit.com/books/The%20Golden%20Key%20to%20Prayer.pdf
Self-compassion Kristen Neff www.selfcompassion.org She also has a nice guided meditation in Insight Timer App.
Vision Boards: I have an example in this blog
https://gigilanger.com/positive-thinking-work/
Gigi Langer has been sober 35 years, and holds a PhD in Psychological Studies in Education from Stanford University. Formerly crowned the “Queen of Worry,” Gigi resigned her post many years ago and now lives happily in Florida with her husband, Peter and her cat Easter.
Gigi’s award-winning book, 50 Ways to Worry Less Now, describes how to correct the faulty thinking leading to addiction, dysfunctional relationships, perfectionism, and worry about loved ones. Check out the practical directions, personal stories, and other helpful growth tools. Amazon: 4.8 stars (Buy Discounted, personally signed Paperback with free Workbook PDF HERE)
CLICK ON EITHER OF THESE LINKS TO ACCESS MY FASCINATING RECOVERY NUGGET WITH DAVID CLEMEN (the picture is not a live link) And a big thank you to David for sharing his story and insights!
Gigi Langer’s Nugget- Author of “50 Ways to Worry Less Now” by Recovery Nuggets Podcast (anchor.fm)
Recovery Nuggets is a podcast where David Clemen shares his experiences in long term recovery with stories, guests, as well as tips and plenty of Recovery Nuggets to chew on.
Here’s David’s introduction to our podcast episode:
“Would you like to learn how to overcome your stress, anxiety, and negative patterns? My goal is to help you become calm and wise, even during your most troubling times. Rather than responding out of impatience, fear, judging, gossip, or self-sabotage, you’ll learn to connect with your own center of loving power so you can enjoy fulfilling relationships, creativity, vibrant health, and success.” www.gigilanger.com
CLICK ON EITHER OF THESE LINKS TO ACCESS OUR FASCINATING RECOVERY CONVERSATION
Gigi Langer’s Nugget- Author of “50 Ways to Worry Less Now” by Recovery Nuggets Podcast (anchor.fm)
STAY TUNED FOR MY NEW BOOK, COMING THIS FALL! Love More Now, Reflections on Open-Hearted Living
Gigi Langer has been sober 35 years, and holds a PhD in Psychological Studies in Education from Stanford University. Formerly crowned the “Queen of Worry,” Gigi resigned her post many years ago and now lives happily in Florida with her husband, Peter and her cat Easter.
Gigi’s award-winning book, 50 Ways to Worry Less Now, describes how to correct the faulty thinking leading to addiction, dysfunctional relationships, perfectionism, and worry about loved ones. Check out the practical directions, personal stories, and other helpful growth tools. Amazon: 4.8 stars (Buy Discounted, personally signed Paperback with free Workbook PDF HERE)
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