relationships Archives - Page 4 of 4

October 21, 2018December 27, 2018

CAN A CLOSED HEART CONNECT WITH OTHER HEARTS?

ONE-HEARTEDNESS — by Gigi Langer WorryLessNow

Do you have an open heart or is it closed? How can you open your heart to connecting with others?

I recorded this 2-minute audio right after an energy-healing Reiki session with Kelly Hine. (That’s why I sound a bit dreamy & dazed at the beginning–that energy stuff is powerful medicine!!) After listening (or reading), read more about Kelly Hine below.

My 2-Minute Audio about Open-Hearts and Heart-Connections

Listen here (www.lookw ide.com/audiopost/n7yN3XOoDL ) to my “Lookwide” audio; OR, if you prefer, read my words below.

“I just had an ‘ah ha’ about heart-connectedness. For years I’ve been reading about the importance of having an open heart, as opposed to a closed, judging heart. And I’ve known through A Course in Miracles that it’s important to connect with one another rather than separate. And that joining together brings peace.

“I just did a Reiki session electronically with Kelly Hine, and her main teaching is about connecting with the heart center–‘heart-centered awareness.’

“When she asked us to set an intention, and I set mine that ‘I receive the guidance through my heart connections, the guidance to know how to reach the people who might benefit from the words I say and write–especially in relation to overcoming negative thinking and worrying less now, as expressed in my book.’

“As I meditated, I had this image of the hearts being separated, and then all our hearts joining into one–combined in one all-encompassing heart of love. And that is what I’m going to put down in a picture . . .” (Audio stops here: 2 minutes is the limit for “Lookwide.”)

An Open Heart vs. A Closed Heart

After I recorded this, I went to my computer, logged into Canva, and created the graphic. But, looking at it now, I think I might’ve missed something important: Those hearts that appear separated might have rigid isolating borders or permeable, open ones.

A closed heart becomes an open heart as we connect with a source of positive energy that unites us all. And, as we live from that energy, we find ourselves offering love to and receiving love from strangers, friends, and family. (Of course, I’m referring to healthy loving acts, not those lacking boundaries or with a selfish agenda.)

As our open hearts embrace our power, courage, and kindness, we find ourselves connecting with the loving hearts of others–joined in loving oneness. Through these open-hearted connections, we’re empowered to pursue our dreams and resolve our troubling situations in the most amazing ways.

How Do We Cultivate An Open Heart?

Moving from a closed to an open heart requires desire and commitment. We need to get honest about our state of mind and actions; claim the power of transformation that’s available to each of us; choose to change our lives for the better, and use growth practices such as meditation, prayer, mindfulness, healing the past, therapy, and energy work.

It also helps to join with positive growth-oriented people, and to avoid gossip and other negative energy-sapping activities like excessive partying, over eating, too much shopping, or workaholism.

Find out more about these and other ways to overcome negativity in my other blog posts and in my award-winning book, 50 Ways to Worry Less Now: Reject Negative Thinking to Find Peace, Clarity, and Connection.

What’s your hunch about this? How do we grow from separation and judgment into loving beings, authentically connected with others?

Kelly Hine’s Soul Space

I’ve had many helpful teachers and guides over the past 30 years, but I have to say, Kelly Hine is the best. She is natural, calm, clear, loving, eclectic, and a gifted teacher of personal growth. To see her in action, check out her FB group, “Soulful Women with Kelly Hine” or her free video series.

But, my favorite way to learn from Kelly is through her Soul Space women’s group where Kelly offers beautiful and inspiring weekly videos with a short talk and a deep guided meditation. Members have access to all of Kelly’s prior videos and meditations; and when you ask a question, Kelly often posts a short video-answer.

PS: “Lookwide” is a relatively new app that’s like an audio version of Twitter: the maximum recording is TWO minutes. Clever!

Worry Less Now; Gigi Langer — From me to you!

Gigi Langer is a former “Queen of Worry.” She’s also an educator, speaker, and author of 50 Ways to Worry Less Now, winner of the 2018 Indie Excellence Award. Learn to defeat negative thinking, find inner peace, attain clarity, and improve relationships–no matter what is going on in your life! (20% discount offer below). Also available through Amazon (5 stars), Barnes and Noble, and e-book sites.

Langer holds a PhD in Psychological Studies in Education and an MA in Psychology, both from Stanford. As Georgea M. Langer, she’s published several books for teachers and school administrators.

October 12, 2018

Facebook Friends: An Author’s Treasure

I’m currently in the Facebook penalty box. Have been for almost a week. It’s the second time this month. And, guess what?! I’m miserable because I miss connecting with my Facebook friends.

I’m the last person I ever thought would become enamored of an electronic “friendship” site.

Up until a year ago, I had used Facebook solely to connect with people I already knew. Now I spend hours every day communicating with many hundreds of like-minded people. And I love it!

Why such a change? As many of you know, eight months ago I published a self-help book to help others overcome negative thinking. It has received positive reviews and won an Indie Excellence award. But, that’s not enough to guarantee sales. A year ago, I began to learn about websites, social media, and other ways to reach people who might buy the book.

Since several marketing blogs suggested making LOTS of Facebook friends, I used my personal account to join about 15 Facebook groups related to recovery, positive thinking, mental health, and spirituality. Whenever I wrote a blog entry, I posted it in these groups. If someone commented or liked it, I sent them a friend request. After a while, I invited them to like my Gigi Langer Author page. And, voila! Suddenly, I had a few thousand friends and followers.

Here’s my big surprise: My Facebook feed, although full of strangers, became a constant stream of loving, positive, caring messages. No more political rants or disparaging remarks.

It was wonderful. But then it wasn’t.

A couple of weeks ago, I had apparently issued too many friend invitations, so I was shut out for three days. Then this week, they gave me another time-out for posting in too many FB groups in one day. UGH!

So, why am I suffering? Because, I miss my digital friends! After one year, I find I truly care about so many of them. We pray for one another, send encouraging notes, and celebrate our victories during life’s ups and downs. We’ve shared some surprisingly honest, inspiring exchanges.

I had no idea that we could connect at the heart-level through this much-maligned medium.

Apparently, Mr. Rogers knew it all along; he used TV to do the same thing. According to the recent movie “Won’t You Be My Neighbor,” he often asked his TV audience to spend an entire minute silently thinking about people who had helped them in any way at all—a teacher, friend, grocer, server, relative, mentor, and so on. As the second-hand moves, each of us feels our heart expanding. Soon, we’re immersed in loving connection with others. By the end, everyone’s smiling.

That’s the same way I feel about many of my Facebook friends — connected at the heart. Thank you, Facebook!

Gigi Langer is a former “Queen of Worry.” She’s also an educator, speaker, and author of 50 Ways to Worry Less Now: Reject Negative Thinking to Find Peace, Clarity, and Connection, winner of the 2018 Indie Excellence Award. Available through Amazon (5 stars), Barnes and Noble, and e-book sites. Langer holds a PhD in Psychological Studies in Education and an MA in Psychology, both from Stanford.

February 4, 2018November 21, 2019

GOT CONFLICT? DON’T REACT . . . WAIT!

arguing

Ugh. Conflict! When someone does something that ticks us off, it’s just too easy to react right away. We might even justify our angry response by saying, “Well, I’m just setting a boundary.”

But, any words—even one!—said in the grip of frustration can make things worse rather than better.

So, then how do we defend ourselves when we’re hurt? My suggestion is to do nothing . . .for now.

One of the wisest sayings I’ve heard is: Sometimes waiting is an action.

The trick is to realize that your riled-up feelings are distorting your interpretation of the events. When in this kind of defending and blaming mode, no good communication can be had. So, it’s best to WAIT until you can perceive the situation from a more peaceful place.

Many people use the three-day rule; they wait three days to gain perspective before taking action, and if still uncertain about how to respond, they wait a few more days.

Here are a few tips to help you settle down, gain a new perspective, and find a source of wisdom to guide you to right actions and words.

Try to remember that you won’t feel this way forever. Then WAIT.
Remind yourself that, although your feelings seem real, they are not necessarily based on reality. They’re based on an interpretation of a mind too easily offended. And WAIT.
Decide to take charge of your mind.
Whenever you catch yourself pondering how to fix your situation, STOP! Leave it in your mind and don’t act. Instead, say to yourself, “I want to see this differently.”
Say the Serenity Prayer (or another positive phrase) and keep saying it until your worry and need for control fade away.
Continue replacing the negative thoughts with positive ones as often as necessary. (This could be a lot!)

Eventually, you will find yourself either completely unconcerned about the problem, or you will intuitively know what to say or do when the time is right.

Gigi Langer holds a PhD in Psychological Studies in Education and an MA in Psychology, both from Stanford University. As a person in recovery, Gigi hasn’t had a drug or drink for 32 years. Through her writing, speeches, retreats, and workshops, she has helped thousands of people improve their lives at home and at work.

Order Gigi’s new book, 50 WAYS TO WORRY LESS NOW: REJECT NEGATIVE THINKING TO FIND PEACE, CLARITY, AND CONNECTION here: Amazon or Seattle Books

October 1, 2017March 23, 2019

Listen Up! It’s An Act of Care

Listening– REALLY Listening!

How often have you had a conversation with someone who only wanted to talk about themselves? Frustrating, aye?

Unfortunately, most of us respond to our loved ones either by telling stories about our own past or offering solutions. Both types of responses prevent seeking to understand first, perhaps the most important of Stephen Covey’s 7 Habits of Highly Effective People.

When in a conversation with someone, open your heart, empty your mind, and listen. If you notice yourself thinking about your own past, refocus your attention on what he is saying. If you’re tempted to suggest solutions, remind yourself that actively listening is your goal.

To show your intent to understand, briefly summarize what you think you heard. When he replies, summarize again.

Listening in this way not only shows that you care—it also invites the person to clarify his own thoughts and feelings, often leading to helpful insights.

For example, if a friend tells you she’s worried about losing her job because her boss constantly criticizes her, tune in, breathe, and resist the urge to tell your own tale about a bad boss.

Then paraphrase her words: “It sounds like you get a lot of negative responses from him.”

Your friend replies, “Well, it’s not really criticism. It’s just that he has such high expectations.”

Then you summarize (without giving advice), “Hmmm, high expectations. That’s gotta be hard!”

This reply elicits her feelings and encourages more detail, allowing both of you to explore the problem and find positive ways to address it.

Try It Out

Select a friend or coworker who is easy to talk to.
Plan at least a 15-minute conversation without interruption.
You may want to begin by explaining that you’re working on your listening skills and reassure him you have only good intentions—to fully understand what he says.
Ask him to begin talking about something happening in his life.
Listen intently while suspending your urge to break in with your own experiences or solutions.
When he stops, pause to see if he’s finished and to prepare your response. Select the most important parts of what he said, and summarize one of them in your own words. For example, “So, you said (fill in blank). Tell me more about that.” or “You mentioned the word (fill in blank). What does that mean to you?”
If it seems acceptable to the other person, ask him how it felt to be listened to this way.

In your everyday interactions, make a conscious effort to listen carefully to others and paraphrase what you heard. Withhold your own thoughts and reactions until you fully comprehend the other person’s position or experience.

Even though the habit of seeking to understand may feel artificial, you will soon find it more natural, especially when you sincerely intend to give pure, loving attention to another. As you listen fully, you’ll be astonished at how much you learn—and by the good will you create.

PS. I learned a lot of great communication skills from these folks: http://www.thinkingcollaborative.com/norms-collaboration-toolkit/

Gigi Langer, PhD is a sought-after speaker on professional and personal growth. She has 35 years of experience in psychology, therapy, and recovery. Gigi has co-authored five other books and is an award-winning writer.

Her latest book, 50 Ways to Worry Less Now: Reject Negative Thinking to Find Peace, Clarity, and Connection, will be released in March 2018.

Gigi Langer

Worry Less Now!

Tag: relationships

CAN A CLOSED HEART CONNECT WITH OTHER HEARTS?

GOT CONFLICT? DON’T REACT . . . WAIT!

Listen Up! It’s An Act of Care

Subscribe to Newsletter

about gigi

worry less now

speaking

Subscribe