overthinking Archives - Page 2 of 3

July 2, 2020July 2, 2020

CELEBRATE INDEPENDENCE FROM NEGATIVITY!

My friends say our worries & fears come from the not-so-helpful “committee in my head.” I call those negative voices “whispered lies.”

For instance, for too many years I believed “If I want to be liked, I must look good.” This whispered lie made me constantly worried about my appearance and behavior.

A few more examples include:

“I’ll never have enough money.”
“I always sabotage my success.”
“Relationships just don’t work for me.”
“We could all be happy if only Dad would stop drinking.”

Although many of our whispered lies concern ourselves, they often focus on our children, spouses, friends, or relatives—for instance, the last example about the father’s drinking.

Other distressing beliefs involve institutions, as in “If the government would just change this policy, we’d all be better off.”

Even though it might be true that Dad ought to stop drinking or the government should make changes, these events have no control over your own happiness.

You can find peace of mind under any circumstance because you’re in charge of what you think about.

Most of our worries are fueled by false stories installed into our minds long ago, just waiting for opportunities to be confirmed.

Wayne Dyer wrote that everything our brain “knows” is based on past experiences. Therefore, when an event resembles—even in a small way—an old painful one, our mind interprets the new event according to the long-standing negative belief.

Since most whispered lies live largely in our subconscious, we’re often unaware of them.

To illustrate the power of my own “negative committee’s” lies, consider why I failed at romantic love so many times during my twenties and thirties. I wanted to believe that love was possible for me, but my past had taught me the lie “I’m not worthy of love.”

This belief lived so strongly in my mind that, even when a man loved me deeply, I couldn’t believe it was true. After several months, I would become convinced that he wasn’t fulfilling my needs. These worries made me so demanding that I soon snuffed out all the happiness and joy of new love. When it ended, I’d tell myself, “I just don’t deserve love!”

Until I got honest and started healing my faulty thinking, I had no hope of enjoying a happy relationship. I’m so grateful for the therapy, recovery, psychological strategies, and spiritual tools that gave me freedom from my false beliefs.

As a result I’m a pretty happy camper most days — AND I’ve been happily married for 31 years. So what if it’s my 4th husband??? He’s fabulous!

To learn how to win independence from your own committee’s whispered lies, check out my award-winning book 50 Ways to Worry Less Now (Amazon 5 stars), Audiobook, and Ebook HERE https://GigiLanger.com/buy/

February 6, 2020February 6, 2020

HOW TO CALM YOUR OVERACTIVE MIND

I have a tendency to overthink things. You might too.

Your mind takes off and starts imagining the worst things that could happen in the future, or you find yourself looking back at the recent past and regretting your words or actions. Even worse is when we get caught up in judging and resenting the actions of an important person in our lives.

Here are a few tools I use to anchor my mind in the present moment rather than in the future or past.

THE 5,4,3,2,1 TECHNIQUE (Full blog post: https://GigiLanger.com/anxiety-attack/)

Take a few slow belly-inflating breathes and remind yourself that your body is right here right now, and you can choose to focus your mind on the present moment rather than on the future or past. .

1. Name 5 things you can see around you (Examples: rug, painting)

2 . Name 4 things you can feel (feet on the floor, cool air on the skin)

3 . Name 3 things you can hear right now (a fan running, people’s voices outside)

4. Name 2 things you can smell right now (perfumed soap)

5. Name 1 good thing about yourself (“I am strong,” “I can help myself through this.”)

If you simply can’t focus, or if your body and mind haven’t yet settled down, take a few more belly-inflating breaths, and tell yourself that you can focus your thoughts on the present moment. Then do the exercise again.

It may take several minutes of repetition before your mind settles down.

According to independent.co.uk, “the trick, which relies on sensory awareness, is rooted in mindfulness – and apart from anxiety, it can help treat depression, addiction disorders, lower blood pressure, and relieve stress” (Harvard University Helpguide.org)

MINDFULNESS TRAINING

It really helped me to take the “Mindfulness Based Stress Reduction” (MBSR) 8-week course. It uses breathing and simple stretches to keep your mind on your body, and its research studies show impressive results (Jon Kabat-Zinn and colleagues from University of Massachusetts Medical Center). More info here: Mindfulness-based stress reduction – Wikipedia Really effective.

MIND REFOCUSING
I often catch my mind worrying about the future, and when I notice this I substitute a quick little phrase to anchor me back into the now: “All is well right now.” or, “Help me to see this differently.” Also repeating a short prayer like the Serenity Prayer helps a lot.

The idea is to substitute a “right now” thought or sensation for our worries, fears, and stressful thoughts.

NOTE: In my experience, I often need to make the switch several times an hour (sometimes many times a minute!)

It will take consistent practice to retrain your mind to stay in the present. Keep at it and your life and health will improve.

Gigi Langer, a person in recovery, holds a Ph.D. in Psychological Studies in Education and an MA in Psychology from Stanford University. Through her writing, coaching, and speaking, Gigi has helped thousands of people improve their lives at home and at work. She lives in Michigan with her husband and Murphy, her cat.

Get Gigi’s new book, “50 Ways to Worry Less Now: Reject Negative Thinking” is available in audio, e-book, and paperback (5 Stars on Amazon). Click HERE

“Valuable, heartfelt manual.” — Publishers Weekly (BookLife)

“This book is a winner.” -Karen Casey, Hazelden author

December 7, 2019December 7, 2019

SIX REASONS TO PRAY 🙏

Before I got sober, I didn’t pray, unless you count uttering in desperation, “Help me!”

Even though I didn’t know what it meant, I memorized the Lord’s prayer, just to fit in at my best friend’s church.

** I had no idea that connecting regularly with a Higher Power (HP) could solve my troubles and fears. **

My favorite author, Karen Casey, writes:
“(1) Prayer promises relief when we are anxious.
(2) Prayer connects us with our Higher Power when we feel isolated and full of fear.
(3) Prayer frees our minds from the obsession to plan other people’s lives.
(4) Prayer helps us take action when we feel compelled to change the circumstances of our lives.
(5) Prayer becomes a wonderful resource to draw on when living through our painful moments.
(6) And prayer gives us the willingness to accept God’s solution for every problem that plagues us.” (from “A Life of My Own”)

My friends say that praying is asking, and meditation is listening to the God of our understanding. So, I meditate to gain all the wise direction I can get! (I also attend meetings, do service work, and read inspiring spiritual texts to keep myself balanced and stress-free).

** HOW DO YOU MAINTAIN YOUR CONSCIOUS CONTACT WITH YOUR HP?

Gigi Langer is a former teacher who quit drinking, only to find that her negative thinking, judging, and fears kept her in a cycle of worry, codependency, chronic pain, perfectionism, and overworking. Her award-winning book “50 Ways to Worry Less Now” (Amazon 4.8 stars) is available in paper, e-book, and audiobook. Honest, practical, simple. Relevant to anyone! GigiLanger.com/buy

October 29, 2019October 29, 2019

FEELINGS ARE NOT FACTS!

DO YOU HAVE FEELINGS THAT JUST CARRY YOU AWAY AND COLOR YOUR WHOLE WORLD GRAY? Don’t worry! Such feelings are often created by fearful thoughts that aren’t even true.

For example, we live in the wreckage of our future (“Its going to be awful!”) or we create “unenforceable rules” (“This should (or should not happen”). Often, we try to change the past by thinking how it “could have” been better.

Such thoughts are driven by the fear-driven belief that, if we just think long and hard enough, we can protect ourselves (and our loved ones) from pain and harm.

SO, HERE’S THE TRUTH: We don’t have the means to make people and things exactly as we want them. We just aren’t that powerful.

AND, HERE’S THE GOOD NEWS: We can find peace of mind and contentment in the midst of our fearful feelings and thoughts. Why? BECAUSE WE CAN CHOOSE WHAT FILLS OUR MIND.

HOW? Meditation, walks outside, stretching, yoga, prayer, reading or watching inspiring books/movies, spiritual practices, energy work, and thought-correction can all soothe our most difficult feelings. Good healthy friends or counselors really help too.

When we get still and listen to our inner wisdom (or that of another), we receive the comfort of ACCEPTANCE (non-attachment to specific outcomes). Further, we find ways to address those problems that still bother us—IF they are still bothering us (quite often, they’ve shrunken down to nothing!).

NEXT TIME YOUR FEELINGS are having a hissy fit, stand apart from them for a moment to recognize they’re mostly a result of inaccurate and disturbing thoughts. Then, ask yourself, “What healthy actions can I take to soothe my mind and body?” And then, do that!

PLEASE SHARE YOUR FAVORITE WAYS OF SOOTHING UPSET FEELINGS IN THE COMMENTS SECTION. THANKS!!

Gigi Langer, PhD. Many years ago, I used alcohol, romance, and professional accomplishments to soothe my frayed nerves. When I quit drinking, I was left with only my fears and worries. Over time, I discovered effective tools from therapy, recovery programs, scientific research, and a variety of philosophical and spiritual teachings.

My award-winning book, 50 Ways to Worry Less Now describes how I and others have defeated the faulty thinking leading to dysfunctional relationships, perfectionism, addiction, and worry about loved ones. It contains practical strategies with directions, personal stories, and other helpful suggestions. Amazon: 4.8 stars (48 reviews) (Buy Paperback, e-book, OR audiobook HERE)

Karen Casey, best-selling author of Each Day a New Beginning (Hazelden) “Even though I have been in recovery for more than 4 decades, and didn’t think another self-help book would make it to my treasured list, I was wrong. This book is a winner.”

Gigi Langer

Worry Less Now!

Tag: overthinking

CELEBRATE INDEPENDENCE FROM NEGATIVITY!

HOW TO CALM YOUR OVERACTIVE MIND

SIX REASONS TO PRAY 🙏

FEELINGS ARE NOT FACTS!

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