Gigi Langer

Worry Less Now!

 Love More Now!

WHAT’S THE PROBLEM WITH SPIRITUALITY?

I keep running across people who want to improve their lives, but balk at the idea of any kind of “God” or Higher Power to help them. Although they insist their own will and intellect can solve their problems, they usually end up digging themselves in deeper. So, what’s the deal with spirituality?


Does spirituality really have to come down to a label or a certain kind of “faith?” Why not just admit that we can’t get better without the help of something bigger than our own fears and negative thinking?

In his wonderful book, Spirituality for People Who Hate Spirituality: A Primer, Casey Arrillaga defines spirituality as simply ”a sense of connection to something greater than yourself.” 

He wrote his book especially “for people who hate the idea of spirituality but know that ignoring it or pushing it away hasn’t gotten them where they want to be.”

Spirituality Brings HUGE Benefits

Even if it seems hokey, or woo woo, or stupid to you, it’s worth cultivating a spiritual sense. Check out these research findings reported by Arrillaga.

Spirituality leads to longer lifespans, better recovery from illness and surgery, stronger immune response, decreased stress hormones, and lower blood pressure. It also positively affects peoples’ life satisfaction, and how well they balance positive and negative emotions.  

Spirituality brings people greater hope and resilience, and helps them avoid loneliness and a sense of isolation. Finally, spiritual people are less prone to depression, suicide, addiction, alcoholism, and anxiety.

But, What Do I Call It?

Wondering what to call this sense of connection to something greater than yourself? Here’s how Casey describes what people in Twelve Step programs do. “Some turn to the religious and spiritual touchstones of their culture or upbringing. Others use ideas such as the universe, nature, the ocean, the energy that flows through all things, the wisdom and guidance of past spiritual masters, the life force and connection of everything on Earth, any deity from any religion, loving kindness, your highest self, the ocean, an unnamed spiritual being or entity, all of nature, all of your ancestors, or the small still voice within.”

“Still others turn to the group of people at the meetings as their higher power, saying that they find the wisdom, guidance, support, and love that they need there.” Finally, “there are those who find they are better off not thinking too hard about it and simply say they have a higher power that is on their side, even if they don’t have it clearly defined.”

You can find Casey Arrillaga’s inspiring and informative book, Spirituality for People Who Hate Spirituality, just published this summer, on Amazon, HERE

gigi langer worry less now

Gigi Langer has been sober 35 years, and holds a PhD in Psychological Studies in Education from Stanford University. Formerly crowned the “Queen of Worry,” Gigi resigned her post many years ago and now lives happily in Florida with her husband, Peter and her cat Easter.

worry less now gigi langer

Gigi’s award-winning book, 50 Ways to Worry Less Now, describes how to correct the faulty thinking leading to addiction, dysfunctional relationships, perfectionism, and worry about loved ones. Check out the practical directions, personal stories, and other helpful growth tools. Amazon: 4.8 stars (Buy Discounted, personally signed Paperback with free Workbook PDF HERE)

GOTTA PROBLEM? Refrain, Reflect, Release, Respond

When we finally stop trying to fix our challenges on our own, the golden moment of surrender arrives. We realize we must find a way to reconnect with the wisdom of our true self. But how do we do that? First, we refrain from acting.

Then we reflect on our part in the difficulty; next we marshal Loving Energy to release us from the negativity blocking our hearts. Finally, from the calm of our true self, we respond in the best way for all involved.

[from my new book, Love More Now: Reflections on Open-Hearted Living, coming soon!]

Refraining from Taking Direct Action
 
Ironically, when faced with a life challenge, our best “action” is to refrain from acting. We do nothing—for now. Let’s admit it; we often try for a quick fix just so our icky feelings will go away. We want to feel better now rather than reflecting on our part in the situation. In most cases, however, acting too soon produces harmful words and actions that we never intended. Why? Because we were driven by fear and not by love.
 
To avoid this trap, we learn to PAUSE: Pause Action Until Serenity Emerges. This serenity comes from reflecting on our part and then choosing to open our hearts, thus releasing us from the grip of our fears. From this place of peace arise all the solutions we will ever need. But what do we DO while we’re pausing?
 
First, it’s helpful to cultivate self-compassion by opening our heart to ourselves. After all, we may feel shame about being in such a difficulty, spawning whispered lies of self-condemnation: Why can’t I handle this better? I should know how to fix this! What’s wrong with me? Or, we might point the finger toward others in a blame-game: It’s their fault! I am right and they’re wrong. They should change. None of this makes us feel any better.
 
On the contrary, we can reassure ourselves that we are merely imperfect human beings doing the best we can. For example, telling ourselves, Yes, this is hard, and we’re upset. That’s okay, this often happens in life, and we’ve gotten through hard times before. Let’s remember, we’ve got our true self and others’ Loving Energy to help us.
 
Remember too the lesson taught by so many wisdom traditions: even though our true self is perfect Love, our human self is on this earth to learn to be as loving as possible. This is a tall order, indeed, for those of us mired in fear. If we’re awake and willing, however, we learn to “render the barriers to love harmless,” as described in the opening quotation.
 
Reflecting on My Part
 
As we pause and refrain from action, we reflect on our part in the situation: What is it about me that makes this so difficult? Three of the twelve steps of AA suggest using specific questions to examine our part in any difficulty. Such questions help us consider how our thoughts, feelings, and patterns might be responsible for our own unhappiness. The list below is derived from the five shortcomings we examined in Chapter 4, and the six coping patterns listed in Chapter 3.  
 
We can think of these areas as “soft-spots” in our human personalities that close our hearts to ourselves and others, thus blocking Loving Energy from healing our difficulties. Yet, it is this very Loving Energy that can release these blockages, freeing us to give and receive love.
 
As you read each question below, take a moment to reflect on it. Then, if it seems relevant to your current problems, make note of it.  Whom or what am I resenting, blaming, or criticizing? What are they “depriving” me of?What have I been afraid of, not trusting the Loving Power of my true self?Where have I been self-centered, thinking only of getting my own needs met?How have I been lying to myself? What have I not wanted to look at?What self-condemning beliefs have I held about myself? Are they really true?How have I been a caretaker by putting another’s needs above my own best interests?Do I sometimes feel like a martyr—a victim of circumstances beyond my control?How have I been a perfectionist, expecting myself and others to never make mistakes?How have I been people-pleasing by pretending to be what others want me to be?How have I been a workaholic, placing work above my relationships and health?How have I been a tap dancer, unwilling to commit to a program of growth and healing? 
After writing down a few of the most glaring items, it will be most helpful to list for each one: a) what you were trying to gain by holding on to it (e.g., material gain, emotional security, prestige, or sexual needs), b) the negative consequences for you and others of holding on to this soft spot, and c) what your life could be like if you didn’t have this soft spot. Now it’s time to enlist our Loving Power and our healthy, growth partners to release us from these shortcomings.
 
Releasing Blocks to Love

First, recall that I’ve said repeatedly that we cannot become more loving by doing it all alone, unaided by the guidance of healthy growth partners. Second, we can’t grow out of our self-defeating habits without the help of Loving power.
 
Reading this last sentence, you might be wondering, Wait a minute. If these flaws have been blocking the flow of love in my life, then how can that same love heal them? It’s important to acknowledge that your Loving Energy has never left you and that it is always available to you. We only believed we lost it and reinforced those beliefs through our self-defeating fears.
 
Happily, to “render the barriers to love harmless,” all we have to do is ask for help. As simple as that! Unfortunately, most of us have to get pretty uncomfortable before we surrender our old ways and open ourselves to another way of living. In this golden moment, Loving Power is right there ready to help us remove these barriers to love.
 
To harness this love, we need only consistently stream Loving power into our hearts. Many of us  do this by using any or all of the following practices on a daily basis: meditation, prayer for self and others, affirmations and visualization, mindfulness/being in the now, kindness/giving love, and gratitude lists. Some of the other practices I use when a persistent pattern needs a direct infusion of healing are:  thought-switching (e.g., the Golden Key), Master Mind group, tapping, EMDR, Radical Forgiveness, and setting boundaries with others.
 
Responding in The Best Way for All

One of my favorite promises in Twelve-Step literature is “We will intuitively know how to handle situations that used to baffle us.” As we clear out the blockages to love, we begin to notice this intuitive sense emerging from our true self, nudging us in the best direction for all.

It’s rather mysterious because this wisdom doesn’t necessarily come from some pre-determined script we’ve created in our minds. It’s more likely that we find ourselves acting differently or thinking differently, and it’s only after the fact we can see the changes. How could it be any different if we’ve been filling our minds with heart-opening loving thoughts and feelings? It’s pretty simple: the more make space for love to enter our hearts, the more our lives begin to thrive in the most amazing ways.

 
Gigi Langer Worry Less NowBook Deal for You and Friends I’m now mailing out personally signed copies of 50 Ways to Worry Less Now for only $8.95 (free shipping within USA), so please send this link to your friends and family. GigiLanger.com/buy (Please) Post Your Review 
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Gigi Langer is a former “Queen of Worry” who writes, speaks, and encourages others to overcome their stress, addictions, and negative thinking. Her PhD is from Stanford University. Get a discounted signed copy of Gigi’s award-winning book, “50 Ways to Worry Less Now” (4.8 stars Amazon) ($8.95) Includes FREE PDF WORKBOOK CLICK <<HERE >>       https://GigiLanger.com/buy
Also available in e-book and audiobook formats. 

My Two BEST Mental Health Videos: Better than Reading ”Worry Less Now” 

I am re-posting these 2020 videos because they contain mental health content not included in my other podcasts. In fact, they summarize the entire Worry Less Now book. So, if you haven’t read it or just want a quick review of many of the strategies, why not set aside an hour or so and check them out!

😔 Did you know people who worry have more heart attacks than others? Find out how to improve your mental health by overcoming negative thinking and other self-defeating patterns such as codependency, perfectionism, stress, anxiety, and relationship failure.

👍 Practical, proven strategies for living a serene life, no matter what is going on! [See special offers below for signed copy of 50 Ways to Worry Less Now]

VIDEO PART 1: ACHIEVING MENTAL HEALTH with Gigi Langer


Click below to watch PART 1 of my explanation of how to overcome worry on the Achieving Mental Health for Real podcast with Robert Adelman. Thanks to Bob for recording these talks. 😘
PS Hope you enjoy my (intrusive?) hand gestures!

Here’s the link in case you want to pass it on https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/otr-achieving-mental-health-for-real/id1485260458?i=1000466127092


VIDEO PART 2: ACHIEVING MENTAL HEALTH with Gigi Langer

And here are five more of the 50 Ways to Worry Less Now.

JUST CLICK HERE https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/otr-achieving-mental-health-for-real/id1485260458?i=1000485373316

REFERENCES FROM THIS EPISODE:

Highly Sensitive Person, Dr Elaine Aron,  www.Hsperson.com

A Course in Miracles (acim.org) Easier to read: Marianne Williamson, A Return to Love; Karen Casey, Daily Meditations to Practice the Course; also Karen Casey, 52 Ways to Practice A Course in Miracles

Radical Forgiveness. Colin Tipping  www.RadicalForgiveness.com

IS It True? The Work, Byron Katie,  www.thework.com

The Golden Key  www.metaphysicspirit.com/books/The%20Golden%20Key%20to%20Prayer.pdf

Self-compassion Kristen Neff    www.selfcompassion.org  She also has a nice guided meditation in Insight Timer App.

Vision Boards: I have an example in this blog
https://gigilanger.com/positive-thinking-work/

gigi langer worry less now

Gigi Langer has been sober 35 years, and holds a PhD in Psychological Studies in Education from Stanford University. Formerly crowned the “Queen of Worry,” Gigi resigned her post many years ago and now lives happily in Florida with her husband, Peter and her cat Easter.

worry less now gigi langer

Gigi’s award-winning book, 50 Ways to Worry Less Now, describes how to correct the faulty thinking leading to addiction, dysfunctional relationships, perfectionism, and worry about loved ones. Check out the practical directions, personal stories, and other helpful growth tools. Amazon: 4.8 stars (Buy Discounted, personally signed Paperback with free Workbook PDF HERE)

Help! My Loved One Is an Alcoholic!

Loved one Alcoholic The Recovery Show

LISTEN to THE RECOVERY SHOW PODCAST as Spencer and I share WHAT TO DO when your spouse, partner, or child is making a mess of their lives (and yours!). We’ve both been there, and at first, living with an alcoholic scared the @#% out of us!

You may remember that my dear (4th) husband, Peter, started drinking again after 20 years of sober marriage. I had met him at an AA meeting, and had never–ever–seen him drink. Then suddenly I had to watch it—and figure out how to handle it. Here’s how we did it. And, you can do it too.

CLICK HERE TO learn how to find sanity as you watch a loved one crash and burn as an alcoholic or addict. Gain many tips and ideas for your own recovery.

A BIG THANK YOU to Spencer for the Recovery Show podcast–“A 12-step recovery for those of us who love alcoholics or addicts. We share our experience, strength, and hope as we use the principles of the Al-Anon program in our lives. We talk openly and honestly about the problems and challenges as we face alcoholism and addiction in our friends and relatives. We share the tools and solutions we have found that let us live a life that is serene, happy, and free, even when the alcoholic or addict is still drinking or using.”

So many of The Recovery Show listeners have already ordered 50 Ways to Worry Less Now--amazing!

STAY TUNED FOR MY NEW BOOK, COMING THIS FALL!

Love More Now, Reflections on Open-Hearted Living

gigi langer worry less now

Gigi Langer has been sober 35 years, and holds a PhD in Psychological Studies in Education from Stanford University. Formerly crowned the “Queen of Worry,” Gigi resigned her post many years ago and now lives happily in Florida with her husband, Peter and her cat Easter.

worry less now gigi langer

Gigi’s award-winning book, 50 Ways to Worry Less Now, describes how to correct the faulty thinking leading to addiction, dysfunctional relationships, perfectionism, and worry about loved ones. Check out the practical directions, personal stories, and other helpful growth tools. Amazon: 4.8 stars (Buy Discounted, personally signed Paperback with free Workbook PDF HERE)