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Gigi Langer

Worry Less Now!

 Love More Now!

Tag: fear

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Cultivate Detachment for Peace of Mind

detach peace of mindTo Gain Peace of Mind, Detach!
I often hear a negative tone on my TV screen and news sites. So many of the experts–regardless of their point of view–sound sarcastic, judgmental, and  convinced they are absolutely 100% right.

Sadly,  what we see in the media too often presses the fear button in our psyches. If spiritual principles hold true,  this is dangerous business.

Hatred and condemnation multiply fear and draw us away from peace of mind (love).

I’m not suggesting that we bury our heads in the sand.  I read a variety of news articles so I can be informed. I also write to my local and national representatives and, of course I vote.  But I refrain from judging and worrying.

It’s all too easy to let the daily onslaught of news convince us that we are at the mercy of the world’s conflicts. The truth is, our essence is spiritual, untouched by today’s fear-filled scenarios.

That’s why I am so drawn to this phrase: “The best attitude to cultivate is gentle indifference.” (July 30th reading in Daily Meditations for Practicing The Course by Karen Casey).

Another word for “gentle indifference” might be “detachment”—a standing apart without getting caught up in the drama; but still acting from a place of peace and integrity.

Here’s how I try to detach and gain peace of mind, so I can contribute to our society’s future in the best way possible:

  • The minute I hear troubling news, I pray for those involved, that they  may be guided to the best solutions for all.
  • When I’m tempted to respond negatively, I take a few deep breaths and affirm that all is in perfect order, even if my limited perceptions can’t see it.
  • I trust that by seeking peace of mind first, I will be guided to the right thoughts, words, and actions.
  • I accept that my goal is to be a channel of love, not fear.
  • As a “Highly Sensitive Person,” I limit my exposure to inflammatory news sources.

How do you remain centered and positively productive during turbulent times?    Please share in the Comments section below. 

gigilanger_worrylessnowGigi Langer is a former “Queen of Worry.” She’s also an educator, speaker, and author of 50 Ways to Worry Less Now, winner of the 2018 Indie Excellence Award. Learn to defeat negative thinking, find inner peace, attain clarity, and improve relationships–no matter what is going on in your life! Available through Amazon (5 stars), Barnes and Noble, and e-book sites.

Langer holds a PhD in Psychological Studies in Education and an MA in Psychology, both from Stanford. As Georgea M. Langer, she’s published several books for teachers and school administrators.

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CELEBRATE INDEPENDENCE FROM YOUR WORRY-COMMITTEE!

worry less now

My friends say our worries & fears come from the not-so-helpful “committee in my head.” I call those negative voices “whispered lies.”

For instance, for too many years I believed “If I want to be liked, I must look good.” This whispered lie made me constantly worried about my appearance and behavior.

A few more examples include:

• “I’ll never have enough money.”

• “I always sabotage my success.”

• “Relationships just don’t work for me.”

• “We could all be happy if only Dad would stop drinking.”

Although many of our whispered lies concern ourselves, they often focus on our children, spouses, friends, or relatives—for instance, the last example about the father’s drinking. Other distressing beliefs involve institutions, as in “If the government would just change this policy, we’d all be better off.”

Even though it might be true that Dad ought to stop drinking or the government should make changes, these events have no control over your own happiness.

You can find peace of mind under any circumstance because you’re in charge of what you think about.

Most of our worries are fueled by false stories installed into our minds long ago, just waiting for opportunities to be confirmed. Wayne Dyer wrote that everything our brain “knows” is based on past experiences. Therefore, when an event resembles—even in a small way—an old painful one, our mind interprets the new event according to the long-standing negative belief.

Since most whispered lies live largely in our unconscious, we’re often unaware of them.

To illustrate the power of my own “negative committee’s” lies, consider why I failed at romantic love so many times during my twenties and thirties. I wanted to believe that love was possible for me, but my past had taught me the lie “I’m not worthy of love.”

This belief lived so strongly in my mind that, even when a man loved me deeply, I couldn’t believe it was true. After several months, I would become convinced that he wasn’t fulfilling my needs. These worries made me so demanding that I soon snuffed out all the happiness and joy of new love. When it ended, I’d tell myself, “I just don’t deserve love!” Until I got honest and started healing my faulty thinking, I had no hope of enjoying a happy relationship.

I’m so grateful for the therapy, recovery, psychological strategies, and spiritual tools that gave me freedom from my false beliefs. As a result I’m a pretty happy camper most days — AND I’ve been happily married for 29 years. So what if it’s my 4th husband??? He’s fabulous!

To learn how to win independence from your own committee’s whispered lies, check out my award-winning book 50 Ways to Worry Less Now.  Available through Amazon (5 stars), Barnes and Noble, and ebook formats.

Gigi Langer, PhD has helped thousands of people improve their lives at home and at work. She’s written several books for educators, and is a sought-after speaker and workshop leader.  Gigi holds a doctorate in Psychological Studies in Education  and an MA in Psychology, both from Stanford.

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HOW TO OVERCOME YOUR FEARS

overcome fears worry less now

Someone emailed me recently wanting to know how to overcome their fears.

Wow! That’s just the kind of question I love–because I’ve spent a lifetime trying to conquer my own fears, and I’ve found many helpful strategies and solutions.

First,  you’ll need to get honest about current habits that may be contributing to your fears and negativity. Overindulging in spending, eating, partying, mind-altering substances, or unhealthy relationships causes fear, shame, depression, and negativity. Get help to overcome your energy-draining choices so you can make better ones.

Now that you’re ready to change your reactions to the people and situations around you, know this ONE THING:  You can choose whether to be positive & courageous OR negative & afraid.  It will take awareness & practice. But you CAN do it.

Both my own experience and  scientific research support each of these strategies for overcoming fear, anxiety, and worry.

GRATITUDE. Want what you already have. Appreciate what’s already in your life rather than focusing on what you don’t have. Cultivate gratitude for the simple things (eyesight, shelter, friends, etc.) and stop to appreciate beauty, music, nature. Do this often.

COMPASSION. Avoid judging others. Be a strength-finder rather than a fault-finder. When you judge another negatively, stop yourself and then realize the person may have something going on that you don’t know about. Look beyond their behavior or appearance and focus on the goodness inside of them — in their best self.

SELF-JUDGEMENT. Avoid judging yourself negatively. Instead, cultivate self-compassion. When things are tough, give yourself a break. Don’t beat yourself up for not handling things better. Talk to yourself like you would a dear little sister or brother — with patience & gentleness. That said, don’t linger in self-pity. (For more on this topic, I recommend Kristin Neff’s book & meditations on self-compassion)

KINDNESS. Do something to brighten someone’s day. Smile, ask how they are, listen attentively, or let them go ahead of you in line. When you contribute to someone else’s well-being, you escape your self-centered worry. Try helping out a neighbor or friend. It’s a sure way to lift your spirits (as long as you’re not trying to change them; but that’s a whole different blog!).

INTERPERSONAL DRAMA. Avoid Gossip. Limit or cut off contact with people who drag you down. Hang with positive people who are growing and succeeding in life. Don’t try to overcome your fear alone. When you do have a conflict, do not try to resolve it via text or email; meet face-to-face after you’ve taken a day or two to simmer down.

— USE THESE FEAR-BUSTERS DAILY. Meditate, get enough sleep, walk regularly, and offer as many smiles and acts of kindness to others as you can. Keep up your gratitude practice, and replace critical thoughts with loving ones. Soon, you’ll be amazed by how happy you are!

Take GOOD care of yourself. You’re the only one who CAN.

Worry Less Now; Gigi Langer
From me to you!

Gigi Langer holds an MA in Psychology and PhD in Psychological Studies in Education, both from Stanford. She’s also an educator, speaker, and author of 50 Ways to Worry Less Now: Reject Negative Thinking to Find Peace, Clarity, and Connection (February, 2018), available in e-book formats and in print from Amazon.  

“Langer’s frank and empathetic tone will comfort readers, as will the practical steps she teaches.” (Featured Book, BookLife by Publishers Weekly)     “Her honesty will blow you away! It is beautifully written; filled with humor and authenticity.” (Member of Al Anon)

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Why Willpower Just Isn’t Enough

willpower, worry less now
self will run riot

 Sheer Willpower Can’t Bring Happiness

How well has trying to control others worked for you? Do you believe you can impose the changes you’d like to see in the world? Perhaps you’ve tried and failed to change even your own behavior.

When you honestly admit your personal willpower can’t fulfill your desires, a wondrous alternative appears. I call it positive power: a source of courage and hope that is greater than your fears, worries, or perceived limitations.

I had my first inkling of a positive power after a meditation teacher suggested that I sit quietly, observe my thoughts, and then ask myself, “Right now, who is watching my thinking?” The question stopped me in my tracks. I wondered, “If I am my thoughts—which I believed up until that point—how could another part of me be observing them?” And, yet, there I was, watching my mind be amazed by this astounding idea. For the first time, I realized there must be some part of me that is greater than my thoughts.

Studies reveal that believers in such a power are happier than those who don’t believe. They can find peace and direction, no matter what’s going on in their lives (Stephanie Castillo, Prevention, May 7, 2013). 

How each of us comes to understand this power is highly personal and our business only. Thus, I won’t suggest you worship any particular spiritual entity, religion, dogma, or philosophy. In the exercise below, you’ll define this source in a way that works for you.

Regardless of what you call it, you will come to understand this power more and more. To claim the benefits of positive power, try the tools offered in my blog and book (50 Ways to Worry Less Now).

Time for Action! Name Your Positive Power

1.  Take a minute to ponder what kind of power could bring goodness into your life.

2.  Read the common names for a source of a positive power below. Pause to notice which ones, if any, feel right for you.

3.  Select a few names that work for you. Circle them, write them down, or hold them in your heart.

4.  If your past taught you to be fiercely independent, it may take a while to trust this power. But stick with it and you’ll reap the rewards.

Abba Energy Inner Guide Providence
Adonai God (Good Orderly Direction) Healer Ram
Allah Great Spirit Jesus /Jehova Shiva
Angels Guardian Angel Light Sophia (feminine deity)
Being Healing Energy or Resonance Mary Source
Buddha Higher Power Nature’s Perfection Tao
Christ, Holy Spirit Higher Self Oneness True Self
Courage Holy Father Perfect Order Wisdom
Divine Mind Infinite/Universal Intelligence Positive Attitudes and Beliefs Yahweh

To connect with this power, try some of the tools in my other blog posts. Or, write a comment here about some of your own favorite tools.

The Positive Power of Healthy Others

Where two or more are gathered in loving purpose, amazing things happen.  Researcher Brené Brown found that people who cope well with hardship, stress, or trauma believe they are “connected to each other by a power greater than all of us.”

Kindness from others who hold no agenda other than goodness is a powerful force for healing. In fact, that’s the way many of us in Twelve-Step programs first felt this benevolent force. The people there had no selfish motives; they saw beyond my shameful past into my true goodness. Their kind regard and wise words showed me a loving power I had never known.

You too can share your life challenges and solutions with positive people. Consider carefully what they say and how they live their lives. I suggest meeting weekly with one or two others who fit the characteristics listed here. Perhaps you could read my book or another that you find inspiring.

As you continue to meet, you’ll likely experience a positive power that will enable you to handle life’s challenges with peace and wisdom.

Worry Less Now; Gigi LangerGigi Langer holds a PhD in Psychological Studies in Education from Stanford University. She is a seasoned author and popular speaker who has helped thousands of people improve their lives at home and work. Gigi hasn’t had a drug or drink for over 30 years, although she does occasionally overindulge in Ghirardelli chocolate and historical novels.

Worry Less Now by Gigi LangerHer new book, 50 Ways to Worry Less Now (available here from Amazon & e-book vendors) has gained rave reviews:

“[A] valuable, heartfelt manual.” (Featured Book, BookLife by Publishers Weekly)

“Langer writes from both experience and expertise. A powerful tool for readers.” (Library Journal)

“Highly recommended for anyone who worries too much, lives too hard a life, and searches for a better way.” (Midwest Book Review)

“Gigi Langer’s honesty will blow you away! It is beautifully written; filled with humor and authenticity.” (Member of Al Anon)