Healthy Mental Habits Archives - Page 5 of 12

March 26, 2020March 26, 2020

REV UP YOUR SPIRIT WITH 12 POWERS

Given the state of the world, I think we all could use one of the most powerful meditations I know, The 12 Powers Meditation by Charles Fillmore of Unity church. It’s one of the most powerful meditations I know.

I use this body-mind-spirit practice whenever I have safety and health concerns; and it never fails to bring me strength, wisdom, and the power to trust life as never before.

Try The 12 Powers Meditation Now

Each of the 12 Powers has its own color and body location to visualize as you say the affirmation. I’ve memorized them in groups of four: Faith, Strength, Wisdom, Love — Power, Imagination, Understanding, Will — Order, Zeal, Elimination, Life. Give it a try now, breathing calmly and deeply as you visualize each color and say each affirmation.

BEGINNING AFFIRMATION: There is one presence and power in the universe, God, and I am one with it as the light of God surrounds me.

FAITH: Indigo Blue at Crown of Head. The Christ** in me now activates Faith. I trust God**, knowing God’s will is for my highest good. I give thanks for the gift of Faith.
STRENGTH: Pale Green at Lower Back. The Christ in me now activates Strength. I am strong and unafraid. Strength surges through me, giving me energy, endurance, and vigor. I give thanks for the faculty of Strength.
WISDOM: Yellow at Solar Plexus, Under Rib Cage. The Christ in me now activates Wisdom (Judgement). I perceive beyond appearances, and am guided by Divine intuition into wise and perfect ways. I give thanks for the faculty of Wisdom.
LOVE: Pink at Heart. The Christ in me now activates Love. I am a radiating center of Divine Love, loved and loving to everyone (including myself). I give thanks for the faculty of Love.
POWER: Purple at Throat. The Christ in me now activates Power. My thoughts and words vibrate with spiritual power. I give thanks for the faculty of Power.
IMAGINATION: Pale Blue at Forehead. The Christ in me now activates Imagination. I see creative, new ways to do what is mine to do. New opportunities to experience God’s good are coming into my life. I give thanks for the gift of Imagination.
UNDERSTANDING: Silver at Front of Head. The Christ in me now activates Understanding. God is present in all situations and in every relationship. The perfect outworking of every situation is being revealed to me now. I give thanks for the faculty of Understanding.
WILL*: Gold at Center of Head. The Christ in me now activates Will. Not my will but God’s be done in my life. God molds me and uses me as God wills. I give thanks for the faculty of Will.
ORDER: Dark Green at Belly Button. The Christ in me now activates Perfect Order. My spiritual path unfolds in its proper sequence. Divine timing and order are now established in my life. I give thanks for the faculty of Order.
ZEAL: Saffron/Orange at Back of Head. The Christ in me now activates Zeal. I am enthusiastic and excited about life. I feel good pouring through me and I experience miracles in my life. I give thanks for the faculty of Zeal.
ELIMINATION: Brown/Rust at Lower Abdomen. The Christ in me now activates Elimination (Renunciation). I am free of the past, and release all false and useless attitudes, emotions, and reactions. I am at one with God and with life. I give thanks for the faculty of Renunciation.
LIFE: Red at Reproductive Organs. The Christ in me now activates Life. Every cell in my being is charged with the pure, restorative life of God. I give thanks for the faculty of Life.

CLOSING AFFIRMATION: There is only one Presence and Power, God the good, omnipotent. Father/Mother God and I are one.

If you use this practice regularly, you’ll be amazed by your calm, trusting outlook on life—even when things appear scary and uncertain!

NOTES

*I changed “Will” to the color Gold (as in The Golden Key by Emmet Fox); and “Understanding” to Silver, as that’s how I first memorized them.

** You may wish to substitute your own terms for the words “Christ” and “God.” (“Christ” refers to your divine, true self; and “God” is your higher power as you understand it.) Also, you might say the affirmations in your own words.

March 13, 2020March 13, 2020

7 Ways to Help Your Spouse Feel Secure During Your Depressive Episode

By Guest Blogger, Rebecca Lombardo

Many people have asked my husband and me how we’ve stayed together for so long with my mental illness looming overhead.

It’s a fair question; I know many couples that have ended up divorcing because one or the other couldn’t handle the added pressure of mental illness. I think in our case, that added element of pressure only made our marriage stronger.

Hope During a Depressive Episode

I don’t doubt that some people with depression or anxiety say to themselves, “I can barely take care of myself during a bout of depression; how am I supposed to worry about someone else?” To that I say, “I understand, and I’ve been there,” because I was diagnosed nearly 25 years ago.

I know from experience that when you stick together during the bad times, the good times are so much sweeter. On the day we got married, my husband said, “Well, you’re stuck with me now.” But I didn’t always make it easy for him.

Of course, at the beginning we struggled. We struggled a great deal, but we knew that we loved each other enough to keep working on the relationship.

If you truly love your spouse, you can gather enough strength to show you care for them, even when you don’t even have the energy to get out of bed.

Communicating During a Depressive Episode

It’s essential that your partner be made aware of what you’re going through. You can’t just shut down and isolate. The next time you go looking for their support, they may not be there because you’ve made them feel alienated.

Once I learned to utilize the seven methods listed below, we began to communicate better, even in the darkest of times. For many, these techniques may be common sense, but for those of us with a mental illness, sometimes we need to get out of our own way and just focus on the basics..

I’m not suggesting that you jump into the list with both feet. Take your time and find what works best for you and your spouse.

Talk to your spouse and tell them what you are feeling. As soon as you feel yourself falling into a depressive episode, let them know, even if you’re having trouble coming up with the why and the how,
Assure your partner that they are not the cause of your mood. Sit down and tell them point blank that they have nothing to do with how you’re feeling. You have no idea how powerful something so simple can be.
Tell them that it’s okay that they can’t fix the situation. This was a big one for my husband. He loves me and he didn’t want to see me in pain. So, he often felt as if he had to do something to make it better for me. Unfortunately, most of us need to work through things in our own time before we feel better.
Offer them simple options to help you feel better. Maybe you’re having a craving for chocolate or you just really want a tuna fish sandwich. Ask your spouse to pick up one of these items for you. When they bring it home, genuinely let them know that they’ve helped, even if it’s just a little.
Try to make sure you don’t take anything out on them. One of the biggest stumbling blocks early on was my temper, and because my husband was the only one around, he got to feel the wrath. This goes hand in hand with communication. You might simply say, “Look, I’m not doing well right now and it may seem like I’m taking it out on you. I’m sorry if I do, it’s not your fault.”
Thank them for being there for you. Many times, the only real remedy for a situation is a “thank you.” It’s a rewarding feeling to know you’ve helped the one you love. Once your partner feels appreciated, they’re more likely to be supportive more often.
If you’re having trouble giving your feelings a voice, write put them in a letter. This is valuable on many levels. It can help the situation in the present, but if your partner is anything like my husband, he’ll keep it and read it when times get hard again. If you’re truly transparent and honest with your emotions, it could be the best thing to happen to your relationship.

Give It A Try

I hope you’ll consider trying a couple of these the next time you feel like you’re sinking into a depressive episode.

You can have a strong relationship with a solid structure while enduring mental illness. It doesn’t have to be a struggle.

Believe me when I tell you that having a stable partnership takes one of the heaviest loads off your back in a dark time. Suffering through depression is exhausting enough, but knowing that your relationship is falling apart around you makes it ten times harder.

Do yourself a favor and just try. You have nothing to lose and everything to gain.

Rebecca Lombardo is the author of “It’s Not Your Journey” where she details two years of her twenty-five year battle with mental illness. As she recovered from an attempt to take her life, she wrote the book to purge her pain and raw emotions. Rebecca offers the reader support and guidance as she begs them not to follow her path.

Rebecca and Joe Lombardo host a podcast, Voices for Change 2.0, Live on Saturdays. Learn more about Rebecca at www.rebeccalombardo.com allthatwax2019.scentsy.us Tw: @BekaLombardo

February 27, 2020February 28, 2020

GOT SEX, SECURITY or SOCIAL PROBLEMS?

When our survival instincts for procreation, security, and community exceed their proper function, we want what others have, lust for sex and power, and become exceedingly angry when our demands aren’t met. (Bill Wilson) *

Many of us have valiantly tried to satisfy our overblown needs through our own efforts. For example, my selfish search for emotional security drove me to sick relationships, overwork, and manipulation. In the end, I hurt both myself and others.

So, how then do we grow out of the patterns that threaten our romantic life, safety, and productive relations? First, we must sincerely want to find a better way to live. Then, we look at our own part in our unhappiness, and take actions to become the person we want to be.

Most important, we find like-minded people to give us unselfish support as we come to trust a loving, protective power to fulfill our needs.

What’s the Problem with Exaggerated Needs?

We begin our journey by listing each survival instinct, along with the personal cost of trying to force the world to fulfill it. See if any of these needs and consequences apply to your life (add to the list, if you wish).

Unmet Emotional Needs cause low self-esteem, perfectionism, addiction, self-harm, anxiety
Threatened Material Security causes inflated ambition, dishonesty, overwork, worry, stress
Dysfunctional Social Relations result in codependency, prestige-seeking, competitiveness, gossip, failed relationships, conflict
Dishonest Sex Relations lead to promiscuity, disease, selfishness

Driven by fears of losing what we so desperately need, we may have been selfish, dishonest, and resentful. To free ourselves from these patterns, we write about the following questions and share our answers with a trusted person (therapist, clergy, sponsor, or spiritual advisor).

In what ways did I hurt others or myself,? Where was I . . .

Selfishly seeking my own security, social needs, or sexual gratification; and ignoring others’ feelings?
Dishonest with myself and others about my motives to satisfy my security, social relations, sex needs?
Fearful of not getting my needs met, and trying to control people and things so I could feel .more secure?
Resentful about my frustrated demands for security, social relations or sex?

This work helps us see the futility of expecting the world and others to fulfill our needs. No matter how hard we’ve tried, it just hasn’t worked, as it’s caused harm to ourselves and others. After sharing our shortcomings with a trusted confidant, we go to work to overcome our negative patterns.

If we’re addicts, alcoholics, workaholics, overeaters, gamblers, or regularly numb ourselves from life’s disappointments, we need help. In my case, I found a skilled therapist and the 12-step programs of AA, Al-Anon, and ACOA.

Self-Compassion

As I met with others who had faced similar challenges, I realized I wasn’t the only one confused about how to keep myself safe and secure; that everyone’s instincts caused them and others trouble.

I came to see my old hurtful actions as misguided attempts to fulfill my own needs. For example, in my alcoholic home, I decided, “If I’m perfect, everyone will like and admire me, and I won’t feel so alone and afraid.” I went on to get good grades, advanced degrees, and professional awards. Eventually, those efforts led to anxiety, alcoholism, drug addiction, chronic pain, and three divorces. Clearly, my attempt to ensure my own happiness was failing.

Loving Support and Security

As I joined with healthy others, I found I was not uniquely bad; I had been merely a desperate mess. Many of my recovering friends had done worse things than I had, and they had become good, reliable, caring people. Perhaps, with help, I could be a better person too.

Through the loving care of others, I began to own my strengths. For example, through my people-pleasing, I developed social skills that had to be balanced with self-care and boundary-setting. Ditto with my perfectionism; I certainly knew how to work hard–an asset–but only when I combined it with adequate rest and self-forgiveness.

Being immersed in groups of happy people who are healing their lives led me to my own source of security–a power greater than my fears. I was relieved that no one pushed me to believe in their definition of a “higher power.” Eventually, with guidance from my sponsor, therapist, and other spiritual teachers, I began to trust in an ever-present love that fulfilled all my needs.

These days, I often take a quiet moment to connect with this benevolent, caring power. In times of trouble, however, when I’m afraid my needs couldn’t possibly be met, I rely on my healthy friends to stream that positive power into my life and mind.

Knowing that love is always available gives me great security, and I’m ever grateful for that.

*NOTE: The ideas presented here are based on the Step 4 Inventory of Alcoholics Anonymous.

Gigi Langer, a person in recovery, holds a Ph.D. in Psychological Studies in Education and an MA in Psychology from Stanford University. Through her writing, coaching, and speaking, Gigi has helped thousands of people improve their lives at home and at work. She lives in Michigan with her husband and Murphy, her cat.

Get Gigi’s new book, “50 Ways to Worry Less Now: Reject Negative Thinking.” Available in audio, e-book, and paperback (5 Stars on Amazon). Click HERE

“This book is a winner.” –Karen Casey, Bestselling Hazelden author
“Valuable, heartfelt manual.” — Publishers Weekly (BookLife)

January 25, 2020January 25, 2020

IF YOU’RE ON A HUNT FOR HAPPINESS, YOUR THOUGHTS CAN’T SCARE YOU!

We just finished “Hunt for Happiness Week,” and I wanted to share with you my favorite tool for dissolving the worries and negativity that block our happiness.

“Stress is not a reaction to an event but rather to how you interpret the event.” (Sonya Collins)

How can you change the meaning you’re giving to the things that bother you? One method is to question your thoughts about the troubling situation. Chances are, you’re seeing it in a very scary way. But that CAN be changed!

One of the things that recently caused me distress concerned Judy—my dear friend and business partner for over twenty years—who was diagnosed with breast cancer. In between her chemotherapy and multiple surgeries, she continued to work at her usual hectic pace. I was terrified Judy would get sick again, and I didn’t want to lose her.

My worried mind whispered to me, “She should not work so much,” and it interfered with my hunt for happiness. Soon after admitting this, I began to seek a new way of looking at the situation.

Just in time, a friend invited me to attend a weekend course with Byron Katie, the developer of “The Work”—an amazingly powerful tool for examining and reframing our minds’ negative interpretations.

Tool Number 6. Is It True? [from 50 Ways to Worry Less Now]

Byron Katie gave me permission to use this illustration of her process. My responses to her recommended questions appear in italics.

Write in your journal about a particularly troubling situation in your life. What’s wrong? What should be different? I am so worried about Judy. She’s had cancer, and she’s determined to work long hours even as she’s recovering from surgery and chemotherapy. I’m terrified her ambitious work schedule will make her sick again. Nothing I say or do has changed the situation. I feel stuck
Select one thought to explore in greater depth. Write it at the top of a new page. Judy should not overwork.
Ask yourself, Is this true? Yes.
Ask yourself, Can I absolutely know it’s true? No, probably not . . . there might be times when it’s ok.
Ask yourself, How do I react when I believe this thought? I worry about Judy. I react by trying to do things for her. I judge her as not being able to take care of herself. I’m thinking about this way too much, and it’s robbing my peace of mind.
Ask yourself, Who could I be if I didn’t believe this thought? What might my life look like or feel like? Without this thought, I’d be more accepting of how Judy is dealing with her illness. I could stop worrying about her and meddling in her life. I could relax.
What other ways of saying the original statement might be as true, or truer, than the original thought? (Original statement: Judy should not overwork.) (a) Turn the thought around to the opposite: Judy should overwork. In what way is this as true, or truer, than your original statement? She realizes every minute is precious and she has a lot she wants to do. (b) Turn the thought around to yourself: I should not overwork. In what way is this as true, or truer, than your original statement? I’ve been working too much and I’m under a lot of stress. I need to take better care of myself.

The point of this exercise is to see that the meaning you’ve constructed is not necessarily the truth. In my case, I was afraid Judy would get sick again, and I thought she would stay healthy if she worked less. When I turned it around to the opposite, however, I saw that the decision was Judy’s to make and not mine, that working might be exactly what she needed.

As I turned it around to myself, I got a big dose of honesty. I realized my true concern needed to be with my own overwork. As so often happens, when we point an accusing finger at another, we find three other fingers pointing back at us. This insight prompted me to face my own whispered lie that if I didn’t work hard enough I would fail at my job. I had been worried about looking weak or imperfect, a hangover from my zero-sum-game days.

Whenever we detect false beliefs interfering with our serenity, it’s time to take a breath and acknowledge the scary unpredictability of life. Then we can use any of the 50 tools in “Worry Less Now” to face our challenges with courage and grace.

If your hunt for happiness is thwarted by negative thoughts, try the “Is It True?” exercise. Be sure to select one of the damaging beliefs you’re holding about another person, and go through each step with it. You might be amazed!

Gigi Langer, PhD. Many years ago, I used alcohol, romance, and professional accomplishments to soothe my frayed nerves. Over time, I discovered effective tools from therapy, recovery programs, scientific research, energy work, and a variety of philosophical and spiritual teachings. I share those techniques in my blog and book so you can find peace of mind and wisdom, no matter what is bothering you.

My award-winning book, 50 Ways to Worry Less Now, describes how I and others have defeated the faulty thinking leading to dysfunctional relationships, perfectionism, addiction, and worry about loved ones. Gain practical strategies through personal stories. Amazon: 4.8 stars (53 reviews) (Buy Paperback, e-book, OR audiobook HERE

REVIEWS: Karen Casey, best-selling author of Each Day a New Beginning (Hazelden) “Even though I have been in recovery for more than 4 decades, and didn’t think another self-help book would make it to my treasured list, I was wrong. This book is a winner.”

Anonymous Reader: “Your Book certainly transformed my life! All I can say is, THANK YOU A MILLION TIMES OVER”

Gigi Langer

Worry Less Now!

Category: Healthy Mental Habits