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Worry Less Now!

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Posted on February 4, 2018November 21, 2019

GOT CONFLICT? DON’T REACT . . . WAIT!

arguing

Ugh. Conflict! When someone does something that ticks us off, it’s just too easy to react right away. We might even justify our angry response by saying, “Well, I’m just setting a boundary.”

But, any words—even one!—said in the grip of  frustration can make things worse rather than better. 

So, then how do we defend ourselves when we’re hurt? My suggestion is to do nothing . . .for now.

One of the wisest sayings I’ve heard is:  Sometimes waiting is an action.

 The trick is to realize that your riled-up feelings are distorting your interpretation of the events. When in this kind of defending and blaming mode, no good communication can be had. So, it’s best to WAIT until you can perceive the situation from a more peaceful place.

Many people use the three-day rule; they wait three days to gain perspective before taking action, and if still uncertain about how to respond, they wait a few more days.

Here are a few tips to help you settle down, gain a new perspective, and find a source of wisdom to guide you to right actions and words.

  • Try to remember that you won’t feel this way forever. Then WAIT.
  • Remind yourself that, although your feelings seem real, they are not necessarily based on reality. They’re based on an interpretation of a mind too easily offended. And WAIT.
  • Decide to take charge of your mind.
  • Whenever you catch yourself pondering how to fix your situation, STOP! Leave it in your mind and don’t act. Instead, say to yourself, “I want to see this differently.”
  • Say the Serenity Prayer (or another positive phrase) and keep saying it until your worry and need for control fade away.
  • Continue replacing the negative thoughts with positive ones as often as necessary. (This could be a lot!)

Eventually, you will find yourself either completely unconcerned about the problem, or you will intuitively know what to say or do when the time is right.

gigilanger_worrylessnow

Gigi Langer holds a PhD in Psychological Studies in Education and an MA in Psychology, both from Stanford University. As a person in recovery, Gigi hasn’t had a drug or drink for 32 years. Through her writing, speeches, retreats, and workshops, she has helped thousands of people improve their lives at home and at work.

Order Gigi’s new book, 50 WAYS TO WORRY LESS NOW: REJECT NEGATIVE THINKING TO FIND PEACE, CLARITY, AND CONNECTION here:  Amazon or Seattle Books

 

 

Posted on January 25, 2018January 26, 2018

50 Ways to Worry Less Now Available January 30th!

Worry Less NowGUESS WHAT??

You can now buy a print copy of the book!    The book description is here

Just click here  and it will arrive in early February

NOTE:  In the publishing biz, this is called a “soft launch” because it allows blog and newsletter subscribers to purchase the book before the official publication date.  The full / big/ official launch is February 20th.

Request: As soon as you read it, I’d be so grateful if you’d post your reviews in three places: Amazon; my author FB page; and Goodreads.

If you’d prefer to order it from Amazon, just use this link

If you prefer an e-book, that will be available in mid-February.

gigilanger_worrylessnowGigi Langer holds a PhD in Psychological Studies in Education and an MA in Psychology, both from Stanford University. As a professor, she won several awards for her teaching, and (as Georgea M. Langer) wrote four books for educators as well as hundreds of articles on professional growth.

As a person in recovery, Gigi hasn’t had a drug or drink for over 30 years, although she does occasionally overindulge in Ghirardelli chocolate and historical novels. Through speeches, retreats, and workshops, she helps thousands of people improve their lives at home and at work. She lives happily in Michigan with her husband, Peter and her kitty, Murphy.

 

Posted on January 13, 2018January 24, 2018

Is It Good or Bad to Be A Highly Sensitive Person?

worry less now, Gigi Langer

For years, I constantly heard that I was too “thin-skinned” or “high maintenance.” When I looked around at others, they didn’t seem to take things so personally or to be bothered by loud noises and bright lights.

What was wrong with me?

About ten years ago I discovered the answer: I’m a “highly sensitive person” and I’m NOT alone. Indeed, about 20% of the population shares this trait.

Dr. Eileen Aron’s 25 years of research indicates that highly sensitive people:

  • are quite sensitive to external stimuli,
  • prefer quiet, less chaotic surroundings,
  • worry excessively,
  • are easily overwhelmed,
  • reflect on things more than others, and
  • feel things very deeply,

You’ll be happy to hear that these characteristics are quite respected in many societies where the sensitive ones become advisors and sages. But, in our Western culture, being highly sensitive isn’t always understood or valued. That’s why some of us so often feel on the outside looking in.

The healthiest path for us sensitive folks is to value who we are and take good care of ourselves.

So, if you think you might be a highly sensitive person or have a loved one that is, take the quiz on Aron’s website and check out her blog, “Comfort Zone.”

If you can relate, here are a few suggestions for self-care.

  • Reduce your exposure to loud, dramatic input: news programs, social media, argumentative friends/family, etc.
  • Schedule downtime to rest, meditate, read, and renew after a busy day or after lots of social activity.
  • Sleep enough, eat well and limit caffeine intake.
  • Treat yourself to the enjoyment of beauty: take a walk, savor a sunset, etc.
  • Hang out with loving people who like you exactly the way you are.
  • Avoid bright lights and loud background noise (if they bother you).
  • Remind yourself that your sensitivity makes you creative, empathetic, and loving.

If you too are highly sensitive, please share a few of your insights here. Thanks!

gigilanger_worrylessnowGigi Langer, Ph.D. is a seasoned author and popular speaker who has helped thousands of people improve their lives at home and work. She’s a person in recovery who hasn’t had a drug or drink for over 30 years. Gigi holds an MA in Psychology and Ph.D. in Psychological Studies in Education from Stanford University.

Worry Less Now by Gigi LangerCheck out my new book, 50 Ways to Worry Less Now: Reject Negative Thinking to Find Peace, Clarity, and Connection.  Pre-orders are now open.

Posted on January 9, 2018September 27, 2018

Are You A Prisoner of Your Whispered Lies?

Check out my guest blog, “Are You A Prisoner of Your Whispered Lies?” on PositivelyPositive.com.    It’s about overcoming negative thinking.   Very Exciting!

Here below is what’s there….but check out PositivelyPositive, cuz their stuff is great!

I’m 38–with my doctorate and a new job teaching college. Yet I’m drinking in the afternoon. An attractive stranger comes in. I look at myself in the mirror behind the bar. My third husband is waiting for me to come home. But I know I won’t until the beer, sex, and drugs take the pain away. It’s crazy. I finally realize I must find a way out of this stupor. 

Today, 30 years later, I’m happily married. I love my life and I’m at peace.

The secret?    I’ve learned to overcome the negative thoughts causing my worries and fears—the whispered lies I told myself.

Here are a few examples:

  • Relationships just don’t work for me.
  • I always sabotage my success.
  • I could be happy if only my husband would stop drinking.
  • People only like me if I’m attractive and successful.

 Reject Negative Thinking to Find Peace, Clarity, and Connection

When life isn’t working, it’s usually because we’re trying to force things to go our way. Our whispered lies tell us we can’t handle life, and worrying about people and situations we can’t control just makes us feel worse. In fact, the National Institute of Mental Health estimates that 30% of Americans struggle with worry and anxiety.

But there is a solution: You can find peace of mind under any circumstances because you’re in charge of what you think about.

I’ve discovered four strategies and 50 tools to stop the chorus of lies in your head. The system draws on my work in psychology, recovery pro­grams, cognitive therapy, energy work, scientific literature, and a variety of spiritual teachings.

These tools help you handle troubling times with calm wisdom, fulfill your dreams, and create loving relationships.

 Try It Out!

When you’re agitated, try these simple suggestions to dissolve your own whispered lies.

  1. Listen to your thoughts and notice how they cause tension in your body.
  2. Breathe slowly and deeply until your body calms down. Withdraw your attention from your worries and focus on your breathing. (The free app, Insight Timer, https://insighttimer.com/ teaches you to focus on your breathing instead of on your fears.)
  3. Imagine you’re on a balcony observing a stage filled with your thoughts and emotions. Do not condemn them; just notice them with curiosity.
  4. Write your mind’s messages in a journal. You’ll notice they’re whispering that 1) the past pain will repeat itself or 2) the future will be disastrous.
  5. Ask yourself if you are 100% sure they’re true. You’ll find that they are not because you can’t predict the future. (Byron Katie’s “The Work” shows you how at com/en)
  6. Focus again on your breathing and recognize who is watching your thoughts: a part of your mind that’s stronger and wiser than the imagined disturbances.
  7. Consistently connect with this power through meditation, affirmations, prayer, therapy, yoga, inspirational reading, growth-oriented groups, or any method you prefer. Sooner or later, the answers to your troubles will appear—in the most amazing ways and for the best of all involved.

When your worries clog your life channel, only a tiny bit of wisdom, peace, or happiness can flow through it. Your consistent use of these and other positive tools will keep your channel open, so loving care comes into your life and goes out toward others.

What are some of your favorite tools for overcoming your own negative thinking? 

gigilanger_worrylessnowGigi Langer holds a Ph.D. in Psychological Studies in Education and an MA in Psychology from Stanford University. She is a seasoned author and popular speaker who has helped thousands of people improve their lives at home and work. Gigi hasn’t had a drug or drink for over 30 years. Her newest book, 50 Ways to Worry Less Now: Reject Negative Thinking Find Peace, Clarity, and Connection, is available now for pre-order at Seattle Book Company or Amazon for delivery in February.

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