Merry Christmas to those of you who celebrate it! I hope you have a wonderful time with your friends and family.
Peter and I are driving to Texas tomorrow to be with my sister for Christmas. Should be fun!
Thank you to each and every one of you for your interest in my writing.
I appreciate your support so much! And so does Murphy, my little writing buddy. 
HERE’S A SITUATION SURE TO KICK OFF NEGATIVITY:Ā Imagine youāre on your way to an important doctor appointment and youāve left just a little late. You find yourself waiting in a long line of cars with left-turn signals blinking.
When the cars finally begin to inch forward, you realize you might not make it through the light. You look at your watch, clench your jaw, and think, āI canāt miss this appointment.ā Your stomach begins to churn as you imagine having to wait several more weeks to see the doctor.
Suddenly, a big black carĀ cuts in front of you. Heās the last one to make it through the light. You bang your hands on the steering wheel and yell, āWho in the hell does heĀ think he is?ā Then your mind whispers, āIāll never get in to see the doctor! My symptoms will get worse and Iāll suffer even more. Why does thisĀ always happen to me?ā
NEGATIVITY: THE CONSEQUENCES
Itās hard to keep such incidents from prompting a hissy fit, often with dire results. For instance, we might drive recklessly in the traffic or speak rudely to the doctorās receptionist.
Or, when we arrive home, our frustration might cause us to hurt a loved one with critical or impatient words.
AN ALTERNATIVE APPROACH
Iāll bet youāve had similar experiences, especially with holiday traffic. I sure have. But after years of working with my negative thinking, I’ve discovered how to change it through Honesty, Power, Choice, and Growth Tools. Hereās how it looks in the traffic situation.
First, the driver honestly admits how upset she is, and tunes into the tension in her jaw and belly. She then notices, without judgment, her negative thoughtsāfor example, āI just thought āThat guy is a real jerk!ā and Iāve convinced myself Iāll never make it to my appointment.ā
She follows that realization with āIf I can stop worrying, I can access the power of clarity.ā She then makes the choice to cease upsetting herself.
She might seek a different perspective by thinking, āI have no control over this traffic. This would be frustrating for anyone. Iām willing to trust that Iāll get to the doctor at just the right time.ā
To move her focus away from her irritation and fear, she applies the following growth tools.
She begins with the tool of deep breathing. In her calmer state, she tries to feel compassion toward the driver who cut her off. Perhaps heās had a bad day or family emergency.
Finally, she uses visualization to imagine the office receptionist being helpful and kind. As her negative thinking continues to make a bid for her attention, she persists in using these tools.
In a short time, the next right action occurs to her. She thinks, āIām going to call the receptionist and ask if I can keep my appointment if Iām thirty minutes late.ā When her call is put on hold, she breathes calmly.
Soon, she learns that the doctor is behind schedule and being late is no problem. She relaxes and enjoys the ride.
ISN’T THIS APPROACH PRETTY PASSIVE?
Perhaps youāre thinking that the driver should have been more assertive, perhaps by immediately seeking a detour.
*Hereās an important point: Using these strategies does not mean that you never take strong action.*
They simply allow you to delay acting until youāve gained a little wisdom. As a result of your new perspective, if you are meant to do something, youāll have the direction you need.
Unfortunately, we donāt have as much control over external events as we might imagine, and fretting or forcing a solution often just makes things worse.
Next time you’re irked by traffic, try applying honesty, power, choices, and growth tools. You can experience the peace and goodwill of the season, no matter what!!
Gigi Langer, a Stanford PhD, is a former teacher who quit drinking, only to find that her negative thinking, judging, and fears kept her in a cycle of worry, codependency, chronic pain, perfectionism, and overworking. Her award-winning book “50 Ways to Worry Less Now” (Amazon 4.8 stars) is available in paper, e-book, and audiobook. Honest, practical, simple. Relevant to anyone! Buy it here GigiLanger.com/buy
Before I got sober, I didnāt pray, unless you count uttering in desperation, āHelp me!ā
Even though I didnāt know what it meant, I memorized the Lordās prayer, just to fit in at my best friendās church.
** I had no idea that connecting regularly with a Higher Power (HP) could solve my troubles and fears. **
My favorite author, Karen Casey, writes:
ā(1) Prayer promises relief when we are anxious.
(2) Prayer connects us with our Higher Power when we feel isolated and full of fear.
(3) Prayer frees our minds from the obsession to plan other peopleās lives.
(4) Prayer helps us take action when we feel compelled to change the circumstances of our lives.
(5) Prayer becomes a wonderful resource to draw on when living through our painful moments.
(6) And prayer gives us the willingness to accept Godās solution for every problem that plagues us.ā (from āA Life of My Ownā)
My friends say that praying is asking, and meditation is listening to the God of our understanding. So, I meditate to gain all the wise direction I can get! (I also attend meetings, do service work, and read inspiring spiritual texts to keep myself balanced and stress-free).
** HOW DO YOU MAINTAIN YOUR CONSCIOUS CONTACT WITH YOUR HP?
Gigi Langer is a former teacher who quit drinking, only to find that her negative thinking, judging, and fears kept her in a cycle of worry, codependency, chronic pain, perfectionism, and overworking. Her award-winning book “50 Ways to Worry Less Now” (Amazon 4.8 stars) is available in paper, e-book, and audiobook. Honest, practical, simple. Relevant to anyone! GigiLanger.com/buy
Over 30 years ago, I was listening to a cassette of Gerald Jampolskyās little book, āLove is Letting Go of Fearā as I drove to work in my VW Bug. It changed me forever.
For years, I had been filled with shame and self-loathing because I couldnāt stop my lying, promiscuity, drug use, and profound belief that I couldnāt possibly be loved by anyone. Already in my third marriage, I was back to my old patterns.
Thatās why, when my grad school mentor, Jane, sent me Jampolskyās little book, I grabbed onto it like a life raft.
It taught me two crucial truths:
1. The essence of my being is love.
2. We can learn to love ourselves and others by forgiving rather than by judging.
Back and forth to work, I listened to these and other lessons, and slowly began to change.
After years of denial, I quit drugs and alcohol and discovered the power of A Course in Miraclesāa spiritual system similar to Jerryās work. Over time, I even managed to become happily married.
Twenty years later, Jane and I attended Jerryās āAttitudinal Healing” (AH) weekend course where he emphasized one of my favorite principles of AH:
āWe can become Love finders rather than fault finders.ā
For example, instead of criticizing politicians, we can choose to love and appreciate our democracy. Or, when you have an ache, instead of focusing on it, send love to all the body parts that work perfectly.
Every minute, we can choose to be loving toward ourselves and others rather than judging them. We can choose to join our hearts rather than finding fault.
As we bear these lessons in mind, let’s all HAVE A WONDERFUL HOLIDAY SEASON!
With Love, from Gigi Langer. š
PS. Get “50 Ways to Worry Less Now” audio or ebook (free); paperback (discounted). Just email me here: Gigilangerworrylessnow@gmail.com
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