Big news! Peter & I have sold our condo in Michigan and are moving to SW Florida. So weāve been packing and packing, and Iāve had little time to write a blog.
But, this week, POP Buchanan did a video interview with me and Iād like to share it with you. Itās a little different than the ones Iāve been doing, as we talk about a variety of topics related to anxiety and stress.
Hereās the link. Enjoy! I should be back with a regular blog entry next week.
How often do the words should, must, or ought go through your mind?ā
For example:
My daughter should stop using drugs.
This person, (fill in the blank), must be nicer to me.
The mayor (or president, legislator, etc.) is wrong and ought to (fill in the blank).
I should be healthy and happy and never experience troubling situations.
Unenforceable Rules
According to Fred Luskin, director of the Stanford University Forgiveness Project, these “shoulds” are examples of unenforceable rules: Theydemand an outcome you believe must come true, but over which you have no control.Such inflexible beliefs make us helpless, angry, hurt, hopeless or bitter.
Although holding an unenforceable rule may feel good–even noble–it doesnāt mean you can make it happen. In the first example, the daughter should stop using drugs, but no matter how persuasive the motherās arguments, she doesnāt have the power to make her daughter stop.
The mother does, however, have control over her own choices and behavior. She can seek help from a therapist or Al-Anon, and claim a positive power to work in the situation. Then she might choose a goal for how she wants to act and feel, detach from the result, and use growth tools for her own peace of mind, regardless of her daughterās choices.
Overcoming My Own “Shoulds”
One of my own unenforceable rules became clear as I was writing this book. When my mother passed away, I found it difficult to write and became discouraged by my lack of progress.
When I honestly faced the belief that I must complete the book by a certain date, I became willing to see it differently. After using Tool 6, Is It True? I turned my whispered lie around to āI will finish writing the book at the perfect time.ā In turn, I became more flexible and kinder with myself.
The essence of happiness is peacefully allowing life to unfold. Nothing becomes a live-or-die situation because you know your loving power is working things out, with results that may far surpass your greatest hopes.
(Excerpt taken from page 56-57 of Gigi Langerās award-winning book, 50 Ways to Worry Less Now)
Gigi Langer holds a PhD in Psychological Studies in Education from Stanford University. She is a seasoned author and popular speaker who has helped thousands of people improve their lives at home and work. Gigi hasnāt had a drug or drink for over 30 years, although she does occasionally overindulge in Ghirardelli chocolate and historical novels.
Her book, 50 Ways to Worry Less Now (available HERE in paperback, e-book, & audiobook) has gained rave reviews (4.8 on Amazon) and a publishing award.
Elizabeth L. āBizzyā Chance, CRS, is the founder and owner of Busy Living SoberTM, a network dedicated to bringing addiction out of the shadows and educating society that addiction is a disease, not who you are. She is a leading expert in the field of recovery management, widely known for her work as a consultant, family coach, and her social media presence.
Elizabeth earned her certification as a Certified Recovery Specialist (CRS) from the state of Pennsylvania. She is a graduate of George Washington University with a degree in communications, and her work experience includes time at QVC and CBS Television.
Elizabeth is in long-term recovery herself over a decade. Hence, she feels able to form a compassionate and meaningful bond with addicts. She has always gravitated towards anyone new to recovery because of her own personal story, which gives her an innate sense for helping them achieve and maintain recovery.
Busy Living SoberTM is to eliminate the shame of addiction through open and honest communication.
Elizabeth currently resides in Wayne, Pennsylvania with her husband and three teenage children.
“The definition of addiction is the inability to control oneās use over a substance.ā
