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Gigi Langer

Worry Less Now!

 Love More Now!

Tag: worry

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DOES YOUR ATTITUDE NEED HEALING?

attitude healing worry less now gigi langer

This book about healing my attitude appeared at a low point in my life, and I am so grateful it did! Having moved to Michigan after grad school to marry my 3rd husband, I had no access to my favorite drug, marijuana.

Since my husband travelled for work, I started sneaking out to bars to pick up men and get high. Just in time, my grad school mentor, Jane Stallings, sent me this book: Love is Letting Go of Fear, by the founder of the Center for Attitudinal Healing, Gerald Jampolsky, M.D. Filled with shame, I desperately grabbed onto it and began repeating the ideas, hoping that something could restore me to sanity.

To my astonishment, it did! Within a year, I began therapy, and soon entered recovery. I haven’t had a drink or drug for 37 years; and—miracle of miracles— I’ve been happily married to my 4th husband for 33 years! Doing the work to clean up our own negative attitude is totally worth it!

How Does It Work?

Attitudinal Healing provides support groups for people facing issues such as stress, aging, loneliness, divorce, chronic and life-threatening illness, care-giving of loved ones, bereavement, unemployment, or marriage and parenting problems.

The groups support inner growth, and help members adopt new ways to solve problems and relate to others. By applying the 12 Principles of Attitudinal Healing, one gains new attitudes so they can live in the present moment knowing that, no matter their life circumstances, they can choose to experience either peace or conflict, love or fear.

Principles of Attitudinal Healing

The Principles are not dogma. Spiritual in nature, they are nonsectarian and are offered only as tools for healing one’s attitude. The first Principle is the key: The Essence of Our Being Is Love, as it unites and flows through all the others.

  1. The essence of our being is love.
  2. Health is inner peace. Healing is letting go of fear.
  3. Giving and receiving are the same.
  4. We can let go of the past and of the future.
  5. Now is the only time there is, and each instant is for giving.
  6. We can learn to love ourselves and others by forgiving rather than judging.
  7. We can become love finders rather than fault finders.
  8. We can choose and direct ourselves to be peaceful inside regardless of what is happening outside.
  9. We are students and teachers to each other.
  10. We can focus on the whole of life rather than the fragments.
  11. Since love is eternal, death need not be viewed as fearful.
  12. We can always perceive ourselves and others as either extending love, or fearful and calling for love.

Where Have We See These ideas?

If you’ve you’re familiar with A Course in Miracles, or Twelve-Step programs, you might recognize some common attitudes or beliefs. for example, the importance of giving as a portal to receiving love. The following ideas might also resonate with your experiences.

  • We are spiritual beings having a human experience.
  • Healing and happiness are achieved by letting go of fear.
  • We grow so we can help others grow.
  • Letting go of resentments and criticism are keys to happiness.
  • Peace of mind is merely a choice, independent of external circumstances.
  • Now is the only moment we have, so we avoid living in the future or past.

In my experience, we come to live these truths through regular spiritual practice with love-based Christianity, Buddhism, or other wisdom traditions. I also attended the Attitudinal Healing Facilitator Training, and gained an even deeper understanding of how to apply the principles to live a worry-free life.

The point is to become a love-based person rather than a fear-based person, to give rather than take, and to care about others rather than criticize them. In short, we learn how to treat others as we wish they would treat us. Pretty simple, aye?

I WOULD LOVE TO HEAR FROM YOU! Which of these ideas do you find appealing? Which ones are confusing to you? Just email glanger2202@gmail.com and I will read your thoughts with care & reply.

In my next book (coming out in fall, 2022), I’ll be clarifying many of these ideas and sharing how to apply them to our lives. As writing a new book is such a challenge, I’ll be using many of the ideas stated here to keep a positive attitude. Stay tuned!

gigi langer worry less now

Gigi Langer has been sober 35 years, and holds a PhD in Psychological Studies in Education from Stanford University. Formerly crowned the “Queen of Worry,” Gigi resigned her post many years ago and now lives happily in Florida with her husband, Peter and her cat Murphy.

worry less now gigi langer

Gigi’s award-winning book, 50 Ways to Worry Less Now, describes how to correct the faulty thinking leading to addiction, dysfunctional relationships, perfectionism, and worry about loved ones. Check out the practical directions, personal stories, and other helpful growth tools. Amazon: 4.8 stars (Buy Discounted, personally signed Paperback with free Workbook PDF HERE)

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Awakening to Your True Self

(An excerpt from my new book, due in September)

Gigi langer worry less now

At any moment, especially when we’re quiet (or when our hearts are breaking), we can receive such glimmers of truth shining into our being, reassuring us that we are whole and safe in this life. I am so thankful for discovering the strength of my true self in a world where my heart sometimes beats to the blinding force of fear.

Who is your true self? It’s the you who knows intuitively the next right thing to do, has healthy friends to consult, can feel the pain of life and heal it, and who brings love and service to those you encounter.

How do we grow away from our fearful self and into our true self? For the past 30 years, I’ve joined with many inspired mentors to apply the teachings of the Twelve Steps and A Course in Miracles (ACIM) to every aspect of my life. My experience, and that of millions of others, suggests that we can claim our true heart and life by:

  • Opening our hearts. We are here to move away from a life dominated by fear, defenses, and criticism toward a life of love, acceptance, and compassion.
  • Connecting our hearts. As we experience our internal state tipping from love to fear, we join with others to give and receive inspiration and care.

Following these two paths has healed my most troubling problems: codependency, sexual abuse, chronic pain, divorce, worry about loved ones, perfectionism, and job stress. Now I enjoy peace of mind and serenity, no matter my circumstances. I hope awakening to your true self will bring you similar benefits.

Worry Less Now; Gigi Langer

Gigi Langer, PhD has helped thousands of people improve their lives at home and at work. She’s written several books for educators, and is a sought-after speaker and workshop leader.  Gigi holds a doctorate in Psychology in Education,  and an MA in Psychology, both from Stanford.

WORRY LESS NOW GIGI LANGER

Gigi’s award-winning book, 50 Ways to Worry Less Now, describes how to correct the faulty thinking leading to addiction, dysfunctional relationships, perfectionism, and worry about loved ones. Check out the practical directions, personal stories, and other helpful growth tools. Amazon: 4.8 stars (Buy Discounted, personally signed Paperback with free Workbook PDF HERE)

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THE PUNISHMENT OF PERFECTIONISM

Recently, I taught Session #2 of the Worry Less Now group of 10 wonderful women. During the session, I felt rushed and tense–possibly because I had planned too many things for the 75 minutes. So, I made some mistakes: I omitted the prayer at the beginning; and during our Masterminding, more than once I forgot a crucial step and one of the participants had to remind me.

Although I laughed about it at the time, afterwards, I felt ashamed due to my old flaw of perfectionism. The ego grabbed my mental microphone, whispering lies about how I had embarrassed myself. Then I tried to figure out why I had made the mistakes, in the false hope that I would never do so again. This self-punishment exhausted me, subtly draining my enthusiasm over the next few days.

By Sunday, I finally acknowledged the cloud over my head and my wise voice said, “We need some time to get our head straight. Noone can make me do a F!#*ing thing tomorrow.”

 I cleared my calendar, had coffee with my husband, and then lay down for a healing session with God. First, my kitty came and cuddled up on my lap (how does she know just when to appear?). I relaxed my body and breathed slowly as I imagined Mother Mary at my head, God on my left side, Jesus at my feet, and the Holy Spirit on my right side. As I said the Lord‘s prayer, their loving presence soothed my jagged feelings.

Then something surprising happened: several dark strands of false beliefs appeared to be lifted out of my body, dismantling my belief that I couldn’t be loved unless I was perfect.

Is It True? Is It Really True?

At the next session I had planned to talk about Byron Katie’s “The Work” and, as I lay in perfect peace, I had a great idea: I could illustrate the use of this tool with my  perfectionism’s whispered lie: “I should not make mistakes.” My answers to the four questions are:

  • Is It True? Yes
  • Is It Completely True? No.
  • What’s the Emotional Cost? I admitted how much pain and tension this belief had caused me,
  • What Could My Life Be without The Belief? I could relax in loving acceptance of myself when making mistakes.

Turnaround #1:  “I should not make mistakes” becomes “I should make mistakes.”

How is this statement as true or truer than the first one? Perhaps the pain of my mistakes made me humble enough to admit that I am not God; I’m only human, and mistakes have nothing to do with my security or lovability. It could also be true because it creates a teaching opportunity for my class and a chance to illustrate how I too get hung up by my ego.

Turnaround #2: “I should not make mistakes” becomes “They should not make mistakes.” How is this as true or truer that the original statement? I saw my ego in living color as I sat and criticized people on TV and social media. Then God showed me that since we are all connected, my judging others separates me from them and from God too. Hmm, not God’s will!

Then, this turnaround came into my receptive mind: “I should not make mistakes” became “God should not make mistakes.” Slowly, the tears began to flow; I can’t explain why, really; perhaps I thought that if God could make mistakes, then we were all screwed. I knew this could not be true, as God has been the only reliable source of love and safety in my life.

What Have I Learned?

So, what have I learned from doing “The Work” with my whispered lie, “I should not make mistakes,” and its corollary, “If I do, I can’t be loved.”

-By believing I must be perfect, I was “easing God out” and opening the door to self- condemnation, which is not God‘s will.

-Releasing that false belief allowed love to flow back into my heart, restoring my energy and connection with God.

-Turning the whispered lie around taught me that I cannot separate myself from God and others without causing myself misery.

-Finally, I believe my letting go of my false beliefs helps others do the same.  

I am so grateful that my spirits inspired me to write this, share it with my class, and perhaps include it in my new book. And most of all, I’m glad that God helped me shed another layer of perfectionism! 

gigi langer worry less now

Gigi Langer has been sober 35 years, and holds a PhD in Psychological Studies in Education from Stanford University. Formerly crowned the “Queen of Worry,” Gigi resigned her post many years ago and now lives happily in Florida with her husband, Peter and her cat Murphy.

My award-winning book, 50 Ways to Worry Less Now, describes how to reject the faulty thinking leading to addiction, dysfunctional relationships, perfectionism, and worry about loved ones. Check out the practical directions, personal stories, and other helpful growth tools. Amazon: 4.8 stars (Buy Discounted Paperback, e-book, OR audiobook HERE

worry less now gigi langer

WORRY LESS NOW PERFECTIONISM

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ABOUT LIFE: A CHRISTMAS LETTER FROM LOVE

My friend, Maureen Power added this reading to her 1990 recording of A Course in Miracles workbook lesson titles. I’ve been unable to find its source.

But, reading it has changed my life. I hope you too find inspiration in these words.

With deep Love from Gigi Langer, December 2021

“So dear are you to me. I see you struggle and let go, struggle, and let go again.

“And that is the dance of life. Seek not to end the dance. The earthly dance moves from ballroom to ballroom, from dance floor to dance floor. The cosmic dance moves from era to era. But the dance must continue until all the music has been heard. 

“You learn the dance of prosperity and the dance of scarcity, until you realize that all the dances are the same. You move to the rhythm, sway to the beat. You pause to start again. You feel the heartbeat of the music until your heart and the beat of the music are one. Then that dance is over.

“Worry not, my child. All earthly experiences teach only one thing: That you are a child of a loving God who punishes you not. You’ve elected to learn these lessons so that you can be free. You can’t be free until you have faced, and then walked through, your worst fear. What your worst fear is changes from time to time. 

“Walking through your worst fear transforms it into an old meaningless fear. Then a new worst fear will come to take its place. Call the fear poverty, rejection, abandonment, loneliness, death, meaninglessness, or helplessness. Walk through them you will, until they are all gone. 

“What you forget is that you don’t have to walk through them alone. I am here and will walk through them with you. Trust me, my child. Ask not that any specific burden be lifted. Ask instead for my presence to walk through with you. We are simply rendering the barriers to love harmless by walking through them together. 

“The human experience provides all these lessons to all who walk through them. You walk through them with pain and sorrow if you choose to do it alone. Or you walk through them with peace and joy if you take me along. 

“Ask me to guide you. Ask me not to solve what you perceive as your problems. What you perceive as problems are dreams, and dreams are not real. Practice fearlessness, my child. Turn over all your fears to me. My way will lead you to discover the light which is already within you. 

“The thoughts of the mind are undisciplined, but the mind is at home in the heart of God. Call to me dear soul. When you call from the part of your heart that knows we are together still, I will be there, and you will be here in an instant. 

“Peace and joy to you, dear one. Only joy and peace are eternal. All else is illusion. You have been to joy and peace, and you do know the truth. Ask me to remember, and I will. Peace. Peace. Peace.”

Source Unknown. My friend, Maureen Power added this reading to her recording of A Course in Miracles workbook lesson titles. I’ve been unable to find its source. Perhaps you can? If so, please send it to me at glanger2202@gmail.com. Thanks!

In the meantime, please let its loving message bring you peace and joy every time you read it.

Worry Less Now; Gigi Langer

Gigi Langer has been sober 35 years, and holds a PhD in Psychological Studies in Education from Stanford University. Formerly crowned the “Queen of Worry,” Gigi resigned her post many years ago and now lives happily in Florida with her husband, Peter and her cat Murphy.

Worry Less Now Cover

My award-winning book, 50 Ways to Worry Less Now, describes how to reject the faulty thinking leading to addiction, dysfunctional relationships, perfectionism, and worry about loved ones. Check out the practical directions, personal stories, and other helpful growth tools. Amazon: 4.8 stars (Buy Discounted Paperback, e-book, OR audiobook HERE)