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Gigi Langer

Worry Less Now!

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Tag: self-talk

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HOW TO QUIT THE “MASTER-BEATERS” CLUB

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Recently, I became extremely self-critical because I got “too busy” to pray, meditate, and go to meetings. When I hear that voice whispering its nasty lies, I’m reminded of how the “Master-Beaters Club” was born.

Self-Critical Lies

While having coffee one day, some sober women and I began to share how an internal voice constantly criticized us: We were bad people, couldn’t change, or weren’t worthy of love or care. In short, our fearful thoughts were beating up on us.

Suddenly, one woman said, “Well, let’s just call ourselves the ‘master-beaters club!” After a raucous laugh, we had already weakened this character flaw by naming it and laughing at it.

Ever since that day, when that self-condemning voice creeps into my head, I can reject it by having a good laugh as I recall our special “club.”

How to Stop Beating Ourselves up

As I grew in my trust of a Higher Power, I replaced that critical voice with God’s loving presence, often expressed through human angels (sometimes called “God-in-skin”). For example, my sponsor channeled love into me, and then others joined in, bringing me the care I had so desperately sought.

As I grew into my true self, I realized that my security was guaranteed by my wise God-self, and that my self-criticism had melted away. But, if I let up on my self-care, it can still creep in, as it did this morning.

Today, after talking with my sponsor, going to an Alanon meeting, and meditating, that self-beating voice has left. I now feel peaceful, happy, and free.  

More Ways to Quit the Master-Beaters Club

  • Make a gratitude list every day of at least 5 new items that are going well for you.
  • Create positive affirmations about your own worth. For example: “I am confident and positive.” “My worth is established by God.” or “I am a special person.”
  • Use guided meditations on self-worth and confidence. (I like Insight Timer)
  • Practice rigorous self-care: avoid self-destructive habits, eat well, exercise, sleep enough, hang out with healthy friends, and read/listen to inspiring words and stories.
  • Go to therapy to overcome negative patterns of acting and thinking.
  • Practice self-compassion as suggested by Kristen Neff

If we stay committed to our emotional and spiritual recovery, we come to believe that we are perfectly loved and fully able to love others. What a gift!

No more “Master-Beating” for me!

QUESTION: How do you stop the voice that sometimes beats you up?

My award-winning book, 50 Ways to Worry Less Now describes how to reject the faulty thinking leading to addiction, dysfunctional relationships, perfectionism, and worry about loved ones. Check out the practical directions, personal stories, and other helpful suggestions. Amazon: 4.8 stars (Buy Discounted Paperback, e-book, OR audiobook HERE)

Worry Less Now; Gigi Langer

Gigi Langer has been sober 35 years, and holds a PhD in Psychological Studies in Education from Stanford University. Formerly crowned the “Queen of Worry,” Gigi resigned her post many years ago and now lives happily in Florida with her husband, Peter and her cat Murphy.

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CELEBRATE INDEPENDENCE FROM NEGATIVITY!

worry less now

My friends say our worries & fears come from the not-so-helpful “committee in my head.” I call those negative voices “whispered lies.”

For instance, for too many years I believed “If I want to be liked, I must look good.” This whispered lie made me constantly worried about my appearance and behavior.

A few more examples include:

  • “I’ll never have enough money.”
  • “I always sabotage my success.”
  • “Relationships just don’t work for me.”
  • “We could all be happy if only Dad would stop drinking.”

Although many of our whispered lies concern ourselves, they often focus on our children, spouses, friends, or relatives—for instance, the last example about the father’s drinking.

Other distressing beliefs involve institutions, as in “If the government would just change this policy, we’d all be better off.”

Even though it might be true that Dad ought to stop drinking or the government should make changes, these events have no control over your own happiness.

You can find peace of mind under any circumstance because you’re in charge of what you think about.

Most of our worries are fueled by false stories installed into our minds long ago, just waiting for opportunities to be confirmed.

Wayne Dyer wrote that everything our brain “knows” is based on past experiences. Therefore, when an event resembles—even in a small way—an old painful one, our mind interprets the new event according to the long-standing negative belief.

Since most whispered lies live largely in our subconscious, we’re often unaware of them.

To illustrate the power of my own “negative committee’s” lies, consider why I failed at romantic love so many times during my twenties and thirties. I wanted to believe that love was possible for me, but my past had taught me the lie “I’m not worthy of love.”

This belief lived so strongly in my mind that, even when a man loved me deeply, I couldn’t believe it was true. After several months, I would become convinced that he wasn’t fulfilling my needs. These worries made me so demanding that I soon snuffed out all the happiness and joy of new love. When it ended, I’d tell myself, “I just don’t deserve love!”

Until I got honest and started healing my faulty thinking, I had no hope of enjoying a happy relationship. I’m so grateful for the therapy, recovery, psychological strategies, and spiritual tools that gave me freedom from my false beliefs.

As a result I’m a pretty happy camper most days — AND I’ve been happily married for 31 years. So what if it’s my 4th husband??? He’s fabulous!

To learn how to win independence from your own committee’s whispered lies, check out my award-winning book 50 Ways to Worry Less Now (Amazon 5 stars), Audiobook, and Ebook HERE https://GigiLanger.com/buy/

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HOW TO CALM YOUR OVERACTIVE MIND

I have a tendency to overthink things. You might too.

Your mind takes off and starts imagining the worst things that could happen in the future, or you find yourself looking back at the recent past and regretting your words or actions. Even worse is when we get caught up in judging and resenting the actions of an important person in our lives. 

Here are a few tools I use to anchor my mind in the present moment rather than in the future or past. 

 THE 5,4,3,2,1 TECHNIQUE  (Full blog post:  https://GigiLanger.com/anxiety-attack/)

Take a few slow belly-inflating breathes and remind yourself that your body is right here right now, and you can choose to focus your mind on the present moment rather than on the future or past. .

1. Name 5 things you can see around you (Examples: rug, painting)

2 . Name 4 things you can feel (feet on the floor, cool air on the skin)

3 . Name 3 things you can hear right now (a fan running, people’s voices outside)

4. Name 2 things you can smell right now (perfumed soap)

5. Name 1 good thing about yourself (“I am strong,” “I can help myself through this.”)

If you simply can’t focus, or if your body and mind haven’t yet settled down, take a few more belly-inflating breaths, and tell yourself that you can focus your thoughts on the present moment. Then do the exercise again.

It may take several minutes of repetition before your mind settles down.

According to independent.co.uk, “the trick, which relies on sensory awareness, is rooted in mindfulness – and apart from anxiety, it can help treat depression, addiction disorders, lower blood pressure, and relieve stress” (Harvard University Helpguide.org)

MINDFULNESS TRAINING 

It really helped me to take the “Mindfulness Based Stress Reduction” (MBSR) 8-week course. It uses breathing and simple stretches to keep your mind on your body, and its research studies show impressive results (Jon Kabat-Zinn and colleagues from  University of Massachusetts Medical Center). More info here: Mindfulness-based stress reduction – Wikipedia   Really effective.

MIND REFOCUSING 
I often catch my mind worrying about the future, and when I notice this I substitute a quick little phrase to anchor me back into the now: “All is well right now.” or, “Help me to see this differently.” Also repeating a short prayer like the Serenity Prayer helps a lot.

The idea is to substitute a “right now” thought or sensation for our worries, fears, and stressful thoughts.

NOTE: In my experience, I often need to make the switch several times an hour (sometimes many times a minute!)

It will take consistent practice to retrain your mind to stay in the present. Keep at it and your life and health will improve.

Gigi Langer, a person in recovery, holds a Ph.D. in Psychological Studies in Education and an MA in Psychology from Stanford University. Through her writing, coaching, and speaking, Gigi has helped thousands of people improve their lives at home and at work. She lives in Michigan with her husband and Murphy, her cat.

Get Gigi’s new book, “50 Ways to Worry Less Now: Reject Negative Thinking” is available in audio, e-book, and paperback (5 Stars on Amazon). Click HERE

“Valuable, heartfelt manual.” — Publishers Weekly (BookLife)

“This book is a winner.” -Karen Casey, Hazelden author
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7 Tips to Stop the Nasty Voice in Your Head

Do you have a voice in your head that incessantly whispers lies of impending doom or replays past events in the hope of changing them?

It might sound like this: “I always…(fail, am rejected, sabotage my success)” OR “If only he or she would (fill in the blank), we would all be okay.“

Although I used to hear this voice often, over the years I’ve learned to turn such negative thoughts into positive ones. Here are a few tips that might help you do the same.

  1. Notice how the voice in your head causes tension in your body and perhaps emotions of anger, pain, frustration, envy, or a need for security, recognition or love.
  2. Stand apart from the thoughts and feelings, as if you’re on a balcony observing them. Do NOT condemn them.
  3. Breathe slowly and deeply until your body calms down. Withdraw your attention from your worrying and focus on your breathing.
  4. Recognize who is watching the thoughts. It’s a part of your mind independent of your thoughts and emotions. This is your true self (higher self, God-mind, etc). It is greater, stronger, and wiser than the imagined disturbances.
  5. Make a choice: Do you want to stay in the drama of the fear-filled voices in your head, or do you want to experience peace and happiness?
  6. Write your mind’s false messages in a journal. Notice that many of them predict one of two horrible things: 1) past pain will repeat itself, or 2) the future will be disastrous. KNOW THAT NONE OF THESE IS TRUE.
  7. Dissolve your mind’s lies by using meditation, affirmations, prayer, therapy, yoga, inspirational reading, groups, energy work, or any other method to connect with the goodness and light of your true self.

As you refuse to believe the fearful voice in your head, sooner or later the answers to your troubles will appear in the most amazing way and for the best of all involved.

HOW DO YOU CALM YOUR OWN NEGATIVE THOUGHTS? I’d love to hear from you!

GIGI LANGER is the former “Queen of Worry” whose award-winning book, 50 Ways to Worry Less Now, rates 4.7 stars on Amazon. She holds a PhD from Stanford University in Psychology in Education.

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