Surely, I thought, that wasnāt a problem for me! I had allowed plenty of men to ātake careā of me–but only when I was in control of the payoff. The rest of the time, I was fiercely self-sufficient.
When I considered that I could receive care from other people, with NO strings attached, I could barely fathom it. I had always felt church and other organizations only welcomed me because they wanted my money or time.
Further, I didnāt feel I deserved such generous attention. My alcoholic home had taught me I wasnāt worth someoneās care or love; and that being a care-giver was safer than expecting it from another.
So, it’s not surprising that when I first went to 12-step programs, I was hesitant to accept the support offered by others–especially the women! Up until then, I had always relied on my lover and one female “using buddy.” I had no idea how to interact with healthy women without my old manipulative ways.
But, after months of hearing my recovering friends talk about their loving sponsors, I finally took the plunge and asked someone to be my sponsor. I couldnāt believe it when she said yes and gave me hours and hours of her undivided attention, just so I could stay sober (and she stayed sober too!)
Itās almost impossible to grow spiritually without healthy friends whose main purpose is to do the same. So, if youāre trying to straighten out your life (or keep it sane), youāll consider this question carefully:
** How willing are you to receive help from others? **
It took me a while, but Iām happy to report that I now count myself rich, knowing that a select group of friends would immediately come to my rescue in any crisis.
To examine your own willingness to receive care from others, take a moment to consider these questions.
1. How easy is it for you to ask others for help? 2. Do you believe you always need to appear strong and competent? 3. Are you most comfortable in the role of helping others? 4. Can you graciously accept healthy loving care regardless of where it comes from? 5. What false beliefs might stand in the way of you being a better receiver?
If you can’t trust others to give you love without expecting something in return, or if you believe you donāt deserve othersā support, I encourage you to let go of this “I am an island” mentality (as in Paul Simon’s song, “I am a rock”). Perhaps counseling, spiritual practices, or other healthy people can help youĀ accept loving care from others.
For tips on finding healthy friends, read this article. To learn more about overcoming negative, self-limiting thinking so you can enjoy peace, clarity, and connection, see GigiLanger.com.
Gigi LangerĀ holds a PhD in Psychological Studies in Education from Stanford University. She’s a sought-after speaker and retreat leader who has helped thousands improve their lives at work and at home.Ā
Order her award-winning book,Ā 50 Ways to Worry Less Nowat Amazon or get 20% off with promo code 20lessnow here.
We hope you and your loved ones are well and we send our best wishes for a happy holiday season and a wonderful 2019.Ā Ā As you know, ācounting your blessingsā is a great way to feel better about almost anything. So, here are a few of my favorites from 2018 . . . plus the next big goal!
Gigiās 2018 Gratitude List
You and all “Gigi Langer” followers.Ā Without your appreciation and enthusiasm for what I write, this site would not exist. You motivate me to share ideas and experiences that might be helpful or inspiring. And I absolutely LOVE it when you comment on my posts–both here and in FaceBook. So, here’s a big THANK YOU for your encouragement!
An active and fun life.Ā Peter (my 4th husband–yup!) and I will celebrate our 30th anniversary in 2019. I’m so grateful that we still love every moment together. We both play a little golf and enjoy time with friends.Ā Peterās got lots ofĀ home projects going, and I’m still very involved in supporting my own and othersā recovery from addiction and alcoholism.
Our families.Ā We are all well and happy. A few have left us: my mother in Dec. 2014 and our brother-in-law, Kyran, last spring.Ā I enjoy time with my sisters and brother, and with Peter’s family. Every year we all realize how precious are the hours together.
Inspiration and service. For the past few years, I’ve been attending A Course in Miracles study group at Karen Casey’s home. This is such a gift, as she’s long been one of my writing idols (So many of us in recovery have used her daily meditation books, e.g.,Ā Each Day a New Beginning,Ā from Hazelden.) I’m also so grateful to my fellow Board Members of the Ann Arbor Women’s Group; for 11 years we’ve been connecting women in sobriety!
Live music. This year we saw The Music Man (Peter’s favorite), My Fair Lady, Martin Sexton (if you don’t know his music, check it out here; he’s phenomenal, especially live), a full performance of the Messiah (it “took me to church”), and Peter’s favorite group Manhattan Transfer (masters of vocal-harmony-jazz). Last week we attended Irving Berlinās āWhite ChristmasāĀ and the song ācount your blessings instead of sheepā prompted this gratitude list.
I published my book!Ā 50 Ways to Worry Less Now: Reject Negative Thinking to Find Peace, Clarity, And Connection wasĀ a huge endeavor, occupying most of 2012-2017. Possum Hill Press published it in February 2018, and it has already earned great reviews on Amazon and from Publisherās Weekly (BookLife), Midwest Book Review, and The Library Journal. Last summer, it received the 2018 National Indie Excellence Award in the self-help category.
The next project.Ā One of my biggest life surprises occurred when God tapped me on the shoulder and had me enthusiastically running up to my office to write a book. Now that it’s completed, he’s sent another little nudge: Make an audio book! It’s taken me a while to warm up to the idea, but I’m doing it (How can you say “No!” to God?).Ā Check outĀ my first 3 videos showing how I’m approaching this task. They’re on YouTube too (Gigi Langer). Here’s the link for the fourth video, Gigi Makes an Audio Book, part 4.
Perhaps you too will make a gratitude list for 2018. Focusing on the good things brings more of the same into your life. I’d love to see your list!
I give thanks for every one of you who reads what I write, and look forward to our continued partnership in giving and receiving love.
A shameless ad from Gigi: Order my book on Amazon (free shipping with Prime) OR go to www.gigilanger.com, click on Seattle Book Company, and use ā20lessnowā code to lower the price (to reimburse you for shipping). If interested, also check out my blog and/or my FaceBook (FB) posts. Finally, if you will (or have) read the book, Iād appreciate your reviews on Goodreads, FB Gigi Langer Author, and Amazon. Thank you!
Gigi Langer has been clean and sober for 32 years, and holds a PhD in Psychological Studies in Education from Stanford University. She’s a sought-after speaker and retreat leader who has helped thousands improve their lives at work and at home. Her new book is available from Amazon, and in various formats here .
āMany of us mistakenly think happiness comes from outside ourselves. For example, when other people shower us with love, we’re happy. When the boss compliments our work, we’re happy.Ā On the other hand, relying on our inner wisdom to tell us we’re worthy and believing we are worthy are untapped skills for most of us.Ā It’s really only a simple change in perspective. It’s looking within, not without, for knowledge of our worth. There’s no mystery to it. We can do it. “ from A Life of My Own by Karen Casey
Karen Casey is one of my favorite writers. When I got sober, her daily meditation book,Ā Each Day a New BeginningĀ (published by Hazelden), saved my life by putting healthy, hopeful thoughts into my mind. And, did I ever need it!
I had grown up totally unaware of the pure goodnessĀ that I had inside me. It was covered up by sadness, feeling less than others, guilt for my crazy home-life, and shame.
Since I was unaware of my true worth, I tried to imitate others who seemed happy. I copied their “outsides,” hoping I could fix my “insides.”
I pretended to be to be smart, well-mannered, friendly, and happy–I was willing to do anything for love and acceptance.Ā For a while, getting high grades and being a “good girl” did the trick. Then I moved on to obsessing about boyfriends and early sexual adventures–those few minutes of bliss certainly softened my awful feelings.
I was constantly seeking something outside of me to fill up the empty hole of insecurity gnawing inside me.Ā But none of it really worked; it left me frustrated, alone, and enraged (even tho’ it took years to admit it). Finally,Ā I discovered booze and marijuana as my “go to” method of erasing the pain of life. What a wonderful numbness it gave me.
But, eventually, even that didn’t work. MyĀ failedĀ relationships and divorces piled up at the same rate as the degrees I earned. I became so frustrated, I finally sought help. And that’s when I realized how broken I was.Ā
When I walked through the doors of my first 12-step meeting, the people there saw and responded to the goodness inside me. They believed I was already worthy of love.Ā Although I couldn’t really believe it, I clung desperately to it. I followed their suggestions, found a sponsor who loved and guided me, and awoke to the divine spark of love within and surrounding me.
Happiness comes from connecting with the divine spark within each of us.Ā
I have no need to imitate other peoples’ outsides becauseĀ I’m so full of love and peace inside. And, when a newcomer walks through the door,Ā I can see their true worth–just waiting to be uncovered and discovered by them.
PS For more about low self-esteem, creating an invented self, the impostor syndrome, and finding self-worth, click here.
Gigi Langer is a former āQueen of Worry.ā Sheās also an educator, speaker, and author of 50 Ways toĀ Worry Less Now: Reject Negative Thinking to Find Peace, Clarity, and Connection,Ā winner of the 2018 Indie Excellence Award. Available through Amazon (5 stars), Barnes and Noble, and e-book sites.Ā Ā Langer holds a Ph.D. in Psychological Studies in Education and an MA in Psychology, both from Stanford. As Georgea M. Langer, she has published several books for teachers and school administrators.
MANAGEĀ Ā lifeās most difficult challenges with calm wisdom
CREATEĀ relationships that blossom and thrive
FULFILLĀ your dreams without limitations
SERVEĀ others in their personal growth
DISCOVERĀ tactics toĀ dissolve the negative beliefs underlying your worries.
REVIEWS ofĀ Worry Less Now
āI loved the simplicity and the host of quickly adopted suggestions. Even though I have been in recovery for more than 4 decades, and thus didn’t really think another self-help book would make it to my treasured list, I was wrong. This book is a winner.ā -Karen Casey, best-selling author of Each Day a New BeginningĀ
Plenty of books advocate countering negative thinking; but too few actually provide step-by-step measures on how to do so. Others simply choose a singular path and follow it. The pleasure of 50 Ways to Worry Less Now lies in its examples, specific exercises, and injections of how the author used various routines to find her way out of negativity. Ā Highly recommended for anyone who worries too much, lives too hard a life, and searches for a better way.ā Ā – D. Donovan, Senior Reviewer, Midwest Book ReviewĀ Ā Ā Full review:Ā 50 Ways to Worry Less NowĀ
āReads like a compendium of the worldās wisdom on successful living. These are no set of abstractions found in self-help books; rather they are lessons Langer has learned from painful experience. I am buying copies for my grandchildren.ā – Dr. Bob Garmston, California State University
āI’ve become reluctant to recommend personal growth books to my clients because so few seem to focus on taking action. Worry Less Now is different. Rather than setting herself up as the authority, itās clear that she works the strategies and tools as part of her ongoing growth.āĀ –Christine McCully, LMHC, MA
āGigi Langer has moved the self-help genre from quick-fix solutions to outlining a well-researched set of principles/concepts/ exercises that can assist enormously a person who is serious about wanting to worry less and to find peace and connections in his/her life.ā Ā ā Sharon Kalbfleisch, MSW
āThis is not a one-size-fits-all book. It offers a broad pallet of thoughtful ways one can find a path to a less stressful life. Interspersed with relatable personal stories, I found this book both useful and delightful to read.āĀ āB. Jorgenson, M.A. Education
āI am not a book critic, but I am a worrier, so I am qualified to highly recommend Gigi’s book. I believe everyone can benefit from reading this book and putting her ideas into daily practice.ā –Reverend Cathy Freeman
āWhile reading this book I felt like I was on a journey, interacting and participating with the strategies.ā – Roberta Tankenow, Pharmacist
“Gigi has written a jewel of a book with sharp insight, an open honest heart, timeless wisdom, and inspiration galore. A healing masterpiece if one chooses to use the tools.” Ā -LiRa Bennett,President, A Place of Well-Being Inc.
āAs a mental health clinician for thirty-two years, Iām excited to report that Langerās book provides a well-thought-out and flexible structure to question worried thinking habits, manage anxiety, and respond in new, healthier ways. One of the best āHow Toā manuals Iāve read on what it means to be human.Ā Ā Ā Langer has compiled an impressive array of clinical, medical, and philosophical sources and research. Although some of the tools are spiritually-oriented, theyāre not religious or heavy-handed. I canāt wait to tell my clients and colleagues about this wonderful book.ā –Coleen Travers, LCSWĀ
āOne of the biggest themes in the book is the whispered lies people tell themselves that encourage negative thoughts, feelings, and attitudes.Ā Theyāre the icky things you tell yourself that bring you down, and most of the time they just arenāt true.Ā Gigi teaches you how to recognize those whispered lies and create strategies to turn your negativity around. Langer isnāt afraid to discuss her own personal experiences with abuse, addiction, and more.Ā It really humanizes her as a narrator and adds a level of relatability that can be missing when a professional communicates with their audience.ā –Shannon Doe, āMillennial Bloggerā http:/GoingWithHappy.com
āThis is definitely the book to have on your shelf, by your bed, near your favorite chair, or on your desk. Her wisdom is definitely a healing gift. Know someone who needs help? Give them this book. No matter what the circumstance, there is something in this book that will help everyone to worry less now.ā Ā ā Ginger Wakem
“Excellent book to have on hand to navigate the minefield of life…like going to a mental health grocery store: pick the various tools to create a recipe for peace and serenity.ā –Ginna Jordan, Interior Designer
āYou donāt have to use all the tools at once. You can piecemeal what you can handle at the time and implement the rest later once you are ready to increase your skill level. A MUST READ for just about anyone!āĀ – Liz Audette, Marketing Professional
āA smorgasbord of helpful ideas and techniques from an author who has been there and done that. Highly recommended.ā -Marcie Foster
āThis book is a gift to those of us who yearnĀ toĀ defeat worry, negativity, and self-doubt.Ā It is beautifully written, clearly organized, and filled with life-changing wisdom. Gigi has trulyĀ led the wayĀ toĀ successful living and made it possible for us to follow.ā –Ginny Chism
āFinally!Ā A book that doesn’t just ‘talk’ about positive thinking…a book that tells you how to get there with very practical tools. Ā Gigi’s personal examples and forthright approach make this an invaluable resource, for now and in the future.ā –Dawn Champanois, Human Resource Professional
āGigi helps the reader see how we self-sabotage and how we feed off the negative thinking as a way to compensate for the pesky lies we create to make everything seem alright to ourselves and those around us. She teaches how to get honest, then claim your power, then to make choices that are good and then finally, to use these practices to grow within ourselves to be ultimately successful.ā āMary Caliendo, Writer and Editor
āIf you want a logical, practical, and precise road map to a positive way of living, read Fifty Ways to Worry Less Now. This inspired book is an easy flowing, solidly packed, and sequential guide to living a peaceful life.ā ā Bernadette Thibodeau
ā I was engaged from the first chapter to the last page. I plan to share this book with everyone I know.Ā I will also be keeping a copy in my tool kit.ā -Kathy Guzman
āNow I have a go-to book ready to pull out when those whispering lies try to take over orĀ when the going gets tough. A perfect book to pass on to others as they struggle with recovery or other life challenges.āĀ Ā Ā –Janice Weber
Ā āThis book goes beyond theory and gives you interesting examples of real life challenges and then offers concrete strategies to overcome worry. Whether you have read many self-help books or are just getting started on the journey, there is a valuable gem in this book for you.āĀ Ā Ā Ā Ā –Annabelle Nesbit
āThis book addresses action plans that confront worry head-on in a positive and insightful manner. She includes events from her own life that illustrate trauma, recognition, work, and resolution.Ā By sharing these incidents, Langer exemplifies her own journey with love and grace to help others.ā –Lynn Cool
āEasy to understand and well put together. The charts and graphs add further understanding and are well created. The author shares her personal experiences, strength, and knowledge with the reader in an effective manner.ā Ā –Kathy Harenda
Ā āA mindful anthology of tools and strategies written from the gut. The writing is lovely, clear, filled with tried and true strategies, humor, and authentic voice. Choose the tools that work for you to find serenity in your life.ā Ā -Barb Robb, M.A. Education
āThis book offers hope, promise, and potential for anyone ready transform his or her life. Itās simplicity, clarity, and specificity speak directly to all of us who want our lives to be more fulfilling for ourselves and for those we love.ā Ā – Joellen Killion
āBetter than a croissant with coffee in the morning! I have enjoyed the opportunity to linger over the words, consider how to apply them in my own life, and cherish the opportunity to pause, focus, and plan for a more meaningful life, one free of the routine stressors that debilitate and drain me without even knowing the effects.ā – Jessica Kemp
āAfter 29 years sober, I now have a book with 50 ways to say, “no”, to my negative thinking. This book is a wonderful tool for anyone on a journey toward peace and sanity.ā –Patty Kolesar
āGigi Langer gives us a precise diagnosis and remedy for the many negative situations that can too easily frustrate the best of our efforts to live clean and sober. The wisdom of this book will guide us through many of our darkest moments to serenity and a new confidence in the joy of life.ā –Fred Wass M.H.S. Chaplain
āGigi Langer’s honesty will blow you away! It is beautifully written; filled with humor and authenticity. As an Alanon acolyte for 20 years, I’ve read dozens of self-help books, and I can recommend Langer’s fresh, honest tutorial on growing into your true, healthy self. –Kathi Dutilh
āA quick and easy read, with many tools to apply for anyone at any point in their life, whether it be addiction, anxiety, co-dependence, or just seeking personal growth.Ā She will have such a positive impact andĀ do such great things with this book! – Tahra Luther, MS,
How easily can you receive care from from others?Ā This question stopped me in my tracks when I read it in The Answer Is Simple: Love Yourself, Live Your Spirit! by spiritual teacher Sonia Choquette.
Gigi LangerĀ holds a PhD in Psychological Studies in Education from Stanford University. She’s a sought-after speaker and retreat leader who has helped thousands improve their lives at work and at home.Ā 
Order her award-winning book,Ā 50 Ways to Worry Less Now at Amazon or get 20% off with promo code 20lessnow here.
āMany of us mistakenly think happiness comes from outside ourselves. For example, when other people shower us with love, we’re happy. When the boss compliments our work, we’re happy.Ā On the other hand, relying on our inner wisdom to tell us we’re worthy and believing we are worthy are untapped skills for most of us.Ā It’s really only a simple change in perspective. It’s looking within, not without, for knowledge of our worth. There’s no mystery to it. We can do it. “
Gigi Langer is a former āQueen of Worry.ā Sheās also an educator, speaker, and author of 
