Facebook Twitter Instagram Linkedin

Gigi Langer

Worry Less Now!

 Love More Now!

Tag: perspective

Posted on

THE DREADED “SHOULDS”

How often do the words should, must, or ought go through your mind?”

For example:

  • My daughter should stop using drugs.
  • This person, (fill in the blank), must be nicer to me.
  • The mayor (or president, legislator, etc.) is wrong and ought to (fill in the blank).
  • I should be healthy and happy and never experience troubling situations.

Unenforceable Rules

According to Fred Luskin, director of the Stanford University Forgiveness Project, these “shoulds” are examples of unenforceable rules: They demand an outcome you believe must come true, but over which you have no control. Such inflexible beliefs make us helpless, angry, hurt, hopeless or bitter.

Although holding an unenforceable rule may feel good–even noble–it doesn’t mean you can make it happen. In the first example, the daughter should stop using drugs, but no matter how persuasive the mother’s arguments, she doesn’t have the power to make her daughter stop.

The mother does, however, have control over her own choices and behavior. She can seek help from a therapist or Al-Anon, and claim a positive power to work in the situation. Then she might choose a goal for how she wants to act and feel, detach from the result, and use growth tools for her own peace of mind, regardless of her daughter’s choices.

Overcoming My Own “Shoulds”

One of my own unenforceable rules became clear as I was writing this book. When my mother passed away, I found it difficult to write and became discouraged by my lack of progress.

When I honestly faced the belief that I must complete the book by a certain date, I became willing to see it differently. After using Tool 6, Is It True? I turned my whispered lie around to “I will finish writing the book at the perfect time.” In turn, I became more flexible and kinder with myself.

The essence of happiness is peacefully allowing life to unfold. Nothing becomes a live-or-die situation because you know your loving power is working things out, with results that may far surpass your greatest hopes.

(Excerpt taken from page 56-57 of Gigi Langer’s award-winning book, 50 Ways to Worry Less Now)

Worry Less Now; Gigi Langer

Gigi Langer holds a PhD in Psychological Studies in Education from Stanford University. She is a seasoned author and popular speaker who has helped thousands of people improve their lives at home and work. Gigi hasn’t had a drug or drink for over 30 years, although she does occasionally overindulge in Ghirardelli chocolate and historical novels.

Worry Less Now by Gigi Langer

Her book, 50 Ways to Worry Less Now (available HERE in paperback, e-book, & audiobook) has gained rave reviews (4.8 on Amazon) and a publishing award.

Posted on

Overcome Your Problems: Find A New Perspective

worry less now gigi langer

When you’re facing confusion, conflict, or other problems, begin by honestly admitting that your thinking is distorted by fear. Then, claim the power to find a new perspective.

Rumi, the thirteenth-century Persian poet and Sufi mystic, wrote,

         Out beyond ideas of wrongdoing and right-doing is a field.  I will meet you there.

Looking beyond the contours of the problem leads to a field of new possibilities. It’s a choice between living in the problem and living in the solution.

 Living in the problem.Our worries focus our attention on the “rightdoing and wrongdoing” of our situation: We obsess about who was at fault, what we should have said or done, or how a situation should be different. These fears make us tense, often leading to rash actions and damaged relationships.

Living in the solution.When we look “out beyond” these negative thoughts, we find a perspective of peace, hope, and wisdom. This is where the solutions lie.

Recently, I argued with my husband by insisting the GPS was giving us the wrong directions. After a pretty nasty exchange, I closed my mouth, breathed quietly, and chose to seek a new perspective.  Every time my mind wanted to prove that I was right, I said the Serenity Prayer. Soon, the heat of my emotions subsided. Later, we both had a good laugh when we saw that my “better” route was no faster than the GPS’s route!

Try this simple exercise to experience living in the solution rather than in the problem. It’s a variation on “The Golden Key” published in Power Through Constructive Thinking  (free PDF of the entire book) by Emmet Fox, a New Thought leader of the early 20th century.

Whenever a troubling thought comes to you, gently focus your mind on something that brings you hope or happiness. It may be a phrase (“All is well”); a prayer; or an image of a beloved child or a rose. When you revert to worrying, think instead about your positive thought.

Make the switch as often as necessary.

Your thoughts frequently return to the problem in the mistaken belief that this will fix it. Be vigilant and gentle as you teach your mind to think about the positive thoughts you’ve chosen.

Soon you will gain a peaceful outlook that leads to wise solutions. Quite often you’ll find no action is necessary at all.

gigilanger_worrylessnowGigi Langer holds a Ph.D. in Psychological Studies in Education and an MA in Psychology from Stanford University. Through her writing, coaching, and speaking, Gigi has helped thousands of people improve their lives at home and at work. Her new book, 50 Ways to Worry Less Now, will be available everywhere in February 2018.

Subscribe to Newsletter

Receive monthly updates and helpful tips from Gigi

about gigi

worry less now

speaking

Subscribe