negativity Archives - GIGI LANGER

April 4, 2021April 4, 2021

15 Ways to Defeat Overthinking

A life-long habit of overthinking cost me not only my peace of mind; it also fueled my chronic pain, anxiety, perfectionism, and my alcohol and drug abuse.

Even after getting sober and working a rigorous recovery program, I still had a problem with overthinking.

Now, however, I have many powerful ways to calm my mind, and I rarely have anxiety or chronic pain.

You too can overcome your overthinking problem by simply using a few of my favorite tips!

DAILY HABITS TO CALM YOUR THINKING

Consistently using any of the practices below will bring stability to your mood and mind.

Practice Gratitude. List five things you’re grateful for. Do this every day for a week, without repeating any item.

Meditate and/or Pray. Use the free app, Insight Timer or other tools. Do this every day for at least 10 minutes. It shrinks the “worry center” of the brain.

Exercise, Walk, or Do Yoga. These are proven to increase positive brain chemicals and increase happiness.

Do Something Nice for Someone. Smile at a stranger, compliment a server, or send a friend a loving note.

Take Good Care of Yourself. Be sure you eat well and get enough rest. Especially important, drink plenty of water. Finally, don’t use food, alcohol or drugs to deal with stress.

Limit Negative Input. Give yourself permission to turn off negative TV or radio broadcasts. Avoid extended time with negative people.

Become Inspired. Listen to uplifting music or podcasts/radio. Read inspiring books or blogs. Watch a positive movie (for example, “Won’t You Be My Neighbor?” about Mr. Rogers).

TIPS TO TURN AROUND OVERTHINKING

Because we’re human, we can easily revert to incessant negative thoughts. When this happens, try a few of these tips to get unstuck.

Breathing. Pause, and then slowly breathe in goodness and breathe out the negativity. One easy method involves counting to five as you inhale, pausing, and then slowly breathing out to the count of five. For maximum benefit, repeat this cycle ten times.

Sharing. Talk with a healthy, supportive friend who has a positive attitude toward the world.

Writing. Write down your thoughts and feelings and ask yourself which ones are really true. Ask yourself, “Is this permanent? Is there another way to look at this?” Circle the ones you know are untrue and then “turn them around” as instructed in “The Work” by Byron Katie www.thework.com.

Choice. Remember that you have a choice about what fills your mind. Therefore, you’re not a victim of your thoughts. Overthinking and worry can always be replaced with positive, calming images and ideas.

Affirmations. Whenever you notice a thought that is scaring you, substitute a positive, loving thought. Importantly, keep doing that each time the worrying reappears. For instance, “I’ll never get this right” becomes “I am capable of succeeding and will do so.”

Self Compassion. Talk sweetly to yourself. For example, say to yourself exactly what you would say to comfort or encourage a loved one. For more helpful ideas, See Kristin Neff www.SelfCompassion.org.

Therapy. Therapy is extremely helpful, especially EMDR and Energy Tapping.

Sobriety. If you must have more than two regular-sized drinks a day, consider joining a program to quit. Don’t forget that marijuana also adds to negativity!

IN SUMMARY

Turning around overthinking takes constant awareness and practice, but you’ll soon reap the benefits: a clearer mind, greater peace, happier relationships, and a general feeling of good will.

I did it, and so can you. Good luck!

Gigi Langer has been sober 35 years, and holds a PhD in Psychological Studies in Education from Stanford University. Formerly crowned the “Queen of Worry,” Gigi resigned her post many years ago and now lives happily in Florida with her husband, Peter and her cat Murphy.

My award-winning book, 50 Ways to Worry Less Now which describes how to reject the faulty thinking leading to addiction, dysfunctional relationships, perfectionism, and worry about loved ones. Check out the practical directions, personal stories, and other helpful suggestions. Amazon: 4.8 stars (Buy Discounted Paperback, e-book, OR audiobook HERE)

September 25, 2020September 25, 2020

THIS “NO-WORRIES EXERCISE” WILL DISSOLVE YOUR NEGATIVE BELIEFS

Do you spend too much time thinking about the things you wish you could change, but really can’t? Would you like to change your negative thoughts to positive ones? Try the “No-Worries Exercise!”

Our Worries Are Caused by Negative Beliefs

Most of our worries are driven by negative beliefs. For instance, the belief, If I want to be liked, I must look good, produces worries about one’s appearance and behavior. Other examples include: * I’ll never have enough money. (Worry about finances and security.) * I always sabotage my success. (Worry about not being good enough) * Relationships just don’t work for me. (Worry about never having a happy marriage.) * We could all be happy if only Dad would stop drinking. (Worry about Dad’s disruption of the family.)

Although such “whispered lies” are often about ourselves, they also can focus on our children, spouses, friends, or relatives; for instance, the last example about the father’s drinking. Other distressing beliefs involve institutions, as in If the government would just change this policy, we’d all be better off (Worry about politics and security).

Such negative beliefs sap our energy and keep us spinning in circles, as we repeat the same old dysfunctional patterns and blame the world for our unhappiness.

Here’s the good news for all of us: Even though we don’t have the power to change most things that bother us, we DO have control over what we think. As we change our thoughts from negative to positive, our world changes accordingly. The No-Worries Exercise will help you do this.

The No-Worries Exercise

In this exercise, you’ll identify your worries and their consequences. Then you’ll imagine your life without these negative effects, set a goal, and choose specific tools to change your thinking. Begin by reading the three examples below. The first is one of my own worries; the second and third examples concern other common situations. Then, follow the directions at the bottom.

Examples

Gigi’s Worry: I’m never going to finish this book!

My thoughts, beliefs, or feelings: It will never be good enough. It’s just too much work!
Consequences of holding these thoughts, beliefs, or feelings: I am tense and preoccupied when I think I should be writing, so I rush through other activities without really enjoying them. I compare myself with other authors and feel even worse.
If I could grow beyond this worry, what would my life be like? I could relax and enjoy myself when I’m not writing. I could be more compassionate with myself and accept that writing a book is not smooth or easy for anyone.
Goal: I trust that the book is on just the right schedule, and I release my attachment to it being completed by a particular date. Tools: Affirmations, Golden Key, Tapping.

Second Worry: I’m afraid to go to my high school reunion.

Thoughts, beliefs, or feelings: I’m depressed because I’m too fat. People will criticize me.
Consequences of holding these thoughts, beliefs, or feelings: I’m eating to ease my stress. If I don’t go, I’ll feel terrible about missing everything.
If I could grow beyond this worry, what would my life be like? I could relax and enjoy my friends without feeling self-conscious.
Goal: I am comfortable with my weight and eat only when hungry. Tools: Therapy, meditation, Weight Watchers.

Third Worry: I’m concerned my adult son may have had a relapse.

Thoughts, beliefs, or feelings: I’m terrified and I have no idea what to do. I could never go on if something bad happened to him.
Consequences of holding these thoughts, beliefs, or feelings: I’m so worried. I’m just stuck. I can’t enjoy anything. I’m numbing myself out with overwork.
If I could grow beyond this worry, what would my life be like? I would trust that I will be okay, regardless of the outcome. I could enjoy my life again.
Goal: I enjoy my own life and accept my son’s choices without judgement . Tools: AlAnon meetings, read “Codependent No More,” meditate daily. (Therapy?)

Directions: **No-*Worries Exercise***

After reading the examples, think about a situation that’s troubling you. To get the juices flowing, you might write or draw in your journal, or talk about it with a trusted friend. On a piece of paper, write your answers to questions 1-4. Then go into action to with your worry-dissolving tools.

Select one worry for this exercise, and write your own thoughts, beliefs, or feelings about it.
Underneath it, describe how this worry and its associated beliefs have caused trouble for you or your loved ones.
If you could grow beyond this worry, what would your life be like? How would it look and feel?
Set a goal for releasing this pattern of worry and list 2-3 tools from Worry Less Now (or elsewhere) to help you overcome your negative thinking.

After you complete the No-Worries Exercise, pat yourself on the back for taking the first steps toward freedom from your worries. Now, put your plans into action!

As you focus on improving the content of your thinking, your emotions will be more stable, and your positive stance toward life will bring pleasing benefits.

P.S. If you find that looking so closely at your troubles is causing ongoing distress, please consult with a counselor, doctor, minister, or healthy friend.

PLEASE SHARE YOUR PROGRESS WITH ME AT www.gigilanger.com/contact-me, or on Facebook, Twitter, or Instagram. Or just email me at [email protected] I WOULD LOVE TO HEAR FROM YOU!

This post is taken from Chapter 1 of Gigi’s book, 50 Ways to Worry Less Now (available HERE in paperback, e-book, & audiobook). It has received a national award and rave reviews (4.8 on Amazon).

Gigi Langer holds a PhD in Psychological Studies in Education from Stanford University. She is a seasoned author and popular speaker who has helped thousands of people improve their lives at home and work. Gigi hasn’t had a drug or drink for over 30 years, although she does occasionally overindulge in Ghirardelli chocolate and historical novels. She lives in Florida with her husband and cat.

July 9, 2020July 9, 2020

WATCH US ON “BIZZY LIVING SOBER”

This is such a cool video podcast for recovering people! It’s a lot of fun and so helpful to anyone struggling with substance abuse.

Thanks to Bizzy for our conversation about how to stay sober in spite of our STINKIN thinkin!

📣 Here it is! Click on the link, not the photo 😘

http://busylivingsober.com/podcasts/2020/7/9/episode-183-author-gigi-langer

Elizabeth L. “Bizzy” Chance, CRS, is the founder and owner of Busy Living SoberTM, a network dedicated to bringing addiction out of the shadows and educating society that addiction is a disease, not who you are. She is a leading expert in the field of recovery management, widely known for her work as a consultant, family coach, and her social media presence.

Elizabeth earned her certification as a Certified Recovery Specialist (CRS) from the state of Pennsylvania. She is a graduate of George Washington University with a degree in communications, and her work experience includes time at QVC and CBS Television.

Elizabeth is in long-term recovery herself over a decade. Hence, she feels able to form a compassionate and meaningful bond with addicts. She has always gravitated towards anyone new to recovery because of her own personal story, which gives her an innate sense for helping them achieve and maintain recovery.

Busy Living SoberTM is to eliminate the shame of addiction through open and honest communication.

Elizabeth currently resides in Wayne, Pennsylvania with her husband and three teenage children.

“The definition of addiction is the inability to control one’s use over a substance.”

March 28, 2020March 28, 2020

LET’S BE AT PEACE . . . Come What May

Hello from southwest Florida. I hope you and your loved ones are safe and healthy. Our golf community just had its first case of the virus, so we’re in quarantine, just like so many of you.

As we listen to government warnings, gossip, and TV experts, it’s all too easy to lose sight of hope and tolerance–just when we need them most. So, when we find ourselves captivated by fear, let’s seek peace of mind instead.

Today, I offer you these words of love and peace, plus two powerful tools to help us face this challenge together.

Gratitude Brings Peace of Mind

I thank God (literally) for our food, water, and electricity. Not to mention my fun, steady husband of 30 years (need I remind you, he’s my 4th?). And let’s not forget our very social and entertaining cat, Murphy.

But, most of all, I’m grateful for the opportunity to connect my heart with yours across space and time. More than ever, I’ve been joining with loved ones through prayer, positive thoughts, social media, and internet-based gatherings. (A friend just texted me, “I wish I had bought stock in Zoom!”). These connections are, most definitely, my life-line (remember, I’m the former “Queen of Worry!”).

If you’re feeling uncertain, take a moment to make your own gratitude list— truly a mental/emotional game-changer (and, I often do need to change the “game” in my head!)

Two Truths: Take ‘Em to The Bank!

During challenging times, I believe (right down to my toes) two things:

We are all connected in spirit, and by joining together, our loving power can get us through anything.
My job is to replace my fear and panic with peace of mind, so I can reach out to others with love, encouragement, and care.

Tool 19 from my book, 50 Ways to Worry Less Now, will help you find your own center of peace, wisdom, and courage.

Loving-Kindness Practice

This Buddhist practice (also called metta) calms your mind, opens your heart to goodness, activates the power of your true self, and dissolves whatever may be blocking your love for others.

First, say the affirmation for yourself:

May I be at peace. May my heart remain open.
May I awaken to the light of my own true nature.
May I be healed. May I be a source of healing for all beings.

Now, say it for your loved ones and the entire world: May we be at peace. May our hearts remain open; May we awaken to the light of our own true nature. May we be healed. May we be a source of healing for all beings.

Finally, and this may be the most important of all, say it for someone you worry about or dislike: May you (name) be at peace; May your heart remain open. May you awaken to the light of your own true nature. May you be healed. May you be a source of healing to all beings.

I have memorized this Loving Kindness affirmation and say it often. Give it a try. It really works!

Blocks to Love: Judging, Resenting, Condemning

Why is the last version of this prayer so important? Simply put, hatred and judgement block our ability to give and receive love. Seeing people with forgiveness rather than condemnation is the most healing choice we can make–for the whole world.

“Dear God, please help me to see this differently.”

Join me in asking our higher power to help us see all others with love rather than criticism, and to fully open our hearts to one another. This is, after all, God’s will for us.

Gigi Langer, 34 years sober, holds a Ph.D. in Psychological Studies in Education and an MA in Psychology from Stanford University. Through her writing, coaching, and speaking, Gigi has helped thousands of people improve their lives at home and work. A former professor of teacher education at Eastern Michigan University, she lives in Michigan and Florida with her husband, Peter, and Murphy, her cat.

Get Gigi’s new book, “50 Ways to Worry Less Now: Reject Negative Thinking to Find Peace, Clarity, and Connection” (5 Stars on Amazon). Available in audio, e-book, and paperback Click HERE for special offers.

“This book is a winner.” –Karen Casey, Bestselling Hazelden author
“Valuable, heartfelt manual.” — Publishers Weekly (BookLife)

Gigi Langer