love Archives - Page 3 of 4

February 18, 2020February 18, 2020

AM I A VICTIM OF A MEANINGLESS WORLD?

How do we explain a child’s death, the horror of abuse, or raging wars? Why can’t God stop them? Are we merely a victim of a punishing world? I think not.

As the saying goes, “We see through the glass darkly.” Our human intellect just can’t fully understand the “why” of things; in fact, some believe that “Why?” is not a very spiritual question. [Read my blog about that here]

Nothing happens in God’s world by mistake

Let’s entertain an intriguing possibility: What if we came to earth to experience specific events perfectly tailored for our spiritual growth? If we choose to learn from these challenges, we grow from victim-hood to courage, from fear to love, from isolation to connection, and from self-condemnation to self-love.

In short, we discover the strength of our divine nature.

You’re NOT a Victim! Everything is in perfect order

There’s a perfect order to the eventsin our lives that often isn’t clear until time reveals its elegant solutions.What initially seemed to be my worst disasters yielded some of my greatest blessings; but these gifts appeared in their own time.

Alcoholism brought me spiritual healing, loving friends, and a happy marriage. Without my old victim mentality, I can now give love and care to others.
Many years of shoulder and back pain taught me that my security does not lie in my body’s comfort. I learned to trust my higher power and accept comfort from others.
My husband’s resumption of drinking (after 25 years sober) caused me to find Radical Forgiveness, which released my victim mentality, helped me forgive my alcoholic father, and healed our marriage.

When life’s challenges scare you, remember it’s a chance to heal old beliefs that no longer serve you.

Even though you can’t change the external circumstances, you CAN face the situation, own your reactions, and choose to see it not as a victim, but as a being of peace, wisdom, and power.

At the end of each hardship, you’ll find an exhilarating sense of freedom!

Gigi Langer, PhD. Many years ago, I used alcohol, romance, and overwork to soothe my frayed nerves. Over time, I discovered effective tools from therapy, recovery programs, scientific research, energy work, and a variety of philosophical and spiritual teachings to overcome my worries. I share those techniques in my blog and book to help you find peace of mind and wisdom, no matter what is bothering you.

My award-winning book, 50 Ways to Worry Less Now, describes how I and others have defeated the faulty thinking leading to dysfunctional relationships, perfectionism, addiction, and worry about loved ones. Honest, practical, and powerful. Amazon: 4.8 stars (55 reviews) (Buy Paperback, e-book, OR audiobook HERE

November 15, 2019November 15, 2019

HOW TO SUCCEED IN RELATIONSHIPS

Relationships Require Care. Follow these tips to find harmony and happiness.

Balance. Don’t make the other person the most important thing in your life. Have a variety of interests, friends, & passions.

Support. Talk through your concerns & problems with healthy friends or a counselor before sharing it with your loved one. Don’t make him/her your counselor.

Listen. When your loved one shares, don’t interrupt. When they finish, summarize what you heard. Don’t give your own story or suggestions. Instead, help them explore the issue with clarifying questions (“You mentioned _, tell me more about that.”). Ask permission to offer solutions.

Self-Awareness. Be honest about the motivations behind your words and actions. Where are you being controlling or self-centered?

Kindness. Focus on your loved one’s strengths and demonstrate care through your words and actions.

Forgiveness. Wait at least 2 days before discussing a conflict. During the talk (not through text or email), acknowledge your part in the disagreement and listen to their side of the story.

Don’t use substances as a way of avoiding feelings. If you’re drinking or using a lot, your relationships will often fail. Try no more than 2 normal-sized drinks a day; if you can’t stick with that, get help.

Meditation. If you’re moody or prone to anxiety, try the free app, “Insight Timer”. It guides you thru meditations for any situation or emotion.

** Relationships can be difficult; the healthier you are, the better are your relationships. **

Gigi Langer, PhD. Many years ago, I used alcohol, romance, and professional accomplishments to soothe my frayed nerves. When I quit drinking, I was left with only my fears and worries. Over time, I discovered effective tools from therapy, recovery programs, scientific research, and a variety of philosophical and spiritual teachings.

My award-winning book, 50 Ways to Worry Less Now, describes how I and others have defeated the faulty thinking leading to dysfunctional relationships, perfectionism, addiction, and worry about loved ones. Gain practical strategies with directions, personal stories, and other helpful suggestions. Amazon: 4.8 stars (50 reviews) (Buy Paperback, e-book, OR audiobook HERE)

REVIEW by Karen Casey, best-selling author of Each Day a New Beginning (Hazelden) “Even though I have been in recovery for more than 4 decades, and didn’t think another self-help book would make it to my treasured list, I was wrong. This book is a winner.”

October 21, 2019October 30, 2019

LISTENING: AN ART GUIDED BY THE HEART

In your relationships, are you really listening?

Do you try to understand the other person’s point before offering your own ideas?

Giving your complete attention to another person’s words offers him a treasure—a sincere gesture of care. Unfortunately, most of us respond to our loved ones either by telling stories about our own past or offering solutions.

Both types of responses prevent seeking to understand first, perhaps the most important of Stephen Covey’s The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People.

Listening from the Heart

When in a conversation with someone, open your heart, empty your mind, and listen. If you notice yourself thinking about your own past, refocus your attention on what he is saying. If you’re tempted to suggest solutions, remind yourself that actively listening is your goal.

To show your intent to understand, briefly summarize what you think you heard. After that person’s reply, summarize again.

Listening in this way not only shows that you care—it also invites the person to clarify his own thoughts and feelings, often leading to helpful insights. Perhaps the initial “problem” is something else entirely.

For example, if a friend tells you she’s worried about losing her job because her boss constantly criticizes her, tune in, breathe, and resist the urge to tell your own tale about a bad boss. Then paraphrase her words: “It sounds like you get a lot of negative responses from him.” Your friend replies, “Well, it’s not really criticism. It’s just that he has such high expectations.” Then you summarize (without giving advice), “Hmmm, high expectations. Tell me more about those high expectations.”

Responding in these ways elicits her feelings and encourages more detail, allowing both of you to explore the problem before seeking positive ways to address it.

Try It Out!

1. Select a friend or coworker who’s easy to talk to, and plan a 15-minute conversation without interruption.

2. You may want to begin by explaining that you’re working on your listening skills and reassure the person you have only good intentions—to understand what they say.

3. Ask the person to begin talking about something happening in their life. Listen intently while resisting your urge to break in with your own experiences or solutions.

4. When the person stops, pause to see if they’ve finished talking and take a moment to prepare your response. Select the most important parts of what was said and summarize one of them in your own words—for example, “So, you said (fill in blank). Tell me more about that” or “You mentioned the word (fill in blank). What does that mean to you?” TIP: If you’re talking less, and they’re talking more, then you’re doing great!

5. If it seems acceptable to the other person, at the end of the conversation, ask how it felt to be listened to this way.

Make It A Habit

In your everyday interactions, make a conscious effort to listen carefully to others and paraphrase what you heard. Withhold your own thoughts and reactions until you fully comprehend the other person’s position or experience. You will be amazed by the good will you create (and what you learn about the other person!)

Gigi Langer holds a PhD in Psychological Studies in Education from Stanford University. She is an acclaimed teacher, author, and speaker who has helped thousands improve their lives at home and work. Gigi hasn’t had a drug or drink for over 30 years, although she does occasionally overindulge in Ghirardelli chocolate and historical novels. She lives happily in Michigan with her husband, Peter and her cat, Murphy.

January 11, 2019

Experience The Power of Love — Without A Lover!

A mystic sees beyond the illusion of separateness into
the intricate web of life in which all things are expressions of a single Whole. You can call this web God, the Tao, the Great Spirit, the Infinite Mystery, Mother or Father, but it can be known only as love.
—Joan Z. Borysenko, Pocketful of Miracles

I just love this quote from Borysenko’s wonderful daily meditation book! The power of love is priceless!

Too many believe romance is the only source of such love. The truth is, it’s available within you at any time. A few months ago, my dear friend, Janet, wrote this about her epiphany while reading 50 Ways to Worry Less Now. It really made my day!

Janet’s Connection with The Power of Love

“I want you to know the ripple effect your book is capable of creating. On p. 40, “Focusing on Loved Ones,” I focused on my innocent, sweet little puppy, Bella, as she lay on my lap, and I felt the goodness/love she often brings within me. Then I read further, and encountered the sentence, “I wondered if my positive power might feel that same sweet love for me.” This threw open a door inside me, so that I realized I never truly saw myself as Good. I have rationalized to myself that I am good, as I try to do/be good. But I suddenly saw that I didn’t truly believe it. In that instant, I realized both the fact that I AM good and that I had always deep-down, failed to see it. Once I did, I was filled with the joy of seeing myself that way.”

Worry Less Now, Page 40, Chapter 3 “Claim Positive Power”

“Choosing goodness over fear definitely pays off. In the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, Barbara Fredrickson and her colleagues confirm that immersing yourself in feelings of love and appreciation lowers depressive symptoms and increases life satisfaction. Try the following simple exercise to experience these benefits.

“Tool 10. Focusing on Loved Ones: Think about the joy you feel when you focus on a person or pet you love . . . not the manic high of romantic love, but one more solid and enduring.

– Bring to mind someone you hold dear and with whom you are at peace, perhaps your child, grandchild, sister, brother, dear friend, or spouse. If you have a four-legged child as I do, it might be your kitty or puppy. If possible, directly observe or look at a picture of your loved one.

– Breathe in and out slowly, feeling love filling your mind and heart as you ponder the one you cherish.

– Continue breathing and directing your attention to the experience of love.

– Your feeling of peaceful joy and appreciation reflects your positive loving power.

“One day as I watched my little gray kitten, Murphy, purring on my lap, I felt so much love for her. I wondered if my positive power might feel that same sweet love for me. It was then I realized that I could invite this love to fill the gaping holes I felt inside me.”

Give it A Try & Let Me Know!

Why not give the exercise a try and feel how lovable you really are? Immersing yourself in the power of love and goodness –as often as you can!–guarantees a happier outlook in 2019! Let me know how it goes; I’d love to hear from you.

GET 20% off Award-Winning 50 Ways to Worry Less Now: Reject Negative Thinking to Find Peace, Clarity, and Connection. 5-stars on Amazon. Use “20lessnow” code here (Seattle Books). No discount from Amazon. Find e- book links at gigilanger.com.

Gigi Langer has been clean and sober for 33 years, and holds a PhD in Psychological Studies in Education from Stanford University. She’s a sought-after speaker and retreat leader who has helped thousands improve their lives at work and at home.

Gigi Langer

Worry Less Now!

Tag: love