Have you ever considered that the word “forgive” can be seen as âfore-give?
I think of it as âbefore-givingââgiving to another before theyâve done anything to âdeserveâ it. Perhaps that’s the only reason we’re here — to give love and kindness to everyone we meet.
“Fore-giving is merely looking beyond a personâs flaws and seeing only their spirit. Thus, we give love to others, regardless of how they look or act. This, I believe, is what God would have us do.Â
Really?? What if They’re a Jerk?!
There IS one caveat, however: Although we may focus on a personâs essential goodness, we donât have to put up with their unacceptable behavior. Even after setting boundaries, we can still see their spirit as pure and innocent.Â
When we choose to âfore-give, we expand the force of love in the world, thus dissolving fear and selfishness. We all become free, peaceful, and happy.
Give it a Try!
Just for today (and tomorrow, too!) let’s try to see the goodness in every person we encounter, and treat them with the love and respect befitting a child of God. When you ‘fore-give it make us all feel better!
P.S.  A Course in Miracles teaches that the worldâs pain is caused by our selfish egosâ excesses, and that the truth lies beyond these fearful appearancesâin the eternal spirit of goodness within each of us.Â
My award-winning book, 50 Ways to Worry Less Nowdescribes how to reject the faulty thinking leading to addiction, dysfunctional relationships, perfectionism, and worry about loved ones. Check out the practical directions, personal stories, and other helpful suggestions. Amazon: 4.8 stars (Buy Discounted Paperback, e-book, OR audiobook HERE)
Gigi Langer has been sober 35 years, and holds a PhD in Psychological Studies in Education from Stanford University. Formerly crowned the âQueen of Worry,â Gigi resigned her post many years ago and now lives happily in Florida with her husband, Peter and her cat Murphy.
We become free by letting go of our limited human perceptions and asking God to help us see others with pure, forgiving love.
I hope the words I offer here will help you look beyond human error to see the true spirit of love within each and every person you encounter.
Sin (Missing the Mark) and Forgiveness (Seeing only Spirit)
This year, I’m amazed to realize how Jesusâ birth and life created a revolutionary understanding of two ideas that had long held many in fear: Sin and Forgiveness.
It turns out that forgiveness is not about pardoning an essentially “sinful person” while still holding on to their misdeeds. No! It’s about seeing the loving essence of each human being, regardless of how they’ve “done wrong” (or, as the Greek definition of sin states, “missed the mark.”)
If there’s one thing Jesus’ life demonstrated, it’s that even though the human body passes on, spiritual death is impossible, Our divine essence is not earth-bound; it’s made of the same God-stuff as Jesus’ spirit. So, let’s choose to live in the freedom of that truth.
What’s going on here on Earth is temporary and limited by our bodies; therefore, we’re not to condemn or judge other’s human frailties and misdeeds. Best that we follow Jesus’ teaching: to love one another as spiritual creations of a loving God.
How to Forgive
I’m not saying this is easy to do; but isn’t this a time of new beginnings? And isn’t it worth it to be at peace and in harmony with others?
First I have to admit that my human thinking is limited; that there is so very much I can’t understand. For example, as humans, we just don’t comprehend the “why” of suffering and pain. In other words, there is a God, and I’m not it.
Next, I ask a higher wisdom to guide me to a new interpretation of the behavior I’m labelling as “bad,” and I wait for a new perception to dawn on me. Every time my mind focuses on the person’s imperfections, I ask God to help me to see them as God would. In short, I’m asking to see only the person’s essential goodness, even if they aren’t currently operating from that place. (That’s one definition of forgiveness, according to A Course in Miracles.)
Eventually, I’m able to look beyond the behavior and behold the person’s shining, pure spirit. We’ll know we’ve reached the freedom of forgiveness when we can no longer feel the “heat” of the old emotions, and we recall the past behavior as merely an event.
Now, does this mean I love to be around a person who has hurt me? Or that I have to put up with their unacceptable behavior? No. But, by refusing to harden my heart toward them, and by plugging into God’s wisdom, I’ll be led to the right words and actions for all involved.
And, guess what? Forgiveness is a “two-for!” As I forgive another, I also free my self from judgment and fear, thus receiving what I have given away.
One my favorite spiritual teachers, Richard Rohr, recently wrote, “Scholars have said two-thirds of the teaching of Jesus is, in one form or another, about forgiveness. Forgiveness is simply the religious word for letting go.” Read more from Rohr below; awesome!
Richard Rohr on Forgiveness & Letting Go
Rohr writes, “if you do not transform your pain, you will most assuredly transmit it. Healthy religion on the practical level tells us what to do with our painâbecause we will have pain. We canât avoid it; itâs part of life.”
“If weâre not trained in letting go of it, transforming it, turning crucifixion into resurrection (so to speak), weâll hand it off to our family, to our children, to our neighborhood, to our nation.
“Letting go helps us fall into a deeper and broader level at which we can always say, ‘Itâs okay, itâs all right.’ We know what lasts. We know who we are. And we know we do not want to pass our pain on to our children or the next generation. We want to somehow pass on life.
“This means that the real life has started now. Itâs Heaven all the way to Heaven; and itâs Hell all the way to Hell.”
We [can be] “in Heaven now by falling, by letting go, and by trusting and surrendering to this deeper, broader, and better reality that is already available to us.”
We [can be] “in Hell now by wrapping ourselves around our hurts, by over-identifying with and attaching ourselves to our fears, so much so that they become our very identity.Â
Any chosen state of victimhood is an utter dead end. Once you make that your narrative, it never stops gathering evidence about how you have been wronged by life, by others, and even by God.”
Which Do You Choose: Heaven or Hell?
We CAN choose to let go of past resentments, fears, and judgments so we can see the truth: that every person here is a loving child of God–regardless of whether they’re currently demonstrating that truth. Choose love anyway; focus on strengths rather than faults. You’ll be amazed by the freedom of letting go with forgiveness.
This is the season to make a revolutionary flip in how we think about others: Can we look past their flawed human behavior to the spirit within? Can we do the same for ourselves? Let’s hope so, because happiness depends on it!
Gigi Langer has been sober 34 years, and holds a PhD in Psychological Studies in Education from Stanford University. Formerly crowned the âQueen of Worry,â Gigi resigned her post many years ago and now lives happily in Florida with her husband, Peter and her cat, Murphy.
In Worry Less Now, Gigi shares her personal journey as a prisoner of fear, worry, and substance abuse, along with 50 practical techniques anyone can use. Award-winner with rave reviews. Amazon rating 4.8 stars.
Get special offers on the paperback, e-book, and audiobook HERE.
I am so grateful for this fun, clear, inspiring series of 4 hour-long videos (with meditations) from Mark Anthony Lord and Aaron Abke‘s Forgive 2020 Challenge. These cool guys help us let go of guilt and resentment so we can accept life on life’s terms–in peace and gratitude. Fabulous!
This 4-part series draws on A Course in Miracles (ACiM*) to help us join a wave of love and forgiveness that sets us all free from the perceived difficulties of 2020. Each part has a video and a meditation (In the video, click on “More” to find the meditation link –you may need to download it to your “music” folder for it to play) .
Day 1 – Forgive Yourself. This series was created to support you in being a part of a wave of love and forgiveness that sets us all free from the perceived difficulties of 2020.
Day 2 – Forgive Others. How to forgive others, and why it’s so necessary for your true freedom. Learn a key teaching from A Course In Miracles: “Projection Makes Perception” What????
Day 3 – Forgive the World. Now, that’s a huge undertaking, but not when you take the time to learn what it means, as well as how and why you should do it. Check it out!
Day 4 – Forgive My Perception of God. By the way, God doesn’t need our forgiveness, for God is perfect Love. But we DO need to be released from all the projections we have placed upon God. All the false expectations, the fears, the lies we were told about God. This day helps you dissolve them all.
* A Course in Miracles is a unique spiritual self-study program designed to awaken us to the truth of our oneness with God and Love. Through the study of ACiM, we learn to heal all of our relationships through the inspired practice of forgiveness.
Gigi Langer has been sober 34 years, and holds a PhD in Psychological Studies in Education from Stanford University. Formerly crowned the âQueen of Worry,â Gigi resigned her post many years ago and now lives happily in SW Florida with her husband, Peter and her cat, Murphy.
In Worry Less Now, Gigi shares her personal journey as a prisoner of fear, worry, and substance abuse, along with practical techniques anyone can use. Award-winner with rave reviews. Amazon rating: 4.8 stars. Buy signed copy HERE
Hello from southwest Florida. I hope you and your loved ones are safe and healthy. Our golf community just had its first case of the virus, so we’re in quarantine, just like so many of you.Â
As we listen to government warnings, gossip, and TV experts, it’s all too easy to lose sight of hope and tolerance–just when we need them most. So, when we find ourselves captivated by fear, let’s seek peace of mind instead.
Today, I offer you these words of love and peace, plus two powerful tools to help us face this challenge together.
Gratitude Brings Peace of Mind
I thank God (literally) for our food, water, and electricity. Not to mention my fun, steady husband of 30 years (need I remind you, heâs my 4th?). And let’s not forget our very social and entertaining cat, Murphy.Â
But, most of all, I’m grateful for the opportunity to connect my heart with yours across space and time. More than ever, I’ve been joining with loved ones through prayer, positive thoughts, social media, and internet-based gatherings. (A friend just texted me, “I wish I had bought stock in Zoom!”). These connections are, most definitely, my life-line (remember, I’m the former “Queen of Worry!”).
If you’re feeling uncertain, take a moment to make your own gratitude list— truly a mental/emotional game-changer (and, I often do need to change the “game” in my head!)
Two Truths: Take ‘Em to The Bank!
During challenging times, I believe (right down to my toes) two things:
We are all connected in spirit, and by joining together, our loving power can get us through anything.
My job is to replace my fear and panic with peace of mind, so I can reach out to others with love, encouragement, and care.
Tool 19 from my book, 50 Ways to Worry Less Now, will help you find your own center of peace, wisdom, and courage.
Loving-Kindness Practice
This Buddhist practice (also called metta) calms your mind, opens your heart to goodness, activates the power of your true self, and dissolves whatever may be blocking your love for others.
First, say the affirmation for yourself:
May I be at peace. May my heart remain open.
May I awaken to the light of my own true nature.
May I be healed. May I be a source of healing for all beings.
Now, say it for your loved ones and the entire world: May we be at peace. May our hearts remain open; May we awaken to the light of our own true nature. May we be healed. May we be a source of healing for all beings.
Finally, andthis may be the most important of all,say it for someone you worry about or dislike: May you (name) be at peace; May your heart remain open. May you awaken to the light of your own true nature. May you be healed. May you be a source of healing to all beings.
I have memorized this Loving Kindness affirmation and say it often. Give it a try. It really works!
Blocks to Love: Judging, Resenting, Condemning
Why is the last version of this prayer so important? Simply put, hatred and judgement block our ability to give and receive love. Seeing people with forgiveness rather than condemnation is the most healing choice we can make–for the whole world.
“Dear God, please help me to see this differently.”
Join me in asking our higher power to help us see all others with love rather than criticism, and to fully open our hearts to one another. This is, after all, God’s will for us.
Gigi Langer, 34 years sober, holds a Ph.D. in Psychological Studies in Education and an MA in Psychology from Stanford University. Through her writing, coaching, and speaking, Gigi has helped thousands of people improve their lives at home and work. A former professor of teacher education at Eastern Michigan University, she lives in Michigan and Florida with her husband, Peter, and Murphy, her cat.
Get Gigiâs new book, â50 Ways to Worry Less Now: Reject Negative Thinking to Find Peace, Clarity, and Connectionâ (5 Stars on Amazon). Available in audio, e-book, and paperback Click HERE for special offers.
âThis book is a winner.â âKaren Casey, Bestselling Hazelden author
