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Gigi Langer

Worry Less Now!

 Love More Now!

Tag: fearful thinking

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TWO EASY WAYS TO STAY SANE DURING THE HOLIDAYS

Let go worry less now gigi langerAs we approach the holidays, we often find ourselves triggered by feelings of: Overwhelm (How will I get it all done?); Worry (How am I going to handle this family member?); Self-pity (I feel so alone; no one loves me!); Shame (Will they ever forgive me and trust me again?); or Resentment (Why does she/he get so much more attention, money, love than I do?)

I know these feelings well. Just let me get too afraid, hungry, angry, lonely, or tired, and the negativity goes on a spree inside my head.

Since the holidays are ripe for such challenges, I want to share my two favorite ways to restore my sanity and balance when I’ve lost it. I’ve memorized each of them and they really work!

Whenever you have a negative thought or action toward anything or anyone, pause, remove yourself from the situation (if possible), and repeat the phrases of “Loving-Kindness” or “The Activity of God.” Then notice how you begin to calm down and gain a new perspective. When you return to the situation you’ll find yourself thinking and responding differently.

Loving-Kindness Practice

The loving-kindness practice Buddhists call metta calms your mind, opens your heart to goodness and love, and connects you with the power within your true self. The practice also asks for the healing of your fears, worries, and negative thinking so you can serve others’ growth.

1) Say the words aloud:

  • May I be at peace.  May my heart remain open.
  • May I awaken to the light of my own true nature.
  • May I be healed. May I be a source of healing for all beings.

2) With one or more of your loved ones in mind, say the prayer again changing I to you: “May you be at peace. May your heart….”

3) Next, change you to we: “May we be at peace….”

4) Now use the “May you” version of the prayer for a person you feel is causing you worry, frustration, or pain: “May you (name) be at peace…”

The Activity of God, by Sig Paulson, Daily Word (Unity Church) 

This affirmation reminds me that negative thoughts are making my problems appear bigger than they are; and these appearances are just that, figments of my overactive imagination. It shrinks my fears by reminding me of who I truly am: an individual expression of a loving power.

  • The activity of God is the only power at work in my mind, heart, and life.
  • All false beliefs, all negative appearances are dissolved right now by the loving, forgiving action of God.
  • I am whole, strong, and free, as God created me to be.

1) First, you assert God (or higher power, true self, etc.) is bigger than your past wounds, stronger than your worries and fears, and wiser than your intellect. This benevolent power is the only one you want to influence your life.

2) Next, you claim your loving power has dissolved your negative beliefs and fearful imaginings. (I love the image of dissolving; I see it as washing out, softening, and reducing the sludge-like fears and worries of my mind.)

3) In this same sentence, you encounter the words, forgiving action of God. This forgiveness doesn’t refer to sin or any other dogma. It simply means releasing the negative thoughts and actions that separate you from others.

4) Finally, you claim the truth of who you are; not the person you may present to the world, but your true self, endowed with positive power, whole, strong and free.

This holiday season, I wish you patience, acceptance, and kindness—and the ability to attain peace of mind when you get triggered into negativity.

 Gigi Langer, PhD, wrote the award-winning 50 Ways to Worry Less Now: Reject Negative Thinking to Find Peace, Clarity and Connection. Five stars on Amazon plus rave reviews. All order links here.

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CELEBRATE INDEPENDENCE FROM YOUR WORRY-COMMITTEE!

worry less now

My friends say our worries & fears come from the not-so-helpful “committee in my head.” I call those negative voices “whispered lies.”

For instance, for too many years I believed “If I want to be liked, I must look good.” This whispered lie made me constantly worried about my appearance and behavior.

A few more examples include:

• “I’ll never have enough money.”

• “I always sabotage my success.”

• “Relationships just don’t work for me.”

• “We could all be happy if only Dad would stop drinking.”

Although many of our whispered lies concern ourselves, they often focus on our children, spouses, friends, or relatives—for instance, the last example about the father’s drinking. Other distressing beliefs involve institutions, as in “If the government would just change this policy, we’d all be better off.”

Even though it might be true that Dad ought to stop drinking or the government should make changes, these events have no control over your own happiness.

You can find peace of mind under any circumstance because you’re in charge of what you think about.

Most of our worries are fueled by false stories installed into our minds long ago, just waiting for opportunities to be confirmed. Wayne Dyer wrote that everything our brain “knows” is based on past experiences. Therefore, when an event resembles—even in a small way—an old painful one, our mind interprets the new event according to the long-standing negative belief.

Since most whispered lies live largely in our unconscious, we’re often unaware of them.

To illustrate the power of my own “negative committee’s” lies, consider why I failed at romantic love so many times during my twenties and thirties. I wanted to believe that love was possible for me, but my past had taught me the lie “I’m not worthy of love.”

This belief lived so strongly in my mind that, even when a man loved me deeply, I couldn’t believe it was true. After several months, I would become convinced that he wasn’t fulfilling my needs. These worries made me so demanding that I soon snuffed out all the happiness and joy of new love. When it ended, I’d tell myself, “I just don’t deserve love!” Until I got honest and started healing my faulty thinking, I had no hope of enjoying a happy relationship.

I’m so grateful for the therapy, recovery, psychological strategies, and spiritual tools that gave me freedom from my false beliefs. As a result I’m a pretty happy camper most days — AND I’ve been happily married for 29 years. So what if it’s my 4th husband??? He’s fabulous!

To learn how to win independence from your own committee’s whispered lies, check out my award-winning book 50 Ways to Worry Less Now.  Available through Amazon (5 stars), Barnes and Noble, and ebook formats.

Gigi Langer, PhD has helped thousands of people improve their lives at home and at work. She’s written several books for educators, and is a sought-after speaker and workshop leader.  Gigi holds a doctorate in Psychological Studies in Education  and an MA in Psychology, both from Stanford.

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8 Upside-Down Tips: Turn Worry into Positive Thinking

Winding road of perfect order

If you’re like me, you often worry or stress about the complications in your life. Because I know this state so well, I’m sharing a few tips for turning the negative upside down to positive thoughts. Trust me: They work!

  1. First, listen to your thoughts and notice how they cause tension in your body. Perhaps they signal anger, pain, frustration, envy, or an insatiable need for security, recognition or love.
  2. Stand apart from them—like you’re on a balcony, just observing your mind’s contents. Do NOT condemn the thoughts or feelings. Thank them for their attempts to keep you safe and secure during a turbulent lifetime.
  3. Recognize who is watching the thoughts: A part of your mind independent of your thoughts and emotions. It’s your choice: Do you want to stay in the drama of your fear-filled mind, or do you want to detach and experience peace and happiness?
  4. Now, breathe slowly and deeply until your body calms down. Withdraw your attention from your worrying thoughts and focus on your breathing.
  5. Realize there is a “you” greater, stronger, and wiser than the imagined disturbances. Yes, the operative word is “imagined.” Your fearful mind has woven a series of “whispered lies” based on your past—usually resulting in fear, guilt or remorse. DO acknowledge them; But do NOT believe them. They sound like this:  “I always…(followed by something negative, e.g. fail in love, am rejected, sabotage my success) and I can’t overcome it.” OR “If only he or she hadn’t done (fill in the blank), we would all be OK.“
  6. Try writing your mind’s false messages in a journal, so you can decide if they’re really true. In time, you’ll see them as predicting one of two horrible things: 1) past pain will repeat itself, or 2) the future will be disastrous.
  7. Once you see your mind’s lies for what they are, you can dissolve them by owning the truth of who you are:  a being of goodness and light whose perfection was obscured by false beliefs.
  8. Connecting with this essence of goodness will melt the apparent barriers to your happiness. Use meditation, affirmations, prayer, therapy, yoga, inspirational reading, groups, or any other method that helps you reject your negative thinking and find peace, clarity and connection.

You might be wondering how you could possibly solve your problems by using these “indirect” practices rather than attacking the issue directly:  It might seem upside down.

But, when you connect with your inner wisdom instead of your fear, sooner or later the answers will appear—in the most amazing way and for the best of all involved.

Gigi Langer of Worry Less NowGigi Langer is a former “queen of worry.” She’s also an educator, speaker, and author of Worry Less Now  coming out in Fall 2017, the new book contains 50 powerful tips to defeat negative thinking, find inner peace, clarity, and connection.

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