According to the Mayo Clinic,Ā people who worry less have better physical health, lower risks of stroke or heart disease, and higher overall survival rates. They also have better emotional health, less depression, more harmonious relationships, and are more equipped to solve lifeās problems.
We all want such benefits, right? But weāve got to stop worrying so much! FIND YOUR PERSONAL WORRY SCORE AND HELPFUL HINTS BY CLICKING THIS LINK
My friends say our worries & fears come from the not-so-helpful ācommittee in my head.ā I call those negative voices āwhispered lies.ā
For instance, for too many years I believed āIf I want to be liked, I must look good.ā This whispered lie made me constantly worried about my appearance and behavior.
ā¢ āIāll never have enough money.ā
ā¢ āI always sabotage my success.ā
ā¢ āRelationships just donāt work for me.ā
ā¢ āWe could all be happy if only Dad would stop drinking.ā
Although many of our whispered lies concern ourselves, they often focus on our children, spouses, friends, or relativesāfor instance, the last example about the fatherās drinking. Other distressing beliefs involve institutions, as in āIf the government would just change this policy, weād all be better off.ā
Even though it might be true that Dad ought to stop drinking or the government should make changes, these events have no control over your own happiness.
Most of our worries are fueled by false stories installed into our minds long ago, just waiting for opportunities to be confirmed. Wayne Dyer wrote that everything our brain āknowsā is based on past experiences. Therefore, when an event resemblesāeven in a small wayāan old painful one, our mind interprets the new event according to the long-standing negative belief.
Since most whispered lies live largely in our unconscious, weāre often unaware of them.
To illustrate the power of my own ānegative committeeāsā lies, consider why I failed at romantic love so many times during my twenties and thirties. I wanted to believe that love was possible for me, but my past had taught me the lie āIām not worthy of love.ā
This belief lived so strongly in my mind that, even when a man loved me deeply, I couldnāt believe it was true. After several months, I would become convinced that he wasnāt fulfilling my needs. These worries made me so demanding that I soon snuffed out all the happiness and joy of new love. When it ended, Iād tell myself, āI just donāt deserve love!ā Until I got honest and started healing my faulty thinking, I had no hope of enjoying a happy relationship.
(Actually, any of the blogs or videos aim to help usovercome our negative thinking!)
THIS “NO-WORRIES EXERCISE” WILL DISSOLVE YOUR NEGATIVE BELIEFS
Iām so grateful for the therapy, recovery, psychological strategies, and spiritual tools that gave me freedom from my false beliefs. As a result Iām a pretty happy camper most days ā AND Iāve been happily married for 33 years. So what if itās my 4th husband??? Heās fabulous!
Gigi Langer, PhD has 35 years of sobriety and has helped thousands of people improve their lives at home and at work. She’s written several books for educators, and is a sought-after speaker and workshop leader.Ā Gigi holds a doctorate in Psychological Studies in EducationĀ and an MA in Psychology, both from Stanford.
For example:
According to Fred Luskin, director of the Stanford University Forgiveness Project, these “shoulds” are examples of unenforceable rules: They demand an outcome you believe must come true, but over which you have no control. Such inflexible beliefs make us helpless, angry, hurt, hopeless or bitter.
Although holding an unenforceable rule may feel good–even noble–it doesnāt mean you can make it happen. In the first example, the daughter should stop using drugs, but no matter how persuasive the motherās arguments, she doesnāt have the power to make her daughter stop.
The mother does, however, have control over her own choices and behavior. She can seek help from a therapist or Al-Anon, and claim a positive power to work in the situation. Then she might choose a goal for how she wants to act and feel, detach from the result, and use growth tools for her own peace of mind, regardless of her daughterās choices.
One of my own unenforceable rules became clear as I was writing this book. When my mother passed away, I found it difficult to write and became discouraged by my lack of progress.
When I honestly faced the belief that I must complete the book by a certain date, I became willing to see it differently. After using Tool 6, Is It True? I turned my whispered lie around to āI will finish writing the book at the perfect time.ā In turn, I became more flexible and kinder with myself.
The essence of happiness is peacefully allowing life to unfold. Nothing becomes a live-or-die situation because you know your loving power is working things out, with results that may far surpass your greatest hopes.
(Excerpt taken from page 56-57 of Gigi Langerās award-winning book, 50 Ways to Worry Less Now)
Gigi Langer holds a PhD in Psychological Studies in Education from Stanford University. She is a seasoned author and popular speaker who has helped thousands of people improve their lives at home and work. Gigi hasnāt had a drug or drink for over 30 years, although she does occasionally overindulge in Ghirardelli chocolate and historical novels.
Her book, 50 Ways to Worry Less Now (available HERE in paperback, e-book, & audiobook) has gained rave reviews (4.8 on Amazon) and a publishing award.
This is such a cool video podcast for recovering people! Itās a lot of fun and so helpful to anyone struggling with substance abuse.
Thanks to Bizzy for our conversation about how to stay sober in spite of our STINKIN thinkin!
š£ Here it is! Click on the link, not the photo š
http://busylivingsober.com/podcasts/2020/7/9/episode-183-author-gigi-langer
Elizabeth L. āBizzyā Chance, CRS, is the founder and owner of Busy Living SoberTM, a network dedicated to bringing addiction out of the shadows and educating society that addiction is a disease, not who you are. She is a leading expert in the field of recovery management, widely known for her work as a consultant, family coach, and her social media presence.
Elizabeth earned her certification as a Certified Recovery Specialist (CRS) from the state of Pennsylvania. She is a graduate of George Washington University with a degree in communications, and her work experience includes time at QVC and CBS Television.
Elizabeth is in long-term recovery herself over a decade. Hence, she feels able to form a compassionate and meaningful bond with addicts. She has always gravitated towards anyone new to recovery because of her own personal story, which gives her an innate sense for helping them achieve and maintain recovery.
Busy Living SoberTM is to eliminate the shame of addiction through open and honest communication.
Elizabeth currently resides in Wayne, Pennsylvania with her husband and three teenage children.
“The definition of addiction is the inability to control oneās use over a substance.ā
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