Elizabeth L. “Bizzy” Chance, CRS, is the founder and owner of Busy Living SoberTM, a network dedicated to bringing addiction out of the shadows and educating society that addiction is a disease, not who you are. She is a leading expert in the field of recovery management, widely known for her work as a consultant, family coach, and her social media presence.
Elizabeth earned her certification as a Certified Recovery Specialist (CRS) from the state of Pennsylvania. She is a graduate of George Washington University with a degree in communications, and her work experience includes time at QVC and CBS Television.
Elizabeth is in long-term recovery herself over a decade. Hence, she feels able to form a compassionate and meaningful bond with addicts. She has always gravitated towards anyone new to recovery because of her own personal story, which gives her an innate sense for helping them achieve and maintain recovery.
Busy Living SoberTM is to eliminate the shame of addiction through open and honest communication.
Elizabeth currently resides in Wayne, Pennsylvania with her husband and three teenage children.
“The definition of addiction is the inability to control one’s use over a substance.”
I have a tendency to overthink things. You might too.
Your mind takes off and starts imagining the worst things that could happen in the future, or you find yourself looking back at the recent past and regretting your words or actions. Even worse is when we get caught up in judging and resenting the actions of an important person in our lives.
Here are a few tools I use to anchor my mind in the present moment rather than in the future or past.
Take a few slow belly-inflating breathes and remind yourself that your body is right here right now, and you can choose to focus your mind on the present moment rather than on the future or past. .
1. Name 5 things you can see around you (Examples: rug, painting)
2 . Name 4 things you can feel (feet on the floor, cool air on the skin)
3 . Name 3 things you can hear right now (a fan running, people’s voices outside)
4. Name 2 things you can smell right now (perfumed soap)
5. Name 1 good thing about yourself (“I am strong,” “I can help myself through this.”)
If you simply can’t focus, or if your body and mind haven’t yet settled down, take a few more belly-inflating breaths, and tell yourself that you can focus your thoughts on the present moment. Then do the exercise again.
It may take several minutes of repetition before your mind settles down.
According to independent.co.uk, “the trick, which relies on sensory awareness, is rooted in mindfulness – and apart from anxiety, it can help treat depression, addiction disorders, lower blood pressure, and relieve stress” (Harvard University Helpguide.org)
MINDFULNESS TRAINING
It really helped me to take the “Mindfulness Based Stress Reduction” (MBSR) 8-week course. It uses breathing and simple stretches to keep your mind on your body, and its research studies show impressive results (Jon Kabat-Zinn and colleagues from University of Massachusetts Medical Center). More info here: Mindfulness-based stress reduction – Wikipedia Really effective.
MIND REFOCUSING I often catch my mind worrying about the future, and when I notice this I substitute a quick little phrase to anchor me back into the now: “All is well right now.” or, “Help me to see this differently.” Also repeating a short prayer like the Serenity Prayer helps a lot.
The idea is to substitute a “right now” thought or sensation for our worries, fears, and stressful thoughts.
NOTE: In my experience, I often need to make the switch several times an hour (sometimes many times a minute!)
It will take consistent practice to retrain your mind to stay in the present. Keep at it and your life and health will improve.
Gigi Langer, a person in recovery, holds a Ph.D. in Psychological Studies in Education and an MA in Psychology from Stanford University. Through her writing, coaching, and speaking, Gigi has helped thousands of people improve their lives at home and at work. She lives in Michigan with her husband and Murphy, her cat.
Get Gigi’s new book, “50 Ways to Worry Less Now: Reject Negative Thinking” is available in audio, e-book, and paperback (5 Stars on Amazon). Click HERE
Today I gave a talk about “Ours Is A Spiritual Solution” at a luncheon with 480 recovering women from the Detroit area. That felt like a really big deal to me because 480 is a big crowd!
I was so worried it wouldn’t be “good enough,” so I prepared like crazy. I made notes and prayed my ass off that I would be able to say the right things.
But I knew my main job was to show up as spiritually fit as possuible. So, I went to more meetings than usual, prayed constantly, and meditated every day.
All week I asked my friends to pray for me, and last night I sent out a “Hail Mary” to my FaceBook friends, asking for prayers. The responses were so inspiring, and the prayers worked!’
Today was the big day, and when I arrived, I went into the handicapped bathroom stall, checked my notes, and said a prayer. Then, we all ate lunch. As dessert was being served, my sponsor and a friend joined me in that same bathroom stall to pray together. (That handicapped stall was starting to feel like my own private office!!).
When I got up to talk, I was amazed, as God did for me what I could not do for myself: I felt relaxed and enjoyed giving the talk; I even got a few laughs from the group. Afterward, I was so relieved that many people said it was inspiring.
Once again, God pulled the rabbit out of the hat, and showed us all that—no matter how big the challenge—ours IS a spiritual solution. Amen!
Once again, thanks to my friends for your prayers and encouragement!
PS. The committee made a recording and I’ll be sure to share the link tomorrow when they post it on RecoveredCast.com.
Gigi Langer is the author of award-winning 50 Ways to Worry Less Now, 4.8 stars on Amazon. Available in paperback, e-book, or audiobook. Purchase at https://GigiLanger.com/buy
My Mom & Dad Married 9/14/1939 Cece and Ted Mohlman
If you grew up in a dysfunctional family, my story will be familiar. I only hope that you’ve found the people and programs to help you heal. Here’s how I began to grow out of the negative thoughts and worries from my childhood. (Excerpted from 50 Ways to Worry Less Now.)
My Mom and Dad: “Doin’ the Best They Can”
I was the fourth child of a charming, alcoholic father and a mother who spent her life worrying about him. Many evenings we’d find Mom lying alone on her bed reading a book, gloomy and sad as she listened for the crunch of Dad’s car tires on the driveway. Too often, that sound never came and she sank lower and lower into her sadness.
Partying with friends was the mainstay of my parents’ lives.
The stereo got louder and louder as the drinks got stronger and stronger. Some
nights, after the guests had left, we were awakened by crashes and Mom’s
screams. I lay frozen in my bed as the whispered lie “I’ll never be safe” sank
into my bones.
What Is A Dysfunctional Family, Anyway??
In alcoholic and other dysfunctional families, the dominant
messages are: Don’t feel, don’t trust, and don’t tell anyone about it. The “it”
is the proverbial “elephant in the room”; although everyone is aware of it,
they quickly deny it.
In the absence of honest communication about my dad’s drinking, we children began to invent stories to explain the swirling tension in the air. I birthed a new whispered lie: “I must be a bad person if my parents won’t give me time or attention.”
Family alcoholism isn’t the only condition that can stunt a child’s sense of security and worth. Any trauma that causes ongoing despair can become the elephant in the room: death of a family member, physical impairment, mental illness, gambling, drug addiction, violence, chronic illness, foster care, sexual abuse, or neglect. In such cases, the troubling situations consume the family’s attention, and the emotional needs of the children often go unmet. These deficits launch the child on a lifelong search for love and safety without a road map.
According to Janet G. Woititz’s Adult Children of Alcoholics and Tian Dayton’s The ACoA Trauma Syndrome: The Impact of Childhood Pain on Adult Relationships, adult children of alcoholics and trauma victims tend to share several characteristics
Fear losing control; are overly responsible; have trouble relaxing and having fun;
Fear their emotions or feelings; confuse pity with love; have difficulties with intimacy;
Fear abandonment; constantly seek approval;
Self-criticize; have low self-esteem;
Deny reality; avoid conflict; adopt a victim mentality; become comfortable living in chaos and drama;
Overreact to outside changes; when afraid, see everything and everyone in extremes;
Adopt compulsive behaviors; have an attraction to compulsive personalities; and
Suffer from frequent physical illness and an accumulation of grief.
Healing Begins (with A Lot of Help from My Friends!)
When I first learned about these tendencies, I felt hopeless. Then I heard these empowering words: I am not to blame for what happened to me as a child; but I am responsible for healing my past. For more information and support, see https://adultchildren.org/
After I got sober in 1986 and the fog cleared, I sought therapy for many of the tendencies that had been screwing up my life. My therapist suggested I attend Twelve-Step meetings called “Adult Children of Alcoholics.” In those meetings, I felt uncomfortable as others talked about experiences similar to mine, but at the same time I felt a giddy sense of relief. I realized I wasn’t alone; and if others had the courage to recover, so could I.
As I continued to work with my therapist, I discovered that I still felt, deep inside, like a defenseless little girl. In an inner-child healing exercise, I visualized locking my mind’s critical voices in a lead-lined vault. I then greeted my imaginary little girl with love and asked if she would talk with me.
As my therapist coached me, I told my inner child I loved her and praised her for being so brave in our crazy home. I thanked her for inventing strategies to keep us secure, and explained that she could let go of her perfectionism and other defenses. Finally, I assured her that she could trust me—her adult self, powered by love—to keep us safe and happy.
These exercises helped me see my divorces and addictions as merely misguided attempts to find love and security. I let go of my self-condemnation and began to believe I could be happy. Since then, I’ve never stopped growing.
An Invitation
If you’ve had experiences similar to those described here, I wish you courage and freedom from the past. I welcome you to comment on your journey of healing. and how your found support. For more information, see https://adultchildren.org/
NOTE: This article is taken from Chapter 5 of my book, 50 Ways to Worry Less Now, which shares the entire story and the tools I discovered as I grew into the happy, healthy woman I am now. This growth has been one of the greatest miracles of my life, but I did not do it alone.
Gigi Langer holds a PhD from Stanford University in Psychological Studies in Education. She’s an award-winning teacher and writer with 33 years clean and sober. Her new book, 50 Ways to Worry Less Now won the National Indie Excellence Award and rates 4.8 stars on Amazon. The AUDIOBOOK is due in mid-September 2019 (Audible, Amazon, i-tunes). Tune in at GigiLanger.com
I have a tendency to overthink things. You might too.
Gigi Langer, a person in recovery, holds a Ph.D. in Psychological Studies in Education and an MA in Psychology from Stanford University. Through her writing, coaching, and speaking, Gigi has helped thousands of people improve their lives at home and at work. She lives in Michigan with her husband and Murphy, her cat.
Get Gigi’s new book, “
