How well has trying to control others worked for you? Do you believe you can impose the changes youâd like to see in the world? Perhaps youâve tried and failed to change even your own behavior.
When you honestly admit your personal willpower canât fulfill your desires, a wondrous alternative appears. I call it positive power: a source of courage and hope that is greater than your fears, worries, or perceived limitations.
I had my first inkling of a positive power after a meditation teacher suggested that I sit quietly, observe my thoughts, and then ask myself, âRight now, who is watching my thinking?â The question stopped me in my tracks. I wondered, âIf I am my thoughtsâwhich I believed up until that pointâhow could another part of me be observing them?â And, yet, there I was, watching my mind be amazed by this astounding idea. For the first time, I realized there must be some part of me that is greater than my thoughts.
Studies reveal that believers in such a power are happier than those who donât believe. They can find peace and direction, no matter whatâs going on in their lives (Stephanie Castillo, Prevention, May 7, 2013).Â
How each of us comes to understand this power is highly personal and our business only. Thus, I wonât suggest you worship any particular spiritual entity, religion, dogma, or philosophy. In the exercise below, youâll define this source in a way that works for you.
Regardless of what you call it, you will come to understand this power more and more. To claim the benefits of positive power, try the tools offered in my blog and book(50 Ways to Worry Less Now).
Time for Action! Name Your Positive Power
1. Take a minute to ponder what kind of power could bring goodness into your life.
2. Read the common names for a source of a positive power below. Pause to notice which ones, if any, feel right for you.
3. Select a few names that work for you. Circle them, write them down, or hold them in your heart.
4. If your past taught you to be fiercely independent, it may take a while to trust this power. But stick with it and youâll reap the rewards.
Abba
Energy
Inner Guide
Providence
Adonai
God (Good Orderly Direction)
Healer
Ram
Allah
Great Spirit
Jesus /Jehova
Shiva
Angels
Guardian Angel
Light
Sophia (feminine deity)
Being
Healing Energy or Resonance
Mary
Source
Buddha
Higher Power
Natureâs Perfection
Tao
Christ, Holy Spirit
Higher Self
Oneness
True Self
Courage
Holy Father
Perfect Order
Wisdom
Divine Mind
Infinite/Universal Intelligence
Positive Attitudes and Beliefs
Yahweh
To connect with this power, try some of the tools in my other blog posts. Or, write a comment here about some of your own favorite tools.
The Positive Power of Healthy Others
Where two or more are gathered in loving purpose, amazing things happen.  Researcher BrenĂŠ Brown found that people who cope well with hardship, stress, or trauma believe they are âconnected to each other by a power greater than all of us.â
Kindness from others who hold no agenda other than goodness is a powerful force for healing. In fact, thatâs the way many of us in Twelve-Step programs first felt this benevolent force. The people there had no selfish motives; they saw beyond my shameful past into my true goodness. Their kind regard and wise words showed me a loving power I had never known.
You too can share your life challenges and solutions with positive people. Consider carefully what they say and how they live their lives. I suggest meeting weekly with one or two others who fit the characteristics listed here. Perhaps you could read my book or another that you find inspiring.
As you continue to meet, youâll likely experience a positive power that will enable you to handle life’s challenges with peace and wisdom.
Gigi Langer holds a PhD in Psychological Studies in Education from Stanford University. She is a seasoned author and popular speaker who has helped thousands of people improve their lives at home and work. Gigi hasnât had a drug or drink for over 30 years, although she does occasionally overindulge in Ghirardelli chocolate and historical novels.
Her new book, 50 Ways to Worry Less Now (available here fromAmazon & e-book vendors) has gained rave reviews:
â[A] valuable, heartfelt manual.â (Featured Book, BookLife by Publishers Weekly)
âLanger writes from both experience and expertise. A powerful tool for readers.â (Library Journal)
âHighly recommended for anyone who worries too much, lives too hard a life, and searches for a better way.â (Midwest Book Review)
âGigi Langer’s honesty will blow you away! It is beautifully written; filled with humor and authenticity.â (Member of Al Anon)
Most negative thinking isn’t true. So, why let it trouble us?
SCRIPT FOR VIDEO:  My [negative] thoughts are based on past experiences and future predictions–all of which have been reinterpreted by my brain in a fictional way . . . really! My brain created this scenario in the future, and it hasnât even happened. My brain created this thing about the past and has “awfulized” it.
So first, donât trust a thought. You know, espectially when weâre tense, our thinking is whacked. So the first thing: âOh, Okay; this thought Iâm thinking doesnât have to be the one I stick with.â Okay?
So, then, 4. The decision: Iâm gonna change my thinking. So, when I recognize that my thoughts are based on past experiences, just to give you an  example: the Kindle (upload) thing. [I kept failing at it.] I hate failure. You know, I just hate failure
And hereâs . . .Underneath each fear and worry is what I call in the book (and it’s a theme throughout) a Whispered Lie: âYou’re going to screw up!â âYouâre not going to look good!â You know. Or it could be a self-statement: âOh, man! Iâll never be able to figure this out; I hate technology.â You know, all those lovely helpful things we tell ourselves. (Audience laughs)
So, all the techniques in the book are about dissolving those Whispered Lies so that hope, clarity, and good things can come in.
So, the first one weâre going to try is my favorite; itâs called the Golden Key. And itâs the simplest thing. The premise of all of these is that you have control over what your mind dwells on. You absolutely have a choice. And itâs a minute-by-minute (or sometimes a second-by-second) thing.
So, with the Golden Key, Iâm gonna make a decision: Every time I have a negative thought or feeling about something (âOh! Iâm uploading that Kindle file tonight; itâs never gonna work!â), Iâm going to gently replace it with a positive thought, or a prayer, or an inspiring image.
So, you get to choose what that is. For me, Iâm gonna say, âAll is well. Everything is in perfect order.â Thatâs something that works for me. For you it might be the Serenity Prayer, an image of a rose, um, a light . . . anything that connects you with some source of goodness bigger than your fear. Something that you can tell yourself or focus on thatâs bigger than the fear. A source of good.
So think of what that might be for you. . . [The Video ends here; participants practice silently switching their thoughts from the negative to their positive phrase or image]
To read about Emmet Foxâs Golden Key technique, click here.
For more tips, buy 50 Ways to Worry Less Nowat Amazon Itâs been out for 3 weeks and gotten great reviews! I hope it helps you find peace, clarity, and connection as you free yourself from worry and negative thinking. Best of luck! â Gigi Langer, former âQueen of Worryâ
Gigi Langer holds an MA in Psychology and PhD in Psychological Studies in Education from Stanford University. She is a seasoned author and popular speaker who has helped thousands of people improve their lives at home and work. Langer hasnât had a drug or drink for over 30 years, although she occasionally overindulgeS in Ghirardelli chocolate and historical novels. Gigi lives happily in Michigan with her husband, Peter and her cat, Murphy.
When I first entered therapy, I saw myself shrunken and powerless in the corner of a dark room filled with scary plastic objects. As time went on, that image changed. It was as if a bright light entered the room and dissolved all those fear-filled dark objects.
I believe that most of our worries, resentments, and pain are merely illusions, or as I call them, âWhispered Lies.â Fear jumps into the driverâs seat of our minds and starts projecting all kinds of problems to be solved. Mark Twain said it this way, âMy life is a series of calamities, most of which never happened.â
Just take a moment and observe the content of your thoughts and how they resonate in your body. If youâre anything like me, it quickly becomes clear that weâre scaring the shit out of ourselves. And, just in case we need a little help, thereâs always TV and its multitude of disasters (the past, present, and predicted).
Itâs no wonder that so many of us live in a constant state of anxiety and tension. The modern term, which I might call a euphemism, is âstress.â This state is so universal, that, if you stopped 20 people on the street, most of them would say they wanted to have less fear and worry in their lives. And, if you really want to be disturbed, read about how stress and worry harm our health.
A Course in Miracles (and many other wisdom traditions) teach us that we can be in only two states of mind: fear or love. When we align ourselves with love, weâre at peace and feel at-one with God (universe, positive power) and with all others. When weâre in fear, however, we close our hearts to others.
Because our bodies are hard-wired to compete for what we see as a limited amount of love, money, and otherworldly goodies, fear is our default setting. But we donât have to become a victim of our worries and negative thinking. Itâs what we do next that matters: Do we seek a different way of seeing our troublesome situations?
Itâs a simple choice, but it takes vigilance and practice. Just notice what youâre thinking about and, if it is making you tense, admit that to yourself. Then, gently turn your thoughts to something that gives you joy and peace. It might be a scene of nature, a prayer, or an affirmation. Then keep an eye out for when you revert to the âworry and fear channel.â Again, just notice what youâre thinking about and change it to something more positive or inspiring.
Emmet Fox gives directions for the âGolden Keyâ here. He wrote that when you consistently turn your thoughts away from fear and toward a source of positive power, whatever was bothering you before will be resolved. Try it, youâll like it!
Gigi Langer is a former âqueen of worry.â Sheâs also an educator, speaker, and author of 50 Ways to Worry Less Now! Coming out in February 2018, the new book contains 50 powerful tips to defeat negative thinking, find inner peace, and be happy. Gigi has a PhD from Stanford University.
MANAGEÂ Â lifeâs most difficult challenges with calm wisdom
CREATEÂ relationships that blossom and thrive
FULFILLÂ your dreams without limitations
SERVEÂ others in their personal growth
DISCOVER tactics to dissolve the negative beliefs underlying your worries.
REVIEWS of Worry Less Now
âI loved the simplicity and the host of quickly adopted suggestions. Even though I have been in recovery for more than 4 decades, and thus didn’t really think another self-help book would make it to my treasured list, I was wrong. This book is a winner.â -Karen Casey, best-selling author of Each Day a New BeginningÂ
Plenty of books advocate countering negative thinking; but too few actually provide step-by-step measures on how to do so. Others simply choose a singular path and follow it. The pleasure of 50 Ways to Worry Less Now lies in its examples, specific exercises, and injections of how the author used various routines to find her way out of negativity.  Highly recommended for anyone who worries too much, lives too hard a life, and searches for a better way.â  – D. Donovan, Senior Reviewer, Midwest Book Review   Full review: 50 Ways to Worry Less NowÂ
âReads like a compendium of the worldâs wisdom on successful living. These are no set of abstractions found in self-help books; rather they are lessons Langer has learned from painful experience. I am buying copies for my grandchildren.â – Dr. Bob Garmston, California State University
âI’ve become reluctant to recommend personal growth books to my clients because so few seem to focus on taking action. Worry Less Now is different. Rather than setting herself up as the authority, itâs clear that she works the strategies and tools as part of her ongoing growth.â –Christine McCully, LMHC, MA
âGigi Langer has moved the self-help genre from quick-fix solutions to outlining a well-researched set of principles/concepts/ exercises that can assist enormously a person who is serious about wanting to worry less and to find peace and connections in his/her life.â Â â Sharon Kalbfleisch, MSW
âThis is not a one-size-fits-all book. It offers a broad pallet of thoughtful ways one can find a path to a less stressful life. Interspersed with relatable personal stories, I found this book both useful and delightful to read.â âB. Jorgenson, M.A. Education
âI am not a book critic, but I am a worrier, so I am qualified to highly recommend Gigi’s book. I believe everyone can benefit from reading this book and putting her ideas into daily practice.â –Reverend Cathy Freeman
âWhile reading this book I felt like I was on a journey, interacting and participating with the strategies.â – Roberta Tankenow, Pharmacist
“Gigi has written a jewel of a book with sharp insight, an open honest heart, timeless wisdom, and inspiration galore. A healing masterpiece if one chooses to use the tools.” Â -LiRa Bennett,President, A Place of Well-Being Inc.
âAs a mental health clinician for thirty-two years, Iâm excited to report that Langerâs book provides a well-thought-out and flexible structure to question worried thinking habits, manage anxiety, and respond in new, healthier ways. One of the best âHow Toâ manuals Iâve read on what it means to be human.   Langer has compiled an impressive array of clinical, medical, and philosophical sources and research. Although some of the tools are spiritually-oriented, theyâre not religious or heavy-handed. I canât wait to tell my clients and colleagues about this wonderful book.â –Coleen Travers, LCSWÂ
âOne of the biggest themes in the book is the whispered lies people tell themselves that encourage negative thoughts, feelings, and attitudes. Theyâre the icky things you tell yourself that bring you down, and most of the time they just arenât true. Gigi teaches you how to recognize those whispered lies and create strategies to turn your negativity around. Langer isnât afraid to discuss her own personal experiences with abuse, addiction, and more. It really humanizes her as a narrator and adds a level of relatability that can be missing when a professional communicates with their audience.â –Shannon Doe, âMillennial Bloggerâ http:/GoingWithHappy.com
âThis is definitely the book to have on your shelf, by your bed, near your favorite chair, or on your desk. Her wisdom is definitely a healing gift. Know someone who needs help? Give them this book. No matter what the circumstance, there is something in this book that will help everyone to worry less now.â Â â Ginger Wakem
“Excellent book to have on hand to navigate the minefield of life…like going to a mental health grocery store: pick the various tools to create a recipe for peace and serenity.â –Ginna Jordan, Interior Designer
âYou donât have to use all the tools at once. You can piecemeal what you can handle at the time and implement the rest later once you are ready to increase your skill level. A MUST READ for just about anyone!â – Liz Audette, Marketing Professional
âA smorgasbord of helpful ideas and techniques from an author who has been there and done that. Highly recommended.â -Marcie Foster
âThis book is a gift to those of us who yearn to defeat worry, negativity, and self-doubt. It is beautifully written, clearly organized, and filled with life-changing wisdom. Gigi has truly led the way to successful living and made it possible for us to follow.â –Ginny Chism
âFinally! A book that doesn’t just ‘talk’ about positive thinking…a book that tells you how to get there with very practical tools.  Gigi’s personal examples and forthright approach make this an invaluable resource, for now and in the future.â –Dawn Champanois, Human Resource Professional
âGigi helps the reader see how we self-sabotage and how we feed off the negative thinking as a way to compensate for the pesky lies we create to make everything seem alright to ourselves and those around us. She teaches how to get honest, then claim your power, then to make choices that are good and then finally, to use these practices to grow within ourselves to be ultimately successful.â âMary Caliendo, Writer and Editor
âIf you want a logical, practical, and precise road map to a positive way of living, read Fifty Ways to Worry Less Now. This inspired book is an easy flowing, solidly packed, and sequential guide to living a peaceful life.â â Bernadette Thibodeau
â I was engaged from the first chapter to the last page. I plan to share this book with everyone I know. I will also be keeping a copy in my tool kit.â -Kathy Guzman
âNow I have a go-to book ready to pull out when those whispering lies try to take over or when the going gets tough. A perfect book to pass on to others as they struggle with recovery or other life challenges.â   –Janice Weber
 âThis book goes beyond theory and gives you interesting examples of real life challenges and then offers concrete strategies to overcome worry. Whether you have read many self-help books or are just getting started on the journey, there is a valuable gem in this book for you.â     –Annabelle Nesbit
âThis book addresses action plans that confront worry head-on in a positive and insightful manner. She includes events from her own life that illustrate trauma, recognition, work, and resolution. By sharing these incidents, Langer exemplifies her own journey with love and grace to help others.â –Lynn Cool
âEasy to understand and well put together. The charts and graphs add further understanding and are well created. The author shares her personal experiences, strength, and knowledge with the reader in an effective manner.â Â –Kathy Harenda
 âA mindful anthology of tools and strategies written from the gut. The writing is lovely, clear, filled with tried and true strategies, humor, and authentic voice. Choose the tools that work for you to find serenity in your life.â  -Barb Robb, M.A. Education
âThis book offers hope, promise, and potential for anyone ready transform his or her life. Itâs simplicity, clarity, and specificity speak directly to all of us who want our lives to be more fulfilling for ourselves and for those we love.â Â – Joellen Killion
âBetter than a croissant with coffee in the morning! I have enjoyed the opportunity to linger over the words, consider how to apply them in my own life, and cherish the opportunity to pause, focus, and plan for a more meaningful life, one free of the routine stressors that debilitate and drain me without even knowing the effects.â – Jessica Kemp
âAfter 29 years sober, I now have a book with 50 ways to say, “no”, to my negative thinking. This book is a wonderful tool for anyone on a journey toward peace and sanity.â –Patty Kolesar
âGigi Langer gives us a precise diagnosis and remedy for the many negative situations that can too easily frustrate the best of our efforts to live clean and sober. The wisdom of this book will guide us through many of our darkest moments to serenity and a new confidence in the joy of life.â –Fred Wass M.H.S. Chaplain
âGigi Langer’s honesty will blow you away! It is beautifully written; filled with humor and authenticity. As an Alanon acolyte for 20 years, I’ve read dozens of self-help books, and I can recommend Langer’s fresh, honest tutorial on growing into your true, healthy self. –Kathi Dutilh
âA quick and easy read, with many tools to apply for anyone at any point in their life, whether it be addiction, anxiety, co-dependence, or just seeking personal growth. She will have such a positive impact and do such great things with this book! – Tahra Luther, MS,
Gigi Langer holds a PhD in Psychological Studies in Education from Stanford University. She is a seasoned author and popular speaker who has helped thousands of people improve their lives at home and work. Gigi hasnât had a drug or drink for over 30 years, although she does occasionally overindulge in Ghirardelli chocolate and historical novels.
Her new book, 50 Ways to Worry Less Now (available here from Amazon & e-book vendors) has gained rave reviews:
When I first entered therapy, I saw myself shrunken and powerless in the corner of a dark room filled with scary plastic objects. As time went on, that image changed. It was as if a bright light entered the room and dissolved all those fear-filled dark objects.
Gigi Langer is a former âqueen of worry.â Sheâs also an educator, speaker, and author of 50 Ways to 