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Gigi Langer

Worry Less Now!

 Love More Now!

Author: Gigi Langer

Gigi Langer, PhD, wrote the award-winning "50 Ways to Worry Less Now: Reject Negative Thinking to Find Peace, Clarity, and Connection" (4.8 stars). She's a sought-after speaker and retreat leader who has helped thousands of people improve their lives at home and work. She can help improve yours too! An author of six books on personal and professional growth, she's the self-proclaimed "Queen of Worry" and speaks from experience.
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HOW TO QUIT THE “MASTER-BEATERS” CLUB

worry less now

Recently, I became extremely self-critical because I got “too busy” to pray, meditate, and go to meetings. When I hear that voice whispering its nasty lies, I’m reminded of how the “Master-Beaters Club” was born.

Self-Critical Lies

While having coffee one day, some sober women and I began to share how an internal voice constantly criticized us: We were bad people, couldn’t change, or weren’t worthy of love or care. In short, our fearful thoughts were beating up on us.

Suddenly, one woman said, “Well, let’s just call ourselves the ‘master-beaters club!” After a raucous laugh, we had already weakened this character flaw by naming it and laughing at it.

Ever since that day, when that self-condemning voice creeps into my head, I can reject it by having a good laugh as I recall our special “club.”

How to Stop Beating Ourselves up

As I grew in my trust of a Higher Power, I replaced that critical voice with God’s loving presence, often expressed through human angels (sometimes called “God-in-skin”). For example, my sponsor channeled love into me, and then others joined in, bringing me the care I had so desperately sought.

As I grew into my true self, I realized that my security was guaranteed by my wise God-self, and that my self-criticism had melted away. But, if I let up on my self-care, it can still creep in, as it did this morning.

Today, after talking with my sponsor, going to an Alanon meeting, and meditating, that self-beating voice has left. I now feel peaceful, happy, and free.  

More Ways to Quit the Master-Beaters Club

  • Make a gratitude list every day of at least 5 new items that are going well for you.
  • Create positive affirmations about your own worth. For example: “I am confident and positive.” “My worth is established by God.” or “I am a special person.”
  • Use guided meditations on self-worth and confidence. (I like Insight Timer)
  • Practice rigorous self-care: avoid self-destructive habits, eat well, exercise, sleep enough, hang out with healthy friends, and read/listen to inspiring words and stories.
  • Go to therapy to overcome negative patterns of acting and thinking.
  • Practice self-compassion as suggested by Kristen Neff

If we stay committed to our emotional and spiritual recovery, we come to believe that we are perfectly loved and fully able to love others. What a gift!

No more “Master-Beating” for me!

QUESTION: How do you stop the voice that sometimes beats you up?

My award-winning book, 50 Ways to Worry Less Now describes how to reject the faulty thinking leading to addiction, dysfunctional relationships, perfectionism, and worry about loved ones. Check out the practical directions, personal stories, and other helpful suggestions. Amazon: 4.8 stars (Buy Discounted Paperback, e-book, OR audiobook HERE)

Worry Less Now; Gigi Langer

Gigi Langer has been sober 35 years, and holds a PhD in Psychological Studies in Education from Stanford University. Formerly crowned the “Queen of Worry,” Gigi resigned her post many years ago and now lives happily in Florida with her husband, Peter and her cat Murphy.

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GIVE ONLY LOVE BY ‘FORE-GIVING

Have you ever considered that the word “forgive” can be seen as ’fore-give?

I think of it as “before-giving”—giving to another before they’ve done anything to “deserve” it. Perhaps that’s the only reason we’re here — to give love and kindness to everyone we meet.

“Fore-giving is merely looking beyond a person’s flaws and seeing only their spirit. Thus, we give love to others, regardless of how they look or act. This, I believe, is what God would have us do. 

Really?? What if They’re a Jerk?!

There IS one caveat, however: Although we may focus on a person’s essential goodness, we don’t have to put up with their unacceptable behavior. Even after setting boundaries, we can still see their spirit as pure and innocent. 

When we choose to ‘fore-give, we expand the force of love in the world, thus dissolving fear and selfishness. We all become free, peaceful, and happy.

Give it a Try!

Just for today (and tomorrow, too!) let’s try to see the goodness in every person we encounter, and treat them with the love and respect befitting a child of God. When you ‘fore-give it make us all feel better!

P.S.  A Course in Miracles teaches that the world’s pain is caused by our selfish egos’ excesses, and that the truth lies beyond these fearful appearances—in the eternal spirit of goodness within each of us. 

My award-winning book, 50 Ways to Worry Less Now describes how to reject the faulty thinking leading to addiction, dysfunctional relationships, perfectionism, and worry about loved ones. Check out the practical directions, personal stories, and other helpful suggestions. Amazon: 4.8 stars (Buy Discounted Paperback, e-book, OR audiobook HERE)

Worry Less Now; Gigi Langer

Gigi Langer has been sober 35 years, and holds a PhD in Psychological Studies in Education from Stanford University. Formerly crowned the “Queen of Worry,” Gigi resigned her post many years ago and now lives happily in Florida with her husband, Peter and her cat Murphy.

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ARE MY THOUGHTS FROM MY EGO OR FROM GOD?

After my last post about knowing God’s will*, several of you wondered if ANY of your thoughts could be trusted. 

Are all our thoughts from the selfish, dishonest, unhealthy self?

It’s a great question!

In early recovery, this is probably the case. As we hear old timers say, “Don’t drink, don’t think, and go to meetings.” But we need not mistrust our thoughts forever.

Here’s the beauty of the Twelve Steps: They transform not only our behavior, but also our thinking.

Rebelling against “Good Girl” Thinking

When I was young, I decided that most of my thoughts were based on the “establishment;” and therefore, I should do the opposite. In essence, I had to choose between being a “conformist, nice girl” or a “free, but naughty girl.” Guess which one won the battle?

After many years of living with the disappointments of my naughty lifestyle, I finally got sober and started to work the steps. But, I was still confused about which voice to listen to.

Was a strong desire to do something coming from God or from my self-centered fear? 

How to Listen for God’s Thoughts

For the first time, I started questioning the motives behind my thoughts and actions. For example, after six months of sobriety, I had a strong urge to leave my marriage. But, after being told not to act on my urges, I consulted extensively with my sponsor, stayed in couples therapy, and continued working my program. I also developed healthy friendships with sober women and learned how to have fun without a man or booze.

In short, I took another six months to sense God’s will.

Eventually, instead of an urgent need to run, a calm quiet voice asked, “Do you really want to live the rest of your life with this man?” My considered answer was, “No.” So, I did leave, and a few years later I married the man of my dreams. Peter and I have now been together for 31 years. Amazing for a girl with such a horrible track record!

God’s Mind Can Be Our Mind

A Course in Miracles says that we can join our thoughts with God’s thoughts when we get quiet and sincerely ask to see beyond our fearful thinking. As we enter the stillness, we come to know the peace of God.

The more we grow spiritually, the more closely we align our thoughts with God’s. And, more and more often, “we know intuitively how to handle situations that used to baffle us.”

So, YES, our thoughts CAN be trusted, but only when we’re spiritually fit, sober, and consult with a trusted advisor to distinguish God’s voice from the ego’s voice.

I Still Need to Check My Thinking!

Even after all these years, I still need to be careful about acting on what my mind tells me–especially when my thoughts are emotionally charged. I don’t try to “go it alone” with my first ideas. Instead, I check in with my sponsor and my higher power through prayer, journaling, meetings, and meditation. I also use several tools to overcome the negative thoughts blocking my connection with God.

Only after receiving clarity and peace do I decide to act. Surprisingly, quite often, no action is required because it was my mind that needed changing. And my God does that for me (when I ask!).

— A QUESTION FOR YOU: HOW DO YOU KNOW WHICH VOICE IS GUIDING YOU? —

* If you wish, when you see the word “God,” please substitute your own word for your Higher Power. For more on various ways to think about this, see THIS POST

My award-winning book, 50 Ways to Worry Less Now describes how to reject the faulty thinking leading to addiction, dysfunctional relationships, perfectionism, and worry about loved ones. Check out the practical directions, personal stories, and other helpful suggestions. Amazon: 4.8 stars (Buy Discounted Paperback, e-book, OR audiobook HERE)

Worry Less Now; Gigi Langer

Gigi Langer has been sober 35 years, and holds a PhD in Psychological Studies in Education from Stanford University. Formerly crowned the “Queen of Worry,” Gigi resigned her post many years ago and now lives happily in Florida with her husband, Peter and her cat Murphy.

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WHAT DOES “THY WILL BE DONE” MEAN?

In so many of our prayers we say, “Thy will be done.”

But what does that really mean? 

Our 12-step literature tells us that “my will and my life” refer to “my thoughts and my actions.”

So, when I say, “Thy Will be done,” I’m asking to align my thoughts with God‘s mind. 

Today’s Course in Miracles lesson (45) states, “God is the mind with which I think.”

And it asks me to practice connecting with my Higher Power’s mind as the only source of my thinking. 

In the suggested exercise, we look past the ego’s fearful, resentful, judging, selfish thoughts, and choose instead to tune into Universal Intelligence’s thoughts. 

 So, “doing God‘s will” is choosing to think God‘s thoughts, and to be still long enough to ask for those thoughts instead of our fearful mind’s inventions.

 Simple, aye? WHAT DOES “THY WILL BE DONE” MEAN TO YOU??

My award-winning book, 50 Ways to Worry Less Now describes how to reject the faulty thinking leading to addiction, dysfunctional relationships, perfectionism, and worry about loved ones. Check out the practical directions, personal stories, and other helpful suggestions. Amazon: 4.8 stars (Buy Paperback, e-book, OR audiobook HERE)

Worry Less Now; Gigi Langer

Gigi Langer has been sober 35 years, and holds a PhD in Psychological Studies in Education from Stanford University. Formerly crowned the “Queen of Worry,” Gigi resigned her post many years ago and now lives happily in Florida with her husband, Peter and her cat Murphy.

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