Format: Each week, read a chapter of my book, 50 Ways to Worry Less Now, and experiment with your choice of tools. Learn from me and share your progress at each online session. Free workbook included.
Cost: $68.95 for complete class (plus $8 if you need the book)
IF YOU’RE INTERESTED, PLEASE EMAIL me at glanger[email protected] I’ll ask you a few questions, and then I’ll select 10 people for the group. I look forward to hearing from you!
Prior Participantsā Comments āWonderful course content and superb delivery of wisdom.ā āIt inspired me to actually use the tools!ā āLoved Gigiās upbeat personality and joy.ā
š£ ā50 WAYS to WORRY LESS NOWā Great Gift! $8.95 Signed Paperback+Workbook (free USA shipping) at gigilanger.com/buy. 4.9 Stars on Amazon: E-book & audiobook at amzn.to/2RMx5m5 š
After solving my drinking problem, I was amazed to find equally damaging aspects within my own personality–low self-esteem, jealousy, perfectionism, and constant anxiety.
I now think of these ācharacter flawsāĀ as survival strategiesĀ that helped meĀ cope in the past, but no longer serveĀ me in the present. For example, standing up for my own needsĀ often brought on ridicule at home, so I became a people-pleaser and pretended everything was fine. Now, many years later, I no longer need to suppress my needs because Iāve learned to beĀ honest andĀ assertiveĀ in my relationships.Ā
To change this old,Ā damaging pattern, I neededĀ to discover theĀ motivatorsĀ underlying it: where had IĀ beenĀ fearful, dishonest, resentful, or selfish?Ā Often these motivators showed up in my self-talk as whispered lies.Ā For instance, my fear might whisper, āDonātĀ speak up; if youĀ do, heāll getĀ angry and leave.ā Ā Dishonesty also played its partĀ by denying my unpleasant feelings.Ā (For more on Whispered Lies, see my book,Ā 50 Ways to Worry Less NowĀ –Ā amzn.to/2RMx5m5).Ā
When I used therapy, the 12 steps, and other practices to dissolve my fears and dishonesty, I gained positive self-talk (Whispered Truths) such as, āI have the right to ask for what I desire.ā As a result, my happiness and relationships benefited from my assertiveness and honesty.
Here I illustrate how eachĀ motivator (Fear, Dishonesty, Resentment, Selfishness)Ā spawnsĀ whispered lies,Ā character flaws, andĀ negative consequences.Ā But the story doesnāt end there!Ā After choosing to let go of these patterns and humbly asking God to remove them, we find the healing of internalĀ whispered truthsĀ andĀ many benefits.
FEAR UNHEALED
Whispered Lies: āIf I create conflict or speak up, people will leave me.ā āI must perform well to be loved.ā āIf I make a mistake, Iāll be abandoned.ā
Character Flaws: People-pleasing, Perfectionism, Fear of failure, Laziness, Doubt
Consequences: Victim mentality, Blaming others, Anxiety, Procrastination, Giving up
FEAR HEALED
Whispered Truths: āI have a right to ask for what I desire.ā āI can be imperfect and still be worthy of love.ā āMy high standards improve my work when I also take good care of myself.ā
Whispered Lies: āI have to be who people want me to be.ā āIf I can figure this out, I can keep my loved ones safe.ā āI canāt be happy unless things change.ā
Character Flaws: Codependency; Needing to control people, places, and things; Self-justification
Consequences: Failed relationships, Trying to change others, Overthinking, Obsessing about the future, Lack of self-care, Anxiety, Denial of powerlessness
DISHONESTY HEALED
Whispered Truths: āI find the courage to take good care of myself.ā āMy higher power is in charge of my own and my loved onesā security.ā āI canāt change people, places or things, but I CAN change how I think and act.ā āThis is Godās job, not mine.ā
Benefits: Loving others with honesty, Moderation, Acceptance, Resiliency
RESENTMENT UNHEALED
Whispered Lies: āNothing works out for me.ā āScrew life!ā āIām not getting what I deserve.ā āI hate him/her/it!ā
Character Flaws: Negativity, Self-Pity, Intolerance, Impatience, Envy
Consequences: Gossip, Depression, Defensive in friendships, Distrust love, Anger
RESENTMENT HEALED
Whispered Truths: āI have everything I need as God wills.ā āEverything is in perfect order; I just canāt see it right now.ā āThis person is troubled just as I am; I see us both with compassion.ā āAll is well.ā
Whispered Lies: āSheās better than I am, so sheāll get all the attention I need.ā āIām better at this than she is, so Iām more worthy than she is.ā āI must have this NOW!ā
Character Flaws: Pride, Greed, Self-criticism, Judging others, Suspicion
Consequences: Relationship difficulties, Withholding love, Non-communication, Stress/anxiety, Rigid expectations of others (and of ourselves).
SELFISHNESS HEALED
Whispered Truths: āI am an equal among equals.ā āWeāre all loved and loveable.ā āWe all share flaws; thatās okay.ā
Benefits: Happy relationships, Generosity, Consideration of others, Acceptance
*Note that each of the four motivators shows up to some extent in almost every flaw listed
HOW DO YOUIDENTIFYWITH THESE IDEAS? I’D LOVE TO HEAR FROM YOU!
Gigi Langer has been sober 35 years, and holds a PhD in Psychological Studies in Education from Stanford University. Formerly crowned the āQueen of Worry,ā Gigi resigned her post many years ago and now lives happily in Florida with her husband, Peter and her cat Murphy.
My award-winning book, 50 Ways to Worry Less Now, describes how to reject the faulty thinking leading to addiction, dysfunctional relationships, perfectionism, and worry about loved ones. Check out the practical directions, personal stories, and other helpful growth tools. Amazon: 4.8 stars (Buy Discounted Paperback, e-book, OR audiobook HERE)
Last week I flew to Michigan from my new home in FL to visit my recovery buddies. It was an awesome visit!!
First, what a treat to finally be able to fly and watch the ground fade away into fluffy white clouds (I always sit in the window seat!)
Second, I got to ride the most wonderfully trained horse for 2 hours in the roads and fields northwest of Ann Arbor. Thanks to my dear buddy and her darling daughters for making that happen!
The 3-day Womenās Recovery Retreat on Lake Huron was the highlight of the week. The inspiring and witty Barbara Brownyard* led sessions on Steps 3, 7, and 11.
I spent the last 2 nights with my closest recovery buddy, my sponsor. When I arrived at her house, exhausted, they fed me a fabulous Mexican dish. As we chatted afterward, I started listing to the left in my chair, and they promptly put me to bed.
The next day we had lunch on Walled Lake with my first sponsor and another dear friend. I fit in a quick dinner with a thriving sponsee, and then topped off the visit with a meeting at my very first home group, St. Paul’s of the Cross. Of course, we had to go out for ice cream after!
Thanks to all my wonderful recovery buddies. You enrich my life and teach me so much. Plus, we have SO much Fun! I treasure each and every one of you!
Gigi Langer has been sober 35 years, and holds a PhD in Psychological Studies in Education from Stanford University. Formerly crowned the āQueen of Worry,ā Gigi resigned her post many years ago and now lives happily in Florida with her husband, Peter and her cat Murphy.
My award-winning book, 50 Ways to Worry Less Now, describes how to reject the faulty thinking leading to addiction, dysfunctional relationships, perfectionism, and worry about loved ones. Check out the practical directions, personal stories, and other helpful growth tools. Amazon: 4.8 stars (Buy Discounted Paperback, e-book, OR audiobook HERE)
I donāt know about you, but I couldnāt stand the Christian-sounding language (the “God idea”) at my first 12-step meetings.
But, with few other options for getting sober in 1986, I kept coming back. Most important, I held on to the flexibility offered by the words, āas we understood God.ā Ā
In those first months, I began to wonder if this mysterious “higher power” had something to do with the joy and freedom of my new sober friends. Also, I tried not to judge any language that smacked of organized religion. After all, who was I to condemn this God idea, when I had screwed up my own life so royally?
Something Greater than Myself
Then I read this passage:Ā āDeep down in every man, woman, and child is the fundamental idea of God. . . For faith in a power greater than ourselves, and miraculous demonstrations of that power in human lives, are facts as old as man himself.ā (p. 55, Alcoholics Anonymous)
Up to this point, I had put my faith in the power of high grades and romance to make me happy. But nothing had worked. In fact, I was facing my third divorce! Perhaps something greater than myselfcould help me out of my misery.
The most user-friendly name I can give the God idea is āpositive power;ā but we each find many different ways to experience it.
Positive Power as Mother, Master Mind, Love, and Light
After a year of meetings, working the steps, and therapy, I figured something was helping me stay sober. My new friends called it “God.” But, at that point, I couldnāt imagine love coming from a traditional male God. Instead, I felt most comforted by the caring āmother-powerā of the women at the meetings.Ā
But that was only my initial image. Soon, I went to a Unity church in Warren MI led by Jack Boland, a minister in recovery who led a group that referred to the God idea as the āMaster Mind.ā Using his eight-step process we each made requests, and each day we affirmed them for one another.
After several weekly sessions, I could not believe the āmiraculous demonstrationsā I witnessed! For one, I had met a man who was healthy and fun, and instead of instantly merging my life with his, I was living alone (for the first time ever!) and taking it really slowly. (Today weāve been married 32 years! Now, thatās some positive power, aye?)
Soon after this, my sponsor began a Course in Miraclesgroup for sober women. As we studied the lessons, I saw the God idea expressed as love, peace, and connection. But the image I found most convincing was of a ālightā within each of us:
āThe light is in [you] now. . Ā .It is the only thing you bring with you from your. . .Source.Ā The light cannot be lost. [It] is shining in you now, and from your heart extends around the world. . .The light within you is sufficient.ā (Lesson 188, A Course in Miracles) Ā
As I discovered this light within myself, I began to see it in others. For example, when a woman walks into a 12-step meeting, I can instantly see the her shining light leading her to a happy, healthy life.
Whatās Your Image of Positive Power (a God Idea)?
My images and experiences of positive power continue to evolve, and Iām relieved that I donāt need to define it or understand exactly how it works. I just know that when I let this power into my mind and heart, amazing things happen!
Perhaps you, too, have found a power that works for you, even if it doesnāt conform to a religious standard. ** I’D LOVE TO HEAR ABOUT IT! ** (Click HERE or email me at [email protected]; or comment on this post in FB, TW, or Instagram.
As we share our experiences, I hope fewer people reject the 12 steps because of their use of the God idea. May we each find a positive power that works for our recovery and happiness!
Gigi Langer has been sober 35 years, and holds a PhD in Psychological Studies in Education from Stanford University. Formerly crowned the āQueen of Worry,ā Gigi resigned her post many years ago and now lives happily in Florida with her husband, Peter and her cat Murphy.
Gigi’s award-winning book, 50 Ways to Worry Less Now describes how to reject the negative thinking leading to addiction, dysfunctional relationships, perfectionism, and worry about loved ones. Check out the practical directions, personal stories, and other helpful suggestions. Amazon: 4.8 stars (Buy Discounted Paperback, e-book, OR audiobook HERE)
