Gigi Langer

Worry Less Now!

 Love More Now!

LISTENING: AN ART GUIDED BY THE HEART

talk at barbecue

In your relationships, are you really listening?

Do you try to understand the other person’s point before offering your own ideas?

Giving your complete attention to another person’s words offers him a treasure—a sincere gesture of care. Unfortunately, most of us respond to our loved ones either by telling stories about our own past or offering solutions.

Both types of responses prevent seeking to understand first, perhaps the most important of Stephen Covey’s The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People.

Listening from the Heart

When in a conversation with someone, open your heart, empty your mind, and listen. If you notice yourself thinking about your own past, refocus your attention on what he is saying. If you’re tempted to suggest solutions, remind yourself that actively listening is your goal.

To show your intent to understand, briefly summarize what you think you heard. After that person’s reply, summarize again.

Listening in this way not only shows that you care—it also invites the person to clarify his own thoughts and feelings, often leading to helpful insights. Perhaps the initial “problem” is something else entirely.

For example, if a friend tells you she’s worried about losing her job because her boss constantly criticizes her, tune in, breathe, and resist the urge to tell your own tale about a bad boss. Then paraphrase her words: “It sounds like you get a lot of negative responses from him.” Your friend replies, “Well, it’s not really criticism. It’s just that he has such high expectations.” Then you summarize (without giving advice), “Hmmm, high expectations. Tell me more about those high expectations.”

Responding in these ways elicits her feelings and encourages more detail, allowing both of you to explore the problem before seeking positive ways to address it.

Try It Out!

 1.  Select a friend or coworker who’s easy to talk to, and plan a 15-minute conversation without interruption.

 2.  You may want to begin by explaining that you’re working on your listening skills and reassure the person you have only good intentions—to understand what they say.

 3.  Ask the person to begin talking about something happening in their life. Listen intently while resisting your urge to break in with your own experiences or solutions.

 4.  When the person stops, pause to see if they’ve finished talking and take a moment to prepare your response. Select the most important parts of what was said and summarize one of them in your own words—for example, “So, you said (fill in blank). Tell me more about that” or “You mentioned the word (fill in blank). What does that mean to you?” TIP: If you’re talking less, and they’re talking more, then you’re doing great!

 5.  If it seems acceptable to the other person, at the end of the conversation, ask how it felt to be listened to this way.

Make It A Habit

In your everyday interactions, make a conscious effort to listen carefully to others and paraphrase what you heard. Withhold your own thoughts and reactions until you fully comprehend the other person’s position or experience. You will be amazed by the good will you create (and what you learn about the other person!)

Gigi Langer

Gigi Langer holds a PhD in Psychological Studies in Education from Stanford University. She is an acclaimed teacher, author, and speaker who has helped thousands improve their lives at home and work. Gigi hasn’t had a drug or drink for over 30 years, although she does occasionally overindulge in Ghirardelli chocolate and historical novels. She lives happily in Michigan with her husband, Peter and her cat, Murphy.

Meet My Buddy, Harriet Hunter

Harriet Hunter and I met online through a FaceBook group for writers. We hit it off immediately and began to exchange e-mails and encourage one another.

You see, we were each about to launch our books. And we couldn’t stand the excitement! I offered to do an advance review of “Miracles of Recovery,” and my glowing words now appear on the back cover!

This book is a wonderful gift for anyone in recovery.

I read it every day.

If you’d like a sample, listen to the recording below as Harriet Hunter reads “The Gift of Faith.”

I know you’ll love her infectious enthusiasm for life.

To get more wonderful blogs and daily recordings, go to HarrietHunter.org and sign up!

https://soundcloud.com/harriet-hunter-826173182/october-14-practicing-faith?fbclid=IwAR1UyGuUzmkZE5G_8NE9WXNilAEAgKJx9ZQEYUsdAlsLxa0lmzMRJsBeywY

One day, Harriet emailed me about a book fair she was attending about three hours from me. We decided to share a table to showcase our books. We had never met face-to-face until that weekend, and we became fast friends immediately!

Get to know Harriet through her wonderful website, HarrietHunter.org She’s a star!

Sisters are the Best!

This blog post is a bit late because I had the most wonderful week with my sisters and a good friend. They flew in last Monday from D.C. and Texas to stay with me. (Peter–wisely–escaped on a short trip out of town!)

It was so much fun to share with them the wonders of southeast Michigan! First we went to Ann Arbor, one of the premier college towns in the country. We had fun visiting the campus and shopping downtown. After a leisurely lunch, we came home and watched the Nationals beat the Brewers. Lots of baseball fans in my family!

On Wednesday we toured the revitalized city of Detroit. The Motown Museum was totally worth the low cost and we had an awesome guide for the one-hour tour. (If you go, you must have reservations). Woodward Avenue is so gorgeous now! My sisters had to check out the Shinola watch store in the beautifully renovated Shinola hotel. We finished the day at the famous Slow’s Barbecue in the Corktown. Yum!

On rainy Thursday, we had brunch at Anna’s House Restaurant and went to see the movie “Judy.” Our mom had been a great fan, so we had to see the bittersweet story of Judy Garland’s last years. Peter came back to town and joined us for dinner at Moro’s, a genteel Italian restaurant near Dearborn. Friday saw my sisters leaving, and I sure do miss them now.

There is nothing like sisters! But what if you don’t have any, or if you’re estranged? Well, there’s a simple solution: adopt them! Those of us in 12-Step programs have it easy with sponsors, sponsees, and recovering friends. But, most groups of like-minded people will bring you rich, caring relationships that can be counted on.

Let me know about the “sisters” you’ve discovered and the fun things you’ve done together. I’d love to hear…

PS: You may know that the Audiobook for Worry Less Now is available from Amazon, Audible, and i-tunes. Use this link to purchase it Adbl.co/2MqkjVL Be sure to get the comprehensive PDF/Workbook that comes with it.

ALSO, if you or someone you know has a blog related to recovery, audiobooks, or wellness, please refer them to my blog tour. They’ll get a free audiobook, the PDF, and a chance to win 2 Skype sessions with me. Registration closes Oct. 15. Click here

The Audiobook that Almost Wasn’t and How Meditation Saved the Day

I’m so pleased to announce that the audiobook of 50 Ways to Worry Less Now is now available! Get it from Audible, Amazon, or i-tunes!

Did you know that 50 Ways to Worry Less Now almost didn’t exist?

After I stated my intent to write this book, I experienced a period of turmoil and resistance. My whispered lies seemed to wake up and say, “What? This can’t be! There’s no way you’re going do that!” “You can’t get this honest about your life; people will think you’re neurotic,” and “You can’t handle it if people criticize you.”

Suddenly, I found myself unable to write.

A quote from Goethe sums up the coincidences that followed soon after: “The moment one definitely commits oneself, then providence moves too. All sorts of things occur to help one that would never otherwise have occurred.”

So, how did “providence” move me forward? I discovered a new tool that helped me write from my heart: Meditation.

Despite knowing about the many benefits of meditation, I had never been able to get the hang of it. I just couldn’t quiet my incessant thinking long enough to feel successful.

Here’s how providence let me know it was time to learn this valuable skill:

  • While at lunch with my friend Chris, who had just completed her first book, I shared my fears about my writing. She told me how meditating had calmed her mind and given her a connection to a source of wise guidance in her work.
  • Soon after, I made a new friend, Mara, who meditates for twenty minutes twice a day. I became envious of her unflappable sense of peace.
  • Later that month, a woman in my book club mentioned she recently began meditating as part of her treatment for shingles, and had not had an episode since.
  • After spontaneously deciding to attend a women’s retreat, I found that the topic was meditation! As the weekend progressed, I began to believe I could actually adopt this helpful practice.
  • Soon after the retreat, a friend asked me to join her for Deepak Chopra and Oprah Winfrey’s 21-day online meditation challenge.

At that point, I looked up to the heavens, and said, “Okay, Okay!” and began to meditate most mornings. Within a few years, I had a solid first draft of this book. A few years later, in early 2018, I published the paperback and e-book.

Last year, when I went to the bank to set up a checking account for my new business, I mentioned to the gentleman that I had just written a book. He replied, “Can I get it as an audiobook? That’s all I listen to.” Wow! Was I ever surprised.

So, last fall, I began the process of learning all about creating an audiobook. You can see my journey in YouTube videos number one; two; three, four, five, and an overview in this Blog. The final video celebrating the completion of the audiobook is here.

So, how does meditation fit into my life today? I find if I skip my morning meditation, I have less serenity and bravery to deal with my challenges.

For example, I recently began my day by reading many emails about a committee I’m on. When I later went to my desk to piece together some new ideas for a workshop, I noticed I was tense and couldn’t find the right ideas. I then stopped, asked myself, “What’s wrong?” and remembered I had neglected to meditate.

Instead of criticizing myself, I gave myself kudos for noticing my tension. Recalling that it’ s never too late to start a day over, I did just that. As I entered the stillness, I could almost hear my body saying, “OK, the wise one is driving the bus now. We can stop the high alert.” I received a wondrous result: I found the exact inspiration I had been seeking.

So, if you have a dream you’d like to pursue, try adding meditation to your daily routine. I like Insight Timer‘s guided meditations. They’re free and address a variety of topics.

Give it a try and let providence show you what’s really in your heart to contribute to the world!

Gigi Langer

Gigi Langer holds a PhD in Psychological Studies in Education from Stanford University. She is an acclaimed teacher, author, and speaker who has helped thousands improve their lives at home and work. Gigi hasn’t had a drug or drink for over 30 years, although she does occasionally overindulge in Ghirardelli chocolate and historical novels. She lives happily in Michigan with her husband, Peter and her cat, Murphy.