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December 21, 2018December 21, 2018

THE BEST GIFT OF ALL: COURAGE!

I don’t know about you, but when I face a big challenge, I need time to muster the courage to begin. Since I’ve taken on so many things that initially scared the crap out of me, I’ve learned to accept my initial doubts as part of the process, and then work my way through them until my courage returns.

You may remember I wrote that I would begin recording my audio book of 50 Ways to Worry Less Now on December 5. Well, technically, I DID begin, but that involved 2 weeks of dealing with my fears!

During that time, my negativity whispered to me, “It’s too much work! It’s too technical! You won’t be able to do it! It’s going to cost a fortune anyway!” I’m so familiar with such fears, I went into my “gain courage” mode with the following actions.

Attended spiritually-based meetings (e.g., A Course in Miracles and 12-Step groups).
Stepped up my prayer and meditation practice.
Posted an affirmation on my bathroom mirror: “I create a wonderful audio book in a wonderful way; I offer wonderful service for wonderful pay.”
Met with my spiritual advisor to share my concerns and gain a new perspective.
Asked my support team (that includes you!) to visualize me holding a completed and successful audio book.
Listened to expert advice about how to create an audio book, and kept telling myself, “You can do this.”
Set up my new microphone in a prominent place so I could “make friends” with it.
Forgave myself for my impatience and irritability while I waited for sufficient courage to begin the project.
Enjoyed golf, spending time with my husband and friends, and going to the pool.

A week ago, when I texted my niece to wish her a happy 17^th birthday, I included a few things about our holiday plans and my desire to make an audio book. She replied, “I’m really excited you’re recording an audio book. You should film the process on your phone so we can see. I have always wanted to see what it is like to do that!”

Boom! The turning point had arrived! My niece’s words ignited my enthusiasm and I immediately made a 5-minute video sharing how I connected my microphone and loaded the recording software. It was so much fun! In the next few days, I recorded two more episodes showing all the materials I was studying and how I made my first recording. Now I’m pausing during the holidays while I prepare the manuscript for reading and practice my narrating skills.

In the meantime, here are my videos! Disclaimer from a former perfectionist: I’ll get (a little) better at videos, but my main focus is getting the audio book done; so videos aren’t polished.

Thank you for sharing the journey with me. It’s a lot more fun with buddies who follow along, and I’ve already gotten some good suggestions for making audio books. If you have any tips, please send them along.

Finally, I’m wishing to all who celebrate Christmas: Have a wonderful holiday. And my hope for all of us: A happy and joyous New Year!

Gigi Langer has been clean and sober for 32 years, and holds a PhD in Psychological Studies in Education from Stanford University. She’s a sought-after speaker and retreat leader who has helped thousands improve their lives at work and at home. Her new book is available from Amazon, and in various formats here .

October 25, 2018

14 WAYS TO FIX YOUR BAD MOOD

GOT A (*?!@&) ATTITUDE? At this time of shorter days, low-pressure fronts, and colder temps, it’s all too easy to get caught up in negativity. Even though I just wrote a book about worrying less, it doesn’t mean I’m never in a bad mood. It just means I have effective tools to change it.

Here I share a few of my favorite ones.

Recently I’ve been upset by some not-so-gently-delivered criticism, a loved-one’s illness, and a bad reaction to some medicine. When such things appear to “go wrong,” my ego claims, “This shouldn’t be happening!! Let’s figure out how to change it!” Then the overthinking begins — and peace is lost. It might take a while to admit that I’m focusing only on what I don’t like. But eventually, I realize that I need to do something to restore my peace of mind.

In this case, I did a guided meditation, made a gratitude list, and took a short walk. My bad mood vanished! Here are more of my favorite ways to turn around a negative attitude.

14 Ways to Fix a Bad Mood

1. Check to be sure you’ve eaten well and rested well. If you haven’t, take better care of yourself. Avoid over-work, over eating, over-drinking, and drugs.

2. List five things you’re grateful for. Do this every day without repeating any item.

3. Meditate and/or pray. Use the free app, Insight Timer or other tools. Do this every day for at least ten minutes.

4. Exercise, walk, or do yoga. These activities are proven to increase positive brain chemicals and feelings.

5. Do something nice for someone. Smile at a stranger, compliment a server, or send a friend a loving note.

6. Listen to uplifting music or podcasts/radio; read inspiring books or blogs; or watch a positive movie (I loved “Won’t You Be My Neighbor?” about Mr Rogers).

7. Talk with a healthy, supportive friend who has a positive attitude toward the world.

8. Give yourself permission to turn off negative TV or radio broadcasts. Also avoid extended time with negative people.

9. Avoid gossip and look for the strengths, rather than the faults, in the people around you.

10. Stop using the words “should” and “ought.” Cultivate the habit of humility—admit that you don’t know everything and just let some mysteries be.

11. Imagine that someone you love is feeling the way you are. Then say to yourself what you would say to comfort that person. (Self compassion: See Kristin Neff).

12. Know that your thoughts and feelings do not define who you are; that you have a choice about what fills your mind. Slowly breathe in goodness and breathe out negativity. Keep doing this until your body and mind calm down.

13. Write down your thoughts and feelings and see which ones are really true. Are they permanent? Is there another way to look at the things that bother you? Circle the ones you know are untrue and turn them around (to learn how, see “The Work” by Byron Katie)

14. When in a conflict, WAIT a day or two before acting. Use the techniques here to calm down and find peace. Do not try to change minds or resolve conflicts through any electronic means. Face-to-face communication is best for relationships you value (yes, it takes courage to listen and share).

I’m so grateful that, once I decide to fix my bad mood, I have the tools to do so. And they work! Ahhhh . . . I feel such peace!

Gigi Langer is the former “Queen of Worry” who holds an MA in Psychology and PhD in Psychological Studies in Education from Stanford University. She is a popular speaker who has helped thousands of people improve their lives at home and work. Gigi hasn’t had a drug or drink for over 30 years, and lives happily in Michigan with her husband, Peter and her cat, Murphy.

For specific tools to overcome negativity and worry, check out my award-winning book “50 Ways to Worry Less Now: Reject Negative Thinking to Find Peace, Clarity, and Connection.”

July 22, 2018July 23, 2018

You ARE Worthy of Love!

When I finally got honest about my addictions and began working a recovery program, I discovered the main whispered lie behind my self-destruction: “You are not lovable.”

Perhaps this single belief—that we are not worthy of love—haunts every one of us at some point.

My unconscious response to this belief was to try with all my might to show everyone, including myself, that I was worthy of love.

I spent many years inventing a “perfect self” by observing and imitating others who seemed to have the attention I so craved.

My therapist called this strategy the zero-sum game: When I observed and judged myself as less than someone else, I gave myself a minus 1. When I saw myself as better than someone else, I gave myself a plus 1. The sum of these two numbers is zero. Nobody wins.

In high school, I compared myself with the popular girls, judged myself as unworthy, and then began to imitate them. When they finally accepted me, I felt superior to the less popular girls (plus 1). When I got a good grade, I was on top of the world (plus 1). But when I received a low grade or criticism, I was devastated (minus 1).

Comparing myself to others set me up for a lifetime of debilitating perfectionism, one of my most painful survival strategies.

One might say I became an egotist with an inferiority complex. I went back and forth between seeing myself as either the scum of the earth or far above others. There was no middle ground.

Why do we try so hard to create this invented self? Those of us who grew up in troubled homes concluded, “If my caregivers don’t give me love, then surely I’m not worthy of it.” To prove them wrong, I set out to convince the world that I was lovable.

The irony is that the “impostor-self” doesn’t bring long-term security or contentment. In fact, it plays havoc with relationships, practically guaranteeing their failure. Since I believed my partner loved the person I was pretending to be, I was afraid if he knew who I really was, he’d take one look and run in the opposite direction!

Even more damaging, this illusion kept me from knowing the truth of who I am: a beloved, perfect, child of God / Universe / Spirit.

How do we discover our lovable self? Since I had been abused and had used sex to attract “love,” I felt impure and sinful. Deep down, I thought I wasn’t worthy of love. After years of therapy, recovery, and sexual healing groups, my gifted therapist said to me, “We’ve done everything we can through talk-therapy; now it’s time for energy healing.”

At my first session, the energy practitioner placed her hands on my head as I reclined with my arms and feet crossed. Then she asked me to repeat, “All parts of me are pure, innocent, and sinless.” After a few minutes, I felt a tingling sensation as I felt layers of negativity and shame being lifted out of my body. At the end of my second session, I left feeling lighter and free of a great weight. I was told to continue saying that affirmation.

Other energy healers have taught me tapping routines, and I use a wide variety of other cognitive and spiritual techniques to replace negative with positive self-talk. Most of those tools appear in my new book, 50 Ways to Worry Less Now: Reject Negative Thinking to Find Peace, Clarity, and Connection.

Today, I know I am worthy of love. You too can come to believe these truths:

You are a uniquely created and purely good being.
Your essence—your true self—is a spirit of love and care.
Your own worth is established by God / Universe / Love.
Whatever isn’t good or pure is associated with your human experience on earth, not with your spirit.
Whatever may have happened in your life, it does not override the truth of who you are in spirit.

I’ll close with a few words from my favorite Taylor Swift song, “Innocent.” Video here. Complete lyrics here .

“Did some things you can’t speak of; But at night you live it all again; Who you are is not what you did; You’re still an innocent. Every one of us has messed up too. Minds change like the weather; I hope you remember: Today is never too late to be brand new.”

Gigi Langer is a former “Queen of Worry.” She’s also an educator, speaker, and author of 50 Ways to Worry Less Now, winner of the 2018 Indie Excellence Award. Learn to defeat negative thinking, find inner peace, attain clarity, and improve relationships–no matter what is going on in your life! Available through Amazon (5 stars), Barnes and Noble, and e-book sites.

Langer holds a PhD in Psychological Studies in Education and an MA in Psychology, both from Stanford. As Georgea M. Langer, she’s published several books for teachers and school administrators.

June 23, 2018July 9, 2018

10 Ways to Be Positive, Like Snoopy!

Want to Be Positive, Like Snoopy and Charlie Brown???

Get over your negative habits so you can be a happy, positive force in your family, work, and world. Here are some simple ways:

Change “I can’t . . .” to → “Up until now I couldn’t . . .”
Change “I always . . .“ to → “In the past I used to . . .”
Don’t read email first thing in the morning. Instead, meditate, read inspiring words, journal, or pray. (One of my favorites is below.)
Avoid criticism and gossip. Instead look for what’s strong, positive & good about a person or situation.
Resist saying or thinking: “You should.” and “He should (or ought)”. Instead admit that you may not know best & even if you did, it’s not your job to change others.
Avoid excessive drinking or drugging that’s harming your relationships, health, or safety. Instead, get into a recovery program or therapy.
Be a considerate listener. When listening to another, don’t think of what you’ll say next & then respond with your own story or advice. Instead, listen with all of your mind & heart. Try to understand what the person is saying by asking for clarification, e.g., “ You mentioned (…). Tell me more about that. What was that like for you?” Listen & then probe for more detail. Talk less. Listen more.
Offer smiles & random acts of kindness to neighbors, acquaintances, and strangers. You’ll feel great and so will they!
Use the Loving-Kindness Practice often. Buddhists call this practice metta; it calms your mind, opens your heart to goodness and love, and helps you know the positive power within your true self. The practice also asks for the healing of your fears, worries, and negative thinking so you can serve others’ growth.

a. Read the words aloud, pause, and then read them again.

“May I be at peace. May my heart remain open.

May I awaken to the light of my own true nature.

May I be healed. May I be a source of healing for all beings.”

b. With one or more of your loved ones in mind, say the prayer again changing I to you: “May you be at peace. May your heart . . .”

c. Next, change you to we: “May we be at peace . . .”

d. Now, think of a person who is causing you worry, frustration, or pain. Use the “May you . . .” version of the prayer for this person.

Whenever you want to change a negative thought to a positive one, repeat the phrases of loving-kindness and notice how you begin to respond differently: Patient, kind, and positive!

10. For more ideas about becoming more positive, see my award-winning book, 50 Ways to Worry Less Now (Amazon, Barnes & Noble, & e-book vendors) and the blog on this site.

Worry Less Now; Gigi Langer — From me to you!

Gigi Langer, PhD has helped thousands of people improve their lives at home and at work. She’s written several books for educators, and is a sought-after speaker and workshop leader. Gigi holds a doctorate in Psychology in Education, and an MA in Psychology, both from Stanford.

Gigi Langer

Worry Less Now!

Tag: worry less now

THE BEST GIFT OF ALL: COURAGE!

14 WAYS TO FIX YOUR BAD MOOD

You ARE Worthy of Love!

10 Ways to Be Positive, Like Snoopy!

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