Grievances–grudges, judgment, criticism, resentment, blame, disapproval, or attackāblock us from happiness and serenity.
āWell I donāt DO those things,ā
You might think this, and youāre probably right. But what about the condemning attitudes living in our minds? Can any of us say we donāt constantly judge othersā words and actions? Of course we do.
It sounds like this: āIf I were him, I wouldnāt do that.ā āWhy canāt she just get along with us? Whatās wrong with her?ā āThey should not be doing that; theyāre corrupt.ā
The Problem with Grievances
Even though such statements seem true, the problem is that weāre focusing on the negative rather than the positive.
When we choose to hold a grievance, we canāt see the other personās true selfāthe purity of their spirit. Further, if we canāt see the goodness in them, we canāt claim it for ourselves. What we send out to others comes back to us; itās that simple.
Many of us deny our own negativity by numbing ourselves with substances or other unhealthy habitsāa dead end to positive growth. Even those trying to be more positive still struggle with inherent dark thoughts. I certainly do.
The good news is that Iāve found so many ways to escape my mindās tendency to criticize and judge. You can find them in my book, āWorry Less Now,ā and in my blog.
How to Overcome A Grievance
Hereās a technique that showed up today as I read Lesson 78, āLet miracles replace all grievances,ā from A Course in Miracles. First I was to recall all my negative thoughts about an important person in my life: what that person had done, their āweaknesses,ā and other offenses. Then I was to ask spirit to help me see him through the eyes of loveāāLet your mind be shown the light in him beyond your grievances.ā Then it suggested that I thank this person for prompting my negativity and discomfort so that I could release it and be peaceful and happy.
I just did the exercise as directed. As I chose to focus on the perfection of this personās spirit rather than the images my mind had conjured, I found a deep peace creep over me. I could hardly remember what I thought was āwrong,ā and I felt a loving connection with the person. As a result, I felt the light of spirit growing in myself.
The miracle of replacing fear with love had occurred. Amen.
I would love to hear from you: What gets in the way of your serenity? How do you overcome grievances or grudges?
Gigi Langer has been clean and sober for 33 years, and holds a PhD in Psychological Studies in Education from Stanford University. Sheās a sought-after speaker and retreat leader who has helped thousands improve their lives at work and at home.
Read her blog here or order her award-winning book (50 Ways to Worry Less Now) from Barnes and Noble, Amazon (5 stars), and all e-book vendors.
What would 2019 be like if we let go of all complaints and resentments? If we could admit that perhaps weāre not always right, and released the wounds and conflicts of the past? What if, when we thought of a person we didnāt like, we refused to gossip, criticize, or hate?
Peace, Clarity, and Connection.Ā Ā 5-stars on Amazon. Use ā20lessnowā codeĀ 