According to the Mayo Clinic, people who worry less have better physical health, lower risks of stroke or heart disease, and higher overall survival rates. They also have better emotional health, less depression, more harmonious relationships, and are more equipped to solve lifeâs problems.
We all want such benefits, right? But weâve got to stop worrying so much! FIND YOUR PERSONAL WORRY SCORE AND HELPFUL HINTS BY CLICKING THIS LINK
For example:
According to Fred Luskin, director of the Stanford University Forgiveness Project, these “shoulds” are examples of unenforceable rules: They demand an outcome you believe must come true, but over which you have no control. Such inflexible beliefs make us helpless, angry, hurt, hopeless or bitter.
Although holding an unenforceable rule may feel good–even noble–it doesnât mean you can make it happen. In the first example, the daughter should stop using drugs, but no matter how persuasive the motherâs arguments, she doesnât have the power to make her daughter stop.
The mother does, however, have control over her own choices and behavior. She can seek help from a therapist or Al-Anon, and claim a positive power to work in the situation. Then she might choose a goal for how she wants to act and feel, detach from the result, and use growth tools for her own peace of mind, regardless of her daughterâs choices.
One of my own unenforceable rules became clear as I was writing this book. When my mother passed away, I found it difficult to write and became discouraged by my lack of progress.
When I honestly faced the belief that I must complete the book by a certain date, I became willing to see it differently. After using Tool 6, Is It True? I turned my whispered lie around to âI will finish writing the book at the perfect time.â In turn, I became more flexible and kinder with myself.
The essence of happiness is peacefully allowing life to unfold. Nothing becomes a live-or-die situation because you know your loving power is working things out, with results that may far surpass your greatest hopes.
(Excerpt taken from page 56-57 of Gigi Langerâs award-winning book, 50 Ways to Worry Less Now)
Gigi Langer holds a PhD in Psychological Studies in Education from Stanford University. She is a seasoned author and popular speaker who has helped thousands of people improve their lives at home and work. Gigi hasnât had a drug or drink for over 30 years, although she does occasionally overindulge in Ghirardelli chocolate and historical novels.
Her book, 50 Ways to Worry Less Now (available HERE in paperback, e-book, & audiobook) has gained rave reviews (4.8 on Amazon) and a publishing award.
By Guest Blogger, Rebecca Lombardo
Many people have asked my husband and me how weâve stayed together for so long with my mental illness looming overhead.
Itâs a fair question; I know many couples that have ended up divorcing because one or the other couldnât handle the added pressure of mental illness. I think in our case, that added element of pressure only made our marriage stronger.
I donât doubt that some people with depression or anxiety say to themselves, âI can barely take care of myself during a bout of depression; how am I supposed to worry about someone else?â To that I say, âI understand, and Iâve been there,â because I was diagnosed nearly 25 years ago.
I know from experience that when you stick together during the bad times, the good times are so much sweeter. On the day we got married, my husband said, âWell, youâre stuck with me now.â But I didnât always make it easy for him.
Of course, at the beginning we struggled. We struggled a great deal, but we knew that we loved each other enough to keep working on the relationship.
If you truly love your spouse, you can gather enough strength to show you care for them, even when you donât even have the energy to get out of bed.
Itâs essential that your partner be made aware of what youâre going through. You canât just shut down and isolate. The next time you go looking for their support, they may not be there because youâve made them feel alienated.
Once I learned to utilize the seven methods listed below, we began to communicate better, even in the darkest of times. For many, these techniques may be common sense, but for those of us with a mental illness, sometimes we need to get out of our own way and just focus on the basics..
Iâm not suggesting that you jump into the list with both feet. Take your time and find what works best for you and your spouse.
I hope youâll consider trying a couple of these the next time you feel like youâre sinking into a depressive episode.
You can have a strong relationship with a solid structure while enduring mental illness. It doesnât have to be a struggle.
Believe me when I tell you that having a stable partnership takes one of the heaviest loads off your back in a dark time. Suffering through depression is exhausting enough, but knowing that your relationship is falling apart around you makes it ten times harder.
Do yourself a favor and just try. You have nothing to lose and everything to gain.
Rebecca Lombardo is the author of “It’s Not Your Journey” where she details two years of her twenty-five year battle with mental illness. As she recovered from an attempt to take her life, she wrote the book to purge her pain and raw emotions. Rebecca offers the reader support and guidance as she begs them not to follow her path.
Rebecca and Joe Lombardo host a podcast, Voices for Change 2.0, Live on Saturdays. Learn more about Rebecca at www.rebeccalombardo.com allthatwax2019.scentsy.us Tw: @BekaLombardo
Do you have a voice in your head that incessantly whispers lies of impending doom or replays past events in the hope of changing them?
It might sound like this: âI alwaysâŚ(fail, am rejected, sabotage my success)â OR âIf only he or she would (fill in the blank), we would all be okay.â
Although I used to hear this voice often, over the years I’ve learned to turn such negative thoughts into positive ones. Here are a few tips that might help you do the same.
As you refuse to believe the fearful voice in your head, sooner or later the answers to your troubles will appear in the most amazing way and for the best of all involved.
HOW DO YOU CALM YOUR OWN NEGATIVE THOUGHTS? I’d love to hear from you!
GIGI LANGER is the former “Queen of Worry” whose award-winning book, 50 Ways to Worry Less Now, rates 4.7 stars on Amazon. She holds a PhD from Stanford University in Psychology in Education.
Receive monthly updates and helpful tips from Gigi