So many of us are afraid there’s something deep down inside us that is essentially bad. Even worse, we think if we uncover it (for example in therapy), we’ll fall apart.
Whether it’s an old wound, family dysfunction, trauma, shame, or guilt, we mistakenly believe that we just can’t handle looking at it. Better to leave it there, undisturbed.
Unfortunately, burying such wounds–or just blaming our unhappiness on them–gets us nowhere.
In fact, many engage in vigorous denial by staying busy with work, shopping, eating, gambling, or substance abuse. Others just fall ill, as if being eaten away by the hidden misdeeds.
Anything will do to distract us from that deluge of awful feelings and shame, waiting deep inside us to break free.
Here I talk briefly how this fear did not come true for me–and, trust me, there was some pretty awful stuff down in there. But, the pain did not come gushing out all at once. Rather, my healing occurred in layers, guided by healthy friends and a higher power.
Hear more about it here.
Get Gigi’s book, 50 Ways to Worry Less Now HERE in paperback, e-book, aor udiobook). It has received a national award and rave reviews (4.8 on Amazon).
Gigi Langer holds a PhD in Psychological Studies in Education from Stanford University. She is a seasoned author and popular speaker who has helped thousands of people improve their lives at home and work. Gigi hasnât had a drug or drink for over 30 years, although she does occasionally overindulge in Ghirardelli chocolate and historical novels. She lives in Florida with her husband, Peter, and her cat, Murphy.
– The 30 Day Challenge â Struggling to stay sober? Try it for 30 days, this time with support from a sober friend, me.
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In 50 Ways to Worry Less Now, Gigi Langer shares her personal journey as a prisoner of fear, worry, and substance abuse, along with practical techniques anyone can use. Award-winner with rave reviews: Amazon 4.8 stars. Get special offers on the paperback, e-book, and audiobook HERE.
Gigi Langer has been sober 34 years, and holds a PhD in Psychological Studies in Education from Stanford University. Formerly crowned the âQueen of Worry,â Gigi resigned her post many years ago and now lives happily in Michigan with her husband, Peter and her cat, Murphy.
By the time I was 36, I lived in a self-created jail of fear and worry. I was more miserable than Iâd ever been. Little did I know that I suffered from a subtle case of un-diagnosed alcoholism.
The First Crack in My Denial
Of course I was in denial; arenât we all until weâre forced to face the problem?
But denial, when held onto for too long, can keep us from facing up to and taking responsibility for our problems.
Jane Stallings, my mentor and employer in grad school, was the first to break through my denial. At the time, I was living with John, one of several men I had either married or lived with during the past 15 years. We met almost every night at a bar, drink a few beers, and then went home, got high, and made love to the sounds of Mozart or Sibelius.
This seemed like normal behavior to me, but not to Jane. She would often phone me in the evening about some work detail and find me less than coherent. She had also witnessed my bawdy behavior as John and I drank heavily at one of her dinner parties.
A few weeks after that party, Jane gently said, âYou are such a talented woman and yet thereâs a piece in there thatâs just . . . I donât know, just not quite . . . â I canât recall her next words, but hereâs what I heard: âThereâs a part of you thatâs broken, and it shows.â
Janeâs comment that day pierced my illusion that attracting men, earning good grades, and being well liked were hiding my problems. But I wasnât yet ready to give up the fight.
Not Ready Yet
Later, Jane introduced me to Don, who would become my third husband. We fell in love quickly, and I moved to his home in Michigan to complete my dissertation. From the very beginning, I tried to act exactly how I felt he wanted me to–no over-drinking or pot.
After a year of living in this emotional pressure cooker, Iâd had enough. I walked into my favorite tavern and chose a seat. Shafts of sunlight pierced the blinds the same way they had at my regular bar at Stanford. When a couple of guys in business suits sat near me, our small talk soon escalated into flirtation.
 I called home and told Don I was out with some of my students. Then I left with the guy Iâd picked up. We went to buy cocaine, drove to his home, and had sex. Only through good fortune did I make it home safely at 2:00 a.m. I told my husband more lies the next morning to cover up my misadventures.
The Final Straw
At that point, I admitted that something was seriously wrong, and sought therapy. When the counselor said I was in the early stages of alcoholism, I foolishly thought with relief, âThatâs not too bad.â He then suggested I have two drinks, no more and no less, each day, and take note of my behavior.
After a few months, I realized that sometimes I could stop after two drinks; but on other occasions, I would continue drinking, find drugs or go home with a stranger, and cover up my actions with lies.
When I honestly admitted that after just one drink or drug, I couldnât predict what I would do, I accepted that I needed to stop drinking.
I walked into my first Twelve-Step meeting one month before my thirty-eighth birthday. Ever since, Iâve been clean and sober through the support of several healthy recovering women. And my dream of being happily married has come true; my fourth husband and I recently celebrated our 30th anniversary!
Your Honesty
Trust me, if youâre life isnât working, if your relationships are awful, if you grew up in a dysfunctional family, if youâre a perfectionist, chances are that alcohol has been promising you relief while robbing you of an honest, happy life.
Don’t let denial get in the way. Take a long look in the mirror. Youâre the only one who can do something about it.
In 50 Ways to Worry Less Now, Gigi shares her personal journey as a prisoner of fear, worry, and substance abuse, along with practical techniques anyone can use. Award-winner with rave reviews: Amazon 4.8 stars.
Get special offers on the paperback, e-book, and audiobook HERE.
Gigi Langer has been sober 34 years, and holds a PhD in Psychological Studies in Education from Stanford University. Formerly crowned the âQueen of Worry,â Gigi resigned her post many years ago and now lives happily in Michigan with her husband, Peter and her cat, Murphy.
Elizabeth L. âBizzyâ Chance, CRS, is the founder and owner of Busy Living SoberTM, a network dedicated to bringing addiction out of the shadows and educating society that addiction is a disease, not who you are. She is a leading expert in the field of recovery management, widely known for her work as a consultant, family coach, and her social media presence.
Elizabeth earned her certification as a Certified Recovery Specialist (CRS) from the state of Pennsylvania. She is a graduate of George Washington University with a degree in communications, and her work experience includes time at QVC and CBS Television.
Elizabeth is in long-term recovery herself over a decade. Hence, she feels able to form a compassionate and meaningful bond with addicts. She has always gravitated towards anyone new to recovery because of her own personal story, which gives her an innate sense for helping them achieve and maintain recovery.
Busy Living SoberTM is to eliminate the shame of addiction through open and honest communication.
Elizabeth currently resides in Wayne, Pennsylvania with her husband and three teenage children.
“The definition of addiction is the inability to control oneâs use over a substance.â
