Recently, he talked with four of us about how our spiritual practices have helped us during the COVID epidemic. You’ll love listening to Frank’s Christ-centered approach, Raymond’s insights and speaking career, and how Brad was saved from a disastrous decision about his fitness business.
It’s a fascinating group, all led by Freddie’s infectious humor and wisdom. Thank you, Freddie for creating this wonderful podcast! Learn more about Freddie’s fabulous books, blog, and addiction counseling at freddie.org.za/ Twitter: @RensburgFreddie
Overcoming Anxiety and Childhood Trauma “PTSD And Beyond” Podcast with Dr. Deb Lindh
I loved getting to know Dr. Deb, as we discovered that we both were at Eastern Michigan University, but not at the same time! Then we shared about growing out of the childhood trauma.
In our one-on-one interview, we discussed the characteristics of adults from dysfunctional families, and how substance abuse, codependency, and sexual compulsions manifest in people with PTSD. Finally, we explored our favorite tools for healing old wounds so we can make healthier choices in our lives.
Much thanks to Deb for this great podcast! Learn more about Dr. Deb’s PTSD coaching, workshops, online support chats, and her bestselling book (with Brian Tracy) on healing stress at drdeblindh.com/ Twitter: @PTSDandBeyond
Gigi Langer has been sober 34 years, and holds a PhD in Psychological Studies in Education from Stanford University. Formerly crowned the “Queen of Worry,” Gigi resigned her post many years ago and now lives happily in Michigan with her husband, Peter and her cat, Murphy.
In Worry Less Now, Gigi shares her personal journey as a prisoner of fear, worry, and substance abuse, along with practical techniques anyone can use. Award-winner with rave reviews: Amazon 4.8 stars.
Get special offers on the paperback, e-book, and audiobook HERE.
Harriet Hunter (Beth H.) is one of my favorite people! About two years ago, we met in a Facebook group for non-fiction authors, and we connected immediately. Since each of our books was about leading a peaceful, addiction-free life, we shared a tent at the 2019 Venice FL book fair. That’s where we were in this pic!
Here’s how my zany, creative, and big-hearted friend, Beth, describes her mission: “Using practical tools, principles and promises, I show others what continues to work for me, and how anyone can be free from the bondage of self, regardless of their situation. Employing a change of perception through the 12 Steps, the fellowship, and the village that is recovery is what propels us.” You’ll want to tune in to Harriet’s wise words in these ways:
PODCAST: Sundays 2 P.M. EST, “Miracles of Recovery“
BOOK: Miracles of Recovery: Daily Meditations of Hope, Courage, and Faith
“Miracles is for everyone: for those still in active recovery, sitting on the fence, contemplating whether to jump in or run. It is for the old-timer, and for the family and friends of alcoholics who, just like me, have suffered their own personal and agonizing hell because of our destructive activities, and who now find that they, too, are alone and lonely.”
Special offer now on Harriet’s award-winning daily meditations ($15 includes paperback + free e-book/PDF) Buy it HERE
ARTICLE “Turning Desperation and Fear into Miracles”
“As an alcoholic/addict still in so much pain from the loss of my family, I felt more alone than I had ever been. Each day, driving through eight states with prominent mountains and magnificent lakes, I wrote, and I cried. And through the pain, gratitude was born.” Read about Harriet’s journey from tragedy to hope as “Miracles of Recovery” came to be, Read it HERE
Gigi Langer holds a PhD in Psychological Studies in Education from Stanford University. Formerly crowned the “Queen of Worry,” Gigi resigned her post many years ago and now lives happily in Michigan with her husband, Peter and her cat, Murphy.
In Worry Less Now, Gigi shares her personal journey as a prisoner of fear, worry, and substance abuse, along with practical techniques. Amazon 4.8 stars. Find special offersHERE.
When our survival instincts for procreation, security, and community exceed their proper function, we want what others have, lust for sex and power, and become exceedingly angry when our demands aren’t met. (Bill Wilson) *
Many of us have valiantly tried to satisfy our overblown needs through our own efforts. For example, my selfish search for emotional security drove me to sick relationships, overwork, and manipulation. In the end, I hurt both myself and others.
So, how then do we grow out of the patterns that threaten our romantic life, safety, and productive relations? First, we must sincerely want to find a better way to live. Then, we look at our own part in our unhappiness, and take actions to become the person we want to be.
Most important, we find like-minded people to give us unselfish support as we come to trust a loving, protective power to fulfill our needs.
What’s the Problem with Exaggerated Needs?
We begin our journey by listing each survival instinct, along with the personal cost of trying to force the world to fulfill it. See if any of these needs and consequences apply to your life (add to the list, if you wish).
Unmet Emotional Needs cause low self-esteem, perfectionism, addiction, self-harm, anxiety
Threatened Material Security causes inflated ambition, dishonesty, overwork, worry, stress
Dysfunctional Social Relations result in codependency, prestige-seeking, competitiveness, gossip, failed relationships, conflict
Dishonest Sex Relations lead to promiscuity, disease, selfishness
Driven by fears of losing what we so desperately need, we may have been selfish, dishonest, and resentful. To free ourselves from these patterns, we write about the following questions and share our answers with a trusted person (therapist, clergy, sponsor, or spiritual advisor).
In what ways did I hurt others or myself,? Where was I . . .
Selfishly seeking my own security, social needs, or sexual gratification; and ignoring others’ feelings?
Dishonest with myself and others about my motives to satisfy my security, social relations, sex needs?
Fearful of not getting my needs met, and trying to control people and things so I could feel .more secure?
Resentful about my frustrated demands for security, social relations or sex?
This work helps us see the futility of expecting the world and others to fulfill our needs. No matter how hard we’ve tried, it just hasn’t worked, as it’s caused harm to ourselves and others. After sharing our shortcomings with a trusted confidant, we go to work to overcome our negative patterns.
If we’re addicts, alcoholics, workaholics, overeaters, gamblers, or regularly numb ourselves from life’s disappointments, we need help. In my case, I found a skilled therapist and the 12-step programs of AA, Al-Anon, and ACOA.
As I met with others who had faced similar challenges, I realized I wasn’t the only one confused about how to keep myself safe and secure; that everyone’s instincts caused them and others trouble.
I came to see my old hurtful actions as misguided attempts to fulfill my own needs. For example, in my alcoholic home, I decided, “If I’m perfect, everyone will like and admire me, and I won’t feel so alone and afraid.” I went on to get good grades, advanced degrees, and professional awards. Eventually, those efforts led to anxiety, alcoholism, drug addiction, chronic pain, and three divorces. Clearly, my attempt to ensure my own happiness was failing.
Loving Supportand Security
As I joined with healthy others, I found I was not uniquely bad; I had been merely a desperate mess. Many of my recovering friends had done worse things than I had, and they had become good, reliable, caring people. Perhaps, with help, I could be a better person too.
Through the loving care of others, I began to own my strengths. For example, through my people-pleasing, I developed social skills that had to be balanced with self-care and boundary-setting. Ditto with my perfectionism; I certainly knew how to work hard–an asset–but only when I combined it with adequate rest and self-forgiveness.
Being immersed in groups of happy people who are healing their lives led me to my own source of security–a power greater than my fears. I was relieved that no one pushed me to believe in their definition of a “higher power.” Eventually, with guidance from my sponsor, therapist, and other spiritual teachers, I began to trust in an ever-present love that fulfilled all my needs.
These days, I often take a quiet moment to connect with this benevolent, caring power. In times of trouble, however, when I’m afraid my needs couldn’t possibly be met, I rely on my healthy friends to stream that positive power into my life and mind.
Knowing that love is always available gives me great security, and I’m ever grateful for that.
Gigi Langer, a person in recovery, holds a Ph.D. in Psychological Studies in Education and an MA in Psychology from Stanford University. Through her writing, coaching, and speaking, Gigi has helped thousands of people improve their lives at home and at work. She lives in Michigan with her husband and Murphy, her cat.
Get Gigi’s new book, “50 Ways to Worry Less Now: Reject Negative Thinking.” Available in audio, e-book, and paperback (5 Stars on Amazon). Click HERE
“This book is a winner.” –Karen Casey, Bestselling Hazelden author
Before I got sober, I didn’t pray, unless you count uttering in desperation, “Help me!”
Even though I didn’t know what it meant, I memorized the Lord’s prayer, just to fit in at my best friend’s church.
** I had no idea that connecting regularly with a Higher Power (HP) could solve my troubles and fears. **
My favorite author, Karen Casey, writes: “(1) Prayer promises relief when we are anxious. (2) Prayer connects us with our Higher Power when we feel isolated and full of fear. (3) Prayer frees our minds from the obsession to plan other people’s lives. (4) Prayer helps us take action when we feel compelled to change the circumstances of our lives. (5) Prayer becomes a wonderful resource to draw on when living through our painful moments. (6) And prayer gives us the willingness to accept God’s solution for every problem that plagues us.” (from “A Life of My Own”)
My friends say that praying is asking, and meditation is listening to the God of our understanding. So, I meditate to gain all the wise direction I can get! (I also attend meetings, do service work, and read inspiring spiritual texts to keep myself balanced and stress-free).
** HOW DO YOU MAINTAIN YOUR CONSCIOUS CONTACT WITH YOUR HP?
Gigi Langer is a former teacher who quit drinking, only to find that her negative thinking, judging, and fears kept her in a cycle of worry, codependency, chronic pain, perfectionism, and overworking. Her award-winning book “50 Ways to Worry Less Now” (Amazon 4.8 stars) is available in paper, e-book, and audiobook. Honest, practical, simple. Relevant to anyone! GigiLanger.com/buy
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