Positive Thinking and Manifestation Archives - Page 9 of 9

July 22, 2018July 23, 2018

You ARE Worthy of Love!

When I finally got honest about my addictions and began working a recovery program, I discovered the main whispered lie behind my self-destruction: “You are not lovable.”

Perhaps this single belief—that we are not worthy of love—haunts every one of us at some point.

My unconscious response to this belief was to try with all my might to show everyone, including myself, that I was worthy of love.

I spent many years inventing a “perfect self” by observing and imitating others who seemed to have the attention I so craved.

My therapist called this strategy the zero-sum game: When I observed and judged myself as less than someone else, I gave myself a minus 1. When I saw myself as better than someone else, I gave myself a plus 1. The sum of these two numbers is zero. Nobody wins.

In high school, I compared myself with the popular girls, judged myself as unworthy, and then began to imitate them. When they finally accepted me, I felt superior to the less popular girls (plus 1). When I got a good grade, I was on top of the world (plus 1). But when I received a low grade or criticism, I was devastated (minus 1).

Comparing myself to others set me up for a lifetime of debilitating perfectionism, one of my most painful survival strategies.

One might say I became an egotist with an inferiority complex. I went back and forth between seeing myself as either the scum of the earth or far above others. There was no middle ground.

Why do we try so hard to create this invented self? Those of us who grew up in troubled homes concluded, “If my caregivers don’t give me love, then surely I’m not worthy of it.” To prove them wrong, I set out to convince the world that I was lovable.

The irony is that the “impostor-self” doesn’t bring long-term security or contentment. In fact, it plays havoc with relationships, practically guaranteeing their failure. Since I believed my partner loved the person I was pretending to be, I was afraid if he knew who I really was, he’d take one look and run in the opposite direction!

Even more damaging, this illusion kept me from knowing the truth of who I am: a beloved, perfect, child of God / Universe / Spirit.

How do we discover our lovable self? Since I had been abused and had used sex to attract “love,” I felt impure and sinful. Deep down, I thought I wasn’t worthy of love. After years of therapy, recovery, and sexual healing groups, my gifted therapist said to me, “We’ve done everything we can through talk-therapy; now it’s time for energy healing.”

At my first session, the energy practitioner placed her hands on my head as I reclined with my arms and feet crossed. Then she asked me to repeat, “All parts of me are pure, innocent, and sinless.” After a few minutes, I felt a tingling sensation as I felt layers of negativity and shame being lifted out of my body. At the end of my second session, I left feeling lighter and free of a great weight. I was told to continue saying that affirmation.

Other energy healers have taught me tapping routines, and I use a wide variety of other cognitive and spiritual techniques to replace negative with positive self-talk. Most of those tools appear in my new book, 50 Ways to Worry Less Now: Reject Negative Thinking to Find Peace, Clarity, and Connection.

Today, I know I am worthy of love. You too can come to believe these truths:

You are a uniquely created and purely good being.
Your essence—your true self—is a spirit of love and care.
Your own worth is established by God / Universe / Love.
Whatever isn’t good or pure is associated with your human experience on earth, not with your spirit.
Whatever may have happened in your life, it does not override the truth of who you are in spirit.

I’ll close with a few words from my favorite Taylor Swift song, “Innocent.” Video here. Complete lyrics here .

“Did some things you can’t speak of; But at night you live it all again; Who you are is not what you did; You’re still an innocent. Every one of us has messed up too. Minds change like the weather; I hope you remember: Today is never too late to be brand new.”

Gigi Langer is a former “Queen of Worry.” She’s also an educator, speaker, and author of 50 Ways to Worry Less Now, winner of the 2018 Indie Excellence Award. Learn to defeat negative thinking, find inner peace, attain clarity, and improve relationships–no matter what is going on in your life! Available through Amazon (5 stars), Barnes and Noble, and e-book sites.

Langer holds a PhD in Psychological Studies in Education and an MA in Psychology, both from Stanford. As Georgea M. Langer, she’s published several books for teachers and school administrators.

June 23, 2018July 9, 2018

10 Ways to Be Positive, Like Snoopy!

Want to Be Positive, Like Snoopy and Charlie Brown???

Get over your negative habits so you can be a happy, positive force in your family, work, and world. Here are some simple ways:

Change “I can’t . . .” to → “Up until now I couldn’t . . .”
Change “I always . . .“ to → “In the past I used to . . .”
Don’t read email first thing in the morning. Instead, meditate, read inspiring words, journal, or pray. (One of my favorites is below.)
Avoid criticism and gossip. Instead look for what’s strong, positive & good about a person or situation.
Resist saying or thinking: “You should.” and “He should (or ought)”. Instead admit that you may not know best & even if you did, it’s not your job to change others.
Avoid excessive drinking or drugging that’s harming your relationships, health, or safety. Instead, get into a recovery program or therapy.
Be a considerate listener. When listening to another, don’t think of what you’ll say next & then respond with your own story or advice. Instead, listen with all of your mind & heart. Try to understand what the person is saying by asking for clarification, e.g., “ You mentioned (…). Tell me more about that. What was that like for you?” Listen & then probe for more detail. Talk less. Listen more.
Offer smiles & random acts of kindness to neighbors, acquaintances, and strangers. You’ll feel great and so will they!
Use the Loving-Kindness Practice often. Buddhists call this practice metta; it calms your mind, opens your heart to goodness and love, and helps you know the positive power within your true self. The practice also asks for the healing of your fears, worries, and negative thinking so you can serve others’ growth.

a. Read the words aloud, pause, and then read them again.

“May I be at peace. May my heart remain open.

May I awaken to the light of my own true nature.

May I be healed. May I be a source of healing for all beings.”

b. With one or more of your loved ones in mind, say the prayer again changing I to you: “May you be at peace. May your heart . . .”

c. Next, change you to we: “May we be at peace . . .”

d. Now, think of a person who is causing you worry, frustration, or pain. Use the “May you . . .” version of the prayer for this person.

Whenever you want to change a negative thought to a positive one, repeat the phrases of loving-kindness and notice how you begin to respond differently: Patient, kind, and positive!

10. For more ideas about becoming more positive, see my award-winning book, 50 Ways to Worry Less Now (Amazon, Barnes & Noble, & e-book vendors) and the blog on this site.

Worry Less Now; Gigi Langer — From me to you!

Gigi Langer, PhD has helped thousands of people improve their lives at home and at work. She’s written several books for educators, and is a sought-after speaker and workshop leader. Gigi holds a doctorate in Psychology in Education, and an MA in Psychology, both from Stanford.

May 7, 2018May 7, 2018

Positive Thinking: Let Go & Let God

The 4/24/18 post explained that positive thinking is only the first in three steps to manifesting your best future. In Step 1, you declared your intention, stated it often, and continually visualized its completion. Beware tho’ of getting so attached to a desire that you’re consumed by it. That’s where Step 2 comes in: LET GO & LET GOD ** (Non-Attachment to the Outcome)

After being asked how he remained so calm in the middle of life’s storms, an enlightened master replied “I don’t mind what happens.” This is non-attachment. It boils down to a humble admission that your thoughts and actions, especially when they’re based on worry, don’t always lead to the best results. It’s trusting that **a power wiser than your own intellect might have a better outcome. You can then approach life without fighting it, judging it, or needing to control it. In other words, you let go and let God take care of it.

So, if this is non-attachment, what then is attachment? Attachment is the mother of all worries. When you’re attached, your negative thinking insists it knows exactly how things should turn out. Further, you’ve made your own happiness dependent upon reaching a specific result.

In contrast, non-attachment offers you peaceful acceptance and creative freedom. Recall the guideline suggesting your affirmation include “in the best way for all concerned.” These words signify you trust your positive power to fashion a good result, even if it looks different from your initial goal.

How do you know if you’re overly attached to something? Just ask yourself, “How often do the words should, must, or ought go through my mind?” Attachment sounds like this:

My daughter should stop using drugs.
This person, (fill in the blank), must be nicer to me.
The mayor (or president, legislator, etc.) is wrong and ought to (fill in the blank).
I should be healthy and happy and never experience troubling situations.

These are examples of what Fred Luskin, the director of the Stanford University Forgiveness Project, calls unenforceable rules. Such rules demand an outcome you believe must come true, but over which you have no control. Luskin writes in Forgive for Good that these inflexible beliefs make you feel helpless, angry, hurt, hopeless or bitter.

Although holding an unenforceable rule may feel good—even noble—it doesn’t mean you can make it happen. In the first example, the daughter should stop using drugs, but no matter how persuasive the mother’s arguments, she doesn’t have the power to make her daughter stop. The mother does, however, have control over her own choices and behavior. She can seek help from a therapist or Al-Anon, and claim a positive power to work in the situation. Then, she might choose a goal for how she wants to act and feel, detach from the result, and use growth tools for her own peace of mind, regardless of her daughter’s choices.

One of my own unenforceable rules became clear as I was writing this book. When my mother passed away, I found it difficult to write and became discouraged by my lack of progress. When I honestly faced my belief that I must complete the book by a certain date, I became willing to see it differently. After meditating, I let go of my false belief and affirmed, “I will finish writing the book at the perfect time.” Then I turned the results over to my higher power. Even though the publication date was much later than I had planned, it was in perfect order. I used the extra time to do marketing and promotion so when it did come out, it was a big success.

The essence of non-attachment is peacefully allowing life to unfold. Nothing becomes a live-or-die situation because you know your loving power is working things out, with results that may far surpass your greatest hopes. Letting go in this way works!

Let Go & Let God Exercise. Detach from Specific Outcomes

After setting a goal, your subsequent thoughts and actions will indicate if you’re overly attached to it or not. The following exercise will help you find out.

Think about a troubling situation (perhaps the one you wrote your affirmation about in April 24 blog). List the frequent thoughts you’ve had about it and the actions you’ve taken to make it better.
Next to each thought or action, write A for attachment or N for non-attachment.

Write A if your thought or action was driven by:

Worry about the results;
Thinking about the hurtful details;
A need to fix your situation right away; or
Insistence on one right solution.

Write N if your thought or action helped you:

Focus on your own responsibilities, thoughts, and feelings;
Affirm a positive power working toward the best for all concerned;
Practice patience and compassion with yourself and others; or
Listen with care and express your feelings and needs kindly.

Make note of the unenforceable rules or whispered lies blocking your progress. Let go of them and let God (positive power) take charge.
Accept that it may take time for your situation to work out. Trust that the use of growth tools—along with your honesty, positive power, and good choices—will improve your circumstances.

Now that you’ve released your attachment to a desired outcome, you’re ready for Step 3: Get to Work with Growth Tools. Ironically, you won’t begin with direct actions to reach your goal. Instead, you’ll use various tools to enlist the power to achieve it. The 50 tools I use most often can be found in my book and in other blog posts. Best of luck!

Gigi Langer holds an MA in Psychology and PhD in Psychological Studies in Education, both from Stanford. She’s also an educator, speaker, and author of 50 Ways to Worry Less Now: Reject Negative Thinking to Find Peace, Clarity, and Connection (February, 2018), available in e-book formats and in print from Amazon.

“Langer’s frank and empathetic tone will comfort readers, as will the practical steps she teaches.” (Featured Book, BookLife by Publishers Weekly) “Her honesty will blow you away! It is beautifully written; filled with humor and authenticity.” (Member of Al Anon)

April 24, 2018September 27, 2018

Does Positive Thinking Really Work?

Manifesting your best future requires more than just positive thinking. These vision boards helped me manifest my dream.

Here’s how you can do it too:

Declare your dream or intention. What’s your vision of who you want to be in your life?
Let go of attachment to the outcome. Will you trust–even a little bit—that your positive power can help you achieve your wishes in a way that yields the highest good for all, even if it’s in an unexpected way?
Get to work with growth tools. Will you direct your mind away from your negative thinking and toward loving power, so your desired outcome—or something better—will occur?

STEP 1. Declare Your Dream

The first step is to write an affirmation using the following guidelines.

Use the present tense. State your desire as if it has already happened: “I am relaxed, smart, and successful when I take my exam,” “I see (_________) without criticism and offer kindness instead.”
Use positive language. Make your statement affirmative: “I have strong flexible shoulders.” Avoid all negative language; for example, replace “I am not in pain,” with “I am free of pain and enjoy good health.”
Use concrete and emotionally powerful terms. The affirmation, “My marriage is strong, loving, honest, and wonderful!” arouses confident, optimistic feelings.
Make it open to love’s direction. Add the words, “in the best way for all involved,” or “as positive power would have it be.” (Read April 4, 2018 blog for more about “positive power.”)

“I write wonderful books in a wonderful way. I offer wonderful service for wonderful pay,” are the affirmations that helped me write my book, 50 Ways to Worry Less Now. I adapted them from an example in Florence Scovel Shinn’s The Game of Life and How to Play It. The rhyme of way and pay helped me repeat my intention often. The phrase wonderful service engaged my wish to offer support and hope to others. And, of course, I am open to a positive payoff in whatever form it may appear!

To manifest my goal, I also practiced visualization—a mental programming technique using vivid images. Many successful athletes use this technique to enhance their performance, among them Jordan Spieth, the youngest winner of the 2017 British Open Golf Tournament, who often refers to seeing the shot before he hits the ball.

At the top of this post you can see photos of the two five-by-seven-inch, laminated vision boards I used to visualize my success. The words “Create something good. Yes, you! You’re done,” gave me inspiration. The dove, hearts, and word serenity reminded me of my positive power’s help. The woman leaping over the round object represents me overcoming my worries and achieving my goal. Oprah Winfrey is a symbol of courage and service to others.

I placed my vision boards on my desk in my direct line of vision. Before I began writing, I said my affirmations aloud, visualized them as true, and then connected my heart with the images on my boards.

I often visualized a future book-signing event where people tell me how much my book has helped them. Two months ago, I lived that dream at my first book signing event.

Suddenly, I looked up from signing a book, and gasped in amazement. I was experiencing exactly what I had visualized for so many years!

We’ll start with Step 1; the next two blog entries will lead you through the other steps for manifesting your own dreams.

STEP 1. Write Your Affirmation

Think of a challenging situation that’s been worrying you, and imagine how you would like to feel and act in that situation. Just remember, if your goal involves another person, make sure you indicate how you want to be rather than focusing on how you want them to be.

1. Use the guidelines to write your affirmation in your journal. If you’d like, add the words, “Thank you, (the name you use for positive power) for (fill in the blank).”

2. Copy your affirmation onto a sticky note, and put it in a spot where you’ll frequently see it.

3. Place another copy of your intention in a small box or special place.

4. Repeat your affirmation as often as you can.

5. Make a vision board that represents how you want your life to be when your desire is accomplished. Cut words and illustrations from magazines, draw pictures, or use photos. Arrange them in a way that is meaningful to you on a small card or larger piece of cardboard. The only absolute is that your board portray how your life will look after meeting your goal.

6. Focus on your vision board images a couple of times a day and just before bedtime.

7. When you state your affirmation or look at your vision board, immerse yourself in the emotions and sensations you would have if your wish were already fulfilled.

Now that you’ve chosen your goal, you come face-to-face with the hardest part of the process: STEP 2: Let the outcome go. Your first inclination might be to try to exert control to get the exact results you want. Your best option, however, is to do the opposite: Let go by cultivating the Buddhist virtue of nonattachment.

Gigi Langer

Worry Less Now!

Category: Positive Thinking and Manifestation

You ARE Worthy of Love!

10 Ways to Be Positive, Like Snoopy!

Positive Thinking: Let Go & Let God

Let Go & Let God Exercise. Detach from Specific Outcomes

Does Positive Thinking Really Work?

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